Lost the Mother Rose

[Ell1sera]

A few days ago, my mother passed away at the age of 42, from a pulmonary embolism. It started as a DVT, and her legs were gangrenous. It was very sudden, and unexpected - she was an active woman, a fulltime student and the glue for our family. She was my best friend, and twenty-two years was not enough time to have her with me. She died on the stairs, leaving my father trapped upstairs for several hours before her body was taken away. Everyone else was able to cry, to feel the loss. I can't. It's unsettling, that a woman I spoke to just a few hours before she passed, cannot move me to tears with her death. I just don't understand at all.

I cannot cry. I feel myself begin to, and I swallow it down. I keep telling myself it's because I need to be the strong one, that it has to be me to fill her shoes as that which kept the family from falling apart, but even so it causes me to feel incredibly callous and uncaring and while I know I'm hurting, I'm not letting any of it out, and it is worrying me. I don't know what to do.

[ModKonnie]

A few days ago, my mother passed away at the age of 42, from a pulmonary embolism. It started as a DVT, and her legs were gangrenous. It was very sudden, and unexpected - she was an active woman, a fulltime student and the glue for our family. She was my best friend, and twenty-two years was not enough time to have her with me. She died on the stairs, leaving my father trapped upstairs for several hours before her body was taken away. Everyone else was able to cry, to feel the loss. I can't. It's unsettling, that a woman I spoke to just a few hours before she passed, cannot move me to tears with her death. I just don't understand at all.

I cannot cry. I feel myself begin to, and I swallow it down. I keep telling myself it's because I need to be the strong one, that it has to be me to fill her shoes as that which kept the family from falling apart, but even so it causes me to feel incredibly callous and uncaring and while I know I'm hurting, I'm not letting any of it out, and it is worrying me. I don't know what to do.

Panicbunny,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious mother. There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, I'd like you to read this article that I found for you. It's called Coping with Grief and Loss.

I think you may find it informative and helpful. In the article, the authors discuss myths about grieving and loss and the ways in which people deal with grief.

For example:

Myths and Facts About Grief

MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

MYTH: Grief should last about a year.

Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.

Source: Center for Grief and Healing

About the authors of the article: Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., contributed to this article. Last modified: March 2011

© 2001-2011. All rights reserved. This reprint is for information and support only and NOT a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment. Visit WWW.HELPGUIDE.ORG for more information and related articles.

Please know that we are here to listen to you and support you. Come share with us when you need to. There are many people here who have lost their mothers and fathers, and they will be able to encourage and share with you.

ModKonnie

[agnaq111809]

I don't know what to say except that I have prayed for you and your family. May God's Grace and Mercy cover you, in your hearts, homes. May His Peace and Comfort

surround you. He never leaves us, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in. It's hard alright, for me to lose our mother, who was both our mother and father

all our lives. She never talked to me about losing her husband, my father. His body/boat were never found. She lost her younger brother same time.

I know now that my father never left me even though he never saw me while he was here on earth. When young, I used to think if someone near and dear to me

would leave us on earth, the world would stop. But it doesn't (at least for now). I get glad when I wake up to a brand new day. I'm glad to make it through the night.

I give Him thanks. His Mercy and Grace is more than the world can take. Crying is healing. I've kept a lot of tears to myself. But it's got to be released before it

consumes oneself. Give it all to God. He can take it and more. Don't give up for help is always on the way.