Anxiety issues are building

[Kapet]

I thought things would start getting easier as time passed. Its NOT! I miss my brother Steve soooooo much! It hurts everyday! I need him and I dont know how to go on without him. He was not just my little brother but my best friend. Its been since this past September but I still cant let him go! I cant except that he is gone. Not for now and not forever! I just need him so much! My anxiety issues are building. Ive been having more and more panic attacks. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUST GO ON???

[ModKonnie]

I thought things would start getting easier as time passed. Its NOT! I miss my brother Steve soooooo much! It hurts everyday! I need him and I dont know how to go on without him. He was not just my little brother but my best friend. Its been since this past September but I still cant let him go! I cant except that he is gone. Not for now and not forever! I just need him so much! My anxiety issues are building. Ive been having more and more panic attacks. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUST GO ON???

Kapet,

It is not easy in the least bit to "just go on." In fact, it is hard, but we do a little tiny bit at a time. We continue to go through each day and cry, rant, rage and remember, but we just keep going. One way that really truly helps is to talk about your grief and your anger, guilt, fear, anxiety, loneliness and any other emotion you may be feeling. Many people go to grief and loss groups or counselors. For others, that is not an option and they prefer to come here, where they can be themselves without expectations.

So, what happens in your anxious moments? Do you have trouble breathing? Are you having nightmares? Are you afraid of moving forward? Do you think your brother will be mad at you or are you worried you will forget? Are you angry? Guilty (lots of people feel guilt after a loss). Writing about how you feel will definitely help you.

Does anyone else in your family know about your anxiety? What about friends?

Please come and share with us. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[vivkib]

I thought things would start getting easier as time passed. Its NOT! I miss my brother Steve soooooo much! It hurts everyday! I need him and I dont know how to go on without him. He was not just my little brother but my best friend. Its been since this past September but I still cant let him go! I cant except that he is gone. Not for now and not forever! I just need him so much! My anxiety issues are building. Ive been having more and more panic attacks. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUST GO ON???

Oh Hun, it's baby steps. That seems to be the only way to "just go on". It hurts and it feels like climbing a mountain at times but we do it cause we have to. At times I think I've come so far and then I come face to face with what seems to be another mountian in my way. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks also. The hurt is just so deep but talking about our loved ones and the wonderful people they were/are seems to help. We all need to talk about our loved ones and this is a great place to do it. Hugs, prayers, and love sent to you. You are stronger than you think. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[Kapet]

Thank you Vivian, There are so many mountains I feel like im on my hands and knees crawling through the Rockies I just feel like things will never get better. Im not really speaking to my sister right now or my other brother. We had a bit of a falling out. My sister and I were spending alot of time together not too long ago. We were running errands together and going to the cemetary and just hanging out. She works overnight and I work during the day. She has been having problems with her kids so I stepped in to help. She is divorced and gets no backing from her X. I ended up going off on her kids explaining that Im tired of seeing my sister upset and crying because you cant do what your supposed to do. So they tarted helping her more. My sister is enemic and hasnt been feeling to good. Because she works overnight and I work during the day, we havent had much time to hang out but still were keeping in touch. Since I dont sleep much we text at night to help her stay awake on her job. Sometimes I dont feel like talking. I just want to sit abd do nothing. I try and try to fall asleep. Then a few weeks ago I decided I needed to take my godson for the weekend. He is 4 and a very busy little boy. He keeps my mind off my reality. I posted a picture of him on facebook as we were sitting in the driveway coloring o the driveway i colored chalk. She commented, Im glad you have him in your life to bring you some joy. I said Me too! It had been not even a week since we spoke at that point and have tried reaching out to my older brother and he called me a downer. My sister is upset with me because I dont want to go to counselling WITH her and her daughter. #1 Im not ready to do it face to face. #2 When I am ready I think it is something that I wwant to do by myself. Well because Im not doing it the way she is, Im doing it wrong. I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose them but at the same time I feel that I need to do whats right for me. I am friends with a family that Ive been friends with since I was 4 years old. We are still very close. My godson is from that famly. While I had my godson, I stopped at my moms house so he could visist her. He calls her Gamma. My sister called my mother while Aiden and I were there and she heard Aiden in the background.and asked who was there. My mom said Karen and Aiden stopped by to visit. I could hear my sister yelling into my mothers ear saying Karen spends oo much time with her imaginary family. Then said how I need to cut this **** out and go with her to couselling. When I heard what she said I yelled back I do what I can do for me whether you like it or not. I saw the look n my mothers face. I knew she didnt want to get in the middle and I didnt want to put her there. So I just walked out of the room crying and went and sat in Stevs room until I could clear my head. My sister and I haven really spoken since and that was 2 weeks ago. I dont need the negativity i get from her. I dont need her or anyon else telling me how to grieve. My brother and I were very close and as much as I kow she is hurting too, I know I need to take care of me first. She and my older brother have always been close as Steve and I were always close. I dont know how to go on without him. I could tell him anything and everything and did. Now I feel alone and empty. He understood everything about me and everything I was going through in my life. Now I feel I have no one to confide in and just talk to. I just need him back! I want him back! It just still doesnt seem real. I expect to see him when I go to my mom and dads. I hear im sometimes. I dont know how o go on!

Oh Hun, it's baby steps. That seems to be the only way to "just go on". It hurts and it feels like climbing a mountain at times but we do it cause we have to. At times I think I've come so far and then I come face to face with what seems to be another mountian in my way. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks also. The hurt is just so deep but talking about our loved ones and the wonderful people they were/are seems to help. We all need to talk about our loved ones and this is a great place to do it. Hugs, prayers, and love sent to you. You are stronger than you think. Vivian-Kevin's Mom