Members lovingstill Posted February 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 February 17 will be three months since the love of all of my lives died. I’ve been doing OK but Sunday was his birthday. Next week is Valentine’s Day which I’m sure we’re all struggling with. His twin sister posted on Facebook wishing them both a happy birthday. I’ve been trying to hard to keep it together at work but there are times tears come even when I try my hardest to hold back. I work in a “people facing” place so for obvious reasons I can’t just cry... Lately, I’ve been feeling so alone. My parents don’t understand. My siblings don’t understand. Everyone expects me to move on and I can’t. His parents are doing weird things like closing his LinkedIn, emptying his PayPal, responding to emails from recruiters letting them know he’s gone. For them, it’s business. Im here suffering the loss of the greatest love I will ever know and his dad is trying to talk to me about the title on the car. His mom is proudly telling me she got a refund from LinkedIn for premium and that she closed the account. They’ve slowly been deleting his internet presence, which I find weird. This week, more than ever, I feel so hopeless. I’m only 29. I don’t want to live to 35 or 45. My grandmother died at about fifty and if I have to live that many years, I’ll live in a depressive state for the rest of my life. if there’s hope we’ll be together again, why couldn’t we have gone together? My heart is aching and I find solace in nothing. I had a dream we were intimate last night and then woke up and had to face the reality of his absence AGAIN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 So sorry you’re having a hard time. I still look at my husband’s Facebook and email. Nobody comments because they all know he’s gone and i haven’t had the heart to turn off his Yahoo!. Something about going there just gives me a sense he’s still there. Like if he’s getting mail , he must be there. I just past 3 months and it was tough. Yesterday i was in such a bad place. I was angry and yelling at his picture saying i was going to spend his money on frivolous things because he should’ve called the doctor if he wasn’t feeling good. Today i woke much more sane. I guess that’s how it goes. My sister in law told me to write down 3 things i was grateful for each morning and then read them again at night. Continue each day with 3 new things. The hope i guess is to start focusing on the positive and not the negative. Thinking of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 10, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 lovingstill, I'm sure it's hard for them losing their son, yet it's a different relationship from yours, also they're different people from you so naturally will respond differently. It's got to be hard having someone else handling his affairs, and removing his on line presence! It won't stay the same in the months and years to come, our grief does evolve, we begin to adjust, but it takes much time and you're not there yet. Try not to worry about doing the rest of your life, try to stay in today, it's too much to think about. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 10, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 11 hours ago, Lisaislost said: My sister in law told me to write down 3 things i was grateful for each morning and then read them again at night. Continue each day with 3 new things. The hope i guess is to start focusing on the positive and not the negative. Maybe do one. It's easier to focus on one thing than three things anyway. Some days we do well to find just ONE positive. I've been practicing this since day 11. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michelene Posted February 11, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 I took down my husband's facebook page and closed his amazon prime account. I see it as a way of "protecting" him. I don't want people to hack it. So many things go on that we would enjoy together, and now I just do them alone. It is a hard place I am in. I spend a lot of time sleeping. I am choked with regret and guilt; I don't eat well, don't see the point. I haven't exercised in months. Sometimes I feel he kept me from deteriorating, and now there is nothing to keep me from becoming isolated and strange. I read so much into everything of his--my marriage gave me such joy, but now I look back on everything and second guess it from his perspective. Was he happy? I don't have him here to reassure me, and I feel like I am getting further and further off track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 11, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 5 hours ago, Michelene said: I read so much into everything of his--my marriage gave me such joy, but now I look back on everything and second guess it from his perspective. Was he happy? I don't have him here to reassure me, and I feel like I am getting further and further off track. I am the exact same way. I go back and forth. I know we had some tough times in our marriage but i know 2 things. I loved him and he loved me. That’s all that matters in the end. i think i was trying to make it the perfect marriage. I know if he were here, he would reassure me. No marriage is perfect, we have our highs and lows and i think we want to focus on the lows for some reason. I just wrote on here last week asking if the good times and memories would overcome the doubt and questions. I can’t imagine being on the hamster wheel forever. Ive been keeping a journal of happy memories. When i think of 1 i write it down. When I’m sad, i read them all. It does help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 11, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 6 hours ago, Michelene said: now I look back on everything and second guess it from his perspective. Was he happy? I don't have him here to reassure me, and I feel like I am getting further and further off track. This isn't reality speaking, it's insecurity...it's going to be important to continue your relationship on faith...faith in each other, since you no longer can give each other those reassurances you're used to. Try to remember that the only thing that changed between you is his body gave out. Period. he didn't stop loving you, he loves you still. He would hold you if he could. Tell him how you're feeling, ask him to hold you, maybe he's not there physically, but perhaps he can hear you and respond in spirit. So much we don't know...but this one thing I do know, they haven't stopped loving us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 11, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 1 hour ago, Lisaislost said: I loved him and he loved me. That’s all that matters in the end. That's true!! And we will be together again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovingstill Posted February 11, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 1 hour ago, KayC said: That's true!! And we will be together again! I hold on to this! It’s what keeps me going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 12, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2018 So I’m not sure if your faith but yesterday i did a lot of reading in the Bible on forgiveness. It goes both ways and i believe if i ask him for forgiveness for some of my regrets, he will hear me. My soul is searching for relief. This helps me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovingstill Posted February 12, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2018 50 minutes ago, Lisaislost said: So I’m not sure if your faith but yesterday i did a lot of reading in the Bible on forgiveness. It goes both ways and i believe if i ask him for forgiveness for some of my regrets, he will hear me. My soul is searching for relief. This helps me. I'm spiritual but not religious. I believe he lives on; I'm not sure which prophet to follow but I know there is a God and that my beloved is with him now, at peace, taking in the beauty of heaven. I keep thinking that it's unbelievable to me that he's gone. I say it and I still can't believe this could have happened to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 12, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2018 I say the same thing. Why me? aren't I a good person. So many doubts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveD Posted February 13, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 6 hours ago, Lisaislost said: I say the same thing. Why me? aren't I a good person. So many doubts... I read a person's blog saying why can't be me. We have to change our mindsets to make our life easier because we have to live our lives. Just hope keep myself busy and time goes by fast. Every one is approaching the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 13, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 My sister in law has been my rock. She just sent me a text saying this week i am to focus on love and peace. No regret, doubt, pity party. She said as a valentines gift to myself and my husband i should write in my journal all the things we loved about each other. Celebrate love ❤️. It will be hard to get through the day but i still have someone i love , even if he’s not physically here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 13, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 22 hours ago, Lisaislost said: I say the same thing. Why me? aren't I a good person. So many doubts... You are a good person, their leaving has nothing to do with that. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It shakes up our thinking as we always thought good came to those who were good. Your SIL is a godsend. You are right, we still have our person to love even if we can't see them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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