Alice

[greg]

I lost the love of my life Alice on 041411. She died of a major heart attack while I was work. Alice had a disability that was progressively getting worse. But the heart attack she had was not related to her condition at all.

Alice and I loved each other so much..we were best friends, husband and wife, soulmates. I would start a sentence..she would finish it. In battling her disability I saw in her a strength that I had never seen in a woman before or since, a courage that makes me humble to think about it. I was Alice's primary caregiver...and her disability caused alot of friction between her and I in our marriage. But we communicated with each other so well and loved each other so much we always forgave one another. I'll never find another woman like her. God help me. Everyday since Alice's death has been hell. Tears, regrets, loneliness, are the new norms in my life. What I wouldn't do to see her face again, to be able to say goodbye and kiss her one last time.-Greg

[ModKonnie]

I lost the love of my life Alice on 041411. She died of a major heart attack while I was work. Alice had a disability that was progressively getting worse. But the heart attack she had was not related to her condition at all.

Alice and I loved each other so much..we were best friends, husband and wife, soulmates. I would start a sentence..she would finish it. In battling her disability I saw in her a strength that I had never seen in a woman before or since, a courage that makes me humble to think about it. I was Alice's primary caregiver...and her disability caused alot of friction between her and I in our marriage. But we communicated with each other so well and loved each other so much we always forgave one another. I'll never find another woman like her. God help me. Everyday since Alice's death has been hell. Tears, regrets, loneliness, are the new norms in my life. What I wouldn't do to see her face again, to be able to say goodbye and kiss her one last time.-Greg

Hi Greg,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious Alice. Your emotional rollercoaster is perfectly normal for such a profound loss, but I know that doesn't really help you to deal with it. Have you tried any counseling? What about self help grief and loss meetings or a spiritual advisor? I know the loneliness is probably overwhelming, but it is important that you keep getting out and talking to people. Are you sitting home alone each night? If so, then try to force yourself to go to the store, or the library, or the gym, or anywhere where there are people. I know you may not want to get out, but it truly will help.

Also, have you tried to write in a journal about your feelings? What about creating a youtube video in memorial of Alice? All of these things will help you to release some of the deep emotional pain you are experiencing. Taking a walk or going to the gym for a hard workout also helps.

I know you want to see her, but maybe writing a letter to her expressing all of this will also help.

In the meantime, feel free to share your story of Alice with us. We will be here to listen and support you,

ModKonnie

[greg]

Hi Greg,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious Alice. Your emotional rollercoaster is perfectly normal for such a profound loss, but I know that doesn't really help you to deal with it. Have you tried any counseling? What about self help grief and loss meetings or a spiritual advisor? I know the loneliness is probably overwhelming, but it is important that you keep getting out and talking to people. Are you sitting home alone each night? If so, then try to force yourself to go to the store, or the library, or the gym, or anywhere where there are people. I know you may not want to get out, but it truly will help.

Also, have you tried to write in a journal about your feelings? What about creating a youtube video in memorial of Alice? All of these things will help you to release some of the deep emotional pain you are experiencing. Taking a walk or going to the gym for a hard workout also helps.

I know you want to see her, but maybe writing a letter to her expressing all of this will also help.

In the meantime, feel free to share your story of Alice with us. We will be here to listen and support you,

ModKonnie

Hi ModKonnie..thanks for replying to my post. I have done most of the things you suggested..I goto a therapist, belong to a grief group, I spend alot of time with my family.. I goto a gym 3-4 times a week, walk daily, excercise daily, I journal as well. Its just that the grief has been so persistent. I have trouble sleeping..I wake up only after a few hours of sleep and often in a panic mode with night sweats. When Alice died, I was the one who found her in her stricken condition. After failing to revive her I called 911 and the emt's got her heart to start again but Alice failed to regain consciousness. Alices tests all came back with alarming results, and she died about 12 hours since she had her heart attack. The memories are so awful of the day and night in the ER..I have never cried so hard in my life; the hospital personnel began to worry about me as I was literally howling with grief. SO here I am 8-1/2 months later and the grief still feels as fresh as it did on 041411. I recently spent xmas with my family..and stayed at my sister's house for a few days. Needless to say xmas this year was just another day to me at best..at worst it was excruciating. I still cry alot, not as intense as 041411 but since I am by myself in my house I have the freedom to cry. I have to goto work tomorrow, and of course I have to retain my composure to do my job, so I can't cry there. While stahying with my sister over xmas did help me some I found that having to pen up my grief in front of my family hurt me some, so that I couldn't wait to get home to be able to cry freely again. It's been 8-1/2 months and the persistence of this grief is so difficult to bear, as I thought I had it under control. I guess I had nothing under control. I did make some progress today..I actually was able to pack 2 bags of my wife's clothes and bring them to goodwill. I did this because I am switching closets in my house and her clothes, of which she had so much, were in the way. I had previously made a decision not to touch her clothes by myself as they evoked so much grief in me..I had planned to have my familhy come over and do it for me..but today I was actually able to do it myself. I hope that is progess. Thanks for listening to me, greg

[ModKonnie]

Hi ModKonnie..thanks for replying to my post. I have done most of the things you suggested..I goto a therapist, belong to a grief group, I spend alot of time with my family.. I goto a gym 3-4 times a week, walk daily, excercise daily, I journal as well. Its just that the grief has been so persistent. I have trouble sleeping..I wake up only after a few hours of sleep and often in a panic mode with night sweats. When Alice died, I was the one who found her in her stricken condition. After failing to revive her I called 911 and the emt's got her heart to start again but Alice failed to regain consciousness. Alices tests all came back with alarming results, and she died about 12 hours since she had her heart attack. The memories are so awful of the day and night in the ER..I have never cried so hard in my life; the hospital personnel began to worry about me as I was literally howling with grief. SO here I am 8-1/2 months later and the grief still feels as fresh as it did on 041411. I recently spent xmas with my family..and stayed at my sister's house for a few days. Needless to say xmas this year was just another day to me at best..at worst it was excruciating. I still cry alot, not as intense as 041411 but since I am by myself in my house I have the freedom to cry. I have to goto work tomorrow, and of course I have to retain my composure to do my job, so I can't cry there. While stahying with my sister over xmas did help me some I found that having to pen up my grief in front of my family hurt me some, so that I couldn't wait to get home to be able to cry freely again. It's been 8-1/2 months and the persistence of this grief is so difficult to bear, as I thought I had it under control. I guess I had nothing under control. I did make some progress today..I actually was able to pack 2 bags of my wife's clothes and bring them to goodwill. I did this because I am switching closets in my house and her clothes, of which she had so much, were in the way. I had previously made a decision not to touch her clothes by myself as they evoked so much grief in me..I had planned to have my familhy come over and do it for me..but today I was actually able to do it myself. I hope that is progess. Thanks for listening to me, greg

Greg,

You have made progress, even though it is extremely painful. I know you want to just sit in your house and cry, but getting out is good for you and your healing. How hard do you work out at the gym? Can you increase just a little more in intensity or duration? I know that sounds crazy, but exercise is the absolute top "medicine" for depression. I am glad you are part of a group. Are you opening up and sharing or are you just listening at this point?

You have definitely made some progress even coming here, and certainly being able to do something positive like help other people by donating some badly needed clothing is a thoughtful and kind gesture. Talking about your wife and your loss will help.

We all have our own timing when it comes to grieving; so your timeline and your progress are determined by you and no one else. Can you talk about your nightmares? Have you read anything about post traumatic stress disorder or talked about that with your grief counselor? You may be dealing with some trauma from the sheer shock of finding her and dealing with the ER situation. Can you talk about that more? Do you remember thinking anything or were you numb with terror? Have you journaled anything about the exact moments of that experience?

I will always be here to listen. I know others read these posts too, but many are not in a place where they can yet talk or respond because of their own intense pain. Eventually, when they are ready, they will post here too.

ModKonnie