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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

How do You let go of the Baggage and not feel guilt.

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My Father alway had the worst luck with women. From my Biological mother, the drug addict, to the abusive second wife, to the all evil third. I have been drug through the ringer with these women.

My dad passed away in September, after a 5 year battle with cardio myopathy. In the weeks prior to his death I withnessed several things that I dont think I will ever come to terms with. My Father was 100% pacer dependant. He was so ill that he had requested the pacer be turned off. It was his way of letting go of life support. The ordering physican, was reluctant to allow this; think Dr. Kavorkian. His wife, angry that the doctor wounldn't turn him off, for lack of a better phrase, started to push for options. (she litteraly was joy full explaining how we could use a cell phone to make the pacer malfunction). Three days of fighting and the doctor finally conceded. He was supposed to pass immediatley after it was cut off, but he developed a heart beat. He lived for a month after, and Finally on Saturday, Sept 22 he passed. He fought a hard fight on the day that he went. I was there the whole time holding his hand, wiping the sweat from his face, wetting his mouth. As he took his last breath he squeezed my hand and looked at me with tears. I know he was telling me good bye.

His wife has 3 Biological children. She has been married to my father for 14 years, and in 14 years she has never once been kind to me. I was the cinderella of our home so to speak. She was coniving, hate full and spitefull. I took care of the house while her kids played, she told my freinds parents things that got them in trouble, so by 16, I had no friends. She litteraly pulled us from public school to home school so that she acould go to college and have some one there to watch her kids. She even once Cut my hair off because I had compliments on how long it was. My father had not been dead for more than an hour when she began giving his things to her kids. All of his most prized possesions ( Hats, shirts, guns, ect.) were handed out in front of me, and I got nothing, not that that matters. And since the day he passed, its been a side show. ( my husband has had to arrest my brother 4 times for hitting her and my lil sis. Once for shooting at my SM) I guess what I am trying to ask, is : " How do you let the people who have done you wrong go without concerning your self with dissapionting the loved one that you have lost?" I have always been terrified of his wife and I am afraid of the repurcussions of what will happen If i disconnect my self from her. Has any one else had to deal with furthing your self from the family rather thatn closening after a death?

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   Dear awill04

 My dad was also a man that had bad luck with women or maybe just made bad choices,

it's hard to say ,he was working on his 6th divorce when he passed my mother being the 1st wife and just walking out and never looking back when I was 6 weeks old I am the youngest of 3 kids.

I totally relate to the horror of stepmothers.

 His 6th wife and aleast 2 of her 5 kids  was  suspects in his death but it was never proven weather she was the one who caused his death.

 The state did several autopsys on my dad and so it was a week (7 days) before we was able to lay him to rest. 2 days after his furnral my 2 brothers and me went to his house (200 miles) away and I swear no one would have ever guessed my dad ever lived there,, she had completely and totally sold or gave away or thrown away  everything  of my dads life and was asking all about his parents (dad precided my grandparents in death) wills and what would she get,,

 I just wanted you to know I understand about stepmothers with kids of their own, all of dads wives had kids .

 I believe my dad would understand why I have totally turned my back on everyone of his wives and their kids, that does'nt mean I feel any different about my dad and  the empty place in my life hsi passing left he was the important one to my brothers and me  of any of his marriages with him gone none of them matter any more.

I don't know if this helps any but I just wanted you to know I understand what your going thur ,,

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i don't want to be part of "that" family that remains.. they all were so jealous of me when i would return home which was 800 miles.. i made that trip almost 15 times in the last 16 months.. and one time i stayed for 4.5 months.. how could my siblings be so ugly to me.... all i did was love mom with all my heart. it makes me wonder.. maybe i didn't know mom like i thought.. maybe i wasn't as close to her as i thought.. maybe i wasn't really her favorite... but all along.. i really thought so.. so how could these people take her things as they are.. and just giving them away.. without any regard to my feelings....???? my sister.. "excutor" started giving things away before 24 hours even passed... i accepted it.. but didn't find any comfort in it.... i know everyone has to deal with their grief their own way... but the lack of respect is just too great..... i still associate jealousy with it all... i was most like mom.. i gave mom probably the most.. she would come to see me every year... we were so similar... i miss her so much. so many things i wish i would of talked about.... now all i have are my memories.  where does the doubt come from??? is it normal???

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i don't want to be part of "that" family that remains.. they all were so jealous of me


this is the same way i feel  i only want to be see my dad and sister they live in the apt building i do and thats all except ofr maybe one or two aunts that both live very far away thats it.


you all have my sympathies its so hard to have mentally ill people in the family thats how i see this as .....

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When I lost my Mom in '06, the things that happened next, you couldn't make up.  My own brother and son.. I've only recently made peace with my son.  Heven't spoken to my brother since.  He and I have had problems a long time, though.  I won't go into detail now, but I didn't need yo lose EVERYTHING  on top of losing Mom.  It was sick, and she'd be turning over in the grave.  I came to this forum when I saw the dysfunctional family bit.  That'd be us.  If there's a good side to homelessness,  it's that I'm so busy survivng in this pathetic economy there's not a lot of time to think on all that.  Your're not alone.  Later. Phaedrus.

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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