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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

loss of a child- loss, loss, loss.......

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My child was killed in a car accident three years ago. A drugged driver ran her off the road. Her birthday is around Christmas. She would have been 23 years ago.

Not long after she died, Hurricane Katrina took everything we had. Nothing left but a slab. Losing all possessions wasn't as bad as the loss of my daughter.

My husband and I grieve differently. We are together, but are distant...

We moved. We lost our support system. We have new friends, but - we are the sum total of our experiences.

Not 4 months ago my sister lost her husband and her teenage son to yet another drug/drunk driver. The wounds are fresh, mine are for her, and have reopened.

My life has been turned upside down and I am mad! I am so angry and counseling hasn't done much. I am on antidepressants and drink wine each night to mask the pain. It has been three years- it still hurts! I hate this life. I have always tried to live the Christian life- I don't know where God is- or do I need to suffer so much to learn something? I am so confused.

My family (sisters and brothers) just judges- they want to understand but cannot. My prayers seem invane. Lord, protect the ones I love---------that did not happen. My faith is being tested- and I am failing.

I put on an amazing front- no one knows the real pain I feel- until I get with extended family and it just surfaces...like a volcano of pent of emotion. Why????Why her? Why us? There are so many people out there who do not care about anything............why do those people just keep going- and the promising ones are taken.

I am devastated. I pretend I am okay. I am not. I have searched literature, the Bible- I am so, so distraught.

In counseling, I know what they are going to ask and why they are asking and the response they want. It is not effective for me. I even had a session I counseled my own therapist.

I am miserable. You wouldn't know it. But I am.

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So sad to hear of your loss.  I am reading the book 90 minutes in heaven to my children who are also suffering from the loss of their big brother.  The man in the story was clinically dead for 90 minutes and he believes he was in heaven during that time.   I don't know if this man's vision was really heaven or not but it is very comforting to read it.  I hope you can find some comfort even amidst the most horrible of all losses. 


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Thank you for your reply. I have read my post and realize it is an invitation to a pity-party that no one really needs to have to attend. I guess I was at a very weak moment and overwhelmed with everything.

I have read Don Piper's book, 90 Minutes, as well as several other books regarding life and death over these past three years. They have been a source of comfort and hope. I know the Bible is where I need to focus, and today, I am slowing reading from the beginning- to learn to love a God I cannot understand.

My basic problem is my anger- and more specifically at God. It is time I realize that is futile- God is much bigger than my anger and I believe my pain and the ways I have been trying to cope has separated me from the comfort and healing I truly believe only He can give. I am finding my need to totally surrender to God, whom I don't understand, and learn to trust who He is and "lean not on my own understanding." I cannot understand why all this has happened in such a short time, nor could I offer any understanding for anyone else who experiences tragedy upon tragedy.

I have a support system but won't let people really in- I sometimes wonder if I have this "my pain is more than your pain" hang-which is really crazy. I have been coping as best as I can, but am hitting a wall- one of the ones I have constructed through the years and since my child died.

Perhaps it is these low times that God is able to best get out attention to tell us we are trying too hard on our own. Admittedly, my personal resourses are spent. My energy for life is low, my love of life has been quenched.

But, I am hopeful that this will be a fruitful training ground- these dark days, and somehow, through it all...there will be a direction.

I admire your website and wished I had started one when my child was killed. Your children all resemble one another- as mine do.

I am searching hard- I know there is learn and share from all this pain.

Take care-


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I too lost a child. I have come to dread the holidays. Gary would have been 4 years old on Jan 1. He was only with us for 14 weeks. It's so hard missing him. I feel your pain and wish you peace this holiday season.

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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