Members BSL Posted February 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 Hi All, I haven't posted in quite awhile, and, I think , that it's probably so many of you reflect what I feel except say it better! This forum has provided comfort and coherence when I feel confused or so alone in my thoughts. Thank you for such a group of fellow grievers. I've written a letter to my dead wife who now passed over 2 years ago. Her facebook page has been memorialized and I have periodically posted photos of her and commented on significant dates and milestones in our children's' lives. I'm hesitant for a couple of reasons. One, I fear that when our sons read it, they will feel uncomfortable and worse, it will make them feel pain. Secondly, I am normally a private person, so this isn't natural for me. But, I am also sure that my posts on my wife's timeline are my way of mourning her. So, I seek your advice and opinions. Here it is: Dear Lyne, I’ve heard that writing a love letter can be therapeutic. So, here we go. I know, not very romantic, but like you said once to the family, “Bill isn’t the type that is overly expressive and gushes, “I love you every day”, he shows it in other ways”…. And now I wish I had, because I know you would have appreciated it. I love you and will love you for all my days. It breaks my heart that I can’t say it to you now. You have always been so strong. Even during the last month, although we were both caught up with your treatments, I should have held you tighter, given you more comfort. You were more willing to face the possibility of death while I was blinded to it. When you once told me that you could accept death because you knew our boys would be taken care of by me. I wouldn’t accept you talking that way. There you were, trying, in your way, to give me comfort. But of course they need you so much. You gave them your heart and soul, how could it be otherwise? Remember the time, when we were lying in your hospital bed, you, in my arms, scared, in the black wintry early morning, and yet I did not stay…. to go to work, can you forgive me? I just want to hold you one more time. We planned to hold each other, in the future, retired together in our rocking chairs, travel the country in our RV (your crazy idea, not mine). We were supposed to celebrate our boys’ milestones together, graduation, see them marry, hold and kiss our future grandkids. you always wanted a little girl. You would be so proud of our 2 boys, how they’ve, not only continued but excelled with their studies. You will have missed 3 of their university graduation ceremonies soon. It’s ironic how the love and strength you have given our sons to carry on, is also the source of so much pain in our grief. I envy those who believe in an afterlife. The best I can hope for now are your whispers in my dreams at night. I will love you forever. B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted February 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 Quote This is beautiful BLS!!!!!! Touching!!! This is your journey! Your grief! You have your right to process it in ways uniquely to you. No regrets. Your message is reaching many hearts and souls. Your loved one knew this was what you needn't to do and she is bursting with love and joy that you did it.....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laura lea Posted February 11, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 this is beautiful. thank you for sharing this. your wife knows you love her. there is no doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BSL Posted February 11, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 Thank you for your thoughts and support. I so wish she knew, but, I'm afraid I'm not religious nor do I believe in an afterlife. Although, after my wife's passing, I did start researching the science of consciousness. I was in deep despair over the finality of it all. Posting the letter on her FB page is something I want to do, but, it contains elements that I never revealed to my sons ( they are young adults, just finishing university) and I fear it would cause them more pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 11, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 @BSL I don't know your FB friends, but I know mine and I know they would be very touched by such a post...it brought tears to my eyes as I read it. It's very heartfelt and touching. And as for your going to work, I'm sure your wife understood. Men and women handle things differently, women nurture, men fix...and you were doing what you COULD do since everything else was out of your control. It sounds like your wife knew you well and knew very well how much you love her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BSL Posted February 14, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 Ok, I think I will post the letter on my wife’s memorial Facebook page. Still worried about the effect on my sons. Anyone want to give me their thoughts on that aspect? Last thing I want to do is cause more pain for them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveD Posted February 14, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 12 hours ago, BSL said: Ok, I think I will post the letter on my wife’s memorial Facebook page. Still worried about the effect on my sons. Anyone want to give me their thoughts on that aspect? Last thing I want to do is cause more pain for them! I don't think you should worry about the impact on your sons. In my opinion, they probably will appreciate you wrote such a beautiful & touching letter to your wife, which is full of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 15, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 15, 2018 I agree. Although grieving the same person, it is a different relationship and losing a spouse is different than losing a parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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