Members edls5 Posted February 16, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2018 October of 2016, I unexpectedly lost my year old cat, Leo. My partner and I took him into the Emergency Vet at the disgression of my mother. At the end of the night, we ended up having to put him down due to hyper anemia due from FeLV. The reason we took him in is because of extreme lethargy and he wasn’t eating. The two weeks following up to his death, he had about 2 or 3 incidences where he urinated out of the little box, I also began noticing that he felt lighter, like he had lost weight. I didn’t put much thought into this until the extreme lethargy set in. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the examination room, listening to the vet saying that the prognosis was poor that I realized that all of his symptoms were connected. This is the beginning of the guilt that sits on my heart. Leo was born on a farm, I received him through a family friend. For cheaper vet services, we went to our local Orshleans where a profession and lisneced vet offered his services. I can remember the last time we saw him, that he said we should test Leo for FeLV while taking him in to get neutered: I completely forgot. It’s been over a year, and I finally worked up the courage to read about FeLV and discovered that it is possible to manage the disease if proper precautions are taken. I understand that this wouldn’t have guaranteed his survival, but knowing that there was possibly something I could have done if only I had been more knowledgeable (I was a first time cat owner) tears me a part. I know it wasn’t my fault, but I’m wrapped in grief and guilt and unsure of how to handle myself. Thanks for reading xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted February 16, 2018 Guests Report Share Posted February 16, 2018 This wasn't your fault, if you read through the posts on this site mine included you will see we have all made mistakes, lapses in judgement or just didn't connect the dots quickly enough, we are only human and guilt is part of the grieving process unfortunately but at the end of the day you did you're best and thats all anyone included our beloved fuurbabies can ask for. Don't blame yourself and be kind to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Treehugger Posted February 16, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2018 You need to acknowledge the grief, the guilt and the sadness. This is the only way to move forward. I, too, lost a beloved dog just recently because of my ignorance. It was hard, I became angry at myself, at my family and in God. I cannot fully say that it is easy. It won't be. But somehow, you have to manage to live everyday. You have to think of all the happy memories even if it will make you sad. It is one special way of honoring your cat. You may even consider saving and taking care of a new life as soon as you move on. You may give all the love you wish to give to your previous baby to this new family member of yours. As what Sarah&Ava told you, be kind to yourself. We can always blame ourselves for everything that happened. But also remember that there are some things in life that we cannot control. Who's to say that even if we did that supposed to be 'intervention' or 'prevention', the same thing wouldn't happen? Sometimes, it is just our fate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 16, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 16, 2018 We do our best with the knowledge and resources we have but we aren't perfect, we're human. We learn as we go along. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope these articles will be of help to you, they've helped me and so many others who have gone through similar circumstances. http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml I am so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 16, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2018 I echo what everyone has said - we all feel such guilt and no amount of perfection is good enough when it comes to our animals but we are human and not perfect. We are pretty sure our cat got into something at the vacation house we were staying at - some kind of poison, I still don't know. I was crushed. We had him 10 years (he was 15.) I have really worked at forgiving myself. I am so so sorry for your loss. It is devastating. I hope you find peace in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members edls5 Posted February 17, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 Thanks for your everyone, it is nice to be able to hear from those who have had similar experiences. The hardest part is forgiving myself and learning not to beat myself up. This is my first experience of a close death, and for it to happen so suddenly is the worst of all. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, Leo helped me through tough times, and I miss his head bumps and purring: He was my best friend. Reading these words have given me strength to get through the day and it is comforting to know that I am not alone. Attached is a photo of Leo, he had the most adorable little mustache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted February 17, 2018 Guests Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 He's absolutely adorable, I'm glad you are able to see you are not alone in this journey we are all here at various stage and here to support each other to get through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 17, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 He is beautiful! I love his mustache, and the white fur on his chest appears like a beard, he's really beautiful. It's very hard letting them go in peace when everything within us cries to be together again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members edls5 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 12 hours ago, KayC said: He is beautiful! I love his mustache, and the white fur on his chest appears like a beard, he's really beautiful. It's very hard letting them go in peace when everything within us cries to be together again. Thank you. He always looked like he was ready to go to a fancy dinner party. Also thank you for the links, reading and talking truly helps. My whole being wants to hold him again, but I know he wouldn’t want me to dwell in sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members edls5 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 15 hours ago, Sarah&Ava said: He's absolutely adorable, I'm glad you are able to see you are not alone in this journey we are all here at various stage and here to support each other to get through it. Thank you for your kind words. These last couple days have been a little easier knowing that I can come here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members edls5 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 On 2/16/2018 at 6:57 AM, Treehugger said: You need to acknowledge the grief, the guilt and the sadness. This is the only way to move forward. I, too, lost a beloved dog just recently because of my ignorance. It was hard, I became angry at myself, at my family and in God. I cannot fully say that it is easy. It won't be. But somehow, you have to manage to live everyday. You have to think of all the happy memories even if it will make you sad. It is one special way of honoring your cat. You may even consider saving and taking care of a new life as soon as you move on. You may give all the love you wish to give to your previous baby to this new family member of yours. As what Sarah&Ava told you, be kind to yourself. We can always blame ourselves for everything that happened. But also remember that there are some things in life that we cannot control. Who's to say that even if we did that supposed to be 'intervention' or 'prevention', the same thing wouldn't happen? Sometimes, it is just our fate. I truly try to live everyday to make him happy, I know he wouldn’t want me to let the sadness completely take over my life. Some days, it’s the only thing that gets me through. About six months after his death, I adopted two kitten: An Orange Tabby and an all black kitty. Both of whom have helped me tremendously. While they will never replace Leo, they have helped me channel my love and sadness into a positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Treehugger Posted February 18, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 4 hours ago, edls5 said: I truly try to live everyday to make him happy, I know he wouldn’t want me to let the sadness completely take over my life. Some days, it’s the only thing that gets me through. About six months after his death, I adopted two kitten: An Orange Tabby and an all black kitty. Both of whom have helped me tremendously. While they will never replace Leo, they have helped me channel my love and sadness into a positive. It's amazing how a human heart can be broken but mended again by love. I truly wish for both of us that we can move on in our own pace. Yes, they can never be replaced. Each pet I loved left a legacy. Sadly, some of it are mistakes that I know I should not do again in the future and some are just plain love and care. We will move on! Just keep on fighting. We should cry when we feel like crying. We should talk to others when we feel like talking about our pets. Talking to someone who does rescues and have gone through the same loss as mine is quite healing. I felt like I wasn't judged. You should do the same. Talk to people who love cats and who might have lost some. Shared experiences of grief, and just talking about what you're going through is quite relieving. I hope you and your two more babies have a wonderful life ahead. Wishing you good health and happy memories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 18, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 Keep on trying to remember the best part of his life and the times you shared. I've posted this in other threads but want to leave it for you too to contemplate as you think of your little cat, Leo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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