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brittneybell

I miss my mom

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Hello,

I am a 30 year old woman who just lost her mother August 1st, 2010. I honestly feel like I just can't go on. I got laid off from my job, so I have all this time to sit and think. I have isolated myself because I don't want to continuously talk to my friends about it because in their minds it is going to be coming up on 4 months, so I should be "over it". They just don't understand. No one does unless you have gone through it. I don't have a large family. It is pretty much just me, my dad and my brother so now I have no female to turn to and it is so depressing. I did everything with my mom. She was my best friend in the world and now I just feel lost. I tried talking to a counselor, a priest, I tried reading books and nothing seems to help me. I have absolutely no desire to do anything or see anyone. Everyone says "I need to go on with my life. My mom wouldn't want me to be like this" but they just don't get it. I don't want to "be like this either, but it's not like I have a choice. It makes me feel better to speak to other people who have been through this because I know they know what I am feeling. I just wanted to know if there is anyone else who feels like this and has been to counselors, etc and they didn't help either. Does anyone have any other recommendations? It is so horrible to wake up everyday and the second you wake up, you just feel sad and empty. People say time makes it better, but for me, it seems that I am getting worse as time progresses. I just think of all the things I am going to now have to experience without my mom and it is heartbreaking. Her death was sudden and there are a million things didn't get to ask or say and I think about that everyday too. Does it every get better?

Brittney

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Hi Brittany,

Yes,believe it or not it will get better.I never thought I would be able to say that but it does.I was also extremely close to my mom and wanted to die when she died.For so long I was lost without her and constantly found myself reaching for the phone to call her.I used to talk to my mom 3-4 times a day,every day!She was my best friend and nobody will ever replace her.It has been almost 2 1/2 yrs.since my mom died and I still miss her more than anything but I think the shock of her dying has worn off.I tried councelors but they really didn't help me,sometimes I felt worst when I left in tears.I just take one day at a time now,when I wake up in the morning my first thought is"You can get through another day without her",and I do.I talk about my mom constantly and always will,I never want to forget one thing about her!Just give yourelf time,your moms death is very recent and their should be nobody thinking that you could possibly over her death so soon.Honestly I don't know if you ever really get over losing someone you loved so much,your life just changes and somehow time goes on without them.I'm so sorry you are going through this.Writing on this web site has helped me alot.You aren't alone-HUGS!! :)

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Thank you SO much for replying! It really does make me feel better to talk with people who have been through this and really understand how it feels. I also wanted to die when she died. I thought about it, and still do all the time because I cannot imagine my life without her. I also used to talk to my mom a million times everyday. There are also many times where I reach for the phone to call her and then realize I can't. Since it is so recent and happened so suddenly, I think the shock hasn't worn off for me. In the back of my head, I still think she is gonna walk through the door one day which I know is insane. I haven't packed any of her things or anything like that because I just can't yet. I also felt worse when I left the counselors. It made me more upset too and I just didn't think someone who didn't know me and hadn't been through this could help me. I am thinking about going to a bereavement group. Did you ever try that? I am thinking about writing down every memory I can think about with her because I never want to forget a thing we did together. I think this website will help me. It is just comforting to know there are other people out there feeling the same thing you are without thinking you are crazy. Thank you SO very much for your reply.

Hi Brittany,

Yes,believe it or not it will get better.I never thought I would be able to say that but it does.I was also extremely close to my mom and wanted to die when she died.For so long I was lost without her and constantly found myself reaching for the phone to call her.I used to talk to my mom 3-4 times a day,every day!She was my best friend and nobody will ever replace her.It has been almost 2 1/2 yrs.since my mom died and I still miss her more than anything but I think the shock of her dying has worn off.I tried councelors but they really didn't help me,sometimes I felt worst when I left in tears.I just take one day at a time now,when I wake up in the morning my first thought is"You can get through another day without her",and I do.I talk about my mom constantly and always will,I never want to forget one thing about her!Just give yourelf time,your moms death is very recent and their should be nobody thinking that you could possibly over her death so soon.Honestly I don't know if you ever really get over losing someone you loved so much,your life just changes and somehow time goes on without them.I'm so sorry you are going through this.Writing on this web site has helped me alot.You aren't alone-HUGS!! :)

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This was my first today visiting this site and I can't explain how comforting it has been. It honestly makes me feel better to know that other people are going through this too and I'm not alone. As I am sure a lot of you know, it is very hard to talk to people who have not gone through this because they don't know what to say. A lot of my friends call me a lot less than I expected them too and I am assuming it is because they don't know how to act. I have just been feeling so incredibly alone lately. My father is not the emotional type, so I don't have a lot of support there and I don't really have any other family I can speak to. I would love to hear from anyone who is going or has gone through this and just hear what they have to say or get any ideas on ANYTHING that might make me feel better.

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Britteny,

I never did join a Bereavment group,but I thought about it and still do.I met 2 really good friends on this website,they have helped me the most beause they totally understand the hell I am going through.I don't have alot of family left either,just a brother.Both of my parents died un-expectantly,my dad was 55 and my mom was 59.I think I had an easier time dealing with my dads death because I still had my mom and she helped me get through it,but when she died I felt so alone.After 2 1/2 yrs.I still sometimes think that this is all just a nightmare that I will one day wake up from.I wish!!!Don't rush packing up your moms things,you will know when you are ready.My brother was the one who packed up my moms things,he would bring me the things of hers he knew I would want to keep.I would have him put it in my spare room closets and it took me a year before I could go through it all.I still have a hard time.For some reason I find when I am alone in my car is when I can't stop crying.I can get through a work day now with a smile on my face,but as soon as I get in my car the tears still come.My mom only lived 15mins.from me so everywhere I go I think of her.I think that writing down everything about your mom is a great idea!!!Very therapeutic too.I think I will also try that so thank you-you have helped me too!!!! ;)

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Thank you so much for your reply. I researched Bereavement groups around my area, and I am going to try one out next Tuesday, so I will let you know what I think about it and if it was helpful. I completely understand what you are talking about because I truly feel like the only people who are a comfort to me are people who have gone through this because they understand all the crazy emotions we have. People who have never been through this just don't get it. I am very sorry for both your losses. I have said a million times that I feel like I am in a nightmare and I can't wake up. Yeah, I am definitely not ready for packing the things. I have a really hard time even looking at them now. I'm just not ready. I lived with my mom, so everywhere I look reminds me of her. It makes me sad sometimes, but sometimes it makes me happy. I'm sure you know, I feel like I feel a million different emotions all the time. I honestly don't understand how I am ever going to feel like I can go on and live my life. I don't want to live my life without my mom, so I have no desire at all to do anything. I tried going out and I just don't have a good time. My brother is doing a lot better to me and it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. You said you met 2 friends on this website. Was it from messages like these or a chat room or something else. I would really love to meet and speak to other people who know how I feel and none of my friends have had a loss so I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.

Britteny,

I never did join a Bereavment group,but I thought about it and still do.I met 2 really good friends on this website,they have helped me the most beause they totally understand the hell I am going through.I don't have alot of family left either,just a brother.Both of my parents died un-expectantly,my dad was 55 and my mom was 59.I think I had an easier time dealing with my dads death because I still had my mom and she helped me get through it,but when she died I felt so alone.After 2 1/2 yrs.I still sometimes think that this is all just a nightmare that I will one day wake up from.I wish!!!Don't rush packing up your moms things,you will know when you are ready.My brother was the one who packed up my moms things,he would bring me the things of hers he knew I would want to keep.I would have him put it in my spare room closets and it took me a year before I could go through it all.I still have a hard time.For some reason I find when I am alone in my car is when I can't stop crying.I can get through a work day now with a smile on my face,but as soon as I get in my car the tears still come.My mom only lived 15mins.from me so everywhere I go I think of her.I think that writing down everything about your mom is a great idea!!!Very therapeutic too.I think I will also try that so thank you-you have helped me too!!!! ;)

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Hi Brittney,

I hope the Bereavement group you are going to is helpful,at least you are giving it a try!I met my 2 friends through this message board(one of them lost her mom on the same exact day that I lost mine).

I also feel that my brother accepted my moms death alot better than I did,but than again I was extremely close to my mom.I loved to spend time with her,she was fun to be with and she was my favorite person.I honestly have no idea how I am still living 2years later without her.

I have read alot of books about life after death that has also helped me through this.I just want to believe that my mom really is somewhere else,that their is life after death and that I will one day get to be with her again.I had a few things happen to me after my mom died that I felt were signs from her letting me know she is ok.I'm really not that religious,but some of the things that had happened made me feel like my mom was around me and giving me signs that she was still around.I don't get them anymore.Have you felt your mom around you at all since she died?Do you believe in a heaven?

One of my friends also lived with her mom and also feels good being around her moms things.She also goes on a few other sites to talk about the loss of her mom with others who have been through the same hell.I will have to get the names of them for you.She has a few friends from those sites too.I know you feel so alone right now,but their are alot of us who are feeling the same exact way that you are feeling right now-you aren't alone!Please let me know how you make out at the Breavement group!

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