My dog's rescue story with a sad ending.

[Treehugger]

Have you ever been amazed at stories of stray dogs being rescued and given forever homes? Have you ever thought, ‘Wow! those dogs will live happily ever after with his/her new human”? Well, that was me too until today.

So exactly sixty-nine days ago, Crumple – my dog who I named after the first adjective I thought of when I saw her, came into my life. Today, she abruptly and unexpectedly left it.

I was just passing by this tunnel in my hometown when I spotted a dark figure moving in a corner. As I look closer, to my surprise, it is a dog! A moving, breathing, living creature with feelings. You see, I’m a dog-lover. I breathe and live the saying – ‘You may not be able to change the world, but for one dog, you can change his/her whole world’. So I always make it a point to give food to strays I see on sidewalks.

At first, I just thought that it would just be the usual feeding of strays. But then, as I got closer, I was mortified by the state the dog is in. At that same time, I fell in love with her. She was so scared of human that she shied away when I got closer to her. But sometimes, hunger takes over. So she ate what I gave her. I wasn’t able to pet her that day since she only ate the food I throw her way and didn’t want anything to do with the ones close to me. I left after the food is gone. Something in me said that it wouldn’t be the last time I would see her.

True enough, whenever I have to go to a certain place, I always make sure to pass by that same tunnel. To my astonishment, she was always there as if waiting for her owner to come and pick her or just staying there to guard her home or should I say her home once. It was a saddening sight. I make it a pledge to feed her food (dinner, actually) every time I come home from work. I have a 9-5 job and still has to travel for 3 hours to get home. So dinner is the only food I can bring her. I don’t know if someone else is feeding her in the morning or at least giving her water.

After a few days of feeding her, one time when I came to bring her food, she stood up as if anticipating my arrival or the arrival of her food! I was so happy to see her recognize me. I then decided I would take her home. But one major hurdle – my mother is not a fan of that idea. It took me two weeks of endless convincing before she gave in – I guess she got worried that I always go to Crumple for her feeding in the middle of the night and sometimes in the wee hours.

 After twelve days, I finally got to get her home. The rescue was supposed to be easy but since I was very cautious of her (remember, how afraid she was of me the first day we met), it took us almost 1.5 hours to pick her up and get her home. We are literally just waiting for her to walk voluntarily to the motorcycle (with the leash around her neck). Stupid me, I guess. Who in their right mind would follow a stranger! When she sat in the middle of the road and wouldn’t budge, a car was approaching which meant that she could be hit! Desperation brought me to mindlessly pick her up. Guess what, she didn’t do anything aggressive. She just let me pick her up. She was so light and a bit smelly (okay, she smells a lot!). She got to ride her first motorcycle with me. Wwhhheeee! That feeling was so good, to finally save another life and give her a good life.

The ride home, I was planning where I could keep her for the days she is still recovering from her mange. Cage and leash is not an option for me. So I got the biggest tub we have in the house and fill it in with old clothes to make it a bit comfy. She rested the moment I dropped her in her temporary bed.

I slept a good night’s sleep that day. Happy with what happened. As I woke up the next day, she was gone, nowhere to be found in our house (surprise!!!!). I looked for her everywhere, for two straight days. I couldn’t find her. For those two days, there were intermittent mild to moderate rains. I was so furious as to why it was raining. I can’t leave the house when its raining! Then on the second night, while raining, I gather my resolve to look for her. The rain that I thought was hindering me from finding her was actually the rain that’s keeping her from running far away from my home. I finally found her huddled in front of a house a few streets away from us. She was brought home the second time. I made it sure that it won’t happen again, so I barricaded our gate with chicken wires.

Days went on, I slowly inserted myself to her life. When I say ‘slowly inserted’, I really meant not leaving her for more than five minutes. I wouldn’t let her get her privacy. Just kidding! Of course, she gets her me-time at home without anyone bugging her. Slowly, she got accustomed to me, to us. She wags her tail and greets me in the gate whenever I came home. I even heard her cry of happiness a few times (which actually sounded more like a shriek). It was heaven for me. I get to think that it would be like this for the rest of our lives.

On the 47th day of her stay with us, she gave birth to a baby girl. Unfortunately, since the vet wasn’t able to detect she’s pregnant, I guess, we didn’t give her the care that she needs while pregnant, the puppy, which I named Princess, was  stillborn. We made her drink medicines and take deworming drops (which I think isn’t recommended for pregnant dogs). It was devastating for me but more so for Crumple. I saw how desperately she was trying to make her baby breathe. Since this took place at one o’clock in the morning, I cannot rush her to the vet clinic. Days got by, and she slowly came out of her shell again. She was greeting us with enthusiasm and love again. I didn’t leave her side during those times thinking that she might get depressed if left on her own.

You see, when I rescued her, she was completely furless, her skin turned to black and she has that thick armor of mange which emits a strong odor. I looked forward to the day when she would finally get rid of that smell and that armor of mange. I wasn’t expecting her to have her fur grow back as I was informed by the vet that it might not happen anymore. But still, I didn’t think it was a sin to think of that already beautiful baby girl, growing into a more fluffy, furry and blooming creature of love. I also dreamed of taking her to parks, to fun places with her fursister, playing fetch and tag-of-war. These were the days I looked forward to. It even became motivation at work – to be able to provide all her needs.

Boy, it will all be just a dream.

Yesterday, I received a message from my sister that Crumple was getting skinnier and isn’t eating much. But I thought that she was still okay. I wasn’t able to get home that day. This morning, my mother texted me that she isn’t eating and drinking anything. I immediately called her. To her and my surprise, my sweet little baby is no longer with us. She already left and went to the rainbow bridge.

I am so lost right now. Thinking that I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. I should have gone home, brought her to the vet and stayed with her through the night. Maybe, just maybe, today would be different. Maybe, just maybe, she would greet me the moment I open the gate this evening. Maybe, just maybe, we would go to the park where she could run freely in the grass. Maybe, just maybe, I would see her smiling.

I know that her baby Princess was there to greet her when she arrived in the rainbow bridge. And I am positive that all the dogs I have loved before her was also there to greet her and let her into the pack. She must have had a very fun welcoming party. I hope I would get that when it’s my time someday.

Today, I am floating. Just a walking shell. I do not want to think about it because I burst out in tears. I do not want everybody to see that. I am here at work, pretending everything’s okay. But really, I’m just a big water balloon that would burst out any moment. I am just hoping that this day would end without it happening.

My heart is broken. My soul is scarred. My mind is flooded by happy memories with her which immediately turns to sad. Right now, I am afraid to love a dog again. I am afraid of letting other dogs into my life. And my greatest fear right now is that even though I love dogs so much, I am cursed that every dog I rescue ended up dying in my care.

Is there something wrong with me? Have I neglected her? Have I not given her the care and attention she needed? What could I have done to prevent this from happening? What didn’t I do that made this happen? Was I not fit to love a dog? Was I not fit to have a dog?

I only wanted to save her life and for her to save mine.

I know one day, I will get to see her and all my other dogs. For now, I should just get accustomed to their memories in my heart. For now, I should just be be happy that I met them. How I wish that they have the same feelings as mine. I just hope that I made their stay on earth worthwhile. I hope they were happy on the days they were with me.

I hope.

Sixty-nine days, not even three months. I hope that in those days, you were happy and comfortable, Crumple. I hope you loved the food and the bed you had.

Sixty-nine days are not enough for me. I think it was too short. I wish we could have more – even for just a few more months. It doesn’t have to be years, just a few more months to live with you.

But those sixty-nine days are enough to give me memories for the rest of my life.

One day, I will meet you and all my other dogs again. I would even be able to play with sweet little Princess! I am still wondering if she looks like you. If she does, then I might have had a glimpse of what you looked like before I found you.

I will hold on to that ‘ONE DAY’ then. Goodbye for now. Until we meet again.

Run free, Crumple!

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Treehugger said:

Slowly, she got accustomed to me, to us. She wags her tails and greets me in the gate whenever I came home. I even heard her cry of happiness a few times (which actually sounded more like a shriek). It was heaven for me. I get to think that it would be like this for the rest of our lives.

You were there for her at a time in her life when she most needed someone.  It's hard to contemplate, but what would her life have been like had you not come along and taken her in?  For her to have her baby without anyone there to help her through it or console her.  For her to continue in her unhealthy state with no one to provide care.  You were her godsend, her angel, and I know it's not enough (we never get enough time with them) but for her, it was everything and you were all to her.  I am very sorry for the loss you are feeling.

 

[AJWCat]

Wow what a story, I am truly sorry for your loss. It is really hard to say what would have happened. How long she was out there alone, sick with illness no one knew she had, surely to die cold and alone. You did so much. She had you and a home those last weeks, food, love... at least not on the streets anymore. I know how badly it hurts and that is normal. I know you had so many wonderful plans. I wish you peace, and thank you for your kindness. The world - dogs in need - need people like you.   

[MelsGone]

That was actually a lovely story. The “what if’s & if only’s” that race through our minds are just tormenting. But think about these “what if’s” - what if you were not a loving person, what if you could just drive by a dog in need, what if you did not go above and beyond to bring her from that cold dwelling to the warmth of your loving home? Then what? For the time you shared together she was able to feel what it was like to be loved. You could not have given her more than that! I know it still hurts, and I understand everything you said. And even though (as you mention) you are afraid to love another dog - those dogs are out there & I have no doubt you will find them & love them. I think you have no choice  

[Treehugger]

Thank you everyone for your comforting words. Though what you all said are true, it's just sometimes hard to believe. I guess, that's one downside of me, I could sometimes dwell in the negative. I guess, the abrupt and unexpected passing of my baby still hasn't sinked into me. Yesterday, I took her on her last motorcycle ride with me. I brought her to her resting place. 

My pain and grief is stronger when I cannot see her, not even her body. It's like she didn't exist. I always get flashbacks of the first time she recognized me in her place in that tunnel. That was our formal introduction. 

I really hope that I will surpass this feeling of fear and guilt so that I can open my heart up again to dogs in need. Soon, maybe but not now. 

[AJWCat]

This was a deep and traumatic loss for you - you do need time. Your heart needs time. But then you and another dog will find each other. 

[KayC]

Treehugger,

As you tell of taking her on her last motorcycle ride, to bring her to her resting place, it brings tears...I know it's figurative, but also so meaningful.  I like to think they can see how we are honoring them, how much we love them.  Until we meet again...