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Cousins, Aunts, Uncles and Other Relatives


lauraa

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Dear Madmiss,

So sorry I got lost here during the holidays. The first without my husband and the kids dad...It took alot of planning for it to go off without a hitch and I think it was a success....Not to say I'm not glad it's over!

I hope your little girl is getting along better and the anxiety is lessening for her. I lost my 5 year old brother when I was 10 and I too know the anxiety associated with a loss. I always stayed home as I was afraid something would happen to someone else as if it was my responsibility. Yes, my daughter is still sleeping with me and totally content but she will not talk of her feelings of her dad....we talk about him but "NOT" how she is feeling....there is a difference...it's all just to painful as their dad was all 3 of my childrens hero......I'm the one that does all the crying behind the scenes and sometimes in the open...We can show our kids how to grieve.....Keep hanging in there and things will get better.....Laura

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madamcaptain

I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. I will refer to my grandfather as 'Eric' (not his real name):

My grandfather Eric passed away in February 1998. He was in good health up until about two years before he died - he had skin cancers removed when he was younger that caused secondary cancer. Eventually it spread to his entire body. He died the day after his 86th birthday so he had a good life. I remember feeling relief after Eric died, as he had suffered befor he died. However, this was not the only reason why I felt relieved. When I was growing up, he constantly ridiculed me, making me feel inferior and worthless. He often told me that I was 'good for nothing'. My brother coped the same 'abuse' (I consider being ridiculed a form of abuse) and Eric always compared him with our older sister (lets calle her Emily). She was bright, confident, good at sport and popular at school. My brother was very shy and generally very different to Emily. Eric would often play games (cards, chess etc) with Emily and my brother wasn't allowed to join in. Eric didn't let up as I got older and entered my teenage years either. He still called me 'good for nothing' and he didn't care if friends were visiting. I found that Eric's belittling affected my confidence and my ability to make friends. This may seem strange but I do remember some good times with Eric too. He taught me how to play lots of card games and sometimes he recited poems flawlessly. He was also a great story teller.

Has anyone else had a relative like this??

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hi madamcaptain, heather here. i had a gradnfather and grandmother that were verbally, and phsyically abusive to each other and their children. they had undiagnosed mental problems. they were very selfish and they thought that everyone was out to get them or take from them. they would hardly smile, hardly laugh, never say thank you, never hug or kiss anyone, they were very mean people. this story can go on, and on, and on. some time after they died, i had an after death reading done on them. they are in a place of learning. they are being shown everything that they did and said and they are being made to FEEL how they made others feel. they are learning from their mistakes. i was told that they would be there for a long time. they are not in "hell". but they need to be where they are. my dad longed for love and affection from his parents and unfortunately he never got it. part of me was glad when they died because they could not be mean any more. and part of me was sad because i was hoping that they would realize their mistakes (while they were here) and make up for them somehow to my dad. so, what i can say to you is this..... i truely believe that your grandfather is going thru a similar experience in his passing. he needs to realize that what he did was hurtful and he needs to learn from that. pray for him. that will help. cherish the good memories that you have and learn from his mistakes. thanks for posting. heather

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Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

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greeneyedgal

Hi all, I am new to this site. My uncle/godfather has liver cancer and has less than 6 months to live. I have never had to deal with a loss this close to home. I lost it when I was told he was dying. I am trying to be strong but it is so hard. See i dont have a dad (never met him) & my uncle took the \'dad\' kind of role. I am looking for support and guidance. I have also just been told i have depression. I am so scared at the moment. Please help me.

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Greeneyedgal,

You came to the right place for support. I am sorry you are scared. I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. It is so difficult to lose those that are close to us. My grandfather died of lung cancer and it was so difficult to watch. Have you seen a doctor about your depression? Are you taking medication? Seeing a counselor? Those things can help. So does writing down your feelings and talking about the things that are bothering you. I hope you will continue to post and let us all help you through this difficult time.

Take Care,

Julie

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beautyfuldiaster

I know what you are going thru too. My uncle just died 2 days ago, and it was so sudden. We didn't even really know he was very sick until the doctors told us there was basically no more they could do for him. I am still in shock, like I don't believe it happened yet. You do have to realize that you do have the time to say goodbye to him. We didn't have a chance to get any last things out that we needed to say because it all happened so fast. It's scary. But if there are things you need to say to him, say them. Please don't hold back because you'll live to regret it someday, as I am now, wishing I had more time to tell him how much I really cared. My prayers are with you and your family.

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Light A Candle for Pope John Paul II

Pope John Paul II has touched the hearts of many as he has traveled the world with his message of peace, hope and harmony. He is a man loved by many and has been the beacon of light for the followers of the Catholic Faith. Even non-Catholics have appreciated the deepness of his devotion. We note his passing in sadness and invite people of all faiths to Light A Candle to carry on his message of peace, hope and harmony.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/beyondtalk/lightacandle.php

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greeneyedgal

Hi again.

I just found out that my uncle has approx 2 weeks left. Hes getting sicker and sicker. I am taking very hard and so are my grandparents, mother and my other uncle. I rang my sick uncle 2day and he had to think who i was. That really hurt. The doctors wont let him go home but he doesnt want to die in the hospital and i dont blame him. I am going to see him 2morrow afternoon and scared he wont know who i am. I llost it wen mum told me he only had 2 weeks left. Jess

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greeneyedgal

Hey its me again. My uncle passed away last night. Its hurting me so much. I am trying so hard 2 be strong but its so hard. O feel lile a chunk of my heart is missing. Here i am a 21 year old screaming in pain of hurt and sorrow not knowing wot 2 do. I am reaching out for help. Thank you 2 the creators of beyond indigo.

Jess :(

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Greeneyedgal,

I am so terrible sorry for your loss. I know you are going through a terrible time. Please take care of yourself and come back often to let us know how you are doing.

Take Care,

Julie

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kagansmommy

Hello Jess...I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your uncle. My uncle passed away yesterday from lung cancer. I had not spent much time with him in the last few years but I was very close to him and his family when I was younger. It has been extremely hard for me because my Dad just passed away a year ago and my 18 month old little boy passed away 3 months ago today on January 28, 2005. It has been a devestating year for me. You will find much support here and I hope you return. I come here sometimes just to read and not post myself. I realize that I am not alone and there are othere who feel the same pain that I do.

My prayers go out to you~!!

Christy (kagansmommy)

"mommy loves you kagan"

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I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. I will refer to my grandfather as 'Eric' (not his real name):

My grandfather Eric passed away in February 1998. He was in good health up until about two years before he died - he had skin cancers removed when he was younger that caused secondary cancer. Eventually it spread to his entire body. He died the day after his 86th birthday so he had a good life. I remember feeling relief after Eric died, as he had suffered befor he died. However, this was not the only reason why I felt relieved. When I was growing up, he constantly ridiculed me, making me feel inferior and worthless. He often told me that I was 'good for nothing'. My brother coped the same 'abuse' (I consider being ridiculed a form of abuse) and Eric always compared him with our older sister (lets calle her Emily). She was bright, confident, good at sport and popular at school. My brother was very shy and generally very different to Emily. Eric would often play games (cards, chess etc) with Emily and my brother wasn't allowed to join in. Eric didn't let up as I got older and entered my teenage years either. He still called me 'good for nothing' and he didn't care if friends were visiting. I found that Eric's belittling affected my confidence and my ability to make friends. This may seem strange but I do remember some good times with Eric too. He taught me how to play lots of card games and sometimes he recited poems flawlessly. He was also a great story teller.

Has anyone else had a relative like this??

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Hi i lost my brother on sunday night he had lung cancer which had spread to other parts of his body he fought it all the way he was 39 yrs old, life is so unfair.. but at least i had the chance to say goodbye....

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Hi i lost my brother on sunday night he had lung cancer which had spread to other parts of his body he fought it all the way he was 39 yrs old, life is so unfair.. but at least i had the chance to say goodbye....
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thankyou for your reply im still waiting to hear about the funeral arangements, this is terrible the waiting wish it was over..

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thankyou for your reply im still waiting to hear about the funeral arangements, this is terrible the waiting wish it was over..
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bettsyblue

Hi my name is linda and i hope i am doing this right. I have been visiting this site for 16mths now lighting candles and i have made a couple of hearts for my brother-in-law that was killed in car accident on 4th January 2004. J's death has been hard for all the family, but it devasted me and i am still having trouble coming to turns with his death. J was only 26 and was just starting to get his life back on track. J was not just my brother-in-law he was also my best friend. The night before he died we had a fight so my last words to him were in anger. I had seen him drive out of my street the day he was killed, but just thought he was going to another friends place and that he would call in before heading home, but he never did. I found out later that him and a group of our friends has been swimming because it was a hot day and that he was a little tired. He was about 1/2 home when he feel asleep while driving and run off the road and hit a tree and was killed instanly. I also went to ring his mobile on that day to see where he was but i got distracted for about 10 mins so when i did make the call was about a min after he was killed. I just can't come to turns with that i am never going to see him again, i have 4yr old twins that talk about him all the time and they no that uncle J is in heaven and that they will only see him in pictures, because this is what i have told them. I just miss him so much, i know part of me died that day as well. I still cry heaps when i think about him or when my kids ask me things about him. I have lost both my parents, two brother, and a bady. But J death is really taking it's toll me, do you have any advice that may help me come to turns with it please.I apologise for the way that i have written this but i know if i thought about it i would have not written it. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

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bettsyblue

Hi my name is linda and i hope i am doing this right. I have been visiting this site for 16mths now lighting candles and i have made a couple of hearts for my brother-in-law that was killed in car accident on 4th January 2004. J's death has been hard for all the family, but it devasted me and i am still having trouble coming to turns with his death. J was only 26 and was just starting to get his life back on track. J was not just my brother-in-law he was also my best friend. The night before he died we had a fight so my last words to him were in anger. I had seen him drive out of my street the day he was killed, but just thought he was going to another friends place and that he would call in before heading home, but he never did. I found out later that him and a group of our friends has been swimming because it was a hot day and that he was a little tired. He was about 1/2 home when he feel asleep while driving and run off the road and hit a tree and was killed instanly. I also went to ring his mobile on that day to see where he was but i got distracted for about 10 mins so when i did make the call was about a min after he was killed. I just can't come to turns with that i am never going to see him again, i have 4yr old twins that talk about him all the time and they no that uncle J is in heaven and that they will only see him in pictures, because this is what i have told them. I just miss him so much, i know part of me died that day as well. I still cry heaps when i think about him or when my kids ask me things about him. I have lost both my parents, two brother, and a bady. But J death is really taking it's toll me, do you have any advice that may help me come to turns with it please.I apologise for the way that i have written this but i know if i thought about it i would have not written it. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

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I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I have lost my whole family in the last 2 years. My father died of kidney failure in December 1992 at age 84 (the week before Christmas), my brother died of complications to Hodgkin's disease in March 2002 at age 64, my sister died of breast cancer (she had refused a masectomy) in July 2002 at age 46, my mother died of 2 different types of cancer at the same time in November 2004 (2 days before Thanksgiving) at age 91, my uncle died in 2003 at age 91, my aunt died in June 2004 at age 90, my sister in law (brother's wife) died of complications of lupus in 2004, don't know how old she was but I think she was in her late 60's. My whole family's gone. I have 2 aunts left, one age 80 and the other age 90 (my mother's sisters) both in poor health. My daughter, her 3-1/2 kids (the newest one is due the day after Thanksgiving) and I are all that's left. I get really lonely at times, esp. around holidays and when something really special has happened in my life and there's no one to call and rejoice with. I feel very empty inside, almost dead. Not many feelings left to feel. Like I'm a walking mannequin. I need to create a new life for myself, but I'm so depressed all the time I don't have the energy to clean my house let alone get out and meet new people. I will be starting online college classes in August, however, so I'm looking forward to that, but again I'll be attached to my computer at home every night doing homework. Just wanted to vent a little and hope that someone out there feels the same way I do - the emptiness really scares me at times.

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Carol and Betty,

I am so sorry that you both are going through rough times right now. The most important thing to do is realize you aren't alone. There are people that do understand what you are going through. Talking about your feelings really helps move past them. Also, maybe talking to a grief counselor about how you are feeling. Keeping a journal about what is going on helps too. Coming to the board and sharing is also a suggestion. I know you both are strong and you will make it.

Take care,

Julie

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BIJulie,

thank you for your comment and advice, so i am taking your advice and writing my feeling down in here again. Today is J's birthday he would of been 28, what should be a day of laughter and celebrating is now a day of tears and sadness,well it is for me. It doesn't matter how hard you try not to remember what the date is something inside you makes you remember. There is not a day that goes bye that i don't think about J some days are easier than others, but today is one of those days that the tears start from the min you wake up and your heart aches all day. It is hard to express how i am feeling it is like someone has cut me open and they are ripping at my heart tearing it away piece bye piece, when will this sort of pain stop. Today is one of those days that all the why and if questions going running through your head, and you know that you can't answer any of them but you still keep thinking them. I am feeling so many different emotions and thinking so many things at once that i am having difficulties keeping track of what i want to write, but i hope that anyone that reads this understands what i am trying to say. I will go for now so bye to all and take care Linda

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Hi i lost my brother on sunday night he had lung cancer which had spread to other parts of his body he fought it all the way he was 39 yrs old, life is so unfair.. but at least i had the chance to say goodbye....

I'm sorry for your loss Lulu....that is so young. My Dad passed away on June 29th from Pancreatic Cancer, he was 72 though. Had a full life. I miss him immensely but it's different when they are young.

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Hello everyone.

I've just found out yesterday October 18th 2005!

that my auntie has cancer, and is only given 6months to be with us.

i have no idea how to handle this. i cant hardly think. i try and be nice to the other students that surround me @ school. but its very hard to control what i am going to miss in 6months. My aunt is a very loving and caring person. and i dont know if i am ready to lose her. how am i suppose to deal with this. Yesterday was my daughters 1st birthday, and i couldnt hardly smile for her. but then i realized what i have now, but the only thing that bothers me is that my aunt isnt going to be here no more. can someone please give me some advice. because for the past 4years i've lost. my brother/ cousin/ grandma and i dont know how to grieve in the proper manor. i only know how to hold it inside and hide. and i cant do that no more. please help! thank you for your time.

Sincerely Jenyfer

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Dear Jenyfer,

My heart goes out to you. I am much older than you and so have sustained multiple losses also. When I was 25, my father died quite suddenly. At that time, my younger brother was only 12 and held everything in about his father's death. Because of that, he has been unable to let go of things and heal each time he has gone through more losses. My suggestion is that you see a grief counselor with Hospice (they are free of charge)and I understand that the book "The Courage to Grieve" is quite good. This was written by a woman who had similar circumstances to your own and who took many years to learn how to grieve. I just lost my sister a week ago and I am sooooo tired I can barely cope. This was quite sudden and unexpected, so we had no time to prepare for it. My mother died very slowly and painfully recently, but it was a blessing to us in that we were able to prepare for her death. Perhaps it can be some comfort to you to know that your Auntie is actually giving you a gift of time to help with her loss...CaLuna

Hello everyone.

I've just found out yesterday October 18th 2005!

that my auntie has cancer, and is only given 6months to be with us.

i have no idea how to handle this. i cant hardly think. i try and be nice to the other students that surround me @ school. but its very hard to control what i am going to miss in 6months. My aunt is a very loving and caring person. and i dont know if i am ready to lose her. how am i suppose to deal with this. Yesterday was my daughters 1st birthday, and i couldnt hardly smile for her. but then i realized what i have now, but the only thing that bothers me is that my aunt isnt going to be here no more. can someone please give me some advice. because for the past 4years i've lost. my brother/ cousin/ grandma and i dont know how to grieve in the proper manor. i only know how to hold it inside and hide. and i cant do that no more. please help! thank you for your time.

Sincerely Jenyfer

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BelovedHearts.com is a virtual interactive home for your departed Loved One.

Meet others who are grieving the loss of a loved one.You are not alone.Please visit. You will find comfort God Bless

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Hi everyone first of all I am sorry for everyones loss...I lost my father many years ago to cancer then my cousin a few years later then my grandma 2 years ago and now my husband just last year.of a massive heart attack at the age of 46..we were married for 28 years..and we have 3 kids 2 girls that are grown and a wonder surprise baby boy he is 2 years old now what I am scared of is losing him now..he also has a heart condition and will require surgery soon to correct this..or try too..like some of you I don't know what to do I am grieving so bad of losing so many people in my life..I am not sure if I am ok writing you on here I don't want to intrude but I am so sad of losing everyone that I am terrified of losing my baby now the last precious gift my dear husband left me before he died ..so unexpectedly..we were on our boat when he had the attack and died he died with the baby in his arms..:( so many of my family gone taken away..that I don't know where else to turn too...maybe someday I can smile again...again sorry everyone for your loss..my heart is with you...

Cindysue

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billysanderssister
Hi everyone first of all I am sorry for everyones loss...I lost my father many years ago to cancer then my cousin a few years later then my grandma 2 years ago and now my husband just last year.of a massive heart attack at the age of 46..we were married for 28 years..and we have 3 kids 2 girls that are grown and a wonder surprise baby boy he is 2 years old now what I am scared of is losing him now..he also has a heart condition and will require surgery soon to correct this..or try too..like some of you I don't know what to do I am grieving so bad of losing so many people in my life..I am not sure if I am ok writing you on here I don't want to intrude but I am so sad of losing everyone that I am terrified of losing my baby now the last precious gift my dear husband left me before he died ..so unexpectedly..we were on our boat when he had the attack and died he died with the baby in his arms..:( so many of my family gone taken away..that I don't know where else to turn too...maybe someday I can smile again...again sorry everyone for your loss..my heart is with you...

Cindysue

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Dear Annie,

I hope you were able to make it through the anniversary date of your brother's death okay. It must be so difficult to lose someone you love to murder. I simply can't imagine it. I hope over the years, you have been able to find some peace about it. I know the missing never ends. Please take good care of yourself...

DeeAnn

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Thank you so much DeeAnn for your kind words and taking the time

to write to me. Yes, I have found peace knowing Joey loves me and

is with me always. It is hard and always will but I have faith.

Now, I got one more anniversary to make it through DeeAnn.

I lost my best friend in the entire world of 18 plus years,

Tina Marie Ayer in The Station Nightclub Fire on 2-20-03. She

was more than just a best friend to me, she was the only "family"

that I had left.

My heart is shattered and I know how it feels to lose a twin (she was a twin),

that's how close we were in life. I haven't found peace with that and I am sure of I ever will. I don't have that much of a heart left to break.

Love,

Annie

Dear Annie,

I hope you were able to make it through the anniversary date of your brother's death okay. It must be so difficult to lose someone you love to murder. I simply can't imagine it. I hope over the years, you have been able to find some peace about it. I know the missing never ends. Please take good care of yourself...

DeeAnn

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Dear Annie,

I'm so sorry to hear of the death of your friend. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this second anniversary date, and please remember me as the 8th anniversary of Eddie's death is Feb. 22. We're gonna make it, my friend :)

DeeAnn

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Thank you DeeAnn

I already have started to pray for you and Eddie and I will be thinking of

you on the 22nd.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[DeeAnn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am with you my friend! :-) and we will make it.

Love,

Annie

Dear Annie,

I'm so sorry to hear of the death of your friend. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this second anniversary date, and please remember me as the 8th anniversary of Eddie's death is Feb. 22. We're gonna make it, my friend :)

DeeAnn

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My Uncle Jim passed away on the 6th of April 2006. He was not found until the 7th because no-body visited on thursdays.

They tell me that he was peaceful and looked like he had fallen asleep while reading his paper in his favourite chair. I feel so bad that he died alone and that I had not seen him since the tuesday.

My family say that we should celebrate his life as he lived to 97 years old, but I miss him so much, I really want him back. I don't know what to do.

I have no idea of what to write on the card that goes with his flowers.

I pray for everyone that has lost someone.

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Well. A week ago we lost and buried my Grandmother after four months of her being ill. Then today we got the unexpected call. We lost my father in law today. Go figure.

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Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Andrew

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My sister Tammy is 36 years old and has cancer. She has been told she has two months to live, and she will be bed ridden in approx 3-4 weeks. Tammy currently lives in Michigan and will be coming to our Mother’s house in Northern California on the 14th of July. She will be cared for at this location until she passes.

Tammy has a daughter named Rachael who is 22 months old. She has shared custody of her daughter with Rachael’s father, Jeff . Since being told Tammy was terminal, Jeff has kept Rachael from her. She had requested a hearing to try and get parenting time and to bring Rachel to California to spend a few weeks together before Tammy passes.

The case was presented on 11 July 2006 to Judge Arthur J Lombard. He proceeded to rule that Tammy would not be allowed time with her daughter. She then appealed the decision and was told by the same judge, the very next day she may have supervised visits with her daughter for 30 days, but only from the hours of 9 am to 7 pm and she must stay in Michigan.

My sister needs someone to care for her during her final days. All of her Family is located in California, which requires Tammy to fly out there. Judge Lombard is denying Tammy her right as a mother because she is sick and will need constant care. My entire family and I find this unacceptable. How can one person alter so many lives without even meeting the people whom he is making the decision for? How can he even deny a Grandmother’s right to have visitation? This same Grandmother is an upstanding member of her community and a long time member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Anderson, California. She is also a preschool teacher in the Catholic School. We also have many other adult family members to help care for both my sister and the child during these next 60 days.

My sister does not have the time to wait for the system to help and somehow the system has failed her and her daughter.

You are welcome to stay up to date with our situation via her web page helptammy (dot) com

Thank you for your prayers. The power of prayer can move mountains.

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HELLO EVERYONE MY NAME IS PINKY AND I AM SO GLAD TO HAVE FIND THIS SITE I\'VE BEEN NEEDING SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG BUT RECENTLY I LOST MY BABY BOY( MIKELL)AT 5 MONTHS OF PREGANCY HE WAS STILLBORN ON 1-11-06 AND THEN MY BROTHER(36) AND COUSIN(22) WERE MURERED ON 2-28-06 AND THEN ON MARCH 23,2006 MY 11 MONTH OLD TWIN GRANDDAUDHTER DIED FROM LIVER FAILURE SO AS YOU SEE IT\'S BEEN A ROUGH YEAR FOR ME AND MY FAMILY AND I\'M TRYING MY BEST TO COPE WITHOUT BEING MAD AT GOD. THIS IS THE WORST PAIN IT\'S NOT NEW TO ME THOUGH I ALSO LOST MY 15 MONTH OLD SON IN 1990 TO MUSCLAR DYSTROPHY AND ANOTHER BROTHER WAS MURDERED IN 1993 AND THEN MY GRANDMOTHER ALSO DIED IN 1993 AND THEN IN 1996 MY BEST FRIEND WAS MURDERED SHE WAS 26 SO AS YOU SEE I\'M FAMILAR WITH DEATH AND THE PAIN IT BRINGS THAT\'S WHY I NEED ALL THE HELP AND SUPPORT I CAN GET BEFORE IT TAKES ME TO MY GRAVE. PLEASE HELP ME SO THAT I MAY HELP MY FAMILY THE CHILDREN IN MY FAMILY ARE HAVING SUCH A ROUGH TIME COPING WITH THESE DEATH AND IT'S BEEN HARD FOR EVERYONE TO HELP EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ALL ARE IN PAIN PLEASE HELP US TO HELP EACH OTHER.

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nicolebrooke

Hi Pinky,

I am so sorry for all that you and your family have suffered. I know how hard it is on you trying to cope and trying to make it easier on the children. We all here have been there and understand. I hope that our support helps you. We are always here to listen.

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PINKY,,,,I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR YOU HAVE HAD SO MUCH SADNESS IN YOUR LIFE...LOST SO MANY PEOPLE YOU LOVE..YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY WHEN YOU HIT BOTTOM THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GO IS UP.................SO HOPEFULY YOU ARE AT THE BOTTOM AN DTHINGS WILL START LOOKING UP FOR YOU..YOU HAVE HAD MORE THAN YOUR FAIR SHARE IN YOUR LIFE...

KNOW I WILL BE LIFTING YOU UP IN MY PRAYERS.THESE PEOPLE ON HERE ARE A GREAT SUPPORT TEAM... WE CAN ALL HELP EACH OTHER...

IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER ON LOSS OF ADULT CHILD..I LOST MY SON JUST A YEAR AGO TO CANCER....IT IS HARD..........ON EACH ONE OF US...........BUT WE WILL GET THRU THIS....ONE DAY AT A TIME...

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That day is coming up again, the anniversary of you leaving us ...Its now six years and im in tears, anger, bewilderment again. Flashbacks have begun im not sleeping and my heart aches because i miss u caramello, you were my best friend, my big sis, though you were my cousin. but my big sis always.. I looked up to you. You took me under your wing cause there was 9yrs age difference between us. I made a promise to you and denny to watch over ur only daughter (my god daughter) this was 25 yrs ago.. Little did i know 19 yrs later you were both gone and Damm it hurts i didnt get to say goodbye or see you...

I hear the words of my mother on that fatefull moday morning "carmel is dead" i hear the scream and squel i let out and saying NO NO NO it cant be true.. but auto kicked in ur daughter needed her family, her aunts/ cousin and god mother... I left my family and rushed to her side I went into auto pilot to be there for her and your two sons and your mum ( my dear aunt) and today the flashbacks begin again cause that fatefull day is around the corner once again. I see the house, your pink shirt hanging on the clothes line, i smelt it, it had your odour on it and i can still remember that smell, i see the clothes the ambulance cut from your body, i hear ur daughte tell me " aunty marg i tried to save her i truly did but she was purple, she tells me this with her shaking trembling and crying... I hold her close to me putting aside wat i felt and caring for her at the time. Not letting anyone push her to do wat she didnt want to do. I assisted ur mum with arrangements , going thru ur personal items papers etc helping write up ur deathnotice, organising a memorial and the funeral, veiwing ur body was the hardest i seen u laying there and i tried to say good bye but i couldnt i heard u say " im only sleeping" but hey its still killing me. So much i have wanted to share with you the birth of my first grandaughter only 3 yrs after u were gone,, how i wanted to ring u first and say hey im a nanny just like u and share that wonderfull moment ... but u werent there ..

I know its not ur fault, its not kels fault i believe if the ambulance hurried more u may be here today... helping kels choose thatspecial outfit and every aspect of clothing to dress you in for burial i remember so clearly... washing that dress drying it preparing it for that time...

Why does this hurt still so much Why do i have flashbacks at this time why did i cry on kels b/day ...cause i loved u sooo much and still do we shared the same flesh and blood you were in every sense my sister always there for me. I have wanted needed u so badly in the past six yrs to cry on ur shoulder with my divorce. and other things. You and i were so much alike it was so unbelievable even to the fact ppl who knew you said i am spitting image of u, our personalities similar, both young mums married young divorced young lost our true loves, became young nanas.. its like im a mirror image of you. even your son thought one nite as he walked in the door drunk and threw his arms around me kised me and said love u mum ( yes he thought i was you) but u were unique..

how do i cope with this thefamily dont talk about you passing on suddenly and how u went unable to breath because of a asthma attack.. i can invision kels trying to give u mouth to mouth OH how i wish i could help her cause i know that memory haunts her.

we have lost many members in our family since the year 2000 ( 5 all up) and none were easy ... i hope ur with them. sometimes i have felt i wanna go too...but my grandchildren need me and so do my kids. and yours also...

Caramello i love u sooo much and just wish you were here to talk to hug kiss...

i hope someone somewhere can help me thru this grief im still deaing with after 6 yrs and help me understand theflashbacks causethey hurt so much

now its time to try and sleep with sleep meds im emotionally drained and exhausted......

anyone can help me please explain wat i see and hear in my mind and eyes... as i dont understand...

marg

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I was notified today that my third uncle in as many months has passed away. We have a large family that is very close knit but I did not think it would bother me so much as they were all in late 70s/80s. My cousin who lost his dad today lost his wife a year ago and my husband died in July. It seems like the only time I see my relatives is at funerals. Argghhhhh!!

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yes understand wat u mean rod... :(

just a note i was the one who wrote bout my cousin carmel that i posted on 9th august, still havnt heard feedback from here , i have had to see dr and specialist re flashbacks and been put on meds :( see specialist on this comin tues...has anyone out there experienced similar ie flashbacks, hearing it all over again smells etc damm painfull... would love to hear feedback plse. as tomoorow OOPS tis now midnite today is that day :( :( :(

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kitshad,I don't have any experience with flashbacks, but they are probably fairly normal after trauma. Sometimes losses for relatives aren't as talked about as for spouses and children but I know they hurt. My uncle who died this week was one of my favorites and I have a lot of memories of him from when I was little. Seems like part of my childhood just went away. Take care of yourself. Mary Jo

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thanks maryjo,

they have been settling sincce dr put me on some meds to help with high anxiety, then seen specialist on tues 22nd...he upped my othr anti depress grrrr more pills and i had just gotten myself of mainly everything. Dr said it will pass in few weeks give it time its that time of year. And i have had such a bad year he wasnt surprised i was this way and had thought of puttin me in hospital... anyhow phyc & gp has sorted stuff out and helping i promised to take meds to help me get thru this period and do as they advise. also talk to my daughter and i spoke to my aunt briefly on monday and finally spoke to my god-daughter (caramello daughter) drs say if i can talk to them bout good times it will help me and them ... i spose i havnt done that cause i worry i will upset them .. but as dr said i went into go mode was thre for aunt god daughter my mum and other family members i didnt cry and often i hold it in for fear of upsetting my disabled daughter and worrying her or afraid of cryin in frontof ppl .. anyhow will give things a go.... i wanted to scream hadnt found a place to do it ... cept for on tues driving down a busy highway turned music up window up and let out a big one... IT WORKS and helps

hope u get support too mary jo take care

marg

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Marg,I do a lot of screaming in my car. It helps.... very satisfying. I found that out 20+ years ago after a divorce. I'm afraid to scream at home for fear neighbors will call police or something - also, it would upset my dog. Glad thing are a little better for you! MJ

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wow...where to start....my aunt had told me about this site....and i checked it out...she had told me to check out the site because she knows that im going through almost as tough of a time about my cousins death as her and the rest of her household are....

a year and 16 days ago...theres a phone call at my house at five in the morning...i hear my parents crying....my cousin died coming home from a party....my cousin....who was only 17...and a senior in highschool,my cousin....who was probably the most respectful person you could ever meet.....and one of the happiest people you could ever meet....died because he got hit by a train....to most it sounds like suicide...but to hear about how everything happened....it seems totally different...aside from that....if you knew the kid...you would know he would never do that...here i am....a year and change later....and im still hurting just as much as when i saw him in the coffin....remembering it....everyday as if it was yesterday...and it feels like it was....everyday that i wake up....

sometimes its easy to deal with...i can go the whole day and put on a smile and make everyone think that im alright...but as soon as i get home and alone in my room i break down and do nothing but cry....other times.....i dont even want to get out of bed.....i know that there has to be someone out there who has/is gone/going through the same pain....i just want to know how to attempt to deal with it....

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Hi garcia90,read your post thanks.I love my Keithiepoo and really miss him,look at his pics all the time,what a great smile he had.What a player he was all the girls love him.You should go on greving teens i think its more of your age group. Love ya.............Titi

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