Members charbarr Posted December 18, 2007 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 I fear that my father will be taken within the next few days -- we put him on hospice care last week and he just seems to be going faster than I expected. He was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer last October and treatment went well, this October they found a mass in his brain and removed it. Unfortunately the radiation didn't do enough, and he is just too weak. He lives 3 hours away, and I am trying to help out as much as I can. I haven't seen him since last week when he was up and moving, now he hasn't gotten out of bed in 3 days, has fluid in his lungs, is disorientated and has a catheter. I am afraid and at the same time, hope that I am just paranoid.My sistuation is devistating and I just don't know how much more I can handle without losing it. I am 31, married 1 1/2years, and no children. My mother died 4 years ago from Ovarian Cancer, and she was my everything. My sister died in March from Breast Cancer. She left behind a mentally handicapped son, 30, who my father was the care giver. I am from a huge family, but we just cant get it together. I am thinking about becoming the caregiver for my nephew, but it would be a complete life style change.I have so much on my mind, and so much anxiety, it is driving me insane. My husband is very supportive, but he just doesn't get why I cry, or get mad, or get tired, or want to be alone. He lost his father 10 years ago, but he has accepted it better than I have.Anyway, I am sorry to just go on. I need a place to vent because I seriously think I am making myself physically sick with all my worry and concern.I wish anyone dealing with any loss, a glimmer of relief and a sigh of joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members charbarr Posted December 21, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Something touched me that day, my father passed shortly after I posted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members katrine Posted December 23, 2007 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 Dearest Charbar, You must have known it was close. Sending you lots of prayers for strength, peace and healing. Hugs, Kat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members charbarr Posted December 23, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 Its amazing how we "work". If you asked me last week, I would have told you my father's death would distroy me. Yet, here I am going on. Its been a few days, and the services are taken care of, and I have yet to crumble. I wonder if this is a good thing. I have been taking care of my nephew and maybe that is what is keeping me going. He will be going with another sister from today until after Christmas, then he will go back to where he was living when my father was taking care of him. My brother is up there and will take care of him until the house sells, and then he will ether come with me or with my sister. Its hard because my nephew is my age, but younf in mentallity and has slight OCD. He asks me every 10 minutes if Grandpa is dead, or tells me he misses him. Its good that he can express it, but at the same time I just want to yell and say YES MY FATHER IS DEAD. It wouldn't make a difference in him asking within the next ten minutes.I still have difficulty sleeping at night, when it is quiet it is the loudest to me. I know my journey is not one that many others have traveled, are traveling, or will travel. I just hope I can learn from this, grow from this, and heal from this.Thank you for you thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aurora Posted April 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2008 I just keep hoping I'm going to have the strength to carry through. We had 4 deaths in my family in 1 year. Now my best friend is grappling with all that in her family-she has two impending deaths in hers. I am trying to keep cancer from recurring in me and she has a chronic condition that could worsen. I just don't know where else to turn. Life is dealing us so many whammies and we're the strongest in our families but there's a limit. I feel like we're at the top of a pyramid with a large wake behind us. I simply feel like I can't cope with anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aurora Posted April 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2008 Today one of my best friend's cousins died. He just got diagnosed with cancer 2 weeks ago, went into the UCLA medical center,his kidneys failed, he was comatose and BAM he was gone in just 2 weeks-no time to prepare. She just lost her brother's mother in law a few weeks ago. She went in for a total hip and was expected to do well but died the day after surgery. She and I are both still reeling from the 4 deaths in my family in 1 year-2 were sudden. How in the world do you keep getting strength? I have to be strong to support her through this like she was for me during my losses. She is struggling with an ailing mother too. She has almost died several times. We've both had enough but life and death keep happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members survivor22 Posted May 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 I am so sorry for your losses and I truly feel your pain. I lost my Mother 4 years ago on Nov 11th, I was then diagnosed with breast cancer in Jan05, and underwent chemo and radiation that entire year, I had to work through chemo and radiation so I wouldn't lose my home as I had 4 children. Then in Feb 06 the dr told me I was in remission, Then I lost my 26yr old son to suicide on June 2nd 06, then my best friend to cancer Jan 3, 07, then my aunt in May 07 and then my youngest son who was 18yrs old on Oct 10 2007. I feel like I have been hit by a run away train but am still standing and riddled with pain. I force myself to get up each day and remain as positive as I can. I believe there has to be a reason for everything and that my sons are very much still around and helping me. I think it helps me to know they are all ok it is the ones who remain here that have to cope with their losses. Just know they are so many other people dealing with the same burdens and we are all helping each other by sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwdezine Posted May 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2008 I am finding such comfort in your posts. I am 28 and am taking care of my mother who is dying of a rare cancer (carcinosarcoma) She was given weeks to live and it has been a month. The past couple of days she has become very weak and is mixing words up in her speach. I know it is coming. I also lost my father this year, only 8 monthes ago to lung cancer. Our family never stayed in touch and the ones who did, have all died of cancer. It was hard losing my Dad but he fought it for 10 years doing clinical trials, so I was more prepared for his death. With my mom, it is so sudden (she was only diagnosed 9 monthes ago) I am still so shocked and still grieving for my father. I have no sibling and do not have a significant other to lean on. I have just one best friend who has been amazing. But this feels so lonely and scary. Atleast, with all of your posts, I feel a little less lonely. Thank you all for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members survivor22 Posted May 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2008 I sat by my friend's bed everyday in the last few weeks of her life. We brought her home to die. She was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread throughout her body, it was very fast she was diagnosed and dead within 3 months. She was just 42 and left behind 3 children. Just know that people are only gone from us in body but remain with us in spirit and help us from the other side. I lost my Mother to vascular dementia and she could not move or communicate towards the end but I talked to her all the time just like I would normally as I know she understood with her spirit. I know now that I would not be able to help so many people if I had not lost so many people who were close to me. I understand and treasure having the opportunity to say goodbye as I never got to tell my sons goodbye! It is very, very difficult but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted May 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2008 I keep all of you in my thoughts and in my hearts, it's definetely not easy to see a loved one die. I am living a similar situation to that of kwdezine in terms of not having real close family to lean on. Hang on everyone...at least we all have each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Kelly Posted August 8, 2010 Administrators Report Share Posted August 8, 2010 Dear Members,We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden, but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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