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I never got the chance to make up/tell my mum I loved her before she died


Vickster

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Mum and I were best friends until we fell out a year or so before she died. I had a phone call from my brother saying I needed to get there ASAP as mum is not well and the ambulance had been called. They lived in Sussex and I’m in somerset so the drive there wasn’t quick. By the time I’d got there it was too late and my dear mum was taken away. That was 3 years ago this June....

Every day I suffer with the guilt and the tears just fall. I’ve been through hell and back with suffering a breakdown and turning to drink (which I’m over now) the pain I feel is so bad I miss her so much I don’t know what to do. Also my mother in law who had cancer died 19 days after my mum and the anger I feel for her dying so soon after my mum is unreal and I feel so guilty on my poor husband 

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Dear Vickster,

I am very sorry for your pain and sorrow. It's a lot for one person to go through. I know how badly we all want to go back and fix the past. But none of us really know what will happen, not that it makes the pain any easier.

I, too, have the same regrets with my dad. My counsellor suggested to me  talking with my dad as if he was right in front of me. Telling him everything I wanted him to know. Another suggestion was writing a letter. Reading it out loud and then burning it afterwards. I also thought about writing a letter and sending it up in a balloon.

I found these websites helpful.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

The Grief Healing Blog

The Grief Recovery Method

Guilt is a normal part of the grieving process. I can't tell you how many times I have replayed what happened with my dad. As so many others have tried to tell me, I have to try and find a way to move forward. I hope you will too.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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