Lost my mother

[shaggydo7]

Hi everyone,

For me it was very fast. I'm still numb from the whole thing. She passed about 2 weeks ago, Dec 18. She went in for a little pain in her abdomen and 3 weeks later she was gone.

It turned out she had cancer and her lungs were filling up with fluid. It was downhill rapidly from there complicated by pnemonia and then she was gone.

Some say if you're going to go, better it be quick than suffering for a long time. Perhaps, I don't know. It's never easy and nothing ever prepares you for this.

But I'd like to tell everyone what a brave person my mother was. In the midst of all the crazyness. I think once she knew she was not going to make it. She had each one of us

(3 siblings, me 57 and 2 twin sisters 56) come in and have a heart to heart with her where she cleared with us telling us she was sorry for anything she might have done wrong and

that she tried her very best. Individually we all cried in her bossom like when we were small children and were able to tell her how much we loved her and appreciated her and forgave her for anything we might have been holding........Then with the same grace she lived her life, she passed, whithout any fear on her face, but the peace and serenity of an angel. I now see it was important to have that final clearing, to let bygones be bygones and that somehow in the end she all of a sudden had a moment of enlightenment where she just became all love. I hope she is in a better place and whatever issues I had with her I forgive her completely.

The funeral was beautiful and many people came from all parts. I used to hate funerals but I see now that all these rituals are important for the loved ones to be able to grieve.

There were spontaneous eulogies from all kinds of people I never even met but I guess she must have touched alot of people.. To me she was just my mother, a little housewife, but I

see now she was much more than that.

I miss her very much.

God bless you,

and thank you.

your son Ruben

[debbie8800]

Ruben: I am sorry for your loss, its hard. She did die with grace and dignity. That is great. I wish i could say that for my mom.

I still cry alot and it has been 6 weeks for me. My mom developed pneumonia also. Staying out of the hospital is best. So many elderly end up with pneumonia, with your mom having cancer I know she had to be in there. My mom did not.

I hope you get thru this and healing takes its place.

[shaggydo7]

Debbie, thank you for your kind words. You must have been a beautiful daughter and the light that shined in the room for your mother everytime you came in. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, its nice to know there are people you can touch souls with in times like these. I didn't know I could cry this much but thank God for this cause it is a such a release and a cleansing. I am going to start a journal and record all my experiences. I feel that there are many personal transformations we experience throughout times like these and I'd like to be able to look back someday and remember all of these special moments I experienced and see all the changes.

God bless you, and even though we can no longer see our moms, perhaps we can learn to see them through the scent of fresh cut flowers, or after a light rain or watching little birds sitting on a fence.

Thank you

Ruben

Ruben: I am sorry for your loss, its hard. She did die with grace and dignity. That is great. I wish i could say that for my mom.

I still cry alot and it has been 6 weeks for me. My mom developed pneumonia also. Staying out of the hospital is best. So many elderly end up with pneumonia, with your mom having cancer I know she had to be in there. My mom did not.

I hope you get thru this and healing takes its place.

[shaggydo7]

My goodness, I never knew a guy could cry so much...It seems I cry uncontrolably all the time now. Fortunately I've had this long vacation period to grieve without anyone bothering me. I've just been writing in a journal I've begun lately to record all the changes and emotions I am experiencing throughout this journey. Also I've gone to get a few deep tissue massages, taken in a couple of movies and puttered around the apartment. Today I am going to get a cholonic and another massage. It may sound strange but these and writing in this forum are helping somewhat.

Hope everyone has a happy new year.

Love Ruben

[Linda43]

Ruben I am so sorry for your loss. Like you my momma past away dec 8th. I took care of her im.and off for 18 years. I never knee I could hurt from missing someone as much as I do my mom.

My god bless you and help you heal.

Linda

[frank]

My goodness, I never knew a guy could cry so much...It seems I cry uncontrolably all the time now. Fortunately I've had this long vacation period to grieve without anyone bothering me. I've just been writing in a journal I've begun lately to record all the changes and emotions I am experiencing throughout this journey. Also I've gone to get a few deep tissue massages, taken in a couple of movies and puttered around the apartment. Today I am going to get a cholonic and another massage. It may sound strange but these and writing in this forum are helping somewhat.

Hope everyone has a happy new year.

Love Ruben

Ruben, I know the feeling. My mom died Dec 10th, and I still cry like a baby.

In fact I think I've cried more in the past few weeks than I have in a lifetime.

Writing a journal I think is a good idea. I have started writing a blog myself and it seems to help get rid of some of the sadness and let's you cope a bit better.

Also, all of us here on the forum are going through something similar- so we understand each others pain. We can help each other move forward.

[Linda43]

I also started a journal , started it when my mom was placed in hospice. My momma had COPD, congestive heart failure, diabetes etc. Within 10 days she past aware. I miss her so much it hurts and cry all the time. The journal does help

[shaggydo7]

Thank you, Frank, Linda & Debbie for your kind words of support. It means a great deal. I also stand with you in your grief and send you my deepest sympathy and hope your burdens will lighten soon.

Love Ruben