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kmasojc

My mom passed, and i have developed panic and anxiety....HELP!!!

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My mom passed away 4/15/2011 of stage 4 lung cancer. I was with her and holding her hand when she passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She was only 62. I was ok the first couple of weeks after she passed. Didn't really grieve. Went right back to work. Then all of a sudden, 3 weeks after she passed, my heart started racing out of nowhere for no reason. My husband called 911 and they took me to the emergency room. It was stress and anxiety. I opted to not get the perscription. Thought it was just a one time thing. But a week later, boom, another happened. And again and again since. I have panic and anxiety attacks at least 3 to 4 times a week. My heart races, i feel like im gonna faint. I have a real fear of dying since being with my mom when she passed. I have a fear of whos gonna take care of my husband if i die? or my kids? Or what if i pass out, and nobody is around, and i will die alone. Is this normal? Is this part of grieving? Someone please help. Please tell me that this will all go away sooner than later. I want my old life back. Im so worried all of the time of the panic and anxiety creeping up on me in public places, or at work. Can someone please help?

Kindly,

Kim

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It does sound like you are having true panic attacks, most likely brought on by stress and grief. And that is ok. You may need to consider taking the medicine for a little while until they calm down, and they will over time. This may be your body's way of forcing you to deal with this great loss. Have you spoken about it much? Cried? Broken down? These things will come with time. A part of you is gone forever, and that is very real and difficult. Hang in there and keep posting. It really does help. And talk to a friend or your spouse or someone you trust. I've noticed that after my dad died (about 2 months ago as well) I am more paranoid than usual. Thinking my uncles are up to something, my mom is going to do something bad, and that the world is going crazy. Everything on the news and tv is so negative and fatalistic. It's just tough...

My mom passed away 4/15/2011 of stage 4 lung cancer. I was with her and holding her hand when she passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She was only 62. I was ok the first couple of weeks after she passed. Didn't really grieve. Went right back to work. Then all of a sudden, 3 weeks after she passed, my heart started racing out of nowhere for no reason. My husband called 911 and they took me to the emergency room. It was stress and anxiety. I opted to not get the perscription. Thought it was just a one time thing. But a week later, boom, another happened. And again and again since. I have panic and anxiety attacks at least 3 to 4 times a week. My heart races, i feel like im gonna faint. I have a real fear of dying since being with my mom when she passed. I have a fear of whos gonna take care of my husband if i die? or my kids? Or what if i pass out, and nobody is around, and i will die alone. Is this normal? Is this part of grieving? Someone please help. Please tell me that this will all go away sooner than later. I want my old life back. Im so worried all of the time of the panic and anxiety creeping up on me in public places, or at work. Can someone please help?

Kindly,

Kim

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I think the anxiety will subside once you start to grieve and let go a bit more. None of this is easy. Since my mom died, I've been much more aware of how quickly life can change, how easily I could die tomorrow, and how little control I have. I have terrible anxiety right now. Some of it is wrapped in family dynamics, but a lot is probably related to my fear of dying or losing more people I love. I think you would benefit greatly from talking to someone about this. Anxiety after someones death can escalate and can even manifest into disorders like OCD. Give yourself time and go easy on yourself. You've been through a lot. We all know how it feels. I'm glad you made it to this forum and hope you will find some healing here.

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My mom passed away 4/15/2011 of stage 4 lung cancer. I was with her and holding her hand when she passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She was only 62. I was ok the first couple of weeks after she passed. Didn't really grieve. Went right back to work. Then all of a sudden, 3 weeks after she passed, my heart started racing out of nowhere for no reason. My husband called 911 and they took me to the emergency room. It was stress and anxiety. I opted to not get the perscription. Thought it was just a one time thing. But a week later, boom, another happened. And again and again since. I have panic and anxiety attacks at least 3 to 4 times a week. My heart races, i feel like im gonna faint. I have a real fear of dying since being with my mom when she passed. I have a fear of whos gonna take care of my husband if i die? or my kids? Or what if i pass out, and nobody is around, and i will die alone. Is this normal? Is this part of grieving? Someone please help. Please tell me that this will all go away sooner than later. I want my old life back. Im so worried all of the time of the panic and anxiety creeping up on me in public places, or at work. Can someone please help?

Kindly,

Kim

Hi Kim,

First I want to tell you that I am sorry about your mother's passing. Next, I had anxiety attacks when my father died. I thought I was having a heart attack the first time. My chest suddenly felt so heavy I couldn't breathe, my left arm went numb and I was terrified. I took an aspirin and called my sister. We waited for a few minutes (I know, that was really unwise) and it went away. I had another one a few days later. However, right after I had several in a row, I went to the doctor, and he prescribe a mild anti-depressant that would also help with other emotional issues I was having due to his death. I took it, and I haven't had any "major" anxiety attacks since.

When I get really stressed out, I can feel the pressure in my chest and the tightening starting. I try to breathe deep and relax. So, they will go away. Just try to think calmly, breathe deeply and imagine yourself relaxing. It may help.

ModKonnie

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I have also had several panic attacks and am full of anxiety. The first panic attacks was last Friday at work, I was the only one here everyone else was at lunch..I knew what it was because I have had them before but it has been several years. My father died almost 1 mon. ago, I have had several more over the weekend! My grief is tearing me apart, I have started counseling and anxiety meds. but it is like nothing helps yet! My father committed suicide, I can't get that out of my head..I can't be around my brothers without breaking down. It is so painful, the panic feeling makes it worse. I am relieved that other people have the same feelings, I guess this all apart of it!

Kelly

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I have also had several panic attacks and am full of anxiety. The first panic attacks was last Friday at work, I was the only one here everyone else was at lunch..I knew what it was because I have had them before but it has been several years. My father died almost 1 mon. ago, I have had several more over the weekend! My grief is tearing me apart, I have started counseling and anxiety meds. but it is like nothing helps yet! My father committed suicide, I can't get that out of my head..I can't be around my brothers without breaking down. It is so painful, the panic feeling makes it worse. I am relieved that other people have the same feelings, I guess this all apart of it!

Kelly

Hi Kelly,

I lost my husband to suicide 5 yrs. ago and got a lot of help through the online Yahoo group FFOS. Look for it and join because they are all people who have lost someone through suicide. In 2008, my brother-in-law suicided and this past Jan. 22 my mother passed away at 85 so I have an idea of how you are feeling. I'm overwhelmed myself because my mom's death brought back all the grief from the 2 suicides. But I know FFOS can help you if you are willing to talk and share your feelings. Take it slow...baby steps...and eventually things will not be so bad. In my first year, I couldn't even conceive of making it to the 2nd yr. but here I am 5 yrs down the road and doing better. I still have waves of grief but not nearly as bad or as often. Some places I still can't go because I remember my husband. However, at least I can get through a day without crying myself sick over losing him or having oodles of questions starting with "why." You can get through this; just hold on tight and breathe! They will help with the grief and the panic that comes with a sudden death.

~~Leandra

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Hi, I just joined this group and was browsing through , and came across yourpost Kim, about the panic and anxiety. My mom passed March 14 2011, and in early June, I started getting the "racing Heart" and anxiety, after the 2nd time it happened my hubby took me to the ER, they kept me overnight did all kinds of heart related tests(all were normal) and they said it was stress. I than went to my own Dr and she has me on PAxil and Klonopin and I feel alot better, I no longer get the racing heart, this is only going to be short term medication, but just a thought for you to try, for now. I still have my days, I was with my mom when she passed (she was on Dialysis, then started going downhill, and her kidneys just started shutting down completely, she was in ICU when she passed, I had stepped out of her room to get a drink, and thats when she passed, I still regret not being there right at the second she passed. I still pick up the phone to call her, and she is never off my mind. I've been trying to concentrate on the positive things in my lifemy hubby, (my daughter and grandkids).

Hugs Sandie

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My mom passed away 4/15/2011 of stage 4 lung cancer. I was with her and holding her hand when she passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She was only 62. I was ok the first couple of weeks after she passed. Didn't really grieve. Went right back to work. Then all of a sudden, 3 weeks after she passed, my heart started racing out of nowhere for no reason. My husband called 911 and they took me to the emergency room. It was stress and anxiety. I opted to not get the perscription. Thought it was just a one time thing. But a week later, boom, another happened. And again and again since. I have panic and anxiety attacks at least 3 to 4 times a week. My heart races, i feel like im gonna faint. I have a real fear of dying since being with my mom when she passed. I have a fear of whos gonna take care of my husband if i die? or my kids? Or what if i pass out, and nobody is around, and i will die alone. Is this normal? Is this part of grieving? Someone please help. Please tell me that this will all go away sooner than later. I want my old life back. Im so worried all of the time of the panic and anxiety creeping up on me in public places, or at work. Can someone please help?

Kindly,

Kim

This is exactly what life is like for me most days since a year after my mother died. Four years later and I am still on medication for PTSD. :(

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This is exactly what life is like for me most days since a year after my mother died. Four years later and I am still on medication for PTSD. :(

You're absolutely normal! My poor dad had Alzheimer's and when he passed, well, what happened to you happened to me. They say advice is cheap, but I do hope you think about mine....Get to a psychiatrist NOW! I didn't know that caregivers of seriously ill loved ones go through a long trauma while caring for their loved one and they are physcially drained in a very big way. I bet you were always "on top of your game" when you were with your mother, weren't you? I felt I had to "knock the ball out of the park" like Robert Redford in that movie "The Natural." And I felt that way for the 5 years he was ill. I even made all the prior funeral arrangements and talked about headstones, etc. without batting an eye. You would have thought I was a CEO. No detail to make his life better was over-looked. Then it was all over.........you know the rest. You have to take care of yourself!!!! The heart suffers, but the body cries out. A psychiatrist can help you medically and psychologically. They might get you into group therapy. I am on Paxil and have been for 13 years. All the anti-depressant does is turn off the panic so you can do the work of grieving and learning to live. You will still be you. I feel for you and hope so very much that you get better soon! P.S. I developed pnuemonia the year my dad died and my MD said it was a direct result of my heartbreak over my dad. I don't want you to get sick and be grieving at the same time!!! All the love there is.

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I have been having terrible panic attacks since my mom died. I have opted to take prescription medication as I was not sleeping. The nightmares are terrible if I don't. I can't even describe my panic attacks as they do not manifest as physically as other peoples. Mine are more inside and psychological. I feel like I am dead and there is no god and everyone no longer exists but me. Everything is blackness and the small amount of air to breathe chokes me. I get very thirsty and so weak from terror I can't move.

Anyway, medication helps me with all of the above so I can function.

xo to you.

Namaste

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I hope the medication helps. If one does not work another might work. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you get better. I am so sad without my mother also. It takes time to heal and you will get better little by little.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. My mother also died of lung cancer. She was a huge part of my life and I miss her greatly. She was a good mom and my biggest supporter. It is hard not having her. You have suffered a shock and and a tremendous loss. I too wanted to avoid grief and all it's effects but unfortunately found that is just not possible. The only way I could deal with my grief was to actually deal with grief. I had to let the emotions out. Despite having a family, I really don't have anyone to talk to about it so ended up "talking" here. I found I could tell my story, rage or just be sad and people would understand. Many people find that talking about it helps. It helped me. The loss never goes away but things will get easier over time. My mom has been gone for over a year and while I still miss her tremendously I feel like I am better able to cope. It just takes time and patience with one's self - something I don't have a lot of :-).

I wish I could tell you grief was easy. Be kind and patient with yourself. I hope the medication is helping you. St. John's Wort (a natural supplement) is also good for panic attacks if it is not. Tell us more about your mom and what you are going through if you think it would help. People here will be happy to listen. Like I said you have suffered a shock so go easy on yourself. Wish I had more to offer to help you. Take care and let us know how you are doing.

~ Terra

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Kim: There are many reasons for panic attacks. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I lost mine 7 weeks ago and was crying tonight. I woke up in bed last night and started thinking about my mom and then i remembered she is gone. Its so scary. and its a struggle.

The doctor may prescribe something or even better I go to the gym do yoga and perhaps zumba. Keeping healthy and fit is very important at a time like this. Did you have any of these anxiety attacks before your mothers passing?

I was in the hospital where my mother died and it was overwhelming to me. Also do some deep breathing to calm down the racing heartbeat. it helps. I am doing a masters degree online and can't wait till i start again on jan 17, at least it keeps my mind busy. I am looking for a job right now too. yikes. lol

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Slow down too don't do too much that it overwhelms you. Being able to vent here also helps. God bless you

I wish you healing, peace and comfort.

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I lost my Mom in 2008...I still get Anxiety attacks. Sometimes It will hit at night, and I cannot sleep of fear of not waking up ever again. Other times it is just a dreadful feeling that just happens out of the blue. This occurs at random...usually once or twice a month. I have never had any issues with psychological problems in the past. I really enjoy live and I am rarely ever depressed. Since my mother past, I am an orphan. My father is long gone, My Mom is gone...Sometimes am ok with that ...but other times, it seems to breath down my back..I am not immortal anymore...mom and dad are history... there is no buffer anymore.

I know these are silly thoughts, but they do have an effect none the less...and it has been years now.

I have ben on Aprazolam now since 2009...which I only take when I have a attack. No, I am not suggesting that Meds are the only answer...they are not...but they do help.

I also worry for my children, They need me more now then ever! My daughters BF died this last year and she was a mess!! If I was not there to help her out, she would have never made it through. My middle girl is in the top of me case and needs me to stress release on occasions (I am the joker in the family...I know I does not sound that way right now) Youngest needs her dad too, I don't want to repeat history and die on her early.

My wife has not worked in 20 years..I rally do not think she has a drive to do so again.. and since my father in-law died in 2012,we have been taking care of my Mother- In-law

So I have a lot of people who depend on me,

I guess there is reason for Anxiety....But I wish it would leave me alone...at least until my work it done!

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Feel the wonders of today, believe in your faith if you have any. The sun will rise and set. We all die and we need to all live first. This life is short. Many creatures of this universe our here because of logic. Life is tough and I know you know this very well. However if you look to far into the past or even the future nothing changes. Make peace with everything around you, find your source of inspiration and dedicate some time to really explore this beautiful planet and its diverse wonderful creatures. Stay away from mainstream media. It's all inherits its own agendas. When you release the fear of today, tomorrow is something yet unknown. Live my friend, I'm sure your loss was excruciating. For that I'm deeply aware of its affect. I'm no poet nor am I uneducated, I simply believe to listening to our mothers of mothers, no disrespect to your own mother. It's the beauty in people especially the elders we miss the most, our guardians, our safety nets, our reason for existence.

Nothing matters if we all forget the many positives in this world. Our media would have most people dropping out of buildings, sensationalist seekers of recognition. Life is simple if you believe in these three little rules, "a man/woman only has to speak a kind word, listen to a passing bird and sing with his heart to enjoy the meaning of life" Goet.....

Panic is a result of our fear.....what are you afraid of? Death, bills, children, taxes, food, education, cars, marriage. None of these things are given my friend. It's ok to be afraid but its better to live and let that anxious person know everything has beauty in it. Things as humans I'm sure we can and will never come to realize. We all share a common bond of mortality. So live today and see the beauty all around you.

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Hey! I'm 21, my mum died at 57 in 2012. Stage 4 lung as well. I also suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. It's tough. I work hard to make it go away. I'm on effexor and sublingual ativan. Sometimes my attacks feel like a stroke, I go numb, get heart palpitations, can't hear or see straight, even collapse. Sometimes you can't help it. I'm currently trying to get to the root of mine, but daily things can help a lot. Pets, exercise, spending time with pictures of her, a beer or two within moderation. I don't want to force drugs on anyone, but effexor does help. I dont feel like a different person, I feel like me with fewer attacks. In time I guess the full resolve will happen. But hard work at your own pace is what ive found helpful. It sounds ironic, but getting calm is a tough job.

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Dear Noblesloth,

 

I am so sorry for your loss, and the consequences on your health. I am suffering anxiety like never before, because of the loss of my dearly beloved mom, and I do not know how I am going to deal with it. I take some medication, but I am going to seek professional counseling as soon as I can.

 

I think what I am experiencing is normal, given what I have been through and how hard it has been to lose my mom, my best friend, my everything, to stage IV lung cancer, and to see her die grasping for air and gurgling two weeks after her diagnosis. I was completely numb during those two weeks, I was in shock and still am.

 

I cry every single day, unexpectedly, and I talk about my pain to my dad and my husband, and on this site, which has been incredibly helpful, as it makes me feel like I am not alone.

 

I know our feelings are normal, for what we have experienced has been a tragedy, and therefore, I try to be gentle to myself.

 

Anyhow, I just wanted to say hello and say that I am listening and here for you too, and that I am suffering incredibly from the loss of my mom, who was the most important person in the world to me.

 

Warm regards,

 

Trish

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My mother died February 21, 2014, after 6 weeks of a roller coaster ride, of trying to prepare myself for her death, she'd rally, I would be relieved and think we had more time, only to turn around and prepare for her death, finally after 16 days in a major hospital, she seemed really well, I relaxed, we had a great visit, she looked great, then within 2 days she had a stroke, nothing could be done, Mum did 'wake up' for a few days and on February 14th, Valentine's I took her the most beautiful collection of pink flowers ever, I couldn't really understand what she was saying and it was heart breaking to see her propped up in a chair, and in such bad shape.  Within 2 more days we were told she'd become unresponsive and was being put into 'comfort care', for the next week she lay unresponsive, struggling to breathe, no water, no food, just comfort care, being turned every few hours, her mouth being wiped with a damp cloth, comfort care.  Two days before she died I went to visit my Mum, I told her Mum I've come to say goodbye, that day I fell apart.  I held in my arms, hugged her, kissed her, told her over and over how much I loved her and how lucky I was to have had such an amazing mother.  Three times I went back, I couldn't leave her room because somehow I knew that was that last time I would see her.  Waiting for the call (I live in another town from her) was so stressful.  The call came at 1:30 late Thurs night early Fri morning that she had died at 1 AM.  I didn't say anything, I went back to bed and I starred at the ceiling and I felt so calm, my body was so relaxed, and I thought to myself why am I so calm, why am I not crying.  Eventually I fell asleep.  That was the last calm I felt, within a day or two I felt my chest tightening up and I thought I'm having an asthma attack, then it got so bad I thought I'm having a heart attack.  The day before my mother's funeral, I went to a doctor because my chest was crushed and I could not breath.  He prescribed puffers and lorazepam, as he thought the extreme emotions were causing an asthma attack.  The asthma over the next two weeks seemed to come under control, but for the first time in my life I was experiencing full out panic and anxiety attacks that were lasting hours solid at a time.  I think I should cry more, I break down and cry, I've cried hard a few times.  I'm starting to realize that losing my loving mother with whom I talked every day and shared every detail of my life for almost 62 years, is gone, I can't talk to her anymore I can't tell her I love her anymore, I can't hug and kiss her anymore, and it's killing me, I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of anything really, what I'm very quickly realizing is that her death is a killer shock for me, and it's kicked off some pretty serious stress and anxiety of which I cannot take control of.  I'm a very strong person, my father died, I cried, I was sad I grieved normally, nothing could have possibly prepared me for this and what is happening is so shocking to me.  The physical pain I'm experiencing and the chest crushing in and not being able to breath and not getting a break from this except with taking lorazepam prescribed from the doctor, is overwhelming, not being able to breath or struggling for every breath or lying in bed with every part of your body screaming out in the worst physical pain I've ever experienced, well, I can't believe it, but it's real.  I start to shake at even trying to check my phone, I zone out and lose hours at a time, I can't remember anything, I'm all over the map.  I sure hope this doesn't last for too much longer as I don't know how much longer I can handle it.  I've been burning candles for my Mum, I've talked to her, I can't even look at the cards that people have sent, as soon as they come I put them in a drawer, maybe one day I will be able to look at them.  Any suggestions ?

 

 

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I am sorry for your loss. I can relate to what you are saying. I am 41. My dad passed away on Feb 25th of brain cancer. He was 66 and healthy as he could be until July 2013 then he had a seizure. Then a lot of false hope (oh its a small tumor no big deal), then we will get it with raditiaon and chemo to you have a year or two. Then we give up, time to go to hospice. He was in hospice for two weeks and I did get to say goodbye. Then he passed away peacefully. Just a shock knowing a year ago I thought he might outlive me and we had all the time in the world. His memorial is this Saturday.

 

I too am having something like panic disorder. I am naturally a worrier (just like my dad) but this is making me feel like I am losing it. I get freaked out about weird things and playout worst case scenarios. I am worrying about dumb things like what if I dont do a good job with the eulogy, what if the border guard is in a bad mood and denies me entry to Canada (no reason they would, I have no criminal issues and have been to Canada 100s of times but my mind goes there.)  Maybe its the false hope and the its gonna be OK followed by the no its not (in one week)  I hope it gets better. 

 

I am glad to see (in some ways though I do not wish this on anyone) that this is not totally insane. 

 

Anyway other than complaining about myself, where I am going with this is that I think the panicky worry may be because I watched a worst case (worse than I feared in my imagination) scenario playout so my mind is starting to think that way. Almost like a PTSD response.

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I lost my mum 6 months ago. I also lost my career of 12 years at the same time. I worked as a presenter and was expected to speak to large groups everyday. I couldn't do it due to panick attacks and stress. I took lots of time out of stressful things in life. I moved in with my dad to keep things cheap and to support him. Panick attacks are horrible. My anxiety only lasted a few months after my mums death. My advice would be to try and make your life as free of stress as possible. Fill your life with calming people and places. Take time for yourself and hopefully the anxiety will ease.Good luck, you are not alone.love xx

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Hello, I am sorry for your loss. I was like that with my Dad. We were close my whole life. His death has left a hole that will never be filed. I chatted with my Dad all the time. He was also in comfort care. It's heartbreaking to watch this person you have loved and who took care of you not be able to take care of themselves. My Dad had terminal agitation too.... His death has been the hardest thing I have ever faced. Know you are not alone. I joined this group so I would be able to connect with other people going through the same thing as me. Do the best you can each day, that's all any of us can do.

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My mum died Feb 18th 2014. It was a huge shock. She was 68. Collapsed at home with a suspected bleeding ulcer, turned out to be Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. She was transferred to my hospital that night and started chemo straight away... she was winning.. i managed to get her home briefly christmas day and then 5 days for new years. That was the last time she got out of hospital. She was due to come home with me on her next break between cycles was even in the discharge lounge, she became unwell got readmitted and was dead in a week or so. Leukaemia stopped responding to chemo. It had gotten into bones. I am devestated. I am a mum to two kids 3 & 4. My marriage is suffering and my brother has changed locks on her house. I am suffering crippling panic and anxiety. tried zoloft had the worst panic attack of my life. Think i even had a seizure as i'd blacked out, wet myself, vomited, lost vision, and for the first time ever had thoughts of suicide... not me at all. Now taking diazapam. Helps but so sleepy. I have to get kids to kindy & prep. I can't bear to go back to my work my mum was there 11 weeks. I am thinking of quitting. Need this anxiety and panic gone. need my life back. i am the carer for everyone else... need this grief over... now. Still stuck at anger... gonna takeca long time to get to exceptance.

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can't eat, can't sleep, can't function. I have a young family and no support. My brother and I are arguing. I have only just met my mother's Lovechild from the early seventie. My emotions are spiralling. The Panic is happenning in my sleep and upon waking up. I wake up vomitting every day. Can't eat breakfast. Sometimes lunch too. Getting really thin and tired. Took valium 4mg before bed last night but still woke up vomitting. Had a serc and 1mg valium as i have to function. need to drive. i have finally been able to book an appt with my brother to get into mum's house. i feel this is what is keeping me angry and unable to grieve. i want to clean her house out and put it on the market so it can be split 50/50. As was her wishes in her will. I keep seeing shooting stars and feel her with me at times. i don't even have a photo of her they are all in her house. i will get one tomorrow. kids have been drawing pictures of Nanna in the "box" and keep saying i really miss Nanna. My hubby's Mum comes on Friday. She lives in Tasmania. kids will benefit heaps from that. As will I just need a break...

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can't eat, can't sleep, can't function. I have a young family and no support. My brother and I are arguing. I have only just met my mother's Lovechild from the early seventie. My emotions are spiralling. The Panic is happenning in my sleep and upon waking up. I wake up vomitting every day. Can't eat breakfast. Sometimes lunch too. Getting really thin and tired. Took valium 4mg before bed last night but still woke up vomitting. Had a serc and 1mg valium as i have to function. need to drive. i have finally been able to book an appt with my brother to get into mum's house. i feel this is what is keeping me angry and unable to grieve. i want to clean her house out and put it on the market so it can be split 50/50. As was her wishes in her will. I keep seeing shooting stars and feel her with me at times. i don't even have a photo of her they are all in her house. i will get one tomorrow. kids have been drawing pictures of Nanna in the "box" and keep saying i really miss Nanna. My hubby's Mum comes on Friday. She lives in Tasmania. kids will benefit heaps from that. As will I just need a break...

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