Dealing with loss of only child

[abby53]

Hello everyone,

My name is Abby and my son Paul was killed in a car accident on April 3, 2011. He was 27 years old and he was my only child. I have been divorced from his father for 20 years and I remarried three years ago. My husband does his best to comfort me but it doesn't help too much. My son's fiancee was injured in the car accident and was in a coma up until May 5th. She has a brain injury but understands what happened in the accident and she understands that my son died. She can't walk or talk right now and I have been visiting her daily at the hospital. It is hard for me to see her but it sort of makes me feel better that she is alive and can hopefully continue her friendship with me. Friends and relatives have told me that she end the relationship with my son's fiancee and her family and that it will make it harder for me. Does anyone think what I'm doing is right or it will help me?

[mikesmum]

Hello everyone,

My name is Abby and my son Paul was killed in a car accident on April 3, 2011. He was 27 years old and he was my only child. I have been divorced from his father for 20 years and I remarried three years ago. My husband does his best to comfort me but it doesn't help too much. My son's fiancee was injured in the car accident and was in a coma up until May 5th. She has a brain injury but understands what happened in the accident and she understands that my son died. She can't walk or talk right now and I have been visiting her daily at the hospital. It is hard for me to see her but it sort of makes me feel better that she is alive and can hopefully continue her friendship with me. Friends and relatives have told me that she end the relationship with my son's fiancee and her family and that it will make it harder for me. Does anyone think what I'm doing is right or it will help me?

Abby - Its hard to say 'welcome' to those who find themselves here. This is not a place we would choose to be. I am so sorry for the loss of your son Paul. You are so new to this place called grief and there is one thing that is certain, there is no right or wrong way to 'grieve'. If your being there for Paul's financee feels right 'for you' and its something that helps her and for that matter you, then while you are able, be there for her.

Things will change, they have already. But for now take it one step at a time. Its hard for our spouses to 'support us' sometimes. The phrase we all grieve in our own way is true. The depth of our grief is somehow reflective of the depth of the love we have for our children now and always.

There are many parents here that have lost a child, their only child and have been where you are now. Please come join us in "Loss of and Adult Child".

When you are able please tell us more of you son Paul, the life he lived and of course pictures are always welcome.

Again, I wish I had the words that would make this time in your life softer, but even after 4yrs I am at a loss....

Trudi ~ Micheal's mum

[shorty16]

Abby

I second Trudi's post. If being with your son's fiancee helps you then by all means do it. No one should tell you what is right or wrong in your heart. Only you know that.

Our 16 year old was killed in a car crash. The two other boys involved walked away. There is much more to this story, but I will not bore you with those details.

Do what is right for you. Not what anyone else says to you. Others cannot know the depth of pain that is involved with the loss of a child. Therefore, they cannot tell us how to grieve, love, or live.

Do what is right for you.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[andy88]

Hi Abby,

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your son, Paul. If you find comfort being with your son's fiancee, then absolutely, be with her!

I too lost my only child, my son Andy, on February 11. I hope you can find some comfort here. Please join us on Loss of an Adult Child. That's where most of us seem to gather. Sending you a big hug.