How do I cope

[kstegeman]

On December 29th, 2011 I woke up & was so happy, We had a wonderful Christmas & I was just getting ready to go back to work that day. We had some ice overnight so I had this strange feeling. I called my boss to ask him how the roads were when he had come in to work. He said they were okay but to just take my time. I never would have dreamed that at the time I was making that call that someone that was so important to me was getting in an accident & how that would completely turn my world upside down. My sister, Tina hit a patch of ice on a bridge & lost control of her car. She ended up in the oncoming traffic lane & was hit on the passenger side of her vehicle. On that day Tina was not supposed to work because she had company visiting but her boss talked her into to coming in. The other sad part about it is that my sister worked at a kennel & so sometimes her children would go with her. Her daughter Samantha (Sammy) was in the passenger side. She wanted to go to play with the puppies that were there & to help Tina get done with work early. I lost my best friend on January 4th & we lost my niece Sammy 2 days later. They both had severe head trauma. We at first were told Tina was brain dead then she had some low activity. I believe she was waiting for her daughter. Samantha passed January 6th, she just turned 17 the day before. I was with both of them the whole time they were in ICU, I got to listen to my sisters heart beat before they took her away. She was an organ donor & they were able to use 7 of her organs. There is some comfort knowing that & that a part of her is still in this world. Every day I cry for them. My sister & I were 14 months apart in age & have been close our whole lives. It's so hard for me to believe that I will never hear her voice again. I ache for Samantha, I was with her when she left this world. To watch her father clutching his daughters stuffed animals & asking me how does he let his baby go is what I see & hear of every night I close my eyes. My siser had 3 children, a daughter 18 & her son is 10. They have been through so much. We lost my dad to cancer a year and half ago. I have 3 other sisters but Tina & I were with him the most. He was diagnosed in April & passed in July. My parents lived with Tina so she was especially close to my dad. It was so hard on her & her children to loose him. I had Tina at that time for support, right now I need her. I have such a feeling of emptiness inside me. I never dreamed that I would be starting 2012 with planning on my sisters & nieces funeral. I have been trying so hard for my children to still do the day to day things. I don't know how I will ever feel complete contenment again & my grief at time is so all consuming. I do talk to my pastor & have great friends but I feel so alone. My husband has been supportive but he has trouble with talking about these kind of things. He made a comment to me twice about just dwelling on things & not doing what I used to. When am I supposed to stop dwelling on it?

[ModKonnie]

On December 29th, 2011 I woke up & was so happy, We had a wonderful Christmas & I was just getting ready to go back to work that day. We had some ice overnight so I had this strange feeling. I called my boss to ask him how the roads were when he had come in to work. He said they were okay but to just take my time. I never would have dreamed that at the time I was making that call that someone that was so important to me was getting in an accident & how that would completely turn my world upside down. My sister, Tina hit a patch of ice on a bridge & lost control of her car. She ended up in the oncoming traffic lane & was hit on the passenger side of her vehicle. On that day Tina was not supposed to work because she had company visiting but her boss talked her into to coming in. The other sad part about it is that my sister worked at a kennel & so sometimes her children would go with her. Her daughter Samantha (Sammy) was in the passenger side. She wanted to go to play with the puppies that were there & to help Tina get done with work early. I lost my best friend on January 4th & we lost my niece Sammy 2 days later. They both had severe head trauma. We at first were told Tina was brain dead then she had some low activity. I believe she was waiting for her daughter. Samantha passed January 6th, she just turned 17 the day before. I was with both of them the whole time they were in ICU, I got to listen to my sisters heart beat before they took her away. She was an organ donor & they were able to use 7 of her organs. There is some comfort knowing that & that a part of her is still in this world. Every day I cry for them. My sister & I were 14 months apart in age & have been close our whole lives. It's so hard for me to believe that I will never hear her voice again. I ache for Samantha, I was with her when she left this world. To watch her father clutching his daughters stuffed animals & asking me how does he let his baby go is what I see & hear of every night I close my eyes. My siser had 3 children, a daughter 18 & her son is 10. They have been through so much. We lost my dad to cancer a year and half ago. I have 3 other sisters but Tina & I were with him the most. He was diagnosed in April & passed in July. My parents lived with Tina so she was especially close to my dad. It was so hard on her & her children to loose him. I had Tina at that time for support, right now I need her. I have such a feeling of emptiness inside me. I never dreamed that I would be starting 2012 with planning on my sisters & nieces funeral. I have been trying so hard for my children to still do the day to day things. I don't know how I will ever feel complete contenment again & my grief at time is so all consuming. I do talk to my pastor & have great friends but I feel so alone. My husband has been supportive but he has trouble with talking about these kind of things. He made a comment to me twice about just dwelling on things & not doing what I used to. When am I supposed to stop dwelling on it?

Sheisgone,

I am so very very sorry about the loss of Tina and Sammy. My heart aches for you and your family. What a terrible tragedy, but unfortunately, one that is very common here. Talking about your feelings, sharing your heartache and crying are all things you should continue doing. Your losses are very new, and you have to keep those feelings coming out so you can process them and begin to sort them all out and start the healing process. A grief and loss counselor wouldn't be a bad idea to consider, nor would a grief and loss self help group. Journaling is also another way to talk about your losses. Or, talking about them on a site such as this is also good.

Sometimes, people see us in pain and have no clue how to help us. Instead, they try to pressure us to "get over it" or "forget about it" but we can't. It's not that people don't care, it's just they don't know how to deal with our suffering. Continue to talk to your father--he needs you and you need him. Tina's other children will also need to keep talking to you about her. Don't be afraid to bring her and Sammy up in front of them. They need to be able to express their emotions, too.

You can all come here to talk to us. We will be here waiting.

ModKonnie