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Cousins, Aunts, Uncles and Other Relatives


lauraa

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Hello all,

Thank you for being members of our message boards. In March I am going and speaking to a group of funeral directors who really want to learn how to help their families they serve better. The discussion is to help the funeral directors think about what death means to them (including their own) so that they treat people with more companission. I could really use your help by answering this short survey. The results will be shared with this group of funeral directors but not your name. Please copy and cut this link into a new browser to take the survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=816323037425 .

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

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How to start these topics... still a mystery to me. I found this site while browsing through the stages of grief and decided that I would take all the help I could possibly get.

On December 18th, 2006 I got a phone call from my dad. I thought he was calling so early to wish me a happy birthday, like he does every year since I'd moved out of his house. Instead I hear the news that my cousin, my best friend, my brother, had been hit and killed by a car a few hours ago. His name is Jacob, and he was almost 24. I still can't wrap my head around it. I am in disbelief. He was someone who had such a zest for life, he knew exactly what to say when I needed to talk to someone. He would have known what to say to everyone if it had been someone else that had died. I wish it would have been me, that way it wouldn't hurt so bad. He was a unique individual, an artist and a gypsy of sorts. I miss him so much and I can't imagine how I will ever get over this. I don't really know if I ever want to get over it. I look at pictures of him and I recently and I still can't believe that those were the last pictures of him and I that I will ever have. I'm so mad at myself for not going out for that drink the last time he was here. But there is nothing I can do now but weep. I look at all the pictures of us when we were kids... attached at the hip. There wasn't a picture of him that I wasn't in. I looked forward to the day that he would tell me that he fell in love and was going to get married, or that he was going to have a child... and now that day will never come.

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Guest - The way you were informed of the loss of your loved one is the same way I was, by phone about an accident. There are so many ways others on this site have experienced their loss, but when I read of someone who has received that kind of news the way you did, my heart breaks. There are a lot of forums here at Beyond Indigo and lots of people who will read posts and then try to offer comfort...and that has been a great help to me, as I know it has to others. Give yourself lots of time to heal - don't believe it when you may be told stuff like "get over it" - You lost someone very important to you and the pain is real, and only you know what will make it better or when. Take Care!

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Guest & Mofirefly, I too received news of my son's death by telephone. I will never forget it--my brother on the other end of the line telling me, "Joey was in an accident, he was hit by a train... Joey's dead". It was the absolute worst moment of my life. I was in another country at the time, and scrambling to get back there all seems like the fog of another life now. The worst is that this fog follows me everywhere. I too spend hours upon hours looking at Joey's last photographs, and I still can't believe that's it. There will be no more photos, no more Joey except for memories. I know this particular forum is for other relatives, but I read most of the forums here on BI, and these last couple of posts flooded me with memories of that dreaded phone call... just 7 days before Joey would have turned 24. Guest, I know at that age he had so much ahead of him, like your lost loved one. No marriage, no children, no more fulfilled hopes and dreams... just a longing for what might have been. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you... Love, Claudia

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Thank you for your kind words. Just yesterday, after I wrote about my cousin, my mom told me to get over it, and that I was lingering on it for too long. The pain of me loosing one of the best friends that I could ever ask for is nothing compared to loosing a child. Even after the initial shock wore off and reality set it, I realized that me being so sad for Jacob being gone was selfish, and that I should be more worried for my aunt and uncle, who lost their first born and my cousins (his brother and sister) and what they were going through. Especailly Jacob's brother... he was with Jacob when he passed. I guess I don't understand how people pull through. I know my life will never be the same.

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4everjoeysmom

Erinlynn, Don't be hard on yourself or feel like you are abnormal or "lingering too long" if your heart is grieving. It is difficult losing a child, but to anyone who has lost anyone close and special to them, loss is significant, it's terrible, and it's difficult. Your grief right now is uncomfortable for your mom, because she loves and cares about you, and wants to see you go on with a normal life--not sad all the time. Don't feel guilty for your grief. It is what it is, as a dear BI friend here has said to me. If you are close to your mom, talk with her when you have quite time and explain how you feel now. And also let her know you just need time in your own time to heal, and you will go on with a normal life. You will just always miss that very special cousin and friend. And there is nothing wrong with that. It's always good to try and keep communication open with those you are closest to, to help them try and understand where you are in your grieving process. Each person is different, and each grieves differently. If you don't get the compassion and support you need from home, you know you can always come here to BI. We all know your pain. God bless you, dear one. He blesses me, and He is truly the only way I pull through this... Love, Claudia

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Erinlynn - I agree with Claudia - your mom saying that was probably because it is hard for a mom to see their child hurting...and I agree you should try to talk with her when you get a chance, even perhaps letting her know of these message boards where she might see for herself that everyone deals with loss differently and mainly need to recover at their own pace. And by recover I mean you do recover from the grief, but you don't really recover from the missing...I read someone else who was upset when they were told to get over it, and they said to the effect - Would you want me to forget about you when you are gone. I don't suggest saying that to you mom at all, but it just reinforces that missing someone stays with you forever and it becomes a part of your new normal (hate that word) life. Please take care!

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My son, SPC Lance Briggs, served in Operation Iraqi Freedom. While he was fighting for our country his little girl was here fighting for her life. She lost that battle just days before her Daddy was to return. She was murdered after a Judge returned her to her mother's home after months of documented abuse. Kelsey had two broken legs, a broken collar bone, numerous bruises and abrasions, retinal hemoraging, hair loss, and weight loss prior to her death. Her mother previously had child abuse confirmed on her. Kelsey was still in state custody and was to be monitored by three different state agencies. Her cause of death was blunt force trauma to the abdomen. Her mother and stepfather have both been charged in connection with her death. For more on her story go to www.kelseyspupose.org My son feels like Iraq cost him everything. He returned from war to bury his only child, not the homecoming a soldier deserves.

Kelsey's young cousins have grieved enormously. We take them to the cemetery any time they ask. They release balloons for her on different occassions. They had fear for a long time that someone might kill them too. Two of them was seen on the playground talking about who they thought really killed Kelsey. They do not understand and neither do I.

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Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

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Hi!

I don't know how to start,but it seems like the death thing is not going away. I lost my daughter pneumonia April twenty fourth,then my ex her dad on June twenty second heart attack in his sleep,now his sister my former sister in law has been given six months to live from cancer in her ovaries on June twenty ninth. The girl is in her late twenties or early thirties. You know people say your doing so good with all this but I'm not, I scream cry and pray. There is an hour that goes by that I don't think about my baby.(she was twenty five)I'm constantly now wondering when is something else going to happen

Its too much to take in such little time and it looks like another funeral in the future. I want it to end.

Deb

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Bbarbie55 - It seems like you are surrounded by loss - it must make even briefly thinking of anything else terribly difficult. It isn't surprising that you now wonder when something else is going to happen. Please go right ahead and scream, cry and pray as much as you feel like doing...you have so very many emotions racing around inside that you have to let them out somehow. Unfortunately, there is no way to end this terrible nightmare of losing our loved ones - it is a part of life, just not the part that most of us want to be surrounded by. Please take a deep breathe and allow yourself to attempt to heal from all the painful attacks. Take care.

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Dear Guest - So sorry that you have lost your Great Grandma. Even tho you didn't see her, you do have memories of her and that is what will keep her alive in your heart. Memories are precious and never leave us. Take care!

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My brother died in his sleep today...well it's yesterday now. My heart is broken and I cannot stop crying. I miss him. I want to talk to him just one more time. I'm crushed. I can't do this. We were so very close and I don't know what to do without him to talk to. I should have been a better sister. I should have gone to see him when I knew he was so sick. There is no excuse for that. I have to live with that. I promised him I would see him this year. It's been over 6 years since I've seen him. I PROMISED him. Now it's too late and I cannot stop crying. I look at his pictures and his eyes are still alive. I want to tell him just one more time how much he means to me. I can't stop crying. The world goes on...and I miss my sweet gentle brother.

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Guest, I am SO very sorry for you rloss and pain. There is a thread here at BI called loss of a sibling. Please come there when you feel up to it. There are so many beautiful and compassionate people that will be here for you. One of the most immediate things we experience in our grief journey is the what-if's. and the guilt of what we think we should have or could have done. It's normal to feel this, but I pray int ime it will subside, because I am certain your brother knows without a doubt how much you love him and how very much he will be missed. There are no magic words to say... please just know how very sorry I am for you, and that you are not alone in your grief travels. Visit us again soon if and when you are ready. Hugs, Claudia

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My sister passed away from cancer on May 6th, 2002. She was my

buddy, pal, helping hand, moral support and very best friend.

I thought that time would help the aching hole in my heart. It

hurts as bad today as it did when I was holding her hand when

she took her last breath. She would have been 50 on Sept. 8th.

I would have razzed her about being a half a century old. She

would have laughed and told me to shut up then we would have

eaten chocolate pound cake and played video games like teenagers

all night. I just want someone to tell me this will get easier.

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To both guest that have lost a sister and brother, my most sincere sympathies are extended to you. I rarely check this site, but saw a new post and thought I would look. I lost my brother 1 year, 1 month and 3 weeks ago...I could tell you all the days and hours, but there's not much point. I see from the post below that lost her sister 5 years ago, the pain is still there and just as intense at times. I see that Claudia also stopped by and recommended that you check the sibling site. That is usually where I am and I would be happy to visit with you or pray for you or just listen. I have certainly not conquered this, but I do feel that I have learned alot and I am a real good listener. I hope that you both find some comfort in the memories that you have of your brother and sister. That's all that I have left, the memories, a few scattered belongings of his and a little garden in my back yard that I started for him where I go and talk with him. My prayers and thoughts are with you both. Peace and blessings, Jackie

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I just can't believe it another death. My daughter in April,my ex in June and now my ex sister-in-law September 19th. I hate this year so far I just want the deaths to stop. I'm having enough trouble over my daughters death without the others happening. I have to go back to the same church and listen to everything again. She was my sister in law and the divorce didn't change it. I remember taking care of her when she was six years old. I don't think I can handle anymore I'm so broken up inside and I can't seem to heal. Is this ever going to end.

Deb

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My dad died on July 10th, 2007, I post on the Father board. Today, Sept. 20th my dear uncle died of what we think was a heart attack. My dad's brother died almost 2 months after him. I would never in a million years think my 60 year old uncle would die so soon. We haven't even healed from my dad and now this. How can this happen? How can both of them be gone? His grandkids now have no pop-pops, the other grand dad died 6 months ago. When is this going to end? I was going to ask my uncle to walk me down the aisle when the time comes (for my dad)...now what? I'm just so sad. I'm not sure how I am going to get past all this.

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  I feel silly for posting on here, but I feel that it seems like a pretty good place to vent and share what I'm feeling.

  Just as a little introduction, I'm fifteen years old and don't mind if anyone wants to talk to me just to have someone to vent to! 

  I remember the day quite fondly.  I was only five at the time, but I was smart enough to sense that something was wrong with my mom.  She picked me up from school, and was being un naturally quiet.  When I asked her what was wrong, I don't remember her telling me; rather, keeping it a secret until a short while later when I eventually found out.  My uncle, who was only in his mid to late twenties at the time (26 or 27 I believe), had gone to the doctor due to having frequent headaches, and was diagnosed with a brain tumour.  I don't know how I knew what it was, as I had never been exposed to anything like cancer before, but I did, and I knew it was a bad thing.

    The next couple of years, I don't remember them exactly, but I remember that my uncle was still my uncle!  He was still his same old self, frequently slurping on a slushie, watching golf, or eating a chocolate bar!  He was also a big fan of Winnie the Pooh; I remember his closet having tons of Winnie the Pooh colourings on it, and I always wished I could colour that good.  I also remember the discussions we had about who was our favourite character from the show; I always said I liked Piglet, and his favourite was of course, Pooh.  They're still up there, eight years later.  For some reason, I remember one of the days that we went to the corner store to get a slushie fondly;  I don't know why, but I do.  I'm pretty sure the Coke ones were his favourite!  He also had a surgery, and came home with staples on his head, which pretty much amazed me as a little kid, although looking back, I know it wasn't a pleasant thing.

  The year prior to his passing, things started to change a little bit; he was still his same old self, just not on the outside.  He seemed to be getting weaker, walking with a cane, and gaining weight (from a medicine I believe).  Because I was so little and this is the way I knew him for the last while of his life, that's the way I remember him looking when I think back, which is wrong, because I'd much rather remember him as being healthy.  In the spring of 1999, he celebrated his 29th birthday, and my God, it never even occurred to me that it might be his last.  In the spring of that year, he also completed a brain tumour walk!  I wasn't there, but looking back, he looked weaker, yet he finished it.  That seemed to be a trend with my uncle that I did notice; he was always a strong person, no matter what he was going through.

  Every night I would go next door with my mom, which is where he stayed, with my Grandparents, and watch them care for him.  I never thought anything of the needles or the medicine.  I do realize now that my mom, grandma, and grandpa were all incredible strong and helpful with everything throughout that time.

  Months later, around September or so, I think his tumour started to shrink.  I don't know how I remember this, but I recall that sometime around that month, it seemed like he may have been improving.  I also remember that around that time, a nurse did a very idiotic thing; didn't respect the wishes of my mom and grandmother not to say anything to my Uncle about last wishes or death, yet he went into my room and asked him questions regarding those subjects.  Needless to say, he was thrown out, and with good reason.  I know another nurse also told my uncle to say his goodbyes or something along those lines, and that night when I went over with my mom, he was acting strange.  Everyone told him not to worry, but looking back, it kills me to think of what was going through his mind; 29, and he's being told to say goodbye?  Unimagineable.  Some of his nurses were nice though; one taught me how to draw Mickey :D !

  That Christmas, he was bedridden.  He was actually bedridden for the last couple of months.  Yet, even at Christmas time, it never crossed my mind that he had less than two weeks left on this Earth.  Thinking about some of the pictures of him that Christmas, it still makes me tear up.

  January 4th, 2000 was the last day of my Uncle's life, and I seriously remember it like it was yesterday.  Me and my cousin were in the kitchen of my house; my mom wasn't there, but my stepdad was.  He told me that my mom had to tell me something.  My cousin kept asking me what I thought it was, and if I was scared.  The thought crossed my mind for a second that it could be something to do with my Uncle, but at the same time, I knew it couldn't be, because that just doesn't happen to someone so young, and certainly not to a close member of my family.  However, when my mom walked in, it was obvious something was wrong; I remember her exact words.  "Uncles gone to heaven", and at that moment I burst into tears, and hugged my stepdad.  So I went next door, where everyone was gathered; some people in the kitchen, some in the living room, and some in my uncle's room.

  I don't remember the rest of the day; it was essentially a blur.  He had passed in the presence of my mom and grandma, around 2 P.M. on January 4th, 2000.  He was cremated, and his memorial service was a couple of days later.  I remember it being simple, but nice.

  I never really thought of him as dead, and I still don't to this day.  He was taken far too early, and it just goes to show you that good things do happen to very good people.  He was so strong throughout the entire thing, and even though I only knew him for seven years, I still remember him fondly.

  Eight years later, and I'm writing this because you never get over these things, no matter how young or old you are, and no matter how much time passed.  It was really hard when it first happened, but I think that the last year I've been thinking about it a lot, especially this past week; I've cried about it multiple times within the last couple of days.  Just thinking about how everything played out, how young he was, and how unfortunately the ordeal was just has been eating at me a lot lately.  I felt like an online message board would be the way to go, since I don't really feel comfortable talking about it with my family members even though they still grieve.

  If you don't reply, that's okay.  I understand you may not want to read this, but it felt good to write about it.

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bbarbie55

I'll begin by saying April is not a good month for me. A year ago on the twenty fourth I lost my daughter now this year on the April 30 I lose my cousin she was only 44 years old and had lost function of both kidneys and her lungs filled with fluid her heart wasn't working right and to top it off she had bladder cancer that spread through her body. She did die in peace all she had was oxygen to help her breathe. I hate cancer you see she had went trough almost four weeks of radiation I think thats why her body shut down.

This death brings back memories of my daughter who died a year ago on the twenty fourth hodgkins w/pneumonia these cancers are  taking them to young. I'm through ranting . Love you

Deb

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Hello -

I am posting Kelly's original post from the home page of www.beyondindigo.com/forums under the "Please Tell Us" thread "Beyond Indigo Reunion."  I thought that many of you might not have seen it there.  If you are interested in atteding a Beyond Indigo Reunion - or would like to help us in the planning stages...please post on that thread.

Thanks!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

 

 

Hello all,

We are thinking about hosting a Beyond Indigo Reunion in Peoria, ILL next spring. It would allow people to meet other Beyond Indigo members in person. Could you please let us know if this would be something that would interest you? We would have social events by type of loss (child, parent, spouse etc). If this is of interest for people we would also be looking for "hosts" for each type of loss to plan events for that loss group. Please chime in!

Thanks

Kelly

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

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I originally found BI due to the upcoming (then loss of) my dad... he died October 14, 2008 of cancer (and other things).

Jan 6, 2009 my uncle died of bladder cancer.  Wasn't even 3 months from when my dad (his brother) died, and it was 4 days before what would have been my father's birthday. 

That weekend my family went to a wedding on Saturday and a funeral on Monday.

All that I want to do lately is cry.

Their last remaining sibling (my aunt) has pancreatic cancer and isn't expected to make it through the year.  Her grand daughter was married on Jan 10, 2009.

My friends don't understand why I have to look longer term and start to deal with her death.  It's like though if I don't... between the 3 of them I'll need to take a substantial amount of time off... to let myself fall apart.  They just keep telling me to deal with life a day at a time.  But if I do that... I'll miss anything and everything that should/could be done prior.

My uncle and my dad were both buried in the same cemetary, funerals done at the same church in the same small town.  No doubt that it was the same funeral home as well.

 

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My name is Jessica Im new to this site. Im 19. When I was 17 I lost my cousin/best friend in a car accident she was only 18 and had a 2 month old beautiful babygirl. I miss her so much. My friend told me that this site will help me deal with my pain. Because there are people here who really know what I am going through.

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[align=center]SAVE THE DATE!![/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] We are excited to meet you!! Come join us at the Beyond Indigo Reunion!![/align]  When: August 14th through the 16th,   2009. We suggest you arrive the night of the 13th.

Where: Minneapolis, MN

For Who?: All Beyond Indigo members and people healing from grief and dying journeys. This means YOU! If you know someone who is not a member invite them along!

 We will be having speakers, social networking, opportunities to remember our loved ones and just a plain good time.

 More details (schedule, pictures of the location etc) will follow in the next 7 to 14 days.

 We need at least 25 people to make this event possible. We hope to see as many of you who can make it!!!

 Have questions? Please post in the Beyond Indigo Reunion Forum at  http://beyondindigo.com/forums/view_forum.php?id=83

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

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[align=center]SAVE THE DATE!![/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] We are excited to meet you!! Come join us at the Beyond Indigo Reunion!![/align]  When: August 14th through the 16th,   2009. We suggest you arrive the night of the 13th.

Where: Minneapolis, MN

For Who?: All Beyond Indigo members and people healing from grief and dying journeys. This means YOU! If you know someone who is not a member invite them along!

 We will be having speakers, social networking, opportunities to remember our loved ones and just a plain good time.

 More details (schedule, pictures of the location etc) will follow in the next 7 to 14 days.

 We need at least 25 people to make this event possible. We hope to see as many of you who can make it!!!

 Have questions? Please post in the Beyond Indigo Reunion Forum at  http://beyondindigo.com/forums/view_forum.php?id=83

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

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Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

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The family and friends of Beyond Indigo would like let everyone know that Dawn Fisher (moderator of the Beyond Indigo message boards) lost her husband on Wednesday morning.  JD's death was an unexpected complication of surgery to remove a tumor.  Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Dawn and her children.  We know that there is no better place for Dawn to receive support than through these boards.

The online obituary for JD is here: http://fisherfamilyfuneralhomes.com/obits/obituaries.php/obitID/307941

If you'd like to send her condolences, you could send her a private message on the boards, visit the above obituary and sign the guest book (starting on Friday) or send materials to

Fisher Funeral Chapel & Cremation Services

1801 Chase Road

Logansport, IN 46947

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Hi all,

We are getting down to five weeks to find out if we can hold the reunion or not. Could you please let us know if you will be attending and register online? We need 25 people total. This is an amazing opportunity to make something special happen. Just click the big banner at the top that says REUNION and follow the steps.

Love to hear from you.

Kelly

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