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jacksangel60

Why is suicide so hard to get over?

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Hi everyone:) I have come back after a long absence, and I really need to get help with my problem, and just talk with others that have experienced the same thing. My fiance' committed suicide in April 2000, and it was the most horrible experience I have ever had in my life. Sure, I lost my parents, grandmother, 1 brother, and other relatives, but this was totally different, and I thought someone hit me right in the stomach the day I found out. We were talking about getting married, and he told me he was totally happy, nothing wrong??? I am trained in the medical field, but even I did not know that he had tried to commit suicide many years prior, and no one in his family told me either. My brother was his brother-in-law, his niece and nephews are also my niece and nephews. In retrospect, I did notice things, but I did not think it meant much because he was doing a good job of hiding everything. Even today, 10 years later, it seems like it was yesterday, and I remember everything very well. I even hired someone to look for him, because he just disappeared. I hired a private detective, and guess what, he was staying 1 block away from the police station!!! They missed finding him by 1 day because the police in his hometown did not take me seriously and they delayed getting a missing person's flyer out to the police in the area that he went to..this has also made me feel guilty that I did not do more. Before I write a book, I just want to know if anyone has anything to tell me that will help ease the pain I still feel. I find myself crying over what happened, or something will trigger memories. Thank you, and love to all.

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Hi everyone:) I have come back after a long absence, and I really need to get help with my problem, and just talk with others that have experienced the same thing. My fiance' committed suicide in April 2000, and it was the most horrible experience I have ever had in my life. Sure, I lost my parents, grandmother, 1 brother, and other relatives, but this was totally different, and I thought someone hit me right in the stomach the day I found out. We were talking about getting married, and he told me he was totally happy, nothing wrong??? I am trained in the medical field, but even I did not know that he had tried to commit suicide many years prior, and no one in his family told me either. My brother was his brother-in-law, his niece and nephews are also my niece and nephews. In retrospect, I did notice things, but I did not think it meant much because he was doing a good job of hiding everything. Even today, 10 years later, it seems like it was yesterday, and I remember everything very well. I even hired someone to look for him, because he just disappeared. I hired a private detective, and guess what, he was staying 1 block away from the police station!!! They missed finding him by 1 day because the police in his hometown did not take me seriously and they delayed getting a missing person's flyer out to the police in the area that he went to..this has also made me feel guilty that I did not do more. Before I write a book, I just want to know if anyone has anything to tell me that will help ease the pain I still feel. I find myself crying over what happened, or something will trigger memories. Thank you, and love to all.

HI and welcome back to our community. Suicide is hard to get over because survivors tend to feel guilty, betrayed, shocked, angry and every other emotion one can think of. It's just hard to accept that someone would actually take his/her own life.

My ex-boss' father committed suicide right before Christmas a few years ago. He went to the barn and hung himself while his wife and Grandkids were up at the house baking. I remember talking to him just two days prior to that. He was at the office and acted all chatty and happy and perfectly "normal." He would've been the last person on earth I would have thought to commit suicide, but he did. His family went through absolute torture trying to fit together all the pieces and figure out what they missed, what they could have done better, how they could have stopped him. He had recently gone to the doctor for some mild depression, which they thought was under control. Apparently, it was far worse than he let on.

I'm not sure that anyone really knows how to ease all of the pain; Is it that you blame yourself in some way for it, or are you mad at him still?

What kind of book are you writing?

ModKonnie

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HI and welcome back to our community. Suicide is hard to get over because survivors tend to feel guilty, betrayed, shocked, angry and every other emotion one can think of. It's just hard to accept that someone would actually take his/her own life.

My ex-boss' father committed suicide right before Christmas a few years ago. He went to the barn and hung himself while his wife and Grandkids were up at the house baking. I remember talking to him just two days prior to that. He was at the office and acted all chatty and happy and perfectly "normal." He would've been the last person on earth I would have thought to commit suicide, but he did. His family went through absolute torture trying to fit together all the pieces and figure out what they missed, what they could have done better, how they could have stopped him. He had recently gone to the doctor for some mild depression, which they thought was under control. Apparently, it was far worse than he let on.

I'm not sure that anyone really knows how to ease all of the pain; Is it that you blame yourself in some way for it, or are you mad at him still?

What kind of book are you writing?

ModKonnie

Do you think the meds caused his suicide?

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Hi everyone:) I have come back after a long absence, and I really need to get help with my problem, and just talk with others that have experienced the same thing. My fiance' committed suicide in April 2000, and it was the most horrible experience I have ever had in my life. Sure, I lost my parents, grandmother, 1 brother, and other relatives, but this was totally different, and I thought someone hit me right in the stomach the day I found out. We were talking about getting married, and he told me he was totally happy, nothing wrong??? I am trained in the medical field, but even I did not know that he had tried to commit suicide many years prior, and no one in his family told me either. My brother was his brother-in-law, his niece and nephews are also my niece and nephews. In retrospect, I did notice things, but I did not think it meant much because he was doing a good job of hiding everything. Even today, 10 years later, it seems like it was yesterday, and I remember everything very well. I even hired someone to look for him, because he just disappeared. I hired a private detective, and guess what, he was staying 1 block away from the police station!!! They missed finding him by 1 day because the police in his hometown did not take me seriously and they delayed getting a missing person's flyer out to the police in the area that he went to..this has also made me feel guilty that I did not do more. Before I write a book, I just want to know if anyone has anything to tell me that will help ease the pain I still feel. I find myself crying over what happened, or something will trigger memories. Thank you, and love to all.

Hmm.. What eased the pain for me personally was letting myself finally cry for him... and for several years I obsessed over my dad. He died when I was 5, and I guess I never grieved. At 17 I found out he'd died by suicide, but it wasn't till I was about 24 years old when it first hit me, and for two or three years I lived my life around figuring out what happened to him, and why. I collected all his belongings I could find, I created picture albums and sobbed over them almost every night, I called random folks up on the telephone that were friends with him or worked with him, I filled an entire large binder with diary entries about him and pretend letters to him. I begged family and friends to tell me more about him, which was not very successful as they just wanted to forget. I made two appointments with mediums (which I backed out of both appointments at the last minute, both times).

I got all his medical records, and then through those I finally found peace. I discovered that there were more medical facts behind by father's suicide than what I'd realized. He'd had a surgery in Jan of 1984, for which he was not prepped properly. It was rectal surgery, and during the surgery the environment became contaminated. Bacteria was put back into his blood stream. It just so happened that this type of bacteria feeds off seratonin. My dad didn't have an OUNCe of it in his body. His first suicide attempt was only 2 months after the surgery. For two years they experimented all sorts of depression treatments on him, including Electric Shock Therapy, Uppers, and Downers (all simultaneously). Then finally, the day before the Challenger Shuttle exploded, he succeeded in ending his life.

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When my brother killed himself I was still in grade school. I felt insignificant when he decided he wanted to die. It affirmed all my fears.

One relative tried to blame it on me and claimed that I should not have been allowed to go to the funeral. I was shocked that my family would

condone her behavior. She claimed that I knew he was going to die and that I, "didn't lift a finger to stop him." I was not old enough to know anything

about people ending their lives.

After he died, I had low self-esteem and I felt helpless.

I still wonder what it would be like to have him around now.

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When my brother killed himself I was still in grade school. I was insulted. He made me feel insignificant when he decided he wanted to die.

One relative tried to blame it on me and claimed that I should not have been allowed to go to the funeral. I was shocked that my family would

condone her behavior. She claimed that I knew he was going to die and that I, "didn't lift a finger to stop him." I was not old enough to know anything

about people ending their lives.

After he died, I had low self-esteem and I felt helpless.

I still wonder what it would be like to have him around now.

LoriElsa,

I can't believe any adult would blame a child for such a thing. How completely awful that you have suffered for years because of nastiness and ignorance on the part of an adult. Sometimes in anger and hurt, people say things off the top of their head that they don't really mean.

Your brother's decision to end his own life was in no way, shape or form your fault. I am so sorry you've suffered because of this.

My brother was killed in a car wreck when I was a teen. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had he lived to have a family and get older. So, I can relate to what you are saying.

Did people treat you badly because of what the one person said?

ModKonnie

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LoriElsa,

I can't believe any adult would blame a child for such a thing. How completely awful that you have suffered for years because of nastiness and ignorance on the part of an adult. Sometimes in anger and hurt, people say things off the top of their head that they don't really mean.

Your brother's decision to end his own life was in no way, shape or form your fault. I am so sorry you've suffered because of this.

My brother was killed in a car wreck when I was a teen. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had he lived to have a family and get older. So, I can relate to what you are saying.

Did people treat you badly because of what the one person said?

ModKonnie

To answer that question, there were people who adamantly sided with that one relative and they had to lie to protect her. I think there is a special place in hell for them.

A few family members came to my defense. There was one sibling I had who was close to my brother and who was able to see the real issues, such as that I could not possibly know he was going to die.

As a result of that relative who was twisting the truth, there were rumors that went around among people who never knew me or my family.

One of their lies was that he was in our house when he shot himself and that I "did not go to investigate."

Someone also went and saw my brother's grave and told a lie that "he died from an overdose of drugs." They were making insinuations about his (and my) mentality when I was tongue-tied.

This makes me sound like an idiot and on some level they must know this has to be a lie.

Some relatives were beside themselves after I went through therapy and I started to find my voice. They told me that I was acting like a junior high girl and trivialize the abuse that I take.

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LoriElsa,

I can't believe any adult would blame a child for such a thing. How completely awful that you have suffered for years because of nastiness and ignorance on the part of an adult. Sometimes in anger and hurt, people say things off the top of their head that they don't really mean.

Your brother's decision to end his own life was in no way, shape or form your fault. I am so sorry you've suffered because of this.

My brother was killed in a car wreck when I was a teen. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had he lived to have a family and get older. So, I can relate to what you are saying.

Did people treat you badly because of what the one person said?

ModKonnie

To answer that question, there were people who adamantly sided with that one relative and they had to lie to protect her. I think there is a special place in hell for them.

A few family members came to my defense. There was one sibling I had who was close to my brother and who was able to see the real issues, such as that I could not possibly know he was going to die.

As a result of that relative who was twisting the truth, there were rumors that went around among people who never knew me or my family.

One of their lies was that he was in our house when he shot himself and that I "did not go to investigate."

Someone also went and saw my brother's grave and told a lie that "he died from an overdose of drugs." They were making insinuations about his (and my) mentality when I was tongue-tied.

This makes me sound like an idiot and on some level they must know this has to be a lie.

Some relatives were beside themselves after I went through therapy and I started to find my voice. They told me that I was acting like a junior high girl and trivialize the abuse that I take.

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