3 months later...,

[Idwfb]

It's been 3 months now since my husband, the man of my live, has been snatched away from us. At this point I feel worse than ever.... Not like the first days which where terrifying and I was in disbelieve, in shock. All I could think then was our future together that was just gone....erased. Then after a month I felt stronger....or so I told myself. Now there is just a deep, intense, heartbreaking feeling of missing him so much everything hurts. I live from hour to hour and day by day....that keeps me going.  I run my household as I did before....there is just this pain. Instead of getting better it is getting the opposite. Maybe it is just a period we all have to go through. Up the hill  and eventually see the sun shine again.

[KayC]

This is a huge adjustment.  I can't understate that enough.  We aren't going to feel "better" in three months, in a year.  It took me a full three years just to PROCESS  my grief, there is no end to it, life never gets back to what it was before.  BUT, that said, we eventually adjust to the changes it means for our life, and fast forward a few more years we can find purpose and build a life we can live.  We are not the same people we were before they died.  We have our ups and downs, our bad days, our better days.  Yes, the shock in the beginning protects us as this begins to seep into us.  You are functional, that is good, it's a start.  Know that the pain we go through serves a purpose, if we avoid it, we don't process our grief, but if we allow ourselves to feel it, to experience it, it is part of the grief process that we need for our adjustment.  It does help to have occasional breaks from the tears, if we can muster them.  I'm sorry it's so darned hard, it is, there's no way around it.

[Sunflower2]

Functioning yes.  How do we even manage this. We do.  Every time this pain hits I keep reminding myself I have to get through it to get to the other side.  The other side being where you and others are today.  Life being a little lighter.  Three months is so fresh.  So raw.  It feels at times it is getting worse.  I use to tell myself things could be worse.  I'm sure that is possible.  I can't dismiss this horrible state I'm in or I'll never heal.

Went for a hearing test today.  I have tiny ear cannels.  The technician kept repeating this.  It took everything not to scream at her.  I wanted to bolt out of there yelling  "do you know how minor it is being told I have small ear cannels."  It was so irrelevant pre grief and intensely irrelevant being in the grief process.  It wasn't her fault.  m happy I had the control to hang on until I could finish the appointment.  Yes Idwfb and everyone here in this space it is a horrible wicked place to be.  Again to everyone: Thank you for the encouragement and support! Showing us there is a light we will see.  It won't be a bright light but there will be a light!

[LoveD]

The 3rd month is still tough.  I remember I felt so helpless and empty and just wanted to die.  Later I found my short-term purpose.  So far I am in 7th month.  Hang in there even though every day is a challenge.

[KayC]

Hearing you both, nothing to add, just hang in there.

[Idwfb]

3 months past and another tragedy has occured. Yesterday my beautiful, intelligent and funny brother has took his own life leaving his 16 year old Son behind. How much can a persoon take??? I'm still trying to put my head around what has happened to my dear husband and now my brother..... my mind can't absorb it all

[Lisaislost]

I am so sorry to hear this. How much can a person take? 

I’m sending prayers your way.

[M88]

Idwfb, I am truly sorry to read of your brothers death and my heart aches for you.  I understand the excruitiating pain of having to endure trauma on top of trauma as I’ve been enduring it for over two years now.   We need to allow the supportive people in our lives to help take care of us.  

The support of great friends and a couple of family members, neighbours, an excellent GP and grief counselor with training in sudden, traumatic death, and escaping my thoughts for short periods through hypnotherapy and meditation each day, sometimes a number of times each day and coming here, have been my saviour.    

Know you are in my thoughts and I send you strength, love and hugs XX 

 

 

[Azipod]

On 2/12/2018 at 6:40 AM, Idwfb said:

It's been 3 months now since my husband, the man of my live, has been snatched away from us. At this point I feel worse than ever.... Not like the first days which where terrifying and I was in disbelieve, in shock. All I could think then was our future together that was just gone....erased. Then after a month I felt stronger....or so I told myself. Now there is just a deep, intense, heartbreaking feeling of missing him so much everything hurts. I live from hour to hour and day by day....that keeps me going.  I run my household as I did before....there is just this pain. Instead of getting better it is getting the opposite. Maybe it is just a period we all have to go through. Up the hill  and eventually see the sun shine again.

I am so sorry for how you are feeling.  At 3 months, for me, I was truly in the thick of it.   Perhaps you may be too.   We will all get to "a peak" at some point and then things come down before going up  a bit again.   It's a  up and down roller coaster.   In one of the grief presentations I sat in on very early in my grief, there was one saying that.... "You will feel worse because you are getting better."    At that time, I had absolutely no idea what that meant and it just sounded confusing to me.    As I got into my grief, I quickly then realized that grief is a roller coaster.  Not just up and down, but left and right, spiraling out of control............ and all in the dark!      So, there will be many twist and turns and even the same twists/turns you've been through, each time around they will be different in its own way.   So yes, some days/weeks will be worse.   But it's all part of the process.

Now, I'm at 7.5 months.  I don't have have the grief attacks anymore.   But in many other ways, which is too complicated to explain in one sitting, I can tell you that some things are worse in it's own way.   There's many layers and facets to the grief.    There's more than just the grief attacks.   When you get to a point where you can think and function very clearly (like where I am at), you'll realize that that's other emotional struggles to deal with after you "graduate" away from the initial shock and denial.

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Idwfb said:

3 months past and another tragedy has occured. Yesterday my beautiful, intelligent and funny brother has took his own life leaving his 16 year old Son behind. How much can a persoon take??? I'm still trying to put my head around what has happened to my dear husband and now my brother..... my mind can't absorb it all

I am so sorry.  My friend commit suicide less than two weeks ago.  It's hard to comprehend...my own sister is fighting for her life and losing the battle while someone else is taking theirs?  The pain and devastation the family is left with is incomprehensible.  I am so sorry for your loss, and for his son, there are no words...