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mofirefly

Loss of a Job

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The loss of a job strikes almost every aspect of our lifestyle. How will we pay the bills? Provide for the family? When will I be hired next? Am I a worth while person? Job loss can also come about when people are grieving so intensely from a physical loss they are unable to work. Please share your stories here.

 

Kelly

President of Beyond Indigo

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Okay, How about this story. I owned my own business.Had it for over twenty years.Then my son was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2004. I wasn't worth a damn after that. I had to sell it to get out of debt in 2006. I had a one year contract with the company who bought it.They decided to not renew my contract. SO here I am haven't been out of work for 35 years. 54 years old and can't find a job.My son is gone. Life is good. WOO Hoo. Well the old saying seems true.Lifes a bitch and then you die.

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Dear Brian's Dad,

There was a time when both my husband and I were out of work, and eventually it called us into a position of far greater value than whet we treasured all those years.  But it was distressing for each of us as we waded through the turmoil of self-worth and how we had let our career paths define us.  My newest vocation i had been in only 3 months and then we lost Joey.  I wasn't worth much eaither for quite a while in terms of motivation and passion, but I am making my way back to living again, thank God.  I guess the most important thing I want to share with you, other than my deepest condolensces for all of your struggles and most certainly Brian's passing, is to please try not and feel discouraged in the moment--as hard a challenge that may be.  Something far more valuable may be just outside of your grasp, but coming toward you.  Often times we define our worth by what we do for a career.  What defines you more greatly is that you are Brian's dad and that you have given of yourself to so many other hurting people in the wake of your own tragic loss and pain.  It may be some hard times for a while as you struggle to raise your head and find that perfect new opportunity that awaits you.  But don't let life's circumstances tell you that you are not of worth.  You are special, and for whatever its worth, I am just one of many who has been touched by your sharing here on BI.  Thank you for giving of yourself and helping others feel of worth in their moments of despair.  I pray you can find that in others as well.  Hugs, Claudia

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[user=10710]briansdad[/user] wrote:

Okay, How about this story. I owned my own business.Had it for over twenty years.Then my son was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2004. I wasn't worth a damn after that. I had to sell it to get out of debt in 2006. I had a one year contract with the company who bought it.They decided to not renew my contract. SO here I am haven't been out of work for 35 years. 54 years old and can't find a job.My son is gone. Life is good. WOO Hoo. Well the old saying seems true.Lifes a bitch and then you die.

Briansdad - Yep a bitch and then .... well you know.  I worked as an Emergency Medical Dispatcher for 7 years.  It was a position I sort out, trained hard for and excelled at.  (pardon the reference to my ego!) It was like I had found my niche. 

Jan 18 2007 We took a call for my son.  Full Cardiac Arrest. True to my training I dispatched the relevant ambulances and I stayed to ensure everything possible was being done.   After 55 mins CPR ceased, my son was dead. 

I have returned to work briefly, non emergency work, the job I once loved far beyond my now limited capabilities.  That lasted a couple of days.......the emotions, the place and those who were with me on the day just got too much to bare.

 My employer has rejected a claim of PTSD.  They believe I was just doing my job, the fact that it was my son is irrelevant.  This meant no income.  In this past year we have reworked our finances.  A court hearing is set down for March for a determination may see some financial outcome, but nothing is for sure.

 As Claudia and my therapist say, life has now presented us with a miriad of opportunities that have risen from the unlikely life change handed us by the loss of our child.  I am looking forward to the day when I can once again be fulfilled in a field where I can give and gain much (not financially).......so far my expertise is writing here on BI and believe me that needs much work!!!!!

I wish you well in these upcoming months........just a suggestion, again from the shrink.......make a list of what you like, what you can do, and what you want to do, think outside you square......never know it might shed some light!

Blessed be - Trudi

 

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Thanks for sharing your stories - I thought I was the only one going through a job loss after a death.  I worked with my brother and after his death in October, I've really struggled with my work.  My boss has not been supportive and has been verbally destructive.  I started looking for another job (after 20 years here).  After an interview, I informed my boss that I had to give his name as a reference.  My boss then asked for my resignation.  He said that he didn't want to work with anyone who didn't want to work there.  He said a whole lot more, but I won't write it here.

So here I am, 20 years in one job, now facing unemployment.  I'm off on stress leave right now, but am unsure about what will happen in the future.  It's reassuring to know that people do get through this and I take strength from others who have pulled through.  4 days before my brother had his heart attack that ultimately lead to his death, he told me that we both needed to change jobs or it would kill us.  How sad that he was right.  How fortunate that I will take his advice.

Linda

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i am in the same boat many here are but in a different way, i took care if my mom for the last 13 years she died last June 6th with CHF and lung failure. i spent so many years caring for her before that too, bc she was ill most of her life. anyways since i did that for so many years i never got any real job skills. i live now on disability for severe migraines etc. i dont want to go into detail on that now its long and messy. anyways i am stuck on disability and want off, i want to work but where and how since i have no previous emploment at all ?  and with no degree in anything at all and no experience what do i do to get off of this disability? i am very limited bc of health problem migraines etc and so even if i can find a job i may be very limited in how many hours i can work and in what kind of income i may be able to make and live on... i am so overwhelmed.. i want to better my life so much but just cant.. what do i do ? what can i do ? i guess nothing right now... thanks for listening.. i guess i just needed to vent ..

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Hi Sheela,

I give you lots of credit for trying to make changes to your life.  Here in Canada, we have lots of opportunities for getting back into the workforce, most of the programs are funded by the government and provide training and financial support while you try to get on your own two feet.  We can still recieve some support even if we're only working limited amounts.

You might want to start looking for similar programs in your area.  March of Dimes may be a place to start, or the office that provides your disability income.   It could be as easy as doing an inventory of your interests and skills to give you some ideas of what would interest you and what you can do.  If they have retraining opportunities, you might want to try those out. 

I'd been considering leaving my job for about 6 months.  In the back of my mind, I kept a checklist of what I'm looking for in a job.  I'm now using that checklist for applying for jobs.  I'm being choosy about what I apply for because I don't want to be in a situation where I'm going to dread getting up in the morning to go to work.

The difficulty is the time line, at some point I won't be on a stress leave - and I cannot ever return to my present job.  The reality of money or lack of will kick in at some point.  I hope that I can transition before I'm forced to take any job.

Hopefully, you have some options to check out.  If you're starting to think about getting into the workforce, you're headed in the right direction.  I consider each step I take to getting into something different a major victory! 

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 Here in Canada, we have lots of opportunities for getting back into the workforce, most of the programs are funded by the government and provide training and financial support while you try to get on your own two feet.  We can still recieve some support even if we're only working limited amounts.

 

i wish that here in denver we had the same thing from the government, you all are so lucky to have that much..   you are in my prayers as you look for new jobs, i will see what i can find here too that is similiar to that there if there is anything even close to it ..

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I've learned one thing over the past 6 weeks that I've been off work.  My job had taken over my life.  It interfered with my family commitments, it accounted for 90% of the stress in my life and most importantly, it wasn't important in the whole scheme of life.

How sad that it has taken 20 years to figure this out.  I have spent lots of time redefining my goals in life.  This time, I'm going to get it right!! 

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Hi,my name is Kathy,andi am glad i found this subject,i  work in a emergency room,i am a nurse,i have been out on stress leave since sept,my husband was very ill with cancerand passed away on jan9,2008.I also loss my son 3 years ago ,on his 21st birthday,jan31,2005,they found Nathan in a parking lot,he died of hypothermia,and i think he was slipped some kind of drug[long story],but now i don't know why but i feel guilty for not working,even though i know i am in no condition to work,my job is so stressful i know i could not handle that stress on top of everything else i have been through,but sometimes i think half of my anxiety is worrying about when to return to work.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.....GOD BLESS,KATHY

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Kathy, I'm so sorry for your losses - and can see how hard it's been for you.  I agree with you too, about stressing about when to return to work.  I've been off for almost 8 weeks - except for my maternity leaves, I've never been off this long in my life.  But, I don't feel ready to go back yet. 

I have panic attacks constantly and keep trying different tactics to stop them - some work and some don't .  I'm a social worker and don't think that I can put up with the stress of going back either.

So right now I'm spending my time trying to get stronger emotionally and looking for things that are important to me.  And I'm doing it one minute at a time.  Forget about one day at a time, that's way too much for me.  Oh well,  hopefully in time we can start feeling a bit more normal.  Have a great weekend ladies.

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well I never thought I would be posting on this string of postings - but here I am - Having lost both my parents last year  hrs apart on the one day, I thought after 3 mths grief I would be ready to go back to work.  I was lucky to have an offer of full time work and worked for a training company.  I put lots of effort into the role and this somehow gave me the energy to block out what happened to my Mum and Dad.  Time ticked on and the training company changed direction which left me part time.  I was offered another part time role with an Employment Services organisation.  I saw this as a great chance to again get motivated into a role that would pull me out of the 'dumps'  I have only worked for 6 days and bingo - they terminated me today - I am back to feeling down in the 'dumps' I feel that life 'sucks' and nothing is going right for me at all.  I cant sell our house (no one wants to buy it) I have no job any more, I lost contact with my sister when my parents died.  I cant seem to be happy about anything.  I have a wonderful husband, daughter and son - yet I cant see them in the equation.  I want so much for my parents to be with me but I know that cant be.  I have some good work skills but feel that I shouldnt work for a while.  I feel empty and alone, no one wants me and I cant smile.  I am just so unhappy - please take care everyone. 

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Oh Gayle - I feel so hopelessly saddened by what you are experiencing.  I can so identify with the feelings of being in the dumps.  After losing my Mom I was fortunate in that I was able to leave a job that I loved working at but had tremendous stress from the office manager.  After being gone for almost 2 years, the office manager was let go and they asked if I would come back and help...which I've continued to do on an as needed basis.  I don't think I'm up to holding down a full time position, as since my loss, I'm not anywhere near a full person.  And when I realize you lost both parents so suddenly, I can only imagine how broken you are inside.  Please try to deal with these emotions on a moment by moment basis.  They can be quite troublesome, but they will someday become manageable (I hope).  Do take time for some deep breathing and calming time....even some free tear falling time...as it does help so very much.  I hope that the perfect opportunity presents itself to you at the best moment.  Take care!

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Gayle, I too feel so sad after reading your post.  As Mo said, please try to take things moment by moment, and even "segment by segment".  Block off each major thing into its own category-- like the house in its own box, the job in another, the siblings in another, and your family in yet another still.  When they are in isolated categories it doesn't seem so hopeless and overwhelming, and then perhaps you can motivate yourself to look at and work on only one thing at a time by order of priority.  The loss of your parents is always going to be a part of you now, but it doesn't have to be a controlling part to the point where it devastates and cripples you.  You can regain and maintain power by choosing moment by moment, hour by hour and day by day to do something positive and proactive in your life with the people and things that matter most to you.  Youa re alive here, and the key to feeling alove is to start living again.  Life seems so overwhelming right now...  tell yourself that you can't change things you have no control over, but you certainly can choose to do something about what you can change...  Begin with your husband and children first!  They need to have you back.  The house is just a house.  The job is just a job.  I know it sounds trite, and I don't mean to be.  But houses and jobs come and go.  A family is precious and priceless....     One step at a time, breath by breath...but YOU CAN DO THIS!!!   Hugs, Claudia

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My dearest friends Mo, Claudia - thank you both for your words of kindness and comfort.  I am still very angry at things and although I have always wanted to be at home 'doing other things' I now find that I want to work.  I was so close to not working forever before my parents died - My dream was to look after them both and spend more and more time with my Mum - She was so looking forward to me retiring so she and I could do lots of girly things together.  This loss of jobs feels like another kick in the guts.  I am off to the doctors this week to be referred to a specialist for medication - I need something - I am back to no sleeping, tired, unwell, unhappy etc etc.  Mo and Claudia you both seen to be on track towards sanity - I envy you both.  I know I shouldnt be hard on myself - time is the healer of all wounds - I havent written on the Loss of Mother/Father  section for a while - seems to be lots of younger ones posting about issues.  I doubt I could be of any assistance to them. Its coming up to my Mum's birthday on the 18th August and I know I will be filled with grief and tears.  Of course I have fond memories, but they are outweighed with the heavy heart that aches for her presence.  I still have my Mum and Dad's voice on the phone's answering service.  I simply cant erase it.  I play it often just to hear them.  Sorry to ramble ladies, I thought I would just say thank you to you both for being there to support me - its very appreciated when I know how much you both have also gone through yet you find the time to say words of wisdom to someone like me.   Take care to both of you (and all others) Gayle

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Gayle, "Someone like you" is no different than "someone like us"...  we all have in common that we lost someone very, very special and significant in our lives.  That is catastrophic loss, and it is so very difficult to journey through loss like that.  Juts because you are swallowed up by your pain right now, that does not seperate you into a loner category.  We feel your pain, because we've been there too...  And frankly, I still go there from time to time...  There is no magic cure...  just time to help us recover as we struggle through the journey.  I said to someone else before that we have to walk through it to get to the other side where there is healing.  We can't get around it or under it and certainly not over it.  And it is difficult walking through this valley.  You also have had other factors that have complicated your journey, such as your job.  But hold on, friend.  You will make it through, and you will find work again.  Perhaps this trial (the job loss) is a blessing in disguise to allow you some much needed time for dealing with something else.  I wonder if you had defined your life before by your parents, and perhaps now there is a looming possibility of "redefining yourself" through your work, and maybe some supernatural force out there wants you to be defined by something totally other than a job...???  OK, that probably sounded strange...  Sorry.  I guess maybe that's a hint to search deep within your soul...  and perhaps look for Gayle in there, undefined by another person, place or thing...  Who is the real Gayle?  Of course Gayle is filled with pain of loss right now, but are there any words of wisdom from your folks throughout your years with them, or from friends, that would help you to discover something within you that is ALIVE and PRECIOUS, and TOTALLY GAYLE?  Maybe when you find her in there, you will get the green light and a "right feeling" about work and family that will take you to new possibilties that are not so drowned by sorrow.  It hasn't been a long time since you lost your parents--less than a year.  So, as you said so yourself, do not be hard on yourself.  But do take advantage of this time for some inner reflection and self-discovery...    And if I am totally off base, I am sorry.  I don;t mean anything by it other than to reach out and offer my hand for the journey in the hopes that you do not feel so terribly misunderstood and alone.  BIG HUGS, Claudia

 

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Gayle - I agree with Claudia - "someone like me" is exactly where I was when others on this board reached out to me.  This is a place where we can gather together and gain some support while we travel this lonesome road.  You have gone thru so very much and I agree with Claudia that maybe it's time for you to search inside yourself and see what makes you feel better.  As far as your statement that I seem to have found some magical track to sanity - don't I wish - I simply have days when I appear to be all together and yet deep inside I'm still a mess.  But coming here as been a great help to me and I hope that it helps you as well.  My hubby just came in, and he still doesn't get what I do on these boards, so I will have to close.  Do take care!!!

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