I don't think life is still life.

[Jazzy]

My mother's one year anniversary is coming up this April 30th. This entire year has gone by so slow, yet so fast. I've been nothing but miserable, scared and alone. I was offered lots of fake support, lots of fake pep talks and lots of BS. No one knows, unless they've experienced this. I know i definitly couldn't have understood until now, and i don't think anyone does until they lose the person closest to them. My parents always fought when i was a child, and things weren't ever really good. My mom raised me, and home schooled me alone. I wasn't happy with all the fighting. I hated my own father and I didn't have a good social life when i finally did start school. But now, i just wish i could slap the old me. Because at least there was someone who loved me. I can't believe it's almost been a year. I don't know how I, or anyone for that matter, can recover from something like this. When it first hit, it was like just getting through each moment, each day. But are we supposed to do that everyday? What kind of quality of life is that? I ask myself this every morning when i wake up. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to, and i don't know why life is worth living anymore. It's like it never ends. It's the wound that never heals, and eventually no one cares anymore, because it's old news. But i still care. Every day. Every morning. I don't even know if there is a heaven. I love you mom.

[ModKonnie]

My mother's one year anniversary is coming up this April 30th. This entire year has gone by so slow, yet so fast. I've been nothing but miserable, scared and alone. I was offered lots of fake support, lots of fake pep talks and lots of BS. No one knows, unless they've experienced this. I know i definitly couldn't have understood until now, and i don't think anyone does until they lose the person closest to them. My parents always fought when i was a child, and things weren't ever really good. My mom raised me, and home schooled me alone. I wasn't happy with all the fighting. I hated my own father and I didn't have a good social life when i finally did start school. But now, i just wish i could slap the old me. Because at least there was someone who loved me. I can't believe it's almost been a year. I don't know how I, or anyone for that matter, can recover from something like this. When it first hit, it was like just getting through each moment, each day. But are we supposed to do that everyday? What kind of quality of life is that? I ask myself this every morning when i wake up. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to, and i don't know why life is worth living anymore. It's like it never ends. It's the wound that never heals, and eventually no one cares anymore, because it's old news. But i still care. Every day. Every morning. I don't even know if there is a heaven. I love you mom.

Jazzy,

There are many people here who have suffered the tremendous loss that you have. They understand the intense anguish and feelings of hopelessness and feeling lost. The first year anniversary is a very hard one.

Are you all alone with no other family? I am so very sorry about your mother.

Your mother must be awesome to have raised you alone AND homeschooled you. I homeschooled my children, and believe me, that must have been tough.

Reality and life have changed for you, and I know this is just impossible to believe right now, but the wound will start to heal. You will never ever "get over" this, but you will be able to move forward.

You have come to the right place. We will try to help you all we can. We care.

ModKonnie