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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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bltarve   

My mom killed herself 10 years ago; it breaks my heart to this day on the short time with her. She was an amazing person and now as a mom it makes very sad to not have here for me and my kids. I joined this because after 10 years I still can’t seem to cope with this. Any help??

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My mom killed herself 10 years ago; it breaks my heart to this day on the short time with her. She was an amazing person and now as a mom it makes very sad to not have here for me and my kids. I joined this because after 10 years I still can’t seem to cope with this. Any help??

Hi Brook,

I am sorry about the loss of your mother. It is tough to lose a parent, but to lose them because of suicide seems to add a whole other dimension of guilt, anger, shock, depression, etc. How old were you when your mother died? Have you ever had counseling for it? Is your father still alive and involved in your life? What about other siblings?

I know there are people here who have suffered similar losses. Hopefully, they will have some good advice for you. You have come to a good place where we all have suffered a great loss and are receiving wonderful support and encouragement from each other.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Hi Brook,

I am sorry about the loss of your mother. It is tough to lose a parent, but to lose them because of suicide seems to add a whole other dimension of guilt, anger, shock, depression, etc. How old were you when your mother died? Have you ever had counseling for it? Is your father still alive and involved in your life? What about other siblings?

I know there are people here who have suffered similar losses. Hopefully, they will have some good advice for you. You have come to a good place where we all have suffered a great loss and are receiving wonderful support and encouragement from each other.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Well that added to the sad story, I met my dad at my moms funeral, I was 14, I had a stepdad who has been in my since I was 4 so to me he was my dad. Well his new girlfriend didn’t want anything to do with us she said we were Carolyn’s kids not his. So they sold all my mom’s stuff (I didn’t get anything that belong to her) and I had to go live with my dad who I didn’t know, he moved us out of state (my brother and I) he couldn’t afford California. I have 4 sisters and they seem to have taken a lot different then me, My little brother doesn’t talk about it at all. He will say a few things but he is in the Navy so that keeps his mind off of it. I have had like a flare up I have yet to deal and heal with this I always pretended it never happened, I have gotten married, had 3 kids and I think after the years the dame holding everything back broke. I don’t know how to rebuild it. I have sought counseling have an appt for next month. I guess its stepping stones.

I think one thing that as really made this flare up is my husband, kids, and I moved to Texas to be by his mother and sister. And since we have been here there has been nothing but fighting. I wanted to be close with his mom but she makes it imposable. I just don’t know what to do.

Thank you

Brook

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Well that added to the sad story, I met my dad at my moms funeral, I was 14, I had a stepdad who has been in my since I was 4 so to me he was my dad. Well his new girlfriend didn’t want anything to do with us she said we were Carolyn’s kids not his. So they sold all my mom’s stuff (I didn’t get anything that belong to her) and I had to go live with my dad who I didn’t know, he moved us out of state (my brother and I) he couldn’t afford California. I have 4 sisters and they seem to have taken a lot different then me, My little brother doesn’t talk about it at all. He will say a few things but he is in the Navy so that keeps his mind off of it. I have had like a flare up I have yet to deal and heal with this I always pretended it never happened, I have gotten married, had 3 kids and I think after the years the dame holding everything back broke. I don’t know how to rebuild it. I have sought counseling have an appt for next month. I guess its stepping stones.

I think one thing that as really made this flare up is my husband, kids, and I moved to Texas to be by his mother and sister. And since we have been here there has been nothing but fighting. I wanted to be close with his mom but she makes it imposable. I just don’t know what to do.

Thank you

Brook

Brook,

You've certainly have had a sizeable amount of sadness in your life, but honestly, it sounds as though you are a strong person. What exactly is the problem between his mom and you? Is she resentful of your position in your husband's life? Is she controling? Does it feel odd to have a relationship with a mother-type person?

Have you talked to her about what you want out of your relationship with her?

I am glad you are seeking counseling. I think it may help. Please keep coming here to share. Many people read others' posts but are in a place emotionally where they can't respond back. When people share, it helps.

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Brook,

You've certainly have had a sizeable amount of sadness in your life, but honestly, it sounds as though you are a strong person. What exactly is the problem between his mom and you? Is she resentful of your position in your husband's life? Is she controling? Does it feel odd to have a relationship with a mother-type person?

Have you talked to her about what you want out of your relationship with her?

I am glad you are seeking counseling. I think it may help. Please keep coming here to share. Many people read others' posts but are in a place emotionally where they can't respond back. When people share, it helps.

ModKonnie

Thank you I don’t feel as strong as I am. If that make sense. I had to be strong for my little brother then I got pregnant very young, but he is now the best thing that has ever happened to me. But with that was more heartbreak my mother in law would now except that I was pregnant said I was ruining her sons life, wanted blood work, DNA test everything. Well needless to say we did all that and I thought things would have been different by now he’s 6 and she still does not except me, so that’s the closes thing I have to a mom and she despises me my husband does not allow it and we have not spoken in a long time but it still hurts.

But any who this is my first time staying home I have always stayed so busy and never realized how much I was still in pain, I would in fact take one others issues to forget about mine, well now 10 years later I don’t know how to deal with this on my own. I think once I have my counseling appt I hope to get some tools needed to proceed in life.

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Thank you I don’t feel as strong as I am. If that make sense. I had to be strong for my little brother then I got pregnant very young, but he is now the best thing that has ever happened to me. But with that was more heartbreak my mother in law would now except that I was pregnant said I was ruining her sons life, wanted blood work, DNA test everything. Well needless to say we did all that and I thought things would have been different by now he’s 6 and she still does not except me, so that’s the closes thing I have to a mom and she despises me my husband does not allow it and we have not spoken in a long time but it still hurts.

But any who this is my first time staying home I have always stayed so busy and never realized how much I was still in pain, I would in fact take one others issues to forget about mine, well now 10 years later I don’t know how to deal with this on my own. I think once I have my counseling appt I hope to get some tools needed to proceed in life.

Brook,

Yes, you will get some tools to help you move forward with your grieving and for coping with your mother-in-law's issues with you. Have you tried to talk to her? Have you tried to make the first move to make amends? Why does she think you are not good for her son? You've been with him for years, and obviously something must be working. Does she accept your child?

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Brook,

Yes, you will get some tools to help you move forward with your grieving and for coping with your mother-in-law's issues with you. Have you tried to talk to her? Have you tried to make the first move to make amends? Why does she think you are not good for her son? You've been with him for years, and obviously something must be working. Does she accept your child?

ModKonnie

We had sat down and talked about everything and after we do everything great for a while, then everything gets twisted again. SO I have kind of given up.

She thinks her son would have been better off without me. We wouldn’t have had kids so young; we both would have finished high school on time. Things like that we have 3 kids now im in college and we both finished high school not on time but did it. She was going through a really bad divorce with his dad and needed him and that’s when we met. She doesn’t except the kids, she’s missed so much and we moved here to be by her I don’t get it. <BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"><BR style="mso-special-character: line-break">

But I hope I will get some tools I am going to start a diary to get my feelings out I used to surround myself with people that had issues so I could deal with there issues not mine. Well since we are in a new place I have come to realize I have more issues then I thought. A lot of unfinished business with myself. This is the most I have talk about my mom in 10 years, it was to painful. So I am optimistic things will turn around for me, it almost feels like I’m drowning slowly, that’s why I am seeking help. Not just for me but for my kids and husband, when something effects me it effects them too.

Thank you for listening J

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We had sat down and talked about everything and after we do everything great for a while, then everything gets twisted again. SO I have kind of given up.

She thinks her son would have been better off without me. We wouldn’t have had kids so young; we both would have finished high school on time. Things like that we have 3 kids now im in college and we both finished high school not on time but did it. She was going through a really bad divorce with his dad and needed him and that’s when we met. She doesn’t except the kids, she’s missed so much and we moved here to be by her I don’t get it. <BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"><BR style="mso-special-character: line-break">

But I hope I will get some tools I am going to start a diary to get my feelings out I used to surround myself with people that had issues so I could deal with there issues not mine. Well since we are in a new place I have come to realize I have more issues then I thought. A lot of unfinished business with myself. This is the most I have talk about my mom in 10 years, it was to painful. So I am optimistic things will turn around for me, it almost feels like I’m drowning slowly, that’s why I am seeking help. Not just for me but for my kids and husband, when something effects me it effects them too.

Thank you for listening J

Hi J,

It sounds as though the problem is your mother in law's. She sounds very hard to please, and she should be proud of you and your husband for your success instead of belittling you. So she doesn't accept the kids? Wow. That's terrible. Is her son hoping that if you live closer she will warm up? Maybe she is the one who needs therapy.

A journal will definitely help you, and will talking about your problems. You sound as though your head is on straight. You know you need to do something to help your family, as well as yourself, and you are taking measures to do so. That is very positive. You keep heading in the right direction--we will cheer you on. Keep up the good work!

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Hi J,

It sounds as though the problem is your mother in law's. She sounds very hard to please, and she should be proud of you and your husband for your success instead of belittling you. So she doesn't accept the kids? Wow. That's terrible. Is her son hoping that if you live closer she will warm up? Maybe she is the one who needs therapy.

A journal will definitely help you, and will talking about your problems. You sound as though your head is on straight. You know you need to do something to help your family, as well as yourself, and you are taking measures to do so. That is very positive. You keep heading in the right direction--we will cheer you on. Keep up the good work!

ModKonnie

I think that is right, I don’t know why she hates me so much. I have always wanted a relationship with her and for my kids to have a grandma shes the only one they have. We moved from Nevada to Texas to be live by her and she has made our lives more stressful then before I told her we need to get help and she says its all me. So I have giving up and told her she is no longer welcome to our house and my husband does not how she upsets me so he stands by me. I didn’t want it to be like this I know how important a mom is in someone’s life I know firsthand what its like to not have one so I have always put up with it so they could have a relationship I just couldn’t take it anymore. Last straw she told my husband I was jealous he had a mom and I didn’t. That really hurt me, she wouldn’t apologize and said she meant it. Haven’t talked to her since. She makes me miss my mom even more, I had my friends mom in Nevada who where like my second moms and down here I don’t have that at all so it has open all my sadness. I am working though it Im a full time student and trying to stay focused. This helps me release my feelings. Thank you for listening.

Brook

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I think that is right, I don’t know why she hates me so much. I have always wanted a relationship with her and for my kids to have a grandma shes the only one they have. We moved from Nevada to Texas to be live by her and she has made our lives more stressful then before I told her we need to get help and she says its all me. So I have giving up and told her she is no longer welcome to our house and my husband does not how she upsets me so he stands by me. I didn’t want it to be like this I know how important a mom is in someone’s life I know firsthand what its like to not have one so I have always put up with it so they could have a relationship I just couldn’t take it anymore. Last straw she told my husband I was jealous he had a mom and I didn’t. That really hurt me, she wouldn’t apologize and said she meant it. Haven’t talked to her since. She makes me miss my mom even more, I had my friends mom in Nevada who where like my second moms and down here I don’t have that at all so it has open all my sadness. I am working though it Im a full time student and trying to stay focused. This helps me release my feelings. Thank you for listening.

Brook

Oh Brook,

I feel so bad that your mother-in-law is passing up so much love, particularly with her grandchildren. What does she say to her son? At least he supports you through all this. So what are you studying? I am always willing to listen. Just talk away and I will be here.

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Oh Brook,

I feel so bad that your mother-in-law is passing up so much love, particularly with her grandchildren. What does she say to her son? At least he supports you through all this. So what are you studying? I am always willing to listen. Just talk away and I will be here.

ModKonnie

I am studying billing and coding. It is pretty difficult i am getting there 5 more months.....

But my husbands mom clings to him, she isn’t very loving nurturing, not really mom like. When we would bring the kids over there she would sit there and watch tv and tell them to get out of the way. Then she would complain that she would just like a day off without noise over there. So we stopped going over there then she complained about that…she is imposable. I feel so guilty that she is the kids only grandma, and she could really care less. I grew up with seeing my granny and grandpa everyday I love it. I only wanted my kids to be loved as much as I love them, but I know she never will same with my husband’s sister she is worst. She has screamed at me, her and her mom feed off of each other and become these nasty people. They really only care about my husband. His mom and sister would be anything for him, they use to buy him whatever he wanted, baby him, never treated him like he is a grown man with a family now. Its so strange me and my sister are really close and she doesn’t have kids she doesn’t disrespect him at all. I have never in my life been treated so badly.

All of this as brought up all of my sad and emotional side, the guilt of my mom taking her life. I know I was a kid (14) but I think back of the last things I said to her. Breaks my heart, then I go threw anger if she knew that was going to be the last time I saw her she could have giving me a extra big huge. I will nevr forget that day now it is in my brain forever. Then I feel so sad for her, she must have felt so alone. I remember one time she wouldn’t let me and my sister go to the movies, so we were talking in our bedroom how we will she was more like our friends mom and let us go…she came in crying said how much she tries how much she loved us. We both felt so bad we wrote her letters, made her coffee but I think maybe if we never said those things, or even thought them. She was such a wonderful mom, I just wish I would have told her that more. She was my soccer coach; she would let us have food fights in the house. She was great. I stood up and talked at her funeral, we wrote her a poem it was one of those time in your life you wish you weren’t standing there you wish you were someone else. I have tried to block everything for so long, now I do not know how to channel it where to put it. Where is the safe place in my mind where it doesn’t hurt me all the time? I would have done anything for her. She left us a note which just made things worse, she asked me to still play soccer I was so good and she would always watch over me. How could I play without her? That was my last season, I couldn’t do it.

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I am studying billing and coding. It is pretty difficult i am getting there 5 more months.....

But my husbands mom clings to him, she isn’t very loving nurturing, not really mom like. When we would bring the kids over there she would sit there and watch tv and tell them to get out of the way. Then she would complain that she would just like a day off without noise over there. So we stopped going over there then she complained about that…she is imposable. I feel so guilty that she is the kids only grandma, and she could really care less. I grew up with seeing my granny and grandpa everyday I love it. I only wanted my kids to be loved as much as I love them, but I know she never will same with my husband’s sister she is worst. She has screamed at me, her and her mom feed off of each other and become these nasty people. They really only care about my husband. His mom and sister would be anything for him, they use to buy him whatever he wanted, baby him, never treated him like he is a grown man with a family now. Its so strange me and my sister are really close and she doesn’t have kids she doesn’t disrespect him at all. I have never in my life been treated so badly.

All of this as brought up all of my sad and emotional side, the guilt of my mom taking her life. I know I was a kid (14) but I think back of the last things I said to her. Breaks my heart, then I go threw anger if she knew that was going to be the last time I saw her she could have giving me a extra big huge. I will nevr forget that day now it is in my brain forever. Then I feel so sad for her, she must have felt so alone. I remember one time she wouldn’t let me and my sister go to the movies, so we were talking in our bedroom how we will she was more like our friends mom and let us go…she came in crying said how much she tries how much she loved us. We both felt so bad we wrote her letters, made her coffee but I think maybe if we never said those things, or even thought them. She was such a wonderful mom, I just wish I would have told her that more. She was my soccer coach; she would let us have food fights in the house. She was great. I stood up and talked at her funeral, we wrote her a poem it was one of those time in your life you wish you weren’t standing there you wish you were someone else. I have tried to block everything for so long, now I do not know how to channel it where to put it. Where is the safe place in my mind where it doesn’t hurt me all the time? I would have done anything for her. She left us a note which just made things worse, she asked me to still play soccer I was so good and she would always watch over me. How could I play without her? That was my last season, I couldn’t do it.

Brook,

Suicide is always the toughest, I think, because we constantly blame ourselves. "If only I would have...." goes through our minds over and over. But, in a rational moment, you know there is nothing you could have done. You were a child, a victim of the unfortunate situation. No matter how our parents die, we will always miss them.

I know this sounds crazy, but maybe you should adopt a set of grandparents for your children. Go visit a senior citizen center or a nursing home or a church and get to know some elderly people who are alone with no family. I bet they'd be more than willing to share some love.

Your mother in law sounds like a desperately mixed up person, and your husband is caught in the middle. How sad for your children, but if you've tried and tried and tried, maybe it's time to just refocus and move forward with other relationships. There are plenty of lonely people out there who would like to share a family.

That's great about your schooling. Billing and coding--UGHHHHH!!!! That's like speaking a whole different language. You should be proud of yourself.

For your chidren--make sure you are the best mom you can be. Make sure you are there for them, and give them extra hugs on a daily basis. You can't change other people, and you can't change the past, but you can positively affect the future and change yourself.

Do your children play soccer? Maybe you should consider coaching as a tribute to your mother.

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Brook,

Suicide is always the toughest, I think, because we constantly blame ourselves. "If only I would have...." goes through our minds over and over. But, in a rational moment, you know there is nothing you could have done. You were a child, a victim of the unfortunate situation. No matter how our parents die, we will always miss them.

I know this sounds crazy, but maybe you should adopt a set of grandparents for your children. Go visit a senior citizen center or a nursing home or a church and get to know some elderly people who are alone with no family. I bet they'd be more than willing to share some love.

Your mother in law sounds like a desperately mixed up person, and your husband is caught in the middle. How sad for your children, but if you've tried and tried and tried, maybe it's time to just refocus and move forward with other relationships. There are plenty of lonely people out there who would like to share a family.

That's great about your schooling. Billing and coding--UGHHHHH!!!! That's like speaking a whole different language. You should be proud of yourself.

For your chidren--make sure you are the best mom you can be. Make sure you are there for them, and give them extra hugs on a daily basis. You can't change other people, and you can't change the past, but you can positively affect the future and change yourself.

Do your children play soccer? Maybe you should consider coaching as a tribute to your mother.

ModKonnie

You know that is so true I will take that advice!! I know when my husband and I have the kids somewhere and an older couple come up and tell me how beautiful they are and how much it brightest there life, it makes me smile. I will look into that, i know my kids would love that I would be happy bringing some joy to someone’s life. It’s so funny you say that my mom worked for adult protected services and she would bring us with her to some of her clients and we all would eat dinner with them and just spend time I see she was doing the same thing. Thank you, I guess it’s time to stop feeling so sorry for myself and get back to living….

Thank you, You have already helped me so much..I haven’t ever talked to someone who really understood what it was like except for my sisters and brother.

Brook

Oh and yes billing and coding is a whole new language i thought i was going to lose my hair when i went through medical terminology :)

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You know that is so true I will take that advice!! I know when my husband and I have the kids somewhere and an older couple come up and tell me how beautiful they are and how much it brightest there life, it makes me smile. I will look into that, i know my kids would love that I would be happy bringing some joy to someone’s life. It’s so funny you say that my mom worked for adult protected services and she would bring us with her to some of her clients and we all would eat dinner with them and just spend time I see she was doing the same thing. Thank you, I guess it’s time to stop feeling so sorry for myself and get back to living….

Thank you, You have already helped me so much..I haven’t ever talked to someone who really understood what it was like except for my sisters and brother.

Brook

Oh and yes billing and coding is a whole new language i thought i was going to lose my hair when i went through medical terminology :)

Brook,

I WOULD lose all of my hair if I had to memorize that medical terminology. ACCCCCKKKKKK. Well, I am glad to be of help. I have enjoyed talking with you. I can't imagine why your MIL wouldn't be proud of you. Maybe she needs some serious counseling or therapy.

What does a person who works with adult protective services do?

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Brook,

I WOULD lose all of my hair if I had to memorize that medical terminology. ACCCCCKKKKKK. Well, I am glad to be of help. I have enjoyed talking with you. I can't imagine why your MIL wouldn't be proud of you. Maybe she needs some serious counseling or therapy.

What does a person who works with adult protective services do?

ModKonnie

I have always thought that about her, but there is no way she would ever hear me out. So I just keep my distance that may not be the best way to deal with things, but I need my own sanity not just for me but for my kids.

But adult protective services are just like child protective services. She would help to make sure that the elderly last wishes are being heard, and they are not being abused by anyone. She a few clients we would go cook for, clean their house, she would really get to know them and they would be like our family. She would make sure their children wouldn’t take advantage of them. It was nice I remember how sad it was to me that some of the people would have no one around for them and we couldn’t be there all the time it just made us wants to always be there and help them.

My first counseling appointment is on Monday I am nervous, but I will let you know how it goes I am also excited at the same time to feel normal again :) thanks again

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I have always thought that about her, but there is no way she would ever hear me out. So I just keep my distance that may not be the best way to deal with things, but I need my own sanity not just for me but for my kids.

But adult protective services are just like child protective services. She would help to make sure that the elderly last wishes are being heard, and they are not being abused by anyone. She a few clients we would go cook for, clean their house, she would really get to know them and they would be like our family. She would make sure their children wouldn’t take advantage of them. It was nice I remember how sad it was to me that some of the people would have no one around for them and we couldn’t be there all the time it just made us wants to always be there and help them.

My first counseling appointment is on Monday I am nervous, but I will let you know how it goes I am also excited at the same time to feel normal again :) thanks again

Brook,

How did your appointment go?

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Brook,

How did your appointment go?

ModKonnie

Thank you my appt went well. I felt better I will be going once a week. I got a few things to work on for next week. I look forward to healing and feeling a lot better.

Thanks for everything

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Thank you my appt went well. I felt better I will be going once a week. I got a few things to work on for next week. I look forward to healing and feeling a lot better.

Thanks for everything

Brook,

Oh good, I am glad things are going well. If you ever want to share what the counselor has told you, feel free. Someone else may be in your same situation and unable to go for counseling.

ModKonnie

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bltarve   

Brook,

Oh good, I am glad things are going well. If you ever want to share what the counselor has told you, feel free. Someone else may be in your same situation and unable to go for counseling.

ModKonnie

y

I have another appt this Friday. I also started writting in my diary. which helps thats also theropy in itself, to get all the feelings out.

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y

I have another appt this Friday. I also started writting in my diary. which helps thats also theropy in itself, to get all the feelings out.

A diary is great. I think that's why people love to come here, too. They can get all their feelings out, no one is going to judge or get upset or anything negative, and they can get support and encouragement.

I love to write out what I feel; it is so therapeutic and helps me to release the pent up emotions. I am so glad you found a therapist you like.

ModKonnie

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