lost my mom, my bestfriend

[jess522]

so i shouldnt even have to be writing this, but i am. im 20 years old and now have to go through the rest of my life without my mom. i thought it would be a good idea to post something on here because i dont really like talking about how im feeling with anyone, even my family. mostly because i guess i dont even know how im feeling. all i know is that i feel lost and broken without my mom. she passed away on valentines day of this year, only 3 weeks ago. it was so sudden and i wish there was something i could have done. im the youngest of 3 kids and were all very close. my brother was here the morning she passed away, my sister and i wernt. my brother and dad blame themselves and its so hard to watch them to that to themselves. theres always going to be a 'what if' but i dont want my brother and dad to have to have that on there sholders because its not there fault. were all trying to work on this as a family but its really hard. we all miss her, and its just not the same without her. i dont even want to do anything good with myself because my mom was the first person i would tell any good news too. and shed be proud no matter what it was. i cant believe shes gone.. i cant believe shes never going to be at my wedding when the time comes, or to help me pick out a wedding dress. i cant even imagine having a baby without her on this earth to help me. she wasnt supposed to go this soon, she was supposed to meet her grandchildren one day, but she wont, and that breaks my heart more and more everyday just thinking about the future, and that she wont be in it..i dont even know what to type anymore, because i still cant wrap my head around it. i feel like no one understands, and i guess thats another reason im writing is because i want to talk to other people who are going through the same thing.

i just miss her so much and wish that i could wake up and this all be a dream. i know its only been 3 weeks, i just cant imagine how im gonna feel afterwards when it really does set in. i just want her back.

rip mama, the most amazing mother in the world. my angel, and my bestfriend. i love you and miss you so much

-jess

[novangel]

I completely understand everything you're feeling and going through. I'm deeply sorry, you're so young. When you're ready please talk about it with someone or join a support group, don't try to keep it inside. Take care.

[katmaii]

Jess, I am not young like you but I understand the ripping pain of losing your dearest mom. For me, my mom passed away suddenly on 2/25. Like you, I feel like it can't be true, that it all has to be some horrible nightmare that I will call her up and say "Mom I had the WORST dream ever!" and she will tell me everything is ok and make me laugh. Instead, I go to bed missing her and wake up missing her. I talk to her all day. I cry whenever anyone says "I'm sorry you lost your Mom". I just can't imagine life without her. She was there always always. If I didn't know the answer to something, Mom did. She was like my compass in life.

I guess what I am saying is that everything you are feeling is normal but I know that isn't a comfort. Jess I am sending you hugs, peace and comfort. I believe our Mom's still watch over us and guide us.

Susan

[jess522]

susan, thank you so much for your reply. it really touched me. everything you described was how my mom and i were, she was amazing. and im sure your mother was amazing as well, she raised such a caring daughter. im glad i finally got to speak to someone on the outside who knows how im feeling. once again thank you.

take care

jess, xo

Jess, I am not young like you but I understand the ripping pain of losing your dearest mom. For me, my mom passed away suddenly on 2/25. Like you, I feel like it can't be true, that it all has to be some horrible nightmare that I will call her up and say "Mom I had the WORST dream ever!" and she will tell me everything is ok and make me laugh. Instead, I go to bed missing her and wake up missing her. I talk to her all day. I cry whenever anyone says "I'm sorry you lost your Mom". I just can't imagine life without her. She was there always always. If I didn't know the answer to something, Mom did. She was like my compass in life.

I guess what I am saying is that everything you are feeling is normal but I know that isn't a comfort. Jess I am sending you hugs, peace and comfort. I believe our Mom's still watch over us and guide us.

Susan

[katmaii]

((((( Jess ))))))

Come here and write when you are sad. It helps me in some way. I also go to a grief support group twice a month. I don't say anything but just being around others who understand is a comfort. God bless you and heal you Jess. I know your mom is with you and loving you and wanting you to be whole.

Suz

[Zee87]

Hi Jess-

I know how you feel. I was just turning 23 when my mom died. She died last September from cancer. Everyday I wonder how it is going to be without her at my wedding day, my upcoming graduation, when I have kids. My sister is is younger than me, she's 21. She is getting married next summer. Just thinking about her wedding makes me hurt inside. I know she looks up to me and I do my best to be there fore her just like our mom would. I normally don't talk about my feelings because I feel that I might be annoying about it.

You will have good days and bad. Don't be ashamed to cry. I always believe that weak people cried but that's not true. When I don't want to talk about it or when I miss my mom a lot sometimes I cry and it helps me getting all of the anger, sadness, and everything else out. If you are not ready to talk to someone I suggest writing in a journal. I write in the journal like I would be talking to my mom. There is a lot that happens and I want to tell her. I go to the grave to talk to her, I know it sounds crazy I believe she is there with me.

Hang in there