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Happy Valent...Shut up!


Jenn4

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This is the first Valentine’s Day since my boyfriend passed away almost 3 months ago..

tomorrow.. well...today ... I will go into work and see my coworkers getting flowers and candy from the people they love and will probably be bitter. No more flowers.. no more candy.. just a broken heart

sorry to all the other ones on this forum who will be reminded ( extra reminded) that their loved one is no longer around. Can it be Feb 15th already???

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Nicole-my grief journey

Ughhh....yes! Feeling a lot of those feelings that you just wrote. Sending you emapathetic, caring vibes your way and for work and that type of an environment to go easy on you as you try and protect your heart. I am going to picture a bubble around mine tomorrow so that no one can penetrate it. I’m too vulnerable tomorrow. Maybe they’ll recognize what a hard day it must be for you and show you support. I’m also going to honor all my feelings tomorrow...good, bad, sad, angry...whatever they are. When I get home from work, I’m writing a letter to my loved one to get my thoughts out and then cry. If I can, I am going to do something like go on a hike and create a new positive memory. Hoping this will help my grief. Hugs

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This is my first, too, Jenn4. It is also my birthday. I sent flowers to myself, and wrote my husband a love letter and mailed it to our house. I am going to open it and read it to him.

At least this is the last one for me for a while--Christmas, New Years, my husband's birthday, Valentines and my birthday, then nothing for a while, thank God. It still seems very unreal. I am trying to be more compassionate and helpful to people, the way my husband was, and since I don't really feel too invested in anything, that part is not too hard, strangely enough. I think to myself of all the people I know who are single, and cringe at this day, but it is worse because it is not a lack, for me, but a loss. I will try to be glad for my coworkers, because I was glad on this day when I could show my husband  a holiday form of my love. Now I guess I have to show it differently. I am no good at this, but the world doesn't really care if I am good at it or not. 

I hope you treat yourself kindly today. Buy yourself some flowers--you know your boyfriend would get you some if it was possible. It's just a day. I just don't understand, still, why this had to happen. I don't feel it HAD to happen. I don't see the point of it. CS Lewis wrote in his grief that he didn't want some emotional experience "like" his wife was there, he wanted his wife!  And that is how I feel, but I will try in my way to share my love with my husband, who is not here in the way I am used to him being here. 

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That seems like a good attitude. I was telling my friend last night that i was exhausted. That everyday felt like a marathon. She said “i wish i could walk it for you , even for one day, just to give you a break”. 

Cheers to 2/15/18! 

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3 hours ago, Michelene said:

This is my first, too, Jenn4. It is also my birthday. I sent flowers to myself, and wrote my husband a love letter and mailed it to our house. I am going to open it and read it to him.

At least this is the last one for me for a while--Christmas, New Years, my husband's birthday, Valentines and my birthday, then nothing for a while, thank God. It still seems very unreal. I am trying to be more compassionate and helpful to people, the way my husband was, and since I don't really feel too invested in anything, that part is not too hard, strangely enough. I think to myself of all the people I know who are single, and cringe at this day, but it is worse because it is not a lack, for me, but a loss. I will try to be glad for my coworkers, because I was glad on this day when I could show my husband  a holiday form of my love. Now I guess I have to show it differently. I am no good at this, but the world doesn't really care if I am good at it or not. 

I hope you treat yourself kindly today. Buy yourself some flowers--you know your boyfriend would get you some if it was possible. It's just a day. I just don't understand, still, why this had to happen. I don't feel it HAD to happen. I don't see the point of it. CS Lewis wrote in his grief that he didn't want some emotional experience "like" his wife was there, he wanted his wife!  And that is how I feel, but I will try in my way to share my love with my husband, who is not here in the way I am used to him being here. 

beautiful Michelene and empowering even in this shattering life experience we are all in!  I started with a letter to him. Scheduled a salt float for Friday. Had hot chocolate. Revisited the meaning of the commercial components of this day realizing it was never us.  So today is an ordinary day in many ways. It is how Wayne and I would have moved through it.  The difference is with  this "ordinary day" I'm naturally feeling the deep pain and the loss. The tears. The broken heart.  What I'm experiencing today is the love and grief walking side by side holding hands. This is the visual I've created.  The tiny bit of the integration of love/grief that has been shared with us by those who started this journey before us.  A big hug to everyone in this forum.  

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I’m going to write him a letter today, I normally do that on the extra tough days. I know that Valentines day is a commercial bunch of BS, but I definitely loved it. I loved being in love and I loved loving him. 

Lets hope today goes smoothly for all of us... 

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Clive always made a big fuss of Valentine's Day.   He was a real sloppy old romantic even though he tried to hide it.  I'd get 3 or 4 cards because he couldn't decide on just one!  No cards for me this year but I did buy a nice one for him and wrote that I'll love him forever.  I put it next to his picture with some flowers and the card's angled so he can "see" it.  I'm cooking his favourite dinner and will have a glass of wine with him later.  After all, we're still in a relationship even if he's not here so why shouldn't I celebrate Valentine's Day with him?

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7 hours ago, Lisaislost said:

That seems like a good attitude. I was telling my friend last night that i was exhausted. That everyday felt like a marathon. She said “i wish i could walk it for you , even for one day, just to give you a break”. 

Cheers to 2/15/18! 

Lisaislost--i feel that, too. Sometimes I go home and say out loud, "I am just tired from it today. The grieving and the mourning."  I feel like i have to say that so my husband understands why I am reading a book, or whatever I am doing. why do I think my husband is judging how I am grieving?!? But some days I am just..too...worn out from it. 

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This for today:

https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-concept-care-continuing-bonds/

and this:

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
 
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
 
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

 

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Valentines day is really a hard time. Not specifically because it's valentines day , but because it was our wedding day, too.
4 years ago we got married, almost one and a half since she left.

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7 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Valentines day is really a hard time. Not specifically because it's valentines day , but because it was our wedding day, too.
4 years ago we got married, almost one and a half since she left.

Oh, Marcel, I am so sorry that you have a double whammy on this day. The anniversary is hard enough without all the hoopla thrown in. 

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1 hour ago, Marcel said:

Valentines day is really a hard time. Not specifically because it's valentines day , but because it was our wedding day, too.
4 years ago we got married, almost one and a half since she left.

Ugh! That definitely sucks. 

Sending some positive thoughts ur way 

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My first as well but while it is rough it is also extra rough since it also would have been my fathers 78th birthday today as well.  Double edged sword.  For us though, we kinda never really cared all that much about Valentines Day.  Our anniversary is March 11th so we just threw all our eggs in that basket instead.  We never really understood how it was supposed to be this day to shower the one you love and we were always like, shouldn't we have been doing this all year?  

Marcel, that breaks my heart.  I am so sorry.  I saw what you wrote as I was writing mine and that is awful.  The day is hard enough as a standalone without that involved as well.  

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On 2/14/2018 at 2:01 AM, Jenn4 said:

This is the first Valentine’s Day since my boyfriend passed away almost 3 months ago..

tomorrow.. well...today ... I will go into work and see my coworkers getting flowers and candy from the people they love and will probably be bitter. No more flowers.. no more candy.. just a broken heart

sorry to all the other ones on this forum who will be reminded ( extra reminded) that their loved one is no longer around. Can it be Feb 15th already???

I had a really, really bad day on Valentine's Day and my tsunami's were running rampant.  A friend's call literally brought me out of the pit I was in and I was so thankful to him and God for sending him my way.   While it was not a "good" day for me, there was some "good" in that day; and it was in the form of my friend.

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1 hour ago, Francine said:

I had a really, really bad day on Valentine's Day and my tsunami's were running rampant.  A friend's call literally brought me out of the pit I was in and I was so thankful to him and God for sending him my way.   While it was not a "good" day for me, there was some "good" in that day; and it was in the form of my friend.

I’m sorry you had a bad day. We can all be thankful that we all made it through another “holiday/event”

Friends have truly been my savior the last couple of months.

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Hmm...not sure what happened to my response here yesterday, I have a bad habit of posting and exiting too soon before it's done saving.  :angry:

Jenn, I had to smile when I saw the topic, you posted our sentiments exactly.  It's a hard day to get through.

Francine, I'm sorry your day was so hard yesterday.  A friend of mine was married on Valentine's Day and his wife passed on Feb. 16th so it's a really rough week for him.

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