4everjoeysmom

Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

1,277 posts in this topic

I pray that this will be a place where we can continue our journey and share our faith along the way through love and encouragement to one another.  While this thread is initiated not as a place for "preaching" per se, it should be a place (specifically noted by title) where we can share openly about our pain, our loss, our grief journey, and our healing through our faith.  Because the title of this thread being very specific, catered toward grieving parents with a Christian Worldview, I should hope that folks that do not choose to live by a Biblical worldview can graciously and gracefully allow us our forum without chastising or entering into grievious commentary.  We can only hope and pray....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Clauida,

I will be here with you! I hope that you post more of your views and beliefs.

You are really helping me daily by reading your post!! I really feel this my be your calling for now at least for me.

It will be 3 months tomorrow and I'm not taking any meds at all just living with the pain but knowing that my sweet baby girl is with her heavenly father and that's where she should be no matter what I want.

My wish is that the people I meet will see in me the Lord's work in my life and his streghth that is seeing me through this storm.

And knowing that I will see Danielle again one day and to her it not going to seem like but a second.

Thanks again for this site you have created.

Sonya

Danielle's Mama

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sonya, I am really very proud of you for taking courage and strength in the promises of God.  I know how very difficult it is to get through these first months and even the coming ones, because about now (3 months) is when my fog started to lift, and I crashed hard, becoming extremely depressed.  It seemed like everyone I knew abandoned me, except my husband, because no one knew what to say.  In reality, they really didn;t have to say anything except that they love me still and they know I am hurting.

I will specifically pray for you regarding this 3 month date.  I know with it will come many, many tears.  I read a devistional the other day about Tears in a Bottle, and how in ancient days tears were collected in bottles during times of weeping and mourning.  It ended by saying that God is catching our tears in a bottle, and one day we will be in His place of no more tears and mourning.  Though I have much to do here in this life, I do look forward to that day.

Please share more about your precious Danielle when you feel up to it.  While my focus is on the heavenly, I do also have a great need and desire to speak of Joey.  I say his name all the time, and I make gestures sometimes and catch myself, thinking how much that was like the way Joey would have said it, etc.  He is and always will be a part of me, as will your precious Danielle be a part of you.  And we can't nor should we ever want to put that on a shelf.  I've healed tremendously through my relationship with Christ.  This is true.  But I am also healing greatly along the way by "remembering Joey".  It has taken away all those early fears that I will forget him.  I was just saying to my hisband last night how weird it is that my memories will be perpetually stuck at his being 24 years old as Patrick (my son) grows older and such.  But my heart has blossomed in being open to imagining Joey now, where he is, and cherishing every detail that I can remember about him while he was mine, here with me.  I know truthfully he was never mine to own.  But I am ever grateful for the blessing of having and knowing him.  I know you must feel the very same...

Also, one quick note...  I get daily devotionals in my e-mail, and there is one particular writer that just hits my core and blesses me continually.  Her name is Jill Carattini with ravi Zacharias ministries.  Go to www.rzim.org when you can and sign up to receive the devotional called, A Slice of Infinity.  She doesn;t write every day, but many of the devotionals are her writings, and I just love them--my favorites actually.  I think you would be really blessed by them too...

BIG HUGS, Blessings, and many prayers for comfort and His peace to you! -Claudia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Claudia, I too am glad you started this forum. It felt so akward that people were chastizing you for your belief in Christ. I guess I have been sheltered from that in my little corner of the world. I don't know if thats the correct way to put it but I didn't like the feeling I was getting and I was just about to abandon BI. I know what I believe and I like learning more about those beliefs and I do not care or judge anyone for what they believe. I ,like Sonya, have found a Peace in your writing. Like I said before, I had started on this grief journey with that peace and knowing God was there holding me up(like the song Held) so clearly states,but for me the numbness of this horrible realization that Mikey is really not on this earth any longer and just missing him more and the longer it goes on the worse it was getting for me, the holiday season, the anniversary of Mikes accident(nov 23,2006-Thanksgiving), the post-traumatic stress from me being behind him in my car and seeing the accident ,(seeing him in the car in my thoughts rather than his beautiful smiling face), the cars, my beautiful sons trapped in the car,one barely breathing and dying at the scene,the trial of the kid that killed Mike being postponed time and time again,was all too much for me. We went to a ceremony at Mike's university where they honored him on senior night (soccer) and retired his # as it was beautiful and meant so much to me, it also was very hard to deal with and seeing my other son act almost catonic. Just sad thoughts all the time I guess I was spiraling deeper and deeper, although I did pray and read the devotionals and Bible everyday before I got out of bed, I don't know      but I do know God was there , for one reason I know for sure is that I did not kill myself or totally shut everyone out. I tried to act like I was OK to help all the young people affected by Mike's loss by my faith. I guess it worked but I know deep in my heart I was in trouble with depression. I do think that there are times, like mine, when meds are appropriate, I am taking lexapro but sice it has not been helping me as much as it should per my counselor they are adding another one. But just talking to you the last couple of days has helped me to RE-FOCUS on God, being the best I can be,changing my thinking pattern etc. Reading Sonya's posts has helped too and some of the other Christian believers. I need that so much now. Like I said before, I was trying to do it by myself but it definetely helps talking with others of the same faith. By the way I am Catholic but that is being a Christian. I was baptized as a baby but I have asked Jesus to come into my life and accepted him as my Lord and Savior, on the phone, with Mike's soccer coach, after Mike went to be with God. Mike had the green scapular that his Grandma gave him in his wallet when he had the accident. I do not really need to get into that, it is a Catholic belief. We are all Christians, that's whats important to me. Thank you again. God Bless you as you continue your ministery in Equador and here on BI.

BigMikesMom-Patti

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Patti, my heart just aches so much for you.  I know exactly that place in grief.  I called deep mourning when I was there, and it can really take us for a dive into very deep depression.  I was there for about 9 months, I think.  Once it set in, I didn't think I would find my way out.  I wondered if I would ever have days that wouldn't feel as if they could swallow me up.  Like you, I tried to be faithful in reading daily devotionals, praying a lot, and seeking really hard to find what all God has to say about mourning, when one dies from this life, heaven, and everything I could think of that related to me and my loss and Joey and his passing into his eternal life.  I didn't find every answer to every question, but I am finding in time that God is revealing bits and pieces for me, not just about eternity and what He has waiting for us there, but also things about His nature and who He is.  I have a book someone gave me as a goft last Christmas.  It's called The Wonderful names of Our Wonderful God.  There must be at least a hundred or more descriptions of God's character, which the book refers to as names.  I know there are about a dozen names in the Jahovah context, like Jahovah Shammah--meaning You are the God that's there.  And Jahovah Jireh--meaning the Lord is our Provider...and so on.  But the book I have is so incredibly detailed in the many different names about God.  I decided I was going to read one per week, meditate on it, pray and ask Him to reveal to me something intimate and personal about that part of his character.  We'll see what happens.  I'm pretty excited about that.  It has taken me a year to really look at the book with more than a glance.  So, I think maybe God pointed it out to me again and has something very special to show me in this new devotional trek.

Big Mike's soccer coach sounds like a Big Heart.  I think it is beautiful that he reached out to you and prayed with you.  I feel very honored by some of the things you've shared and I am very happy to walk this journey together of grieving, healing and faith.  I wish none of us had to grieve so and experience this kind of loss.  But I do believe in the wake of the loss, miracles and blessings are happening for us in spite of the tears and why's, and our kids are celebrating the risen Lord face to face with Him.  That's a pretty cool vision.  I've studied from time to time about our Rewards in heaven.  I wonder what Joey got for rewards.  He walked a pretty curvy path, so it's hard to imagine.  But I should think being there at all is reward enough.  I know it isn;t the same there as it is here, where folks are comparing what they have and stuff like that.  It must be so wonderful and peaceful.

Speaking of peace.  I was having a discussion with my husband at breakfast this morning, and I heard myself saying that despite the many trials we've faced, and the many more to come, I believe I have more peace in my life right now than I ever have.  That's pretty remarkable to hear myself say, especially after how tormented and depressed I felt a year ago.  There is Hope!!    :)

About changing threads...  The primary thing that makes me really, really sad is when no matter what is being shared, if even one person is being truly helped by it, then it should be seen as a blessing for that one person instead of an attack to the many others that are getting nothing from it.  I've always been a pick and choose kind of person.  If it doesn't work for me, I move on.  If someone is getting helped, I am very happy for them.  We all need to feel connected in some way.  And the reality of the world is that not everyone speks my love language, and I'm sure I definitely don't do it for a lot of folks either.  Grief can be a selfish monster in that it's hard a lot of times to look past our own hurt and needs to see the good of someone else's being fulfilled.  It's lonely, this thing called grief.  It's misunderstood, especially when faith comes into play.  I don't hold it against anyone if they want to bite my head off for what I believe.  It's generally to be expected.  I just get sad when it affects others badly as well, like you saying you almost left BI.  Now THAT truly would have been very sad.  I'm glad you didn't leave.  I can't say for sure that we will get the true freedom here on this thread to share w/o others interjecting blasts of opionions, but if it does happen, maybe we can agree now to just ignore it and keep to what's good and of good report, and of honor.  k?  I don't have any motives other than to be here, on this thread, sharing and caring in the name of Jesus.

As Paul wrote to the Philippians:

Phi 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Phi 4:9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

p.s.  Patti, I always love to hear when schools and organizations that our kids were part of do something special to honor our kids.  Retiring a number is a really big honor that I'm sure made you proud, even though it was bittersweet.  Big Mike would have loved that, I'm guessing.  The college where Joey was attending honored him bu putting a bookplate with his name on it in one of the new books they put in their Agricultural library last year.  Joey died on July 31st 2006.  He would have graduated with his BA this month... (sigh)  I think of things like that and do get sad...but mostly for myself, because his dreams were my dreams too.

ANyway, I had forgot to mention that in my last post---about the team honoring Mike.  So cool...    Hugs, Claudia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Claudia, I am so glad you started this thread.  I read about it in the "belief in God" forum.  It is so hard to understand why some people are driven to constantly push their different beliefs whenvever anyone states they believe in the Christian God. You know what I mean.  As we grieve, some people struggle with their belief in a loving God.  For me, it was the opposite.  I know that God had nothing to do with the death of my husband.  I knew that from day 1.  If my faith in God had not been so strong I could not have survived.  He has taken care of me from the beginning and continues to give me strength and courage to live this new life. 

I wish us all peace this day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Claudia,

I think it's great you started this thread ! You and Jackie have been such a blessing to me this past year+ since I lost Harvey(on loss of sibling thread). I was lost and wasn't sure of Faith when I walked to BI last year. Your's & Jackie's strong faith helped me come back to my faith walk again(this time last year). I believe faith is a main ingredient for healing. It's played a major role in my grief recovery. I always appreciate the scripture you share. It's a blessing to know a spiritual warrior in you,keep up the Good work :-)

Blessings,

Diane

 

PS..Are you near the Volcano in Ecuador that's errupting?? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, Claudia.  I read your message to me on the other site.  I hadn't even looked at this site since my loss was not a child, so I'm glad you pointed out to me that you started this thread.  I agree so much with sidvis that my faith has only grown stronger since dealing with my loss these past several years.  I understand that some people struggle with anger towards God, but that has never been any problem I've struggled with myself.  (That is not to say that my faith has not been strongly tested... just in other ways.)  I, too, can't really understand why people of other belief backgrounds seem to want to post on specifically Christian (or what at least looks like specifically Christian) sites, but I guess the Enemy just never backs down for any reason.

Yes, you are right that I'm looking for specifically Christian-based support in dealing with my grief, as I'm sure many people are, and find it somewhat frustrating to have other ideas or beliefs thrust at me in my search, no matter how strongly I stress my own convictions.  Thank you for inviting me to come to this thread.

I've read what you've written to other grieving people on other threads and have always appreciated what you had to say.  It is obvious that you have a strong faith in Jesus Christ, i.e. the Biblical God or the God who is presented in the Scriptures, and that is exactly what I'm looking for in support of my own grief.  Hopefully, we can all join in supporting each other in our individual struggles, which may be different types of losses, but are alike in so many ways. 

I am not unfamiliar with what it must be like to lose a child.  My younger brother died when I was 14; he was 13.  I watched my mother sink down into the miry swamp of depression after he died and know very well the toll the loss of a child takes on a family.  Having no understanding of grief back then or how to properly (hopefully - who know what "properly" really is in grief?) work through our grief, we did what most all people did back then, which was to suppress it.  That naturally caused a domino effect in my own life, as welll as the lives of my parents, as other losses cropped up in our lives because we had not dealt with the first loss completely or healthily. 

Then 6 years later when my husband died at 25 (I was 21), I did the same thing we had done when my brother died - repress the grief.  It finally came up years and years later when my mother finally died at 86 four years ago.  They call it "complicated grief" and it really was what its name implies.  Thus began the darkest time of my life these past 4-5 years.  My faith, which was always strong,  has been tested in ways I didn't even know possible.  I'm sure all reading this can relate in their own struggles since their loss occurred.  I have no close friends who have been able to offer any real support, so I've just struggled through, which has been most difficult.  I'm so thankful to the Lord that He has directed me to this website and now to all of you.

So, Claudia, this brings me back to the things I've read that you have written on the loss of a husband/spouse thread.  I knew you were Biblilcally based in your thinking and beliefs, so when I saw that you had written on the "I believe in God" thread, I posted there hoping I would hear from you, as well as other Christians, and that we might be able to help each other.  I want to "give" as well as "take", so I offer myself to any of you, as well, in any way that I can help you in your struggles.

In Christ,

Oneta

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Diane and Sidvis for your supportive posts.  Please come back and visit here and share your faith and healing with others who are groeving and walking the journey as we.

The volcano, Tungarahua I think its called, is about 80 miles south of Quito, but several hours by car.  It is at or near a very popular resort called Banos.  The only affects we've felt from here are minor earth tremors occasionally.  One of the tremors buckled some of our floor tiles and they cracked, now needing to be replaced.  We've had a lot of rain too, so that coupled with the tremors has caused a few landslides immediately nearby where we live.  But so far, so good, and we really do feel God's protection over this ministry retreat site.  Thank you for asking and do please keep the people of Ecuador that are being affected in your prayers, if you don't mind.

You all are such a sweet blessing to me as well...  I love you girls!!  Hugs, Claudia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

By the way, just wanted to add that I, too, (I read that someone else had almost left) almost left BI because of the attacks from others on anything I said that was strongly Christian.  While I was away, I was contacted privately by another woman who asked me to be her email buddy, and she and I have supported each other for the past several months, but I am so thankful that you have started this new thread where we can (hopefully) express ourselves without fear of attack.  It's hard enough to grieve without your faith being attacked, as well.  I was literally asked in a private email by another grieving widow to "tone it down" in the things I said on BI.  I thought, "Well, I can't 'tone it down', and I don't want to give offense to others who are grieving, and it certainly isn't helping me if I can't say what I believe in my deepest being, so I just got discouraged and quit coming.  With the other lady I had become email pals with, I felt I should be content with just that.  A few weeks ago, she wrote me that she had been back on BI, so I thought I'd read on it -- that couldn't hurt, I figured.  Then I saw the "I believe in God" thread, so I thought maybe that was the thing I needed.  This is perfect, I should think, so hopefully it will work for all of us. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oneta, God bless you, and thank you so much for coming here and sharing.  I know the growing connection between us all will tremendously bless us and help us through these difficult parts of our journey and beyond.  When one is down, there will be one here to lift her up, and when we feel strong we can offer support to those being crushed by the weight of sorrow.  This is exactly what God intended us to be for each other.  I am so thankful for each of you.

I am so sorry for the loss of your little brother, as well as your husband at such a young age.  I simply cannot imagine losing my life partner, and becoming a widow so young.  I hate that society taught us to supress things at that era, and I am thankful that slowly we are finding ways to open up and talk about our grief, connect with others, and actually begin our healing journey in the process.

Like all of you, I know with great certainty that without my faith in an ever-loving God, who sent His son to be my Savior and Strength, I would not be at this point of healing.  I give Him all the glory for His hand in my recovery.  It hasn't been an easy journey for any of us, but I do believe blessings are abound.  Here is a quote from my daily devotion of today that I would like to share with you...  Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

"We strain to follow Christ, training to become more like him, pressing onward through pain and struggle where he requires us to change. Yet we strain, not for the sake of a good effort or the satisfaction of outshining a neighbor, but for the goal set before us. Take away the record and it simply becomes a voyage around the world.  Likewise, Christ stands calling us onward toward lives abundantly lived and the enduring prize of eternal life. Though we grow weary or encounter various obstructions, if Christ himself is our end, we do not run aimlessly.

Let us race as runners who know not only the prize, but also know that we are equipped to obtain it. For it is Christ who goes with us that we might be able to say with Paul, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please don't anyone feeldiscouraged should we encounter objections from occasional visitors to this thread.  We do have a right to have a place where we can grieve and share within our faith.  Should there be issues like that, I will choose to ignore what I can, and report unwarranted abuse and attack.  The title of the thread alone should suggest to those visiting that our beliefs are what they are.  But that doesn't necessarily stop the curiosity of human nature or the human will to "stir things up".  I really do pray for peace on this thread so that we too can share in the context that is most helpful to us in our healing.

Bless you all!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Claudia and everyone else,

As you wrote: "We strain to follow Christ, training to become more like him, pressing onward through pain and struggle where he requires us to change. Yet we strain, not for the sake of a good effort or the satisfaction of outshining a neighbor, but for the goal set before us. Take away the record and it simply becomes a voyage around the world.  Likewise, Christ stands calling us onward toward lives abundantly lived and the enduring prize of eternal life. Though we grow weary or encounter various obstructions, if Christ himself is our end, we do not run aimlessly.

Let us race as runners who know not only the prize, but also know that we are equipped to obtain it. For it is Christ who goes with us that we might be able to say with Paul, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 

Yes, this has been my goal throughout this whole ordeal.  When it's all said and done, I want to be able to say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  I know that's what we all want for ourselves.

It really is too bad the way society didn't used to provide support for grieving families.  As I said, I saw the toll it took on my parents, especially my mother, when my brother died.  She was never the same after that.  As odd as it sounds, even though I was 14 and should have plenty of memories to the contrary, all I remember of her was sadness and melancholy.  She never really recovered from his death.  And he was her second child to lose, so I know that was part of why she never got over it.  She always said that I was the one with all the faith; she just didn't have any.  I didn't believe that, but I think it was just because her faith was so beaten down with no outside help to support her and lift her up that she just caved under the weight of her grief. 

I think it's so wonderful that you were able to say to your husband that you feel you are more at peace now than at any time in your life, in view of your situation.  I'm not there yet, but hope to be some day.

I'll write more about my particular situation and my struggles later.  Right now I need to get started working.  This is so wonderful and I'm so happy to have found this outlet for myself that it's hard to get off and get to work, but alas, I must.

Oneta

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is a woman in our nearby town, here where we live and work, that lost a son a little over 20 years ago.  When I lost Joey, she recounted her deep grief for many years after her own loss.  Her son Patricio is a very close friend now to my husband, and he also shared a lot about his mother's grief after losing his brother.  Patricio's mom is a strong woman of faith, and she shines now through the eyes and soul of a life lived hard and with great pain.  The family is fairly poor and they work very, very hard to not only make ends meet for their family, but they also minister and give to families that have less than they do.  She is a true inspiration to me.  But the big point here is that she does shine, and she shines with the glory of the Lord as her Rescue.  There is always HOPE for us through any circumstance.  We need to always remember that, even when we don't have the energy to seek it.  Because even when we aren't looking, HOPE will come to us....  I believe it!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

TO BigMike'sMom:

Hi, Patti, my dear sister in Christ...  I want you to know how terribly sad I was to read about the horrific way you lost your son, Mike.  Like you, I am Catholic.  How bittersweet it was to read about the green scapular. It's not often you hear about a young man having a scapular in his possession. My teenage sons wear a brown scapular and have a very strong devotion to our Blessed and Heavenly Mother.  There is no other person able to fully comprehend the pain of losing a Son, as She does.  The Holy Rosary is such a wonderful devotion, also.  It has always soothed my broken heart. Just wearing a blessed rosary makes my soul feel better.

I pray that the Immaculate Heart of Mary caresses your grieving heart, as She has caressed mine on so many occassions. My sons and I will keep you, your family and Mike in our prayers tonight.     

PAX 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Patti,

I, too, tried to make it without drugs or counseling for a long time.  I felt, with my husband's death being so long ago (at the time it was 32 years - long story), there would be no one who would understand my particular problems, and in spite of great effort on my own to stay afloat, I continued to spiral down, down, down until I was sure I would drown in the swirling, dark waters of depression.  I was finally persuaded to see a doctor for my problems with insomnia, not specifically depression, and he said I was experiencing a form of post-traumatic stress.  He gave me an antidepressant and sleeping pills.  I didn't take either very long, but long enough to help pull me up out of the deep depression I had sunken down into.  I call it "the pit".  I was in the pit for about two years.  How much I worried my family I'll probably never know.  It's so hard to experience the loss of someone as dear as those we've lost, but it's been my hope, as I know it is all of yours, that I grow from the experience.  I had no idea at the time I started sinking down how deep it would become or how long it would last or how I could possibly learn something from such an experience when all I was trying to do at the time was just survive.  I think we've all learned something about God's love and mercy and protection as we've walked our individual roads of grief, and I'm sure we have much to share with each other. 

By the way, there is a website (and you may know of this already) for daily devotions that I have really derived much strength from that you might be interested in.  It's called Sacred Space.  It's a Catholic website, and I'm not Catholic, but I love it and found it helpful when nothing else seemed to be helping me.  I highly recommend it to anyone, not just those of a Catholic background.

Blessings,

Oneta

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am here and have been here reading all the posts.  I think it is nice to have a thread we can talk about issues without fear of offending others because as Claudia has said, our beliefs are very offensive to those who don't know the Lord.  I haven't been posting too much right now.  I think in our 2 steps forwards and 1 step back I am on the back end right now.  I just am not putting my thoughts together well. 

I remember one night about 4 years ago I was feeling a little blue and specifically asked the Lord to help increase my faith.  I also asked specifically that each of my children would be written in His book of life.  I wanted to know that my children would be with me in heaven.  I looked on the wall and I saw a cross on my wall. It was from the street light and the blinds, but I had never seen it there in the 3 years we had lived here.  It was right at the right time and I really had an assurance from the Lord that my children would be safe in Heaven.  A few days after that my son Micah accepted the Lord Jesus as his savior.  :)  Soon after that Joshua did.  My son Jacob has also accepted the Lord.  

My family has struggled a lot in the last few years because my husband has bipolar disorder.  Last spring he tried to kill himself and was committed to the state hospital and stayed for about 3 months.  He had struggled with depression for a good 2 years before that and our finances pretty much hit rock bottom with a lot of debt due to his illness and spending.  When Jeff was in the hospital I took a spiritual gift survey and I had always had mercy and service on the top.  I was pleasently suprized to see that faith had moved up to the top.  Living through severe trials and seeing God work through them has made a difference and my faith has grown.  I had never considered myself in that way before.  I was actually kind of proud...Pride does go before a fall yes?  Well Jeff got home form the state hospital on July 1st and we had a great 3 weeks.  Then came July 20.  Our oldest son Joshua died in a swimming accident.  He was only 10 and struggle with bipolar himself at such a young age.  Poor Jeff just had 3 good weeks with him before his death.  It has been really hard for my husband dealing with the guilt of not being a "good father."  Jeff has a knee surgery this month because of a broken revision component and is worried about it so his mood has been swinging more then I like.  He has not been sleeping and fluctuates between irritability and wanting to spend too much money.  Then I have to be the bad guy and say no we cant spend it. 

So back to the faith issue.  Somewhere in the Bible it talks about faith needing to be tested to prove it is real.  I have often thought with a sad kind of humor I wish I had never asked for increased faith.  (I don't really think that seriously but gee whiz....be careful what you ask for).   Maybe I have enough Lord....can you stop with the growing experiences for awhile?    So anyways.  I am not sure why I wanted to type this out to everyone here.  I have just really been feeling down lately.  I love the Lord and have faith in eternity.  I have faith my son is there with the Lord.  I just am feeling so sad missing him and overwhelmed with just everyday living.  Keeping up with the housework and enforcing chores in the kids.  Homework issues.  Being loving towards my husband who is suffering as well with mental illness on top of such a horrendous loss.  God has been so good and faithful to us.  It is just good to have somewhere to come and vent and talk about some of the hard things going on in your life. 

God bless each of you as you struggle through earthly trial and try to bring glory to the Lord God Almighty in all you do and say.

Sal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sally, I'm going to begin faithfully praying for the situation with your husband.  I know this must be a tremendous addition to your burdening sorrow.  One thing we can ponder on when we do feel like we've failed our children in any way is that God is the ultimate parent.  Where we are weak, He is always strong......

I'll wrte more later.   We're heading to the city soon to pick up some friends who are flying in this evening.  Love and blessing to all...  -Claudia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, Sal.

Isn't it a funny thing that we ask for our faith to be increased, and then we get it increased in a way we sure didn't plan on?  Several years ago the Lord told us he was going to take us through "the school of Faith".  After it started, we asked (kidding of course - but not really - sort of seriously), "Can we just make it a summer course?"  Of course, we've since learned it's a lifetime course; you don't ever really graduate - not in this life, anyway. 

One of my daughters struggles with bipolar disorder.  It's been a terrible battle for her and for us, too.  Because of how severe it's been in her life and being a single parent now, she's had to rely on us a lot to help her raise her daughter.  My daughter has been on medication for probably about 13-14 years and has just in the last year finally found a doctor who seems to know what she's doing and has gotten her on a strange cocktail that seems to be doing the trick for her.  (I say "strange cocktail" because her regular doctor asked her who had her on the weird combination of meds.)  It is so hard to deal with bipolar depression, whether it's the patient or whether it's the family.  How terrible it must have been for your husband to have had to struggle with that, feel he was getting it under control and then lose your son! 

I will add your family to my prayer list, especially in regard to this situation, as I have some idea what you're dealing with.  ~Oneta

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Claudia,

I read on the other religion site that you had asked about dreams.  I'm responding on this site for what I hope are obvious reasons.

I used to have a lot of trouble dreaming about my husband.  Lately I've asked God to allow me to dream about him, and sometimes I do.   I hope to protect myself from dreams that God would not permit or directly give me by doing that.  Hopefully it has worked.  I have had several very distinct dreams about him and others not as distinct.  I think in our fear that we might receive dreams that are not from the Lord we subconsciously block any dreams He might send us.  (just my thinking...)  I certainly haven't ever had any dreams about him since I started asking God to send them that bothered me or caused me distress, and almost, if not all of them, have given me encouragement.  The worst thing I've experienced is to have a vivid dream and then wake up and realize it was only a dream and I wasn't really with him after all.  Just my thinking on the subject.  ~Oneta

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pax and Oneta, Thank you so much for your kind words, prayers and understanding of how I feel.I am starting a new anti-depressant today. I know with God,and all of you ,I will also "Fight the good fight and Finish the race" Mike's coach said that about Mike in his eulogy at Mikes memorial mass at the university he was attending. I also feel very comfortable sharing my feelings with all of you here on this forum. God Bless You!Thank you God that through Claudia starting this forum I feel I can "get back into LIfe" This is my prayer.

Patti-BigMikesMom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sal, I am going to pray for your husband too and you and your family. I can't even imagine the pain you must be going through.I can just do nothing if that is how I feel that day but you with all the responsibilities that you have to deal with, God Bless You, I think you are definetely "fighting the gooD fight"(I don't know if I quoted that right) With much deep felt empathy!

Patti

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Claudia, I am so glad that you started this forum. I began feeling at times with some of the posts that I was not comfortable talking about my faith when others did not believe in God or had a Christian faith. It is one of the most important steps in my healing. I have to ask God everyday to help me through another day during this 5 months without my son. God has been such a big part of our lives and I am thankful my son had a personal relationship with God. Hopefully, as I become stronger in my journey I may have the opportunity to minsiter to another parent on their journey. You have helped me so much with your postings. My husband and myself have said if we did not have our faith we would have no hope at all. We both look forward to the day when we are called home to join our Lord, son and many other loved family members.

Sal, my prayers are with you and your family. All my prayers and love to each, Lana

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lana,  I'm glad you're here.  There should always be a place where you can grieve openly without worrying about how your coming across in your faith.

ok!  I must be losing it..  (kidding)  but yesterday I posted something about dreams.  Last night I had a dream that I was being given photos and various things to bring home by family members.  (I just recently spent 7 weeks with my family in the States, so that may have been the crux of the dream.)  Then in a very blurry part of the dream, I was sitting face to face, talking with Joey.  It felt like it was a picture of a conversation of past and more a memory than actually an in-person visit.  But we were face to face none-the-less.  All that I can remember about the conversation is that Joey was going to buy some kind of recreational vest and get a place at the edge of Miami, (near the Everglades, I suspect), and function as a ranger of sorts.

It was very strange...  Patrick is the one that always wanted to be a ranger.  He grew up loving the show Walker, Texas Ranger.  When traveling through Dallas before Thanksgiving this year, as a gag gift, I bought Patrick a badge with his name on it as well as Texas Ranger.  He loved it!  Anyway, I guess my subconscious was pondering on my desire to dream of Joey, and somehow my recent activities, Joey and Patrick all kind of melded together.  Kind of funny.  I am not left feeling sad or anything.  If anything I feel encouraged that maybe I will see Joey in more dreams.  After a year and a half I have only recalled 3 dreams, very brief, and the several nightmares I had in the first weeks after his passing, which I could do without ever having again.

Oneta, I think you are right about your theory, in that God protects us from dreams we shouldn't have.  He is our Lord in wake and sleep, so it would make great sense to be so.

I hope each of you finds a special moment this weekend to do something kind and pamper yourself if you can.  We have friends visiting, and today is our cultural experience day for day-1 of their tour.  We are going to the indigenous market places.  That should be fun.  I'll write again soon. One of these days soon I need to catch up with some other dear friends by e-mail...  where is the time going?...  closer to getting to heaven, I suppose.  And that isn't something I am reluctant about anymore...

Love and hugs, and prayers for blessings of peace and His joy be with each of you,

Claudia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now