Why did he have to die

[Aprili]

I just heard about this website and I am needing all the help I can get. I have had major loss in my life but nothing can compare to this. The feeling of wanting him back screams out of my skin. I am feeling the blame, the guilt. I'm wrecked. I'm trying to finish school and am struggling. I took the year off do finish my masters so luckily I don't have to force myself back into the workplace. I don't want to eat because the effects of not eating makes me not be able to think, and so if I'm not thinking, I'm not crying. Not sure who reads this...I don't have the patience to read the help thing to see how this works. Just thought I would get this out because I just had a rough most of the day and wanted to get it out.

[ModKonnie]

I just heard about this website and I am needing all the help I can get. I have had major loss in my life but nothing can compare to this. The feeling of wanting him back screams out of my skin. I am feeling the blame, the guilt. I'm wrecked. I'm trying to finish school and am struggling. I took the year off do finish my masters so luckily I don't have to force myself back into the workplace. I don't want to eat because the effects of not eating makes me not be able to think, and so if I'm not thinking, I'm not crying. Not sure who reads this...I don't have the patience to read the help thing to see how this works. Just thought I would get this out because I just had a rough most of the day and wanted to get it out.

Aprili,

I am so sorry about your loss. The not being able to eat is normal. If you can, try those meal substitute drinks, like Ensure. They do help.

You posted just fine. I know you don't have the energy; that's part of the process. I would imagine your hands even feel really heavy, like there is lead attached to your body and you are having trouble breathing. All of that will pass; just keep moving forward bit by bit.

What are you studying in school? I went back to finish my master's this year, too. It's been tough, so I can certainly see how you are struggling with school on top of your grief. Please keep trying. We will try to help and encourage you in every way possible.

I will be thinking about you.

ModKonnie

[Aprili]

I think this is how I respond to your reply? Thank you for writing me. I am getting a masters in Education Leadership with a principals endorsement. So school administration and such. I really should get some ensure. It has been suggested by a couple of people but its even hard to get myself to go the store to buy it. I feel that when I'm weak from not eating, I don't feel the full amount of pain or something. Just kinda numb out. Which I know will stunt my healing process but today, I just need to do this. I am also sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to write.

April

Aprili,

I am so sorry about your loss. The not being able to eat is normal. If you can, try those meal substitute drinks, like Ensure. They do help.

You posted just fine. I know you don't have the energy; that's part of the process. I would imagine your hands even feel really heavy, like there is lead attached to your body and you are having trouble breathing. All of that will pass; just keep moving forward bit by bit.

What are you studying in school? I went back to finish my master's this year, too. It's been tough, so I can certainly see how you are struggling with school on top of your grief. Please keep trying. We will try to help and encourage you in every way possible.

I will be thinking about you.

ModKonnie

[ModKonnie]

I think this is how I respond to your reply? Thank you for writing me. I am getting a masters in Education Leadership with a principals endorsement. So school administration and such. I really should get some ensure. It has been suggested by a couple of people but its even hard to get myself to go the store to buy it. I feel that when I'm weak from not eating, I don't feel the full amount of pain or something. Just kinda numb out. Which I know will stunt my healing process but today, I just need to do this. I am also sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to write.

April

I know exactly what you mean about feeling strangely numb when I feel weak. I am getting a masters in Adult Education. My professional focus at this point is college writing, but I may end up changing that to adult literacy.

Feel free to come here and express yourself openly. We know how the roller coaster ride of grieving can be at times, and we will help support and encourage you.

ModKonnie