Loss of my sister/best friend in horrific house fire

[sandy2499]

I am brand new to this site. Maybe it will help in dealing with my broken heart in the loss of my only sibling/sister sue. I missed her by MINUTES...she had MS and was never left alone longer than a few minutes. Her son went to the corner store for her..right down street around 5:00 pm, we know at 5:01 she was alive, she called him on his cell but left no message. I arrived after work, we were just going to hang out like we did all the time...it was between 5:13-16 pm and already too late. Street blocked off, sirenes blaring, people screaming, the house burning..and the smell oh god...i still smell it in my dreams. She never had a chance, she couldn't move much, hadn't walked in years. They wouldn't let me see her..i begged and begged. Dead at the scene is what the newspaper said next day...all the news stations carried the awful story..it was everywhere. Her son came back from the store, saw his home in flames, he tried to get in thru the glass patio doors...they blew out at the same time a neighbor grabbed him. What did he see??? i so worry about him.. his mom..found on the floor. DId she try to crawl out? Did she pass out from smoke inhalation? Her little dog, dead too...they took him out with her. There was never a cause determined. What happened in those few minutes?????? I need to know. I can't believe she is gone. Her service was on my mom's 80t birthday. Her son that went to the store....that day was his 19th birthday.

[ada33r]

Sandy,

I'm touched by your loss. My sister and I are also best friends and I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through. All I can do is share some thoughts with you that have helped me in the past. Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Poet) said "Sorrow makes us all children again--destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing." The sting of death causes not only pain but it also numbs us. I found the following from the book Help for Your Grief by Dr. Arthur Freese: This does not imply that grief has any fixed schedule or program. Grief reactions can overlap and take varying lengths of time, depending on the individual--

Early reactions:

Initial shock; disbelief, denial; numbness; guilt feelings; anger

Acute grief may include:

Memory loss and insomnia; extreme fatigue; abrupt changes of mood; flawed judgement and thinking; bouts of crying; appetite changes, with resultant weight loss or gain; a variety of symptoms of disturbed health; lethargy; reduced work capacity; hallucinations--feeling, hearing, seeing the deceased.

Leveling-off period:

Sadness with nostalgia; more pleasant memories of the deceased, even tinged with humor

Each person though Sandy, must work out the grief in their own way. Some things that can help are to keep busy in your routine and activities, letting your grief go by crying if you have to, don't hold it in. The sooner you grieve and weep, the sooner you will pass the period of acute grief.

By no means isolate yourself, mix with friends and loved ones and if it helps you, talk to them freely about your lost loved one. Take an interest in others and in their problems, this will also help you. Keep coming here, we are all here to support each other in our efforts to gain some measure of comfort. I have taken special comfort though in the Scriptures. 1 Peter 5:7 says "while you throw al your anxiety upon him, because He cares for you". Through the Scriptures I hear what God has to say to me and through prayer I tell Him what I'm feeling. This is a friendship that I have not taken lightly and that has helped me throughout many difficult times. I would love to share more thoughts if you are willing to listen. My thoughts will be with you Sandy.

Much love,

Ada

[oopsydaisy]

So sorry about your sis, Sandy. I know no words can ever comfort you. I just joined this forum and posted about my sis' untimely death. I don't know what to do to make you feel better because I'm in pain as well. But, I promise you that if you keep writing about it, I'll reply and give you a few word of encouragements. Please be strong and take care of yourself and your family.