Members Juliana_ Posted February 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2018 My name is Juliana and I lost my fiancé on 8-31-17 it has been one of the hardest things of been through after losing my father at the age of 19 I lost my fiancé or shall I say ex fiancé since we were unfortunately broken up at the time and had been for 3yrs Joshua Perez my first love !! Losing him unexpectedly due to a tragic motorcycle accident (they say he died instantly) all feelings came back and I realize then that we weren’t just broken up I knew I would never be able to tell him how I truly felt and how much I loved him !! What kills me the most is that due to our separation he took it hard and was depress for the time we were seperated this brings guilt and discuss towards myself like why whyyyy he took a Huge part of my heart and I could never fee the same !! At times I’m ok but then it hits me and I breakdown !!! I’m a very spiritual person I believe in our Heavenly Father so much and know he is watching over me but it kills me inside !!! I’m thinking of going to therapy because I can’t deal with the pain !! The fact I was never there to say sorry or to help him through breaks my heart !!! How do you forget someone you were with at the age of 13 and then reunited at the age of 20 we shared 7yrs together he showed me many things and loved life !!! My heart breaks just writing about it !!! I feel broken .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 I think you should look for a good grief counselor. It has helped me immensely. I also joined a spouse/partner support group. I’m trying to get as much support as i can. I even invited my pastor over and we just talked. Take it easy on yourself. I struggle will guilt everyday. It’s not helpful at all. Someone on here said to change it to regret. God Bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 9, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 Juliana, I am so sorry for your loss, and broken up or not, you obviously feel much love for him, that part was never gone, and I'm sure he knew it as well, if not, he does now. Write him how you feel. And I agree with Lisa, it's important to get a good grief counselor. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/disenfranchised-grief-when-ex-spouse.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Juliana_ Posted February 9, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 I’m trying to find one should I go through my insurance? ;( I like to wear his shirts and have his picture in my car and my background on my phone I feel like maybe just going crazy ;( I just feel horrible how my ex mother in law blames me for his depression and that’s kills me too !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 My support group is free through a local care dimensions. I think you can just google. That’s what i did. I slept with my husband’s shirt too. Some nights i still need to. I spray his cologne on it. You’re not going crazy, it’s all part of grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Juliana_ Posted February 9, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 Oh good !!!! Thank you guys !!! I broke down at work and even left early I can’t handle the fact he’s not here so many questions unanswered and I feel like your never ready to here a news like Having an unexpected death is horrible all I hear is motorcycles and it kills me !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisaislost Posted February 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2018 I had to leave the teachers room today. I didn’t leave crying, i simply got up and went back to my classroom. The other teachers were talking about summer trips. I know they weren’t trying to hurt me on purpose but hearing the vacations they are planning with their spouses, hurt. Our daughter is a junior and we were going to do some college visits this summer. Road trips. I still have to look at colleges with her but now alone. Just an ever present reminder of my new life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 10, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 20 hours ago, Juliana_ said: I’m trying to find one should I go through my insurance? ;( I like to wear his shirts and have his picture in my car and my background on my phone I feel like maybe just going crazy ;( I just feel horrible how my ex mother in law blames me for his depression and that’s kills me too !!! You can try through your insurance for a grief counselor but there's also some that charge based on your income. Not to be confused with a grief support group, which most don't try for a few months and does not take the place of a grief counselor. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Juliana_ Posted February 11, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 Thank you so much !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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