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How do you stop blaming and hating?

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My father was killed in a head on collision on September 11, 2007.  At 2am.  Driving the wrong way on the highway.  He had left the house at 6:30pm the evening before.  He had an appointment for an overnight sleep clinic where I was sure they would diagnose his disorientation and memory loss as oxygen deprivation.  He was cleared of any other brain abnormalities.  I had begged my mother to have his licence revoked because of his behaviour and many dents in the car.  She never did.  She was suppose to drive him to this appointment.  She couldnt be bothered.  She gave him her cell phone and said it was in case he got lost.  Well he got lost and lost and lost and drove around in darkness until he found his way back to a highway almost 8 hours later.  He drove 20kms before he hit the cube van.  My father didnt have one single person in his life who didnt love him for all that was.  My mothers brother, was also my fathers best friend.  He could never understand why my father stayed with this abusive woman.  I am 43 years old and as i sit hear writing, and crying, I am so angry and so sad and I hate that woman for all that she is and all that she has done.  And now I am becoming angry that he didnt rescue himself and myself from her years ago.  I burst in to tears suddenly.  I ache.  I dream of him but I never speak to him in the dreams.  I just want to hold him one more time.

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My fahter was in a terrible relationship as well.

My entire family thinks this woman is a bad seed.

And to top it all of she got half of everything in his will while is two borthers got nothing!!!

If only I had talked with him.

If only I had....If only.

I miss him and am so angry with him for being so stupid, but at the same time I ache for him because I know he felt so lonely.

I miss my dad so much.

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