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I miss my Mom


IhadthebestMOM

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IhadthebestMOM

My mom died 2 weeks ago at 89. She lived a great life and suffered no pain. But how long will i keep thinking of all the things that I wish I had said to her. And all the thing I wish I could have done with her?

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My mom died 2 weeks ago at 89. She lived a great life and suffered no pain. But how long will i keep thinking of all the things that I wish I had said to her. And all the thing I wish I could have done with her?

We all wished we could go back and do things differently and better, but we can't. She loved you, and she knew you weren't perfect, but you were perfect in her eyes, just like she was in yours. You will eventually stop feeling guilty. It's part of the process of grieving.

One day, you will be able to smile and laugh again. It is just going to take time.

Thanks for coming here. There are others here who have just lost their parents. They may be able to offer encouragement and support for moving forward.

ModKonnie

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I lost my Mom about 4 months ago. She was around the same age as your Mom. I still cry everyday, but there are times when the darkness lifts and sun comes out. It does get better with time. But it will take however long it takes. When I start with the regrets and feeling guilty I just tell myself that I am very lucky. Mom didn't suffer and she was active till the end. As hard as it is for me, I outlived her and that is the way is should be. She had a gentle passing and I am so thankful for that.

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LoveEastCoast

Hi I am new to the forum: I just lost my mom yesterday. She was declining last year-- depression developed when I left for vacation and when I came back found out she did not eat and lost weight; it got progressively worse and she needed assistance from visiting hospice---which I have been grateful. But it got to the point, where she could not stay alone in her apt. So my sis and I had her in a group home and she seemed to be thriving. I did not understand the steps towards death and I just kept on pushing her to eat and drink and did not realize it was not her fault; it was her body telling her she was going to die. I regret not being able to accept it since I was too busy trying to keep her alive but I guess it was for my own selfish reasons. She was ready to go--and I could not accept it. I will always have in the back of my mind that I should have tried to help her more. She did not need food anymore, she needed to feel loved, supported and respected.

I am in a lot of pain since I have lost my best friend and I am not close to my sis; The pain of losing unconditional love is unbearable for me and I just hope I can heal in time. No one will love me that way or watch out for me the way she did even though she was quite old--I was still her baby. Yes I do have a lot of good memories, but it is not helping me recover that well right now. In reading these boards, I feel that I am not alone. Thank you everyone for sharing your grief and stories. Bless and Heal everyone soon!

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Hi I am new to the forum: I just lost my mom yesterday. She was declining last year-- depression developed when I left for vacation and when I came back found out she did not eat and lost weight; it got progressively worse and she needed assistance from visiting hospice---which I have been grateful. But it got to the point, where she could not stay alone in her apt. So my sis and I had her in a group home and she seemed to be thriving. I did not understand the steps towards death and I just kept on pushing her to eat and drink and did not realize it was not her fault; it was her body telling her she was going to die. I regret not being able to accept it since I was too busy trying to keep her alive but I guess it was for my own selfish reasons. She was ready to go--and I could not accept it. I will always have in the back of my mind that I should have tried to help her more. She did not need food anymore, she needed to feel loved, supported and respected.

I am in a lot of pain since I have lost my best friend and I am not close to my sis; The pain of losing unconditional love is unbearable for me and I just hope I can heal in time. No one will love me that way or watch out for me the way she did even though she was quite old--I was still her baby. Yes I do have a lot of good memories, but it is not helping me recover that well right now. In reading these boards, I feel that I am not alone. Thank you everyone for sharing your grief and stories. Bless and Heal everyone soon!

Susanna,

I am very very sorry about the loss of your mom. Of course you are in extreme grief and pain right now.

My father went through something similar. We kept trying to get him to eat and drink; none of us quite realized that he was slowly dying. Even when he was put in hospice, we still kept trying to get him to eat. We should have all spent more time just talking to him, but we didn't understand exactly how bad and how close he was to the end.

Your mother knew you loved and supported her because you showed it by trying to help her by giving her food. I'm sure she felt love and respected and supported. You were there when she needed you. You did right.

We are here for you,

ModKonnie

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Susanna,

I too have lost my mom.I a so sorry about your loss.I also thought I had time to prepare she had gotten worse over her last year.I did know it was coming she had copd and was on a high level of oxygen.She was doing well the week before up and around.She even quit smoking.She said she couldnt breathe on sunday we took her to the er.They gave her meds I went and picked them up on monday and got her started on them,took her dinner that night.Tuesday morning my stepdad called and said she wasnt breathing.Got ther in one min.Had to pick her up off her bed and carry her to the floor and start cpr.She passed two days later.It will be three years May 22.It tought me to be strong and happy.Get your happiness everyday.I think that was my leason.Jan 3rd This year my son Tyler was shot and killed in her driveway by an intruder.

I also lost my dad when I was 18.

Life is cruel sometimes and it is hard but somehow we make it thru.

I hope you see sunshine in the darknee today.Love to you Crystal

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LoveEastCoast

Dearest Crystal: I am also sorry for your losses. I just don't know what to say. I hope you have a good support system. I have some acquaintances that I have overlooked in the past that turned about to be the "Real Friends" during the times of tragedy. I will pray for you and your family and wishing you a Happy Holiday Season! Thanks for your strength and wisdom. I admire you for being so strong! God Bless You, Love Sue

Susanna,

I too have lost my mom.I a so sorry about your loss.I also thought I had time to prepare she had gotten worse over her last year.I did know it was coming she had copd and was on a high level of oxygen.She was doing well the week before up and around.She even quit smoking.She said she couldnt breathe on sunday we took her to the er.They gave her meds I went and picked them up on monday and got her started on them,took her dinner that night.Tuesday morning my stepdad called and said she wasnt breathing.Got ther in one min.Had to pick her up off her bed and carry her to the floor and start cpr.She passed two days later.It will be three years May 22.It tought me to be strong and happy.Get your happiness everyday.I think that was my leason.Jan 3rd This year my son Tyler was shot and killed in her driveway by an intruder.C

I also lost my dad when I was 18.

Life is cruel sometimes and it is hard but somehow we make it thru.

I hope you see sunshine in the darknee today.Love to you Crystal

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My name is Chantel and I am a grief counselor. I would just like you to know that this feeling of guilt is a normal grief reaction. Guilt is a very painful emotion but it most often turns out to be an irrational thought because we are grasping at anything that we can to help make sense of our world that has been turned upside down. We are looking to blame someone for our loved ones death to try to understand why it happened. We want to blame doctors, other family members, God, ourselves and sometimed even the person who has died. This is a natural coping mechanism that we go through in order for us to accept our loss. I would encourage you, even though it is painful, try to redirect your thoughts to what you did do for her. Write everything down if you need to. It can even be what we might think was insignificant, like sitting by her bed, or straightening her room, or holding her hand, or having discussions with the medical staff. I know that this is something that you have to go through on your own, but I promise you that you did more than you know. And if she could, she would say thank you. One of the greatest challenges of our mourning work is that we are forced to relearn the world and who we are or who will be become without our significant loved ones in our everyday life. If there is anything I can ever do for you, please do not hesitate to contact me. I can be reached at jasochantel@yahoo.com or whenmourningcomes@hotmail.com or on Facebook at When Mourning Comes.

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I lost my mom 6 wks ago to Alzheimers. She was diagnosed 5 yrs. ago and I slowly saw her decline. I loved her dearly and miss her so much. In many ways I lost her a few years ago, but even after she died it has been so hard. I sometimes just cry for now reason, I see the flowers and remember how much she loved them.I do to and with everything coming alive now I wish I didnt feel so dead inside. I was an only child adopted at 3 wks old and loved dearly all my life. My dad died in 77 from cancer, and we were all very close. I am plantin a dogwood tree in our backyard in memory of my mom and I know the healing will be slow. I hate the disease that took her, it is an awful thing and I despise what it did to her!! I am angry and sad and pray that I will find the happiness I know she would want me to have again. My husband doesnt always undertsand my moods, and it is hard to explain it to him how I feel. She passed away during the night and I wasnt their, just more guilt to feel. I know things will eventually get better, but right now its so dark! Mothers Day was special for us too, so I hope to feel some happiness Sunday...

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