Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
oldgreydog

New Member

Recommended Posts

Hello I am new here and seeking advice on the hoildays, My 24 year old son was shot and  killed at 330 am on Sunday June 17 Fathers day, It has been really hard to carry on, but now that Christmas is almost here the hurt is getting worse I dont know how to cope wih it  I want to talk to people about my hurt but I cant  . I have 2 daughters and my ex wife   Can some one please tell me how to cope with the hoildays

Byron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hmtod73   

oh, i'm so sorry.  i can not imagine the pain you are in.  i have not lost a child so i can not say that i understand.  i did lose my mom so i do understand what it is like to grieve and to go thru those holidays especially the first ones.  this is what i did for my situation.  i got a small 4 ft tree and bought ornaments for it that are specific to my mom and our family; things she did and we did and things she liked and we liked.  it is her tree and when i look at it i feel (somewhat) better.  also, you could try to honor your son by making one of his favorite dishes in addition to the traditional holiday foods.  or, everyone could wear something with his favorite color on it, or favorite sports team ect.  play a favorite song of his.  i would suggest to add a "new" tradition and but also keep the old ones.  i don't know the ages of your other children, but whether they are 10 or 20 it is still their christmas too.  they are grieving and probably are not looking forward to the holidays either.  ask them if they have any ideas.   i would say just do the best that you can.  try to enjoy the day as much as you can.  by enjoying your day that does not mean that you are not grieving.  it does not mean that you have forgotten your son, it means that you are human and you are supposed to enjoy the day.  talk to your son and wish him merry christmas.  he will hear you.  remember, that he is enjoying his day and wants you to enjoy your day too.   i hope some of this helped.  i wish you peace.   hmtod73 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rodless   

I lost my husband in July 2006. This is my second set of holidays and I found that doing something totally different helps me get through a hard time. Skip the usual traditions and activities if you want to.  Only do what you can handle and always leave an escape hatch for parties or gatherings. Last Christmas I used a very small tree and left it empty except for a crystal star on top. It just seemed to fit my mood. Didn't listen to Christmas music unless I was forced to and stayed out of stores as much as possible. Of course, you can't get away from all the ho ho ho stuff but you can pick and choose your battles. And....come back to this board where you can find support.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mikesmum   

[user=18918]oldgreydog[/user] wrote:

Hello I am new here and seeking advice on the hoildays, My 24 year old son was shot and  killed at 330 am on Sunday June 17 Fathers day, It has been really hard to carry on, but now that Christmas is almost here the hurt is getting worse I dont know how to cope wih it  I want to talk to people about my hurt but I cant  . I have 2 daughters and my ex wife   Can some one please tell me how to cope with the hoildays

Byron

Byron, firstly I am so sorry for your loss.  This site is an amazing site of support and insite.  There is no quick fix or easy remedy to cope with the loss let alone the holidays.  Within this site there are areas for loss of a an adult child.  It is within these post you may find some peace or direction.

I lost my son Micheal (31) in Jan this year.  I come here 'talk' with people who get where I am at any given time.  No explanation, no apologies just acceptance and understanding.

For each loss there is a different way of coping, making it through one day at a time, one step at a time is the most common option. 

But know here you are not alone......Thoughts are with you ........ visit often......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kelly   

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×