First I lose my mother now 3 weeks later I lose my father....

[shaggydo7]

My father had been bed ridden for over 12 years after experiencing several strokes. His short term memory was practically nill but still had some long term and was completely paralized from the neck down. My mother who passed away this last Dec 18, 2011, took care of him at home against our wishes. This was her soul mate and the love of her life and she was not going to put him in a home. I wrote about her recent passing on a previous post and won't go into all that here.

After her passing, we were all relieved thinking that at least we would not have to deal with worry about my father missing her and knowing she was gone since he is practically in a vegetative state in bed. But we were wrong. almost immediately all his vital signs started going down hill. Truthfully I feel as though my mother came back to pick him up and take him with her. They were two little love birds all their lives.

Last week, Jan. 8, 2012, about 3 weeks after my mother's passing I burried my dad. To say this has been a hectic and traumatic experince is putting it mildly. Like hers, his funeral was beautiful, although fraught with the annoying cemetery plot sales people trying to sell me more plotst and the freyd edges of family members arguing financial issues.

My father was a sweet man with a twinkle in his eye who would give anyone a helping hand. But my father was also old school and was not communicative with his children. I thank god I had the support and guidance from my longtime soulmate who talked me into confronting and clearing with him 13 years ago before his first stroke. At that time I had a long heart to heart with him where I coverd everything from A to Z . I told him how in every way I felt he had failed me but that never the less I forgave him completely knowing full well that he never would have come to me but that I had to take the first step towards him. I remember how he looked at me at that moment with love in his eyes, and said, "Why didn't you do this sooner". At that moment I knew I had a father. I knew I had a friend. And the whole world changed after that.

I can't tell you how much I've cried in the last month. I love him very much.

At his funeral I wore the traditional cuban guayabera to honor him. I greeted all the friends and family members and went through the whole funeral and burial procession knowing that he and I had communicated in spirit as only a father and son can.

These two deaths, one right after the other have been very traumatic but at the same time have been a great learning experience about life. I feel like I've been sqeezed like a lemon but at the same time it's been a real cleansing and somewhat enlightning in a myriad of ways.

In memory of my wonderful parents

their son Ruben

God bless this website

[debbie8800]

My father had been bed ridden for over 12 years after experiencing several strokes. His short term memory was practically nill but still had some long term and was completely paralized from the neck down. My mother who passed away this last Dec 18, 2011, took care of him at home against our wishes. This was her soul mate and the love of her life and she was not going to put him in a home. I wrote about her recent passing on a previous post and won't go into all that here.

After her passing, we were all relieved thinking that at least we would not have to deal with worry about my father missing her and knowing she was gone since he is practically in a vegetative state in bed. But we were wrong. almost immediately all his vital signs started going down hill. Truthfully I feel as though my mother came back to pick him up and take him with her. They were two little love birds all their lives.

Last week, Jan. 8, 2012, about 3 weeks after my mother's passing I burried my dad. To say this has been a hectic and traumatic experince is putting it mildly. Like hers, his funeral was beautiful, although fraught with the annoying cemetery plot sales people trying to sell me more plotst and the freyd edges of family members arguing financial issues.

My father was a sweet man with a twinkle in his eye who would give anyone a helping hand. But my father was also old school and was not communicative with his children. I thank god I had the support and guidance from my longtime soulmate who talked me into confronting and clearing with him 13 years ago before his first stroke. At that time I had a long heart to heart with him where I coverd everything from A to Z . I told him how in every way I felt he had failed me but that never the less I forgave him completely knowing full well that he never would have come to me but that I had to take the first step towards him. I remember how he looked at me at that moment with love in his eyes, and said, "Why didn't you do this sooner". At that moment I knew I had a father. I knew I had a friend. And the whole world changed after that.

I can't tell you how much I've cried in the last month. I love him very much.

At his funeral I wore the traditional cuban guayabera to honor him. I greeted all the friends and family members and went through the whole funeral and burial procession knowing that he and I had communicated in spirit as only a father and son can.

These two deaths, one right after the other have been very traumatic but at the same time have been a great learning experience about life. I feel like I've been sqeezed like a lemon but at the same time it's been a real cleansing and somewhat enlightning in a myriad of ways.

In memory of my wonderful parents

their son Ruben

God bless this website

[debbie8800]

Ruben: Some people are stubburn with their feelings but at least you had that talk. I was so close to my mother it wasn't funny. I agree with your mother. A nursing home is why my mom is not here, they just don't do a whole lot but throw a tray of food in front of them, my mother couldn't eat herself and now i feel pain for ever putting her in there, when i told them she should be home they said no way not in this condition she should be in here. yeah right.

Anyway, Many times when one of a couple goes its very common the other one goes within 6 months. My roommate just told me that about her parents. I wish you and your wife well.

I only had a mother my father was not present and everyone thought my mom was really something, always giiving but she too was british and could be standoffish and not hug me alot. As she got older she mellowed and i loved her and will always miss the love she had for me.

So sorry you had these two deaths to deal with. Life can be hard. I am alone in my struggle. They say we are new people when our parents die. I had an unusual bond with my mother it was just her and I no siblings so i feel very lost and afraid without her strong person she was.

Wishes, for light love and healing on your journey.

Debbie