eldest died, youngest to go too

[jtvt]

wrote this in other forum as well. figure I'll get support from this forum as well. sorry if most everyone reads both forums!

my oldest son died when he was l2. that was years ago. now my youngest is l4 and he is on the same path. I am strong, I am a very balanced person. And it's all feeling to be too much right now, being strong and whole is all fine and good but it's not enough! I have the best friends, many of them, all wonderful, supportive, loving etc. but they have not a clue what this is like. They can't know. people don't know until they go through a loss. I'm not getting what I need. I need more, so much more. I am hoping I can get more of what I need via this forum, and/or others if you can recommend others to go to. I'll take all the support in the world. no pity. you know how that goes if you've gone through a loss. pity is worthless of course. advice. only if it's coming from the heart and from someone who has some understanding of this experience of mine. My sons have been the best experience of my life. I am honored to have been their mom. I wouldn't change any of this, ever.

My son began seeing spirits about six weeks ago. he wondered why. I know why. we've talked about it. Around the same time he began writing stories, all day long for weeks. Stories that expressed what is actually going on. such a gift for me and his older brother.

I walk on a treadmill or jog on a treadmill every day. have been doing this for years. the past two days I just don't seem to have the umph to keep it up. I'm so tired of it all.

when will he go. how will he go. what happens if he doesn't go and this just goes on and on? what will life be like once he goes? People say I'm strong, and I am. but it's been no problem being brave when you have children who need you. that's not bravery. bravery is for when I don't have my son any longer. what will I feel? what will make my life important and profound as it has been these past many years.

so many things on my mind. of course, I need to be present to this moment only. it's hard for me to do that right now. I'm in a real low. you probably got that, eh?!

thank you,

j.

[ModKonnie]

wrote this in other forum as well. figure I'll get support from this forum as well. sorry if most everyone reads both forums!

my oldest son died when he was l2. that was years ago. now my youngest is l4 and he is on the same path. I am strong, I am a very balanced person. And it's all feeling to be too much right now, being strong and whole is all fine and good but it's not enough! I have the best friends, many of them, all wonderful, supportive, loving etc. but they have not a clue what this is like. They can't know. people don't know until they go through a loss. I'm not getting what I need. I need more, so much more. I am hoping I can get more of what I need via this forum, and/or others if you can recommend others to go to. I'll take all the support in the world. no pity. you know how that goes if you've gone through a loss. pity is worthless of course. advice. only if it's coming from the heart and from someone who has some understanding of this experience of mine. My sons have been the best experience of my life. I am honored to have been their mom. I wouldn't change any of this, ever.

My son began seeing spirits about six weeks ago. he wondered why. I know why. we've talked about it. Around the same time he began writing stories, all day long for weeks. Stories that expressed what is actually going on. such a gift for me and his older brother.

I walk on a treadmill or jog on a treadmill every day. have been doing this for years. the past two days I just don't seem to have the umph to keep it up. I'm so tired of it all.

when will he go. how will he go. what happens if he doesn't go and this just goes on and on? what will life be like once he goes? People say I'm strong, and I am. but it's been no problem being brave when you have children who need you. that's not bravery. bravery is for when I don't have my son any longer. what will I feel? what will make my life important and profound as it has been these past many years.

so many things on my mind. of course, I need to be present to this moment only. it's hard for me to do that right now. I'm in a real low. you probably got that, eh?!

thank you,

j.

HI Julie,

I want to welcome you to our community and send you deepest sympathies for your loss. With that being said, Is your son ill? If you already said that in another post, then I apologize for asking. My father saw things and so did my mother-in-law right before they both passed. We thought maybe they were angels coming to get them. I don't understand all of that, though.

If you want to share your son's stories, we'd be glad to read them. You will find many people here who have lost their children. They will be able to offer support, encouragement and some sage advice for you.

ModKonnie

[jtvt]

thank you for the welcoming! My son has been ill for about seven years now. we have gone in and out of the h ospital, often via ambulance, for these seven years. He then needs a lot of care at home when we return. at first he would work so hard to get his abilities back but after losing them and then relearning about three or four times, it just didn't seem to matter anymore. I don't blame him at all. At this point my dear boy is using a wheelchair and that is getting difficult too.

the spirits he saw. yeah, that was pretty weird. he called to me and told me there were people by the door to the bathroom. "why are they here?" he wanted to know. because of his declining health I figured I knew why they were here. since R was so frightened of them, after about four nights of this, I talked with them and explained that R is scared of you, would you please come in a different way, one that isn't frightening. From then on R began sleeping through the night. first time in his whole life. I figure they probably began coming in his dreams and he found that helpful.

it doesn't seem that many caregivers are here on this site? from what I understand the last writings were in august, is that correct? do you know of other sites that might be more helpful as far as caregiving goes?

Thank you so much. I guess I'll use this site to write, to pour out my thoughts, even if I don't hear from others! is that alright?!

j.

[ModKonnie]

thank you for the welcoming! My son has been ill for about seven years now. we have gone in and out of the h ospital, often via ambulance, for these seven years. He then needs a lot of care at home when we return. at first he would work so hard to get his abilities back but after losing them and then relearning about three or four times, it just didn't seem to matter anymore. I don't blame him at all. At this point my dear boy is using a wheelchair and that is getting difficult too.

the spirits he saw. yeah, that was pretty weird. he called to me and told me there were people by the door to the bathroom. "why are they here?" he wanted to know. because of his declining health I figured I knew why they were here. since R was so frightened of them, after about four nights of this, I talked with them and explained that R is scared of you, would you please come in a different way, one that isn't frightening. From then on R began sleeping through the night. first time in his whole life. I figure they probably began coming in his dreams and he found that helpful.

it doesn't seem that many caregivers are here on this site? from what I understand the last writings were in august, is that correct? do you know of other sites that might be more helpful as far as caregiving goes?

Thank you so much. I guess I'll use this site to write, to pour out my thoughts, even if I don't hear from others! is that alright?!

j.

Hi J,

Yes, you come here any time. There are many many caregivers here, but many simply read the posts because they are emotionally unable to respond in writing.

What illness does your son have? Is he still able to go to school? Or do you do any kind of homebound education? Does he have the energy to read or play at all?

Don't worry, until others post to you, I will be here listening.

ModKonnie