Members Woodworker Posted February 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Please help me with something. Over Christmas time a vet confirmed our 16 year old dog Buster had developed canine dementia,this on top of arthritis and total deafness. He would wander around,give the odd sharp bark and just stare at things whilst having a far away look in his eyes. Then 2 weeks ago he just couldn't sit down properly without continuesly shuffling forwards as if something as hurting him and was panting like crazy. He would come into our living room and just look at me panting and looking totally lost,I honestly believe he was in pain from his hips or spine. Then overnight he stopped eating, he then refused to go for our daily walk,something was terribly wrong. I called a vet out and he confirmed he was in pain but apart from painkillers he also said there was little else he could do and we should be perhaps grateful he had lived so long as 16 years was over 100 in human terms. The daunting truth about Busters quality of life hit me,my dog was dying in front of me as he gasped for air. I held him in my arms and could feel his heart pounding like crazy so I decided there and then to stop his suffering as his quality of life had gone.As tears ran down my face I kissed Buster,held him again and brke my heart trying to explain to him how much I love him but couldn't watch him suffer like this. The end was quick and looked peacefully compassionate and dignified as he passed away with the family around him. The vets gave us al the time we wanted with Buster before taking him away. All I have done since what happened is ask myself if I did the right thing? I knew he was suffering,lost and confused and in the end I'm sure he was frightened. My eyes are red with tears,a void has happened and I miss him so much but deep down I just wanted to thank Buster for loving us all so much. Writing this brings the pain of loss back,I see his face in places that are empty. His lead and collar have become a shrine but the memory's are still so stong. This was 4 days ago and we have now decided to cremate Buster privately and keep his ashes at home. I feel so guilty about the events because they seemed to happen so quickly? Help me please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 6, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Oh my dear compassionate friend, you gave your dog the greatest gift you could, that of putting his comfort ahead of your own. Yes, you absolutely did the kindest thing. I've seen dementia, my mom had it, she passed 3 1/2 years ago. It's hard. Your questioning your decision is part of your grief, we do that. It's because we don't like the "ending of the story", we want a different outcome, so we think about all different kinds of scenarios in which there's some different outcome...but that is not reality, in reality there was no miracle drug, no cure, we weren't mistaken, this is how things played out, and all the love in the world couldn't change it. That's a hard pill to swallow, when we love them so much and we'd do anything for them, anything to keep them with us, to have them still, to hold them, reassure them, love them. But the truth is you gave Buster the best life you could have and he lived longer than most dogs get to, and he did so in a good home with people who loved him. You'll be together again, he is at peace. And even if it doesn't go exactly like this, it very well may play out very close to this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 We are all animals lovers but we can't be objective with our pets. I am so sorry about wonderful Buster, my heart breaks for you. That said, I can say without a doubt, you did the right thing, absolutely. His little body was giving out. Thank goodness you were there to help him to the very end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Woodworker Posted February 6, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Thank you for replying, I have checked this forum over 20 times in the hope someone out there would comment and your kind and supportive words have given me hope.. Whilst I don't normally show grief outwardly easily,saying good bye to Buster is killing me inside every day and night. I can still see him laying there sedated waiting for me to let him go and it hurts so much,it really does hurt. Thanks again,Your passionate words have given me a lot of hope so thank you for them. People say pets are just that,what they don't understand is the bond between humans and animals no matter what breed or size. Time is a great healer apparently,time will allo me to let Buster go inside I suppose,he wouldn't want me to grieve like this I know but a part of my soul is missing and I cannot find it..no matter where aI look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 It really does hurt! I felt a literally "heart ache" so I know what you mean. The bond I had w/ my cat (who acted like a dog) was very deep. He was like our kid. Your bond with Buster also obviously was so deep. Be patient with yourself. The first days are so so tough. It is like being in shock. You knew Buster was very old and did not have much time but the end was quick... it takes some time for your mind and heart to process it. We lose them and all the rituals we had with them so a lot changes - daily life is different. I promise your pain will ease. It just takes time. My heart was broken in pieces after losing my cat. I am almost at 6 months now. I still miss him. But those first few days and weeks were unlike anything I thought I would experience. Time is all you have to heal. Buster may be gone but he will be in your heart and not far from your thoughts, forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MelsGone Posted February 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 @WoodworkerYou did the right thing for Buster. 16 years is a very long time. Buster wasn’t well and perhaps he was telling you, it was time to let him go. The thought of ever losing them shades our reason - we just want them to stay... I lost my Mel 2 weeks ago (she was 15 yrs old), and now when I look back at how her quality of life declined over the past month - I just... I don’t want to go into detail, what hurts me is that it was her body failing her - her mind was sharp. My heart goes out to you, I know how much it hurts. For me, now that Mel is gone, everything feels wrong, off. Please know that people on here are very kind and understand exactly how you feel. It helps to talk / write it out sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mack2018 Posted February 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 @Woodworker Yes, you definitely did the right thing by ending his suffering. I had to put my dog Mack to sleep 5 days ago. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The car ride to the vet was the longest yet shortest ride. I sat with him all day awaiting the time we were to go. I watched the clock while holding him in my arms...he only has 2 hours...now 1...30 mins...time to go. I summoned all the courage I had in me to put him in the car. I feel like an executioner. Maybe I should wait...no!..don’t let him suffer. We arrive at the vet & I take him in. I’m trying to hold on and stay calm for him. Does he know he’s going to die? I’m scared...I don’t want to do this. My heart screams, run! My head says, stay the course, it’s about his suffering, not your broken heart. I stayed by his side until the end. He went peacefully and feeling love all around him. You gave this gift to your Buster as well. The grief is all consuming...it chokes you...it hurts. I will tell you this...joining this group will help you! You can talk about your feelings without feeling shame or judgement. I am so sorry for your loss of Buster. Don’t let guilt rob you of your precious memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted February 7, 2018 Guests Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 2 hours ago, Mack2018 said: it’s about his suffering, not your broken heart Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. It the worst part of owning and loving our babies is that we will, at some stage be faced with this and is so so hard to do but at the end it is about ending their suffering. I know it doesn't feel like it but you absolutely did the right thing for Buster and he would hve thanked you for it if he was able I'm sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Woodworker Posted February 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 Oh my,what wonderful thoughts and compassion from people I don't even know. Without doubt joining this website was probably the best thing anyone could do to mend a broken heart or simply share with someone who will listen.. Buster has finally gone,I know that now,when his ashes do arrive I will cherish them knowing he is free from pain and has finally grown his wings in heaven and is playing with other animals of all kinds. Thanks for loving me Buster. Thank you everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 7, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 Woodworker, We won't leave anyone without responding, it might take a day for us to see the post as we care for our families or work, but we'll be here to see a post and respond eventually. I saw a book "All dogs go to heaven" and I thought, how could they not! They are the most wonderful creatures, so loving, forgiving, adding so much to a household. Not all people understand because some were taught they were "just farm animals" or they never had a pet. Honestly, I could never downplay any creature, farm or otherwise. There are goats down the street from me, they have their own voices, their own personalities, you get to know them, they're wonderful. I treat my cat and dog like the viable members of the family that they are. You gave yours a wonderful life, you love Buster, and now he is at peace and happily awaits you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Woodworker Posted February 13, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 Just an update to say my dog finally came back home today as we collected Busters ashes. I'm crying writing this but the tears are mixed with happy one's knowing his pain has gone and mine will fade with time. PS. I thought the Rainbow Bridge video was unbelievably moving and helped me no end ,Thanks to everyone for the kind words God bless you all and every soul in heaven. R.I.P. Buster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted February 13, 2018 Guests Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 I'm glad you've got Busters ashes back, it's always a big thing because it's like having them home, even though it's not our furbabies in the way we want them it's still them and having them home is so important. I have my dogs ashes in urns in my bedroom and have specified in my will that I want their ashes to be mixed with mine and used in a bio urn to grow a tree. My dad has his last dog Ollie's ashes who he was really attached to buried with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MelsGone Posted February 13, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 32 minutes ago, Woodworker said: Just an update to say my dog finally came back home today as we collected Busters ashes. I'm crying writing this but the tears are mixed with happy one's knowing his pain has gone and mine will fade with time. PS. I thought the Rainbow Bridge video was unbelievably moving and helped me no end ,Thanks to everyone for the kind words God bless you all and every soul in heaven. R.I.P. Buster. @Woodworker We are always here for you. R.I.P. Buster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 13, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 @Woodworker I'm so glad you got Buster's ashes back, I hope that brings you some comfort to know he's with you where he belongs. Yes, he has no more pain, and I truly believe we'll be with them again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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