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nipote

Beyond ANGER

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In 2004 I relocated from the east coast to west coast and my family wasnt to happy about that. My grandmother had Alzheimers. I would try and call over the past 6yrs to check in on her and maybe talk to her. My family was verbally abusive towards me and always hung up when i called. that went on for 6 long yrs the abuse I took from them and not to mention wondering how my grandmother was was killing me inside. Last year my boyfriend and & I move back to east coast to be closer in event something happened to my grandmother I would be 2500miles closer now. I tried and tried with my family this past year to see how she was - I had one family member I would email asking how she was and i was given one word adjectives like fine or good - doesnt mean much because alzheimers causes alot of things healthwise. Then end of Sept my one connection to family - we got into a disagreement and said I wasnt going to get any futher information on my grandmother (does fine really count?????)

On 10/28 I find out my grandmother passed away on 10/16. My family never called they had my phone # and email. I did not get to got my own grandmothers funeral. WHAT THEY HAVE DONE IS BEYOND CRUEL!!!!!!! I fought for 6 long yrs with them so while her mind was still good to talk to her and be updated on her health. THEY ROBBED ME OF THAT!!!!! THEY ROBBED ME OF SAYING GOOD-BYE to my grandmother. They knew she was on her way out they had friends and family coming in to say their goodbyes....what about ME??????? I was mentioned in the Obit but they couldnt pick up the damn phone and put aside there differences and say hey you need to get here she doesnt have that much longer???? It seems like the decent thing to do!! because I know my grandmother would have wanted to talk to me over the yrs and as her mind slipped more from this AWFUL DISEASE my family made choices that she wouldnt - like i dont want to talk to my grand-daughter!!! So yeah I am MAD AS Hell for what my family did to me!!!!

The day I learned of this i called my grandmother house to speak to my uncle who cut me down to shreds he said I was a piece of poop over and over again. Then he said go F yourself and hung up on me - when all i was trying to do was find out WHY they didnt call

My anger is exploding into rage and I dont know what to do with it all. My bf and I are fighting mostly because he promised me that he would get me back home to see my gram and it never happened - he has backed away from me. because its am not allowed to express my anger towards that if its my family then its fine but soon as I say why didnt you get me back he shuts down and backs away from me. Then other day his mom and & I get into somewhat of an disagreement because I said why cant you be more supportive of what I am going through I have no family and I feel ALONE in this new city/state. Her come back was exactly this and it nearly sent my blood pressure through the roof " you're not the only F'ing one to ever go through this and I was done with her and told her to stop and how wrong that was to say something like that. Needless to say this has caused tension between my bf and I. His mom is wrong and he doesnt want to hear that his mom is an angel - well a cold hearted one imo!!!!

where do I channel all this hurt/anger??

please help!!!

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In 2004 I relocated from the east coast to west coast and my family wasnt to happy about that. My grandmother had Alzheimers. I would try and call over the past 6yrs to check in on her and maybe talk to her. My family was verbally abusive towards me and always hung up when i called. that went on for 6 long yrs the abuse I took from them and not to mention wondering how my grandmother was was killing me inside. Last year my boyfriend and & I move back to east coast to be closer in event something happened to my grandmother I would be 2500miles closer now. I tried and tried with my family this past year to see how she was - I had one family member I would email asking how she was and i was given one word adjectives like fine or good - doesnt mean much because alzheimers causes alot of things healthwise. Then end of Sept my one connection to family - we got into a disagreement and said I wasnt going to get any futher information on my grandmother (does fine really count?????)

On 10/28 I find out my grandmother passed away on 10/16. My family never called they had my phone # and email. I did not get to got my own grandmothers funeral. WHAT THEY HAVE DONE IS BEYOND CRUEL!!!!!!! I fought for 6 long yrs with them so while her mind was still good to talk to her and be updated on her health. THEY ROBBED ME OF THAT!!!!! THEY ROBBED ME OF SAYING GOOD-BYE to my grandmother. They knew she was on her way out they had friends and family coming in to say their goodbyes....what about ME??????? I was mentioned in the Obit but they couldnt pick up the damn phone and put aside there differences and say hey you need to get here she doesnt have that much longer???? It seems like the decent thing to do!! because I know my grandmother would have wanted to talk to me over the yrs and as her mind slipped more from this AWFUL DISEASE my family made choices that she wouldnt - like i dont want to talk to my grand-daughter!!! So yeah I am MAD AS Hell for what my family did to me!!!!

The day I learned of this i called my grandmother house to speak to my uncle who cut me down to shreds he said I was a piece of poop over and over again. Then he said go F yourself and hung up on me - when all i was trying to do was find out WHY they didnt call

My anger is exploding into rage and I dont know what to do with it all. My bf and I are fighting mostly because he promised me that he would get me back home to see my gram and it never happened - he has backed away from me. because its am not allowed to express my anger towards that if its my family then its fine but soon as I say why didnt you get me back he shuts down and backs away from me. Then other day his mom and & I get into somewhat of an disagreement because I said why cant you be more supportive of what I am going through I have no family and I feel ALONE in this new city/state. Her come back was exactly this and it nearly sent my blood pressure through the roof " you're not the only F'ing one to ever go through this and I was done with her and told her to stop and how wrong that was to say something like that. Needless to say this has caused tension between my bf and I. His mom is wrong and he doesnt want to hear that his mom is an angel - well a cold hearted one imo!!!!

where do I channel all this hurt/anger??

please help!!!

Hi Nipote,

I am so sorry I somehow missed your post. I can certainly see how your anger is beyond measure at the callous way your feelings toward your grandmother were disregarded by your family. I don't know what started the terrible rift in your family, but is there even one family member who would be willing to listen to your side of the situation?

As far as your grandmother's funeral--unfortunately, there is not one thing you can do about it now, except to say your goodbyes to her personally through your own private memorial service at perhaps her gravesite, at a church, in your bedroom alone, with some friends, or through a grief counselor.

The anger is not going to help anything, although it is perfectly understandable. Instead, if you concentrate on saying what you wanted to say to your grandmother, and get it said to her--will that help?

Your boyfriend and his mother obviously don't understand what you are going through. Maybe they've never experienced this riot of emotion and simply can't comprehend it. Would talking to someone unbiased, like a pastor of a church, or a good friend help?

I am so sorry you are going through this. But we will be here to listen to you talk, if you have nowhere or nobody else, then by all means come here. We will be looking for you.

ModKonnie

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When I read this, it reminded me of my own family. When one of our aunts died they kept it a secret from me. Around the month she died, I was told they were

going to the town our relatives live in but not that she died. When my brother died, at least one relative (who was not old enough to make adult decisions)

was convinced that I should have been made to stay with the neighbors like an incompetant little child and not be allowed to go to the funeral.

I was old enough to know what was going on and I can't believe that our family would put up with the nerve and audacity she had to get in the middle of it.

Later on there was another older relative who died after a long illness. He was terminally ill for months and they all kept it a secret from me

until the week he passed away as if it served me right. The family member selected to tell me was one who had been bullying me and getting into my business.

It took some time for the rage I have to surface. After my cousin was dead, I started experiencing flashbacks and had repressed memories come back from when he

abused me. I am still experiencing rage from this and I am still overwhelmed that our family could scapegoat me both for the abuse I took from my cousin and for my

brother dying.

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