Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

My Heart Is Broken


greg981

Recommended Posts

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Thank you Greg for sharing that was beautiful.  I filled up because I didn't know and that Tues.  I was upset for having to leave him to bring my stepson home.  I went to walk out and he said, " Baby what about my sugar"  I went back and gave him a peck on the lips.  If only I knew that I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes ever again, If only I knew that the two days after that as I kissed his cold body he would never be able to kiss me back again....

In the gift shop at Charleston I bought a card for Freddie on that Monday... It was so hectic with the time you get to visit ICU patients and with his mom and brother's I didn't want to hog up all the time I never had a chance to give it to him.  The pastor read it in the Chapel the day of his Funeral and I would like to Share that with you..

 

You are My Once~in~a~Lifetime Love

We've seen the best and the worst of each other...We've seen each other's weakest points and deepest wounds, the parts of each other that we would never allow anyone else to see. 

We've also seen the better points~the strenths, talents, and hidden sensitivities.  We've shared tears, friends, family and years of love.  We've been each other's best friend and worst enemy.  We've loved each other through the good and the bad, always coming home to each other... despite what might have been said before we left.

Together...we've shown what it means to be a couple.  "In spite of the pains we've encountered, we've grown together and held on to our love.  There isn't a doubt that we were meant to be together.  Thank you for being my once~in~a~lifetime loove... and for knowing, even when "I wasn't showing it, that I have always loved you unconditionally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 231
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Members

Greg, that was beautiful.  I do feel lucky in that, in a way, I got to say goodbye to Ishaq...it was the day of the company rafting trip, and they were always kind of wild out there, plus it can be a dangerous stretch of river...so I kissed him extra when he was heading out, since I never did know on those days if something could happen.  And then it did - his heart stopped while he was laughing and playing in the river. 

There is a little dusting of snow on the ground outside, it's really pretty out there.  Maybe more by morning.

Hope you all are having a peaceful weekend,

Blessings,

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, thanks for the beautiful poem. It was very nice. I hope each week is a little better for you. I'm finding that I am improving be it even slightly, but I will never lose the hole in my heart. It will just feel a little better with time. I went to a 20 year anniversary party for good friends last night. I was very worried, but I found I did ok. I had several moments where I almost lost it, but hung in there and got through. The couple had a video of their life memories from when they met until now. As I watched the video, my wife and I were in some of the pictures and I just kept thinking...I wish we could go back to those times again. My eyes were welling up throught the whole thing. Just seeing all the couples there and knowing I won't be having any more anniversaries was pretty sad for me. Plus the fact that my wife was also friends with all of those people brought back a lot of bittersweet memories. I was glad for my friends though and it turned out to be a very nice evening. I find weekends especially tough since I don't have work to keep my mind preoccupied so getting out for a few hours was helpful. You need to make sure you do that even when deep down yo don't really feel like it. Today is going to be another story...a day at a time.

Hope you have a peaceful week, Laurie and please take care...write often

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks Anna...I though it was beautiful also. I, as you, was fortunate to be able to say goodbye to Miji. She tolld me how much she loved me and I did the same. I also apologized to her for all the hard times we went through during 38 years. Miji, smiled and told me she forgave me a long time ago. It helps to have those moments before someone you love dies, but it still hurts so much. I can only imagine how painful it must be when a loved one dies unexpectedly and you always wish you could have said or done more. Either way, it is so hard to deal with. I wish I could have dreams like you are. I may be, but I don't remember them

We are losing all of our snow now...its going to be in the 50s today. I have a new set of problems...lol. Arnie, the pup I got is now romping in the mud outside when I let him out. I am going to be chasing him around today with a towel....that should keep me busy.

I hope your weekend and your upcoming week are peaceful Anna....take care and Bless You

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Thank you Greg.  I look forward to hearing from you and others.  It helps.  I am like a little child jumping to this site just to check if someone posted anything.  When I can't sleep etc.

Thank you for the advice of pushing myself whether I want to or not.  Friday night I had off from my brother's club.  First time I had a weekend night off in almost a year.  My brother showed up unexpectedly and we went up the road to a friends diner.  We sat there for 2 hours talking about Freddie and talking about the future.  He told me that I should go out with my best friend Sherry that night even for a little while.

I did as he said to a place Freddie and I loved to go and meet friends.  I did break down a few times.  But it was nice.  My Freddie used to love kareoke and used to love doing Move It On Over.  The DJ and friends did that in memory of Freddie.  They all had tears rolling, but during that song I didn't.  I was proud that he ment so much to people they did that.

Going to go see my grandbabies today!  That always brings a smile.  Again thank you for listening and being there.  I hope today is a good day for you even chasing the puppy around with a towel.

One day at a time

Bless you all and thank you~Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Laurie & Greg,

It's good to go out and face the real world even when it hurts because it won't go away or wait for you. It gets a little easier each time you do it although I think a part of you always misses having that sepcial person beside you. I'm glad you both did something....and survived it.

Hope you have a good week. One day at a time adds up to a week and then a month etc. etc. I will hit 18 months tomorrow. Sometimes it seems like 18 minutes, others like 18 years. Can't believe I've made it this far..

Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Mary Jo, Your an inspiration.  Thank you for replying.  I am having hard time between last night and today.  You know those stepping stones.  8 weeks last night was the last time Freddie slept beside me and 8 weeks today was the last time he walked out that door as I brought him to the emergency room.  I hate these day by day markers.

Hope you have a great week.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, I'm sure those markers will always be there but they get further apart. I used to get really bummed on the 7th of each month and count ... 1 month, 3 months, 7 months etc. After a year I stopped doing it automatically but the 18 month mark seems like one to notice. I tried the chat room Greg recommended (you can go back to his earlier posts and get the address.) It might help you. I liked it even though it's been longer for me. It is really good to know you're in a place where others understand how you feel. Take care...Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Mary Jo, good to hear from you. I'm glad you tried the chat room. You'll have to tell me your screen name so I know who you are. I am ususally on early in the morning. I can't sleep and getting up that early is the wort time for me. So quiet and lonely. The people in that room have helped me through a lot of bad days. My screen name is Greg B.

Laurie, the web site is www.groww.com. I ususally go to the room for general bereavement. I think it is the only one open 24 hours a day. It's pretty easy to get on. Just look for the instructions to enter the chat room. There's a drop down choice for the different rooms and the general (all bereavements) is the one I use the most. The spouse room is open in the evenings every night. You'll see it all there.

 

Thanks, Bless You and have a great week,

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Thanks Greg,  I just looked into it.  Right now there are people talking about food.  Maybe I will try later.  Bad day today.  But I want to thank you for the support your giving me.  I hope I can be some help to you too.

Have a great evening, Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today it has been 6 months since my husband Paul passed away and I feel like things are getting worse instead of better. My heart feels like a hugh hole in the middle of it and that it will never ever get better.  Why did this have to happen? Why am I left alone. Paul was the most caring person in the world, why did he have to suffer so.? What is going to happen to me?  Please God give me the answers I need. .....Carla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, just you keeping in touch is helping me. We all want to hear we are not alone in this and talking about it helps a lot. I don't know what I would do if I had no one to talk to. I'm glad you tried that site. They do get onto different subjects sometimes, but for the most part, they will ask questions and try to comfort you. Sometimes, getting on different subjects helps get your mind off the pain for a few minutes. You can still feel alive. You can openly say whatever is on your mind and they understand. The best time is in the mornings. The same group is usually there every day. There is also a special room for people who have lost a spouse. I have never really been in there because I fall asleep so early every night.  

Hope to hear from you soon

Hugs ((((Laurie))))

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carla, the 12th of January will be 2 months for me and please believe me...I feel your pain. Your thoughts and mine are the same. I ask myself those same questions and don't come up with any answers. The only thing I can come up with is that my job here on earth is not done yet and that's why I'm still here. I think it is feeling worse because we are realizing that this is not a bad dream It's real and that makes our minds speed. The reality is setting in and it hurts

Please try to hang in there and we wil all make it through this together. We are not alone.

Take care of yourself and God Bless

Greg  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, I want to thank you for the comfort you give me.  Our loved ones died just a few days apart and yet your are a great man in helping me.  Your wife would be proud.  You are right, this realizing this isn't just a nightmare it is real.  Freddie's truck is still out back, I don't know which is worse coming home seeing it and my heart going and extra beat like he has come home or when his son comes to get it and I come home and it isn't there.  His son Joe said when I am ready.  He is just so greatful I am giving it to him.  I just don't want to be here when he drives it out of the driveway.  Hope today is better day for you and I.

Hugs to you to Greg, and again thankyou for everything,

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Carla, it will be two months for me on Thursday since my Freddie passed.  Everyday there seems to be some boulder or reminder of it's been 8 weeks since the last time Freddie was in our bed.  8 Weeks yesterday when he walked out the door the last time.  I feel like I am going insane.  Haven't slept in our bed yet.  Still on the couch. Went to cemetary yesterday and just cried, asking him why did he leave me here.  I assume as Greg said our work isn't done here yet.  And I know I have heard it over and over in my lifetime that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.  Well I feel that this raw empty hurt is just about enough.  I still get mad, hurt, angry. I did on a happy note enjoy my grandsons yesterday.  Went for a walk with my daughter pushing the babies in the strollers.  My girls are forever asking me Mom are you okay? Mom you look so sad today.  But as a Mom you blow it over saying, I'll be okay, while screaming inside will I really?  And see I hear time after time, in time it won't go away but will be easier.  I can't imagine it that way.  As you say it feels worse.  Well I am here on in off all times of day.  I sub-teach, am a travel agent and work my brother's teen club and yet my mind still has plenty of time to wonder. Tired of the bill collectors calling too!  Freddie had no life insurance, or medical so I am done for.

Your in my thoughts,

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you for the nice words Laurie....I'm not any braver than you though. All the same worries go through my mind too. You mentioned sleeping on the couch. My wife's hospital bed was set up in out family room the last month of her life. It was right next to the couch. I have slept on that same couch since she died. I can still see partially the marks from the wheels on the bed in the carpet. I avoid going to our bedroom except to take a shower. I think by what we are saying, that we all have a lot in common.  Even though I am still in so much pain, I feel so bad for you because I know what it feels like. But, it is comforting to me to know that everything NOT normal is normal right now in our lives.

My daughter is taking this really hard too. My son has gone off in a shell and won't communicate with anyone. Feels like a second loss for me. We have to be support for each other to survive. At times, I don't feel like I want to survive, but I am going to try for my kids and grand kids. Don't feel like Freddie left you by his choice. I'm sure he would want you to go on and keep a place for him in your heart. He will always be there with you. Let's be strong together. As far as the bil collectors, just call them all and tell them what happened and that you will do the best you can. I'm sure this happens to them all the time. Go slow and send them $10 a month. They will understand and at least you are making an effort. But, make sure you call and explain.

Where are you from Laurie? I don't remember if you said. I live outside of Chicago in the northwestern suburbs. Hugs...Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, the only bill I am worried about right now is the balance of the Funeral.  I was just talking the day before even that we had to get I called it "planting insurance".  So I did the best I could.  We were suppose to go on a cruise Dec. 9th.  The money saved up for that bought his plot.  Mine along side him is on layaway.  Can you imagine?  My brother is working on a benefit that will be held one day next month to help finish paying the funeral bill and monies left over to get a monument or towards one anyway.

I live in Conway, SC right outside Myrtle Beach.  I have lived here 11 years.  Originally from up state NY 10 miles north of Albany.  Between the adirondack and catskill mts, so I know about cold and snow!

That is what keeps me going my two daughter's and grandchildren.

Hope to talk to you sometime tonight.  Got a few things to do now.

Your in my thoughts, hugs

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie,

I was on the evening chat that is for people who lost a spouse. I think there are some on there that you would identify with and it would help. Sometimes the topics veer into different things but don't be afraid to ask a question or get it back onto the grief thing. I want to try the one for people who are ready to rebuild or go on (or whatever it's called.) Believe it or not, someday you will reach that point, too. Last year at this time (6 months) I was a mess.

The truck bit...I had a van that was hard to let go but I couldn't stand looking at it without Rod in it so I traded it & the car for a Jeep. It was one of the best things I did. It's hard to give up on possessions so take your time. I still have some of Rod's clothes in a closet and I just higged the whole bunch yesterday.

Hope your day goes ok. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carla,

Unfortunately, there are no answers but eventually you stop asking those questions. I remember last January when I was at 6 months. One of the worst times of my life. I promise it will get better but I know how hard it is to endure going through it. And you need to go THROUGH it, not around it, if you really want to heal. I am so sorry...just know others understand and care. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Greg,

I also have a muddy puppy. Scottie "skirts" really get it because they are so low to the ground. I'm glad you have Arnie to keep you busy. I admire your attitude. It will make all the difference in the world as you go through this eben though it's really hard to stay positive most days. Your son will come around when he's dealt with his grief a little more. Every  family's relationships change when someone goes missing. Have a good day! Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, the benefit is a great idea. You'll be suprised at how generous people can be !!! We ironically bought out plots about 6 months before my wife passed away. I was hesitant about doing it because it kind of gave me the creeps, but now I'm glad we did. It would have been really hard scrambling at the last minute. Plus, now my kids won't have to worry about it someday. Sounds like you are on track Laurie....they aren't going to go broke waiting for their money.

I bet is is warm in S.C. now, right? We have a place in Florida, but I can't even think about going there for a long while. New job and also too many memories. Maybe next winter I will attempt it or maybe I wil just try to sell it. For now, I have to stay in Chicago. We are having a heat wave this week. In the 50s...lol, but really messy...

OK, back to work for me.....hugs and talk to you later

Greg  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks Mary Jo...I am trying to keep my patience with Arnie. I forgot how hard raising a puppy can be.  I'm going to give it a fair chance because I know I would feel even worse if he was gone.

I have to get past the mud thing. I just took him out on his leashe and he did his business. He doen't like the leash, but that's my fault for spoiling him. He will have to learn I guess.

I'm hoping my son comes around. I feel like I have a second loss now and I worry about him being ok. I can't force him to communicate though. He never answers his phone and hasn't called anyone. I guess we will see what happens. It's a very hurtful feeling though.

In the mean time, I hope all is well with you. Have a great week Mary Jo

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, yes it is warm here finally, but geez three days agao it was in the teens.  I thought this is ridiculous.  I moved south to get out of the cold.  Don't miss shoveling and sliding sideways though!

Yes, I have a year to pay off my plot.  I do have life ins. on me now so my girls don't have to go through this.  Not alot but enough to plant me and each have something left.  Maybe in the future I will be able to do better for them.

So you work at home?  What do you do?  Travel agent sounds so wonderful to people but since I am outside sales, my friend owns a business in Poquoson VA and comm. is split 50-50.  That is when people book few and far between.

Talk to you later, got to run errands,

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, I do work from home, but that seems to be making this whole thing harder for me. I wish I had an office to go to so I coud clear my mind once in a while. I was the operations manager for Maytag in Chicago for many years. Maytag was sold to Whirlpool last year and a lot of us lost our jobs since Whirlpool doesn't have factory service like Maytag did. All of their service work is done by independent servicers. I got a job with an independent service company out of Benton Harbor, Michigan and was hired to start up appliance service in the Chicago area. I am responsible for a total of 13 techs here and in Michigan. It's a lot different working for a smaller company. My wife worked for United Airlines at O'Hare for about 22 years before she got sick. You probably deal with United all the time I would imagine.

Working for a travel agency must have some nice perks I would think and you can probably get some good deals on travel if you wanted to, right? I'm confused...is the company in VA the travel company or is that another job?

Talk you you soon

Greg    

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, I live in SC but since I am outside sales travel agent my home base office is in VA.  Not much perks except not paying commission for my trip.  Get no deals on flying.  Pretty well sucks.  I just enjoy showing people how they can afford to cruise especially with a group cruise.  Like a layaway plan and the grp leader goes free except port charges.

talk to you soon,

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I understand now Laurie...I think you said you were a substitute teacher also. Sounds like you have a lot going on. That's a good thing. We have to try to keep busy. Having sleep problems here. I fell asleep at 6:30 and am wide awake at 2:30. I have to try to get back to a normal sleeping routine. Talk to you later....

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, have to go teach 4th graders today.  Keep me in your prayers! lol.  Hope you got a little more sleep.  My thing is I go to bed late, wake up 2 or 3 times and get up early.  So today I am tired.  Hope I have patience.  Hope you have a good day and I will talk to you later.

hugs to you,

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi everyone I know I haven't posted in awhile been very busy with work, and it's supposed to be part time. I was home all day yesterday dealing with the insurance company and the drs office trying to get the medical records sent so they can settle the claim. But with the hippa law unless I get a court paper saying that I have rights to them I can not get them. Now I have to get a lawyer that I can't afford to do the work for me. So I told the lady at the drs office that if I have no rights then I guess I just can't pay the bill there. And then I sat and talked to Randys pic and asked him what I should do why is all of this happening tell me what u want me to do. And then the rest of the night all I did was cry. It is so not fair. It has been 12 and a half weeks and some days I do ok and others like today just don't know how I am gonna do all of this stuff. He was the one that always dealt with the big stuff I took care of the little things now I have to do it all. Well I guess I will just have to see what the lawyer has to tell me. JUST IS NOT FAIR!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Lela, I am coming to brick walls with Freddie's bills too.   The difference is we had no insurance.  My extra bad day was Sunday.  Because on that day it was 8 weeks since Freddie last stepped foot out of the house.  I have always dealt with the bills etc, but we had two incomes.  No just one crappy one and on top of that all the outside work in the yard etc.  I had at least one thing yesterday with the Omni Flight that was 19,000.  I said you keep sending me this he is gone and no insurance.  She said just send copie of death certificate and they would take care of it.  That is a little chisel off the block.  I just got home.  Hated going there to work today.  We will see what this evening brings.  Your not alone, I have to get a lawyer that I can't afford too.  Hugs to you, talk to you soon.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Well Greg I survived.  It wasn't 4th graders they switched me last min.  It was rotating first 1st grade, then K, then 2nd.  Yuck!!!  Your in my thoughts.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Lela, thanks for getting back. I was beginning to worry about you. I read a small bok called " I lost my partner, what will I do?" They had a lot of good tips in ther. One of the things they mention is how overwhelming it is to get everything together and settled after a loss. I tried their advice and sat down and made a list of everything I needed to do and everyone I needed to contact. I picked 3 at a time that I sorted by importance. I made sure I got names and dates and whether I needed to do something or not (like send a death certificate). As things got done, I would check them off and go for 3 more. This way, you get them done without being overwhelmed. It seemed to work for me and my list is getting smaller all the time. Getting the names and dates and even the time of day, I had to follow up with a couple that didn't do what they were supposed to. Im so glad because the first thing they ask you is when did you call and who did you talk to. I hope it helps....like we don't have enough on our minds now, we have to deal with all this extra BS. I hope this helps...keep in touch with us and stay well...we need you.

Hugs, Greg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, you had a real mix today...I bet you're whooped ! Hope the rest of your day goes good. The bad days seem to come in waves. I can be so-so for a couple of days and then have one where I feel like I'm going to lose it. Thank God for Xanax.

I don't like taking meds and I especially don't like doctors after what they put my wife and I through, but I have to say that those pills take the edge off and help me get through the day when I need them. I only use them when I feel panic coming on like I did this morning when I woke up...I felt like I just wanted to be next to my wife and not have to deal with this anymore. I cried for about an hour straight. That scares me, but as they same not normal is now normal. Have a great evening and hope to hear from you soon....hugs to you

Greg

  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, I am so sorry.  That was my Sunday.  When I went to the drs. because I couldn't shake the bad cold I had even before my Freddie died, they tried to give me sleeping pills, the one your on, volume etc.  My personal choice was not to accept them because I told her I will in my state want to take everything.  No to kill myself but just be in a place where nothing hurts.  So for my children and granbabies I said no thank you.  I deal with it without.  So again even from the dr. you strong woman.  BS.  Not strong, just know myself and it's smarter for me that way.  Yes I am going to get a cup of coffee and chill for a while.  I hope tomorrow is better for you.  Thursday is already going to me my bad day again< I know this.  He will be dead for 2 months.  Everyday the tears flow, just some are worse and wetter than others.  Hugs to you Greg, and again thanks for caring for others even in your time of grief.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I agree with you Laurie...I'm not into pills. I only have one kind and use it sparingly. Maybe every 3 or 4 days. Getting near the 2 month anniversary for me on the 12. Almost feels like it was longer, but it isn't. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I guess I'll find out soon. I will be thinking of you on Thursday and my prayers are with you. Crying is good for us. It relieves the pressure and helps keep us sane.

Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am too, but I sure don't feel that way. I feel very alone and vunerable and that's not normally like me. When I wake up in the mornng, everything keeps swimming through my head....bills, house payments, job , kids, my own health....it just goes on and on. Very scary. then I finally get up and try to face the day.

Oh well, enough depressing talk....have yourself a wonderful Wednesday and lots of hugs to you.....(((((((((((Laurie))))))))))

Talk to you soon

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, I understand the alone scary feeling.  I remember during the immediate days after Freddie died, everyone was around.  I had no room to breath.  Then after he is buried all the friends go on there merry way and get a occasional call.  By them they went from one extreme to another.

When I say thurs.  that to me is the 8 weeks since Freddie died.  I know eventually I will say every 15th of the month it has been this many months, but right now it is so insane I just know every thurs it has been this many weeks.  I don't even know what the date is on Thurs.  But I know it will be 8 weeks since he left me.  I am reading a fantastic book called We are their Heaven.  I will chat with you later about it.  Running late have to finish getting ready.  The rest of the week I have ISS. In School Suspension.  Lucky me.  Hugs to you and your in my thoughts.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, you are so right. I was overwhelmed with calls before Miji died and after the funeral, the phone kinda stops....the occasional calls...."just wanted to see how you are holding up", "anything I can do, call me", "hang in there", "you gotta be strong for your kids and grandkids" "things will get better with time" "she wouldn't want you to be sad"....yada yada yada....seems like everyone thinks you are supposed to go back to normal after the burial. They all know what's best for you. It doesn't work quite that way does it? When I wake up in the morning, I just look forward to going to bed if that makes sense...

I will never go back to "normal" as everyone else sees as normal. Normal at this stage seems like empty sadness and depression with uncertainty about the future

Good hearing from you and have fun in detention...I spent some time there myself, but on the other side !!! Have a good day Laurie

You are in my thoughts and hugs, Greg  

:)

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lela:::: How are you doing? I think I have sinus infection again because my head keeps trobbing. I would go to the doctors but I just don't feel like it right now.  Have you heard anything back on your apartment yet? I hope you get it and then we will be able to see more of each other. I wish summer would get here because this icky weather makes me so depressed and the more depressed I get the more I realize that Paul is not coming home and I am going to be by myself and that is something that  I hate. 

I was at McDonalds today and Sandy Adams came in and said she had lunch at Club TNT and that the waitress was horrible. She said the cheeseburger they had was so tiny and I guess Tara came up to her and told her that she was not charging her for her meal because the service was slow and that the cheeseburger was small because they were running out of hamburger.....I told Sandy that  she should only go when you were working and then she would get good food..........Well got to go ttyl....Carla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, I survived work today.  Hated it.  I know that is Freddie saying I deserve better.  Sad all the college education and getting nowhere.  My brother is working on the deal for the new bar which is close to me.  I will manage that and make better money.  He laughs and tells me I have to wear turtle necks so Freddie don't get mad!  I laughed.

I understand the count down til it is time for bed I really do.  I am almost done with that book I ordered We are their Heaven.  It is great by Allison DuBois.  She is the one the medium show that I never seen is based on.  It kind of gave me peace.  So I am not crazy coming into the house and saying baby I am home.  Or looking at his picture and telling him I love him.  Or knowing when it is my time he will come to get me.

Hope your having a good evening, your in my thoughts,

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Mary Jo, Anna and Lela:  How is everything going with all of you? I was just noticing that you 3 have not been writing lately and I wanted to check up on everyone and make sure you are all doing ok.   Things here in Litchfield Il are going ok. Monday was the 6 month mark since my Paul passed and it seems like it is getting worse instead of better.  I think we all need a dose of summer and sunlight. Please send a message soon so I will know that you ladies are doing ok.      Your friend, Carla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carla I am doing ok today. Talked to a lawyer about that paper I need so I can get Randys files sent to the Life Insurance company so mayybe they will settle and I can get things paid. Sandy just needs to check with you to find out when I work week to week. I really like working there we all get along well together even with the big age difference I am old enough to be most of them's mother lol.

I hope MaryJo Anna and the rest of you are all doing well. Maybe someday soon the sun will come out and all the yucky will go away.

Talk to you all later Lela

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Lela, hope you are doing okay today.  My thoughts are with you even as I try to chisel some of these bills away that come in the mail.  Kind of hard with no life ins.  It's funny how what was routine before Freddie died is now a depressing problem even going to the job.  I just wanted you to know your in my thoughts.  Coming upon 8 weeks tomorrow.  Don't know how my mood will be.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi, everyone, thanks for asking about me!  I've been on a creative blitz the past few days...creating a lot of new designs for my online stores.  I did a lot with yoga and meditation designs, om mandalas and hindu gods and goddesses and buddhas and stuff.  Then today I did a more humerous shirt as well...I went and got my hair trimmed today, which was much needed, my bangs had grown out and were flapping in my face constantly! And I visited with my friend while he had his chemo, only two more to go after this and he's done.

I seem to have more good days than bad recently...maybe because I've gotten used to the way Ishaq still comes in dreams and visits me, and I feel his presence so much.  I used to be afraid that as time went on I'd feel him less, but it's more like we've sort of ...merged.  Hard to put into words. 

If any of you want to look at my new art designs, they show up on my myspace page a ways down where I've put a "flash panel" of my work: 

http://www.myspace.com/armaiti

Hope everyone has a peaceful evening,

Blessings,

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carla...Hi..I'm fine just busy at work and chipping ice at home. Been trying to get back into reading. It's always been such a huge part of my life. I don't know where the time goes. Actually went back to the pool and it felt great to swim again. They finally got the heater fixed. Had one bad morning with a few tears but it only lasted about an hour. I miss Rod all the time but generally do very well from day to day now. Thanks for checking in with me and have a good day. Chin up and feet forward!! Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, I hope the deal with the bar goes through. That may be a great opportunity for you. Try to have a great day today and keep your chin up. Saw lot's of responses out there and sounds like everyone is making it through for now. That's good to hear. I'm going to order that book and see if it can give me some peace too. That's all I'm looking for right now at this stage. Don't like feeling like I'm going crazy every day.

Talk to you soon and try to enjoy the day

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Anna, I checked out the site and the pics. Very nice, I have to say. It's a little tricky navigating around, but I finally found the pics. You really do good work. I messed around some more and found some nice pictures of Ishaq. I will go back later when I have more time to look around.

Hope all is going your way and hope to hear from you soon...

Take care of yourself, 

Greg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Greg, I actually put the wrong link in for my myspace page!

It should be:

http://www.myspace.com/annaarmaiti

I get these mixed up sometimes, because I have different user names for the different online stores!  The one above will be a lot clearer, and I have a slideshow up with pictures of me and Ishaq too. 

One of Ishaq's best friends is coming to stay here this weekend to lead a workshop, which will be nice.  His girlfriend died last year from a brain tumor, and his ex-wife is one of my best friends, and the person who was with me after Ishaq passed and was with me when we dressed him and did ceremony with him at the funeral home.  Another of our friends is coming with him, so I'll have a full house this weekend, which will be nice.  The Seahawks are playing Saturday in the big playoff game, so I do have a dilemma - spirituality or football! 

Blessings,

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Greg, well today is rough but I finished that book.  It was good.  I did go after work to see my daughter Melissa and my grandsons.  Then all of a sudden my Ashley was there with my grandaughter.  I didn't even say anything to them of how bad today is.  It was if they knew.  I try not to sound down to them all of the time.  They have good lives with the babies, they don't need to hear my depression.  They deserve to live happy lives daily.

I know what you mean about feeling crazy.  I just got a phone call out of the blue from Freddies Friend steve saying he was in the area can he come to dig the rose bush up I told him he could have.  It is just strange on this day since he lives about 45 mins away.  I said that was fine.  He will be here soon.

Chin up and with that book I know I am not crazy now talking to Freddie as if he is still here.

Hugs Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
travelinglaurie

Anna, very nice.  My brother was here helping me with my camera to get pictures up.  I was looking at some of the stuff of my space and was amazed that Ishaq had been to Saratoga Springs.  I live in SC now but am from upstate NY. Troy actually about 20 mins from Saratoga.  Today is rough but I made it.  Hope all is well with you.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.