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Guilt8

The guilt is literally chocking me

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My father passed away 6 months ago at the age of 78 he was perfectly fine untill about 5 months before his passing he suddenly needed help in everything the resposibilty was split between me and my mother and i really tried to do my best i would sit next to him for hours talking and holding him and telling him how much i love him but then the summer semester at my university strated and i made the stupid decision to take it and then all hell literally broke lose my fathers condition got worse and he was admitted to the hospital and diacharged more than 3 times in less than a month and the pressure from going to college and keeping up with my courses was too much for me. It was a week before my fathers death and i was sitting next to him filling the plastic container that holds the pills of a week and i was almost done three more days needed aspirin and i went up to get it and i cant remember what happened but i forgot and closed it and then later in bed i remembered and so stupidly thought that i would would just add it in the morning but somehow i completely forgot and a week later my mother took my dad to an appointment with the doctor and he was admitted and died that same day of a stroke and it was then that i remembered he had not taken his aspirin for 3 days because stupid me forgot i hate myself so much for it i cant help but think i killed him the guilt is eating me

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Dear Guilt8,

I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. Please know, you did nothing wrong. I can assure that three days is not going to make the difference. There was something else going on with your dad. There was so much on your young shoulders and you did the best you could. I know it hurts badly and we all wish we could go back in time. I too wanted to save my dad. I thought I could, but I too felt I made a horrible mistake. It was only after more time I was able to come to terms that my father's health was not something I could fix.

Keep talking it out with us. Or if you want to consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. I think you will hear from many others that struggle with the same questions. But in the end, we have to realize, there was nothing that we did that caused this tragedy.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs. Please try and be kinder and gentler with yourself.

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