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putting my dog to sleep today


Mack2018

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Today I will be losing my buddy and best friend of 10 years, Mack. I'm taking him at 4 to be put to sleep. How do I do this? My heart is breaking...I can't breathe. How do I not see him in his spot on the couch looking out the window anymore? Greet me with such joy & happiness when I get home? How do I hold it together when he goes? I know this is the best and most humane way to let him go...but...I don't want to let him go!!! This is so hard...there is an elephant sitting on my chest!

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 So sorry you are having this experience. It is extremely difficult but the kindest thing for your pet when the time is right. It will be very hard for you but if you can try and act "normal" it will be easier for your buddy. At least until it's over. They can sense our emotions so do the best you can. I know how impossible it is. Big hugs sent your way. It is a tough day to get through. 

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Oh @Mack2018 my heart breaks for you at this moment. It know how it hurts. But you are doing this for him, so that he may go peacefully. And he will go with you by his side, and he will always be your buddy/best-friend - tell him that. I am so sorry, I know how painful this is. Everyone is here for you. I will check back later.

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41 minutes ago, MyMocha said:

 So sorry you are having this experience. It is extremely difficult but the kindest thing for your pet when the time is right. It will be very hard for you but if you can try and act "normal" it will be easier for your buddy. At least until it's over. They can sense our emotions so do the best you can. I know how impossible it is. Big hugs sent your way. It is a tough day to get through. 

Thank you. It is so very hard sitting here watching the clock and thinking that I only have a short time left. Thankfully my 15 year old son is here with me. It's very hard to keep my emotions in check but I'm trying. Mack has wanted to spend a lot of time in my lap the last few days. I am cherishing these last few hours and minutes with him. 

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49 minutes ago, MelsGone said:

Oh @Mack2018 my heart breaks for you at this moment. It know how it hurts. But you are doing this for him, so that he may go peacefully. And he will go with you by his side, and he will always be your buddy/best-friend - tell him that. I am so sorry, I know how painful this is. Everyone is here for you. I will check back later.

Thanks for your words of kindness. It's raining here...tears from heaven to go with mine. Mack is here with me on the couch buried in a warm blanket...his favorite. He has wanted to be in my lap a lot today. I am cherishing these last few hours with him.

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I'm crying for you....i know how much it hurts....but aren't our gorgeous  pets so lucky to be treasured and loved so very deeply by caring sensitive owners like all of us on this forum..wishing you peace and feeling your pain ...

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My heart is breaking for you. :(. I am so sorry that you are losing your wonderful sweet Mack. It takes a lot of courage to go through it and ease his suffering but start yours. 

We all know how you feel. The loss is profound. The pain is physically tough... I know it well. Mack was a lucky to have you. 

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5 hours ago, Mack2018 said:

Today I will be losing my buddy and best friend of 10 years, Mack. I'm taking him at 4 to be put to sleep. How do I do this? My heart is breaking...I can't breathe. How do I not see him in his spot on the couch looking out the window anymore? Greet me with such joy & happiness when I get home? How do I hold it together when he goes? I know this is the best and most humane way to let him go...but...I don't want to let him go!!! This is so hard...there is an elephant sitting on my chest!

Mack crossed the rainbow bridge @ 4:35pm...he went peacefully with me & my son by his side. My heart is broken...the grief is so intense. It was so hard to walk in the house and see his things knowing he would never use them again. How do I get through this? I physically hurt...

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@Mack2018 It is so painful, I know. I just lost my dog also. Walking back in the home without them is hard, and their belongings.... I know. The grief is unbearable. Mack is at rest now, perhaps you can take some comfort in that. I think you need to do what feels right to you. Cry when you need to, talk to him, fuss with his toys, the items that upset you - put out of site for now. I don’t think there is anything to make the pain go away, you just have to go through it. I’m still going through it, so I’m not really one to give advice. But I do understand, how hard this is for you. And I’m very sorry.

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@Mack2018, I know it isn't a ton of comfort but we all know how painful your day is. As we all have said, it is the hardest thing.  It was really awesome and loving of you to be there with him - along with your son - in his final moments.  He could feel your love.  I believe that because I know my kitty knew I loved her.  I second what @MelsGone said about just "putting out of site" his things for now.  I don't know how much it helps or hurts really as you don't just stop seeing them everywhere you look. Especially being with them so long.  But i put Mocha's stuff in a closet as soon as I got home and haven't been able to really do anything with those items yet. I don't know how this loss will be for you - outside of incredibly sad - but there isn't a right way to grieve...just do the best you can and keep in mind that we are here for you and unfortunately know exactly how it feels.  Again, so very sorry you have had to experience such a sad loss today. Hugs

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Thank you @MelsGone & @MyMocha for your words of comfort. I know this is a process I have to go through, one day at a time. It is true that the grief is unbearable...it comes in waves. I do expect to see him every time I turn around. The house feels empty and I have a vice around my heart. I know he felt my love as he was leaving. I sang him his song that I always sing to him. A silly song that I made up long ago. I took half a bagel with me & gave him pieces of it so he would relax. He loved food. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm sure the grief will ease with time. 

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Mack2018,

There are no words good enough, nothing I can summon that will bring you comfort, it takes much time to adjust to this loss, but I hope it helps knowing that there are those here that care and know...we've been through it, and yes it's the hardest thing in the world.  It physically hurts.  I am glad he went peacefully with you and your son there.  I sing to my dog Arlie, he loves it.  He loves food too.  :)  Ahh these furry buddies, our constant companions and best friends, it's so darn hard when we have to let them go!  

Thinking of you and your Mack...

 

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@KayC, you are correct...there are no words good enough to lessen the grief. Last night was ruff, he always follows me to bed. He waits in my spot on the bed and then moves to the foot when I get out of the shower. Last night I was in bed reading stuff online to keep my mind occupied. I started getting tired and upset so got up to put my laptop away. When I came back to bed I froze, then burst into tears. The comforter I pull to the foot of the bed was indented in the spot where he sleeps. I couldn't believe it and cried harder. He came to be with me, to let me know he is okay. I know it sounds crazy but my son saw it too. He heard me crying and came to my room. I pointed to the spot and he cried too. I know this journey is going to be hard. I want to run...I don't want to do this...it hurts...it's crushing...but I can't run, grief will find me, I can't hide from it. Thank you for your kind words and support! I am so thankful that I found this blog where others understand what you are feeling.

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Mack, my heart breaks for you.  I cried as i read your post because I know I will shortly have to make the same decision and it's eating me up inside.  It's the most incredibly difficult decison to make but all the greatest act of love we can show our beloved babies which is of no comfort whatsoever although I know it's true.  I'm thinking of you and know how hard the road ahead will be for you.

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I remember in the second bedroom of the house we were in, our cat had jumped on the tightly made bed and his paws marks sank deep into the blanket. After he passed away I would go into the room and stare at the paw prints that were still there.

For so long I was in shock, disbelief, and utterly sad. But every day you learn to live another day without them. Those are dark days.    

So, what a nice sign to get though... he (his spirit and energy) is definitely still around you guys. (I believe.)  

 

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That is a special sign, and although it made you cry, you know he made great effort to show you he was still with you and I hope that brings you comfort as well.

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Mack, tears overflowed as i read your posts. I remember the day 3 months ago when we had to make the same decision. Five days before my Yuki passed a song that I hadn't heard in 25 years came into my head. I know this was given to me on behalf of Yuki. Spirit works in wondrous ways. It goes like this: I felt it when the sun came up this morning, knew I couldn't wait another day. darling there is something I must tell you, distant voices are calling me away. until we find that bridge across forever, until this Grand Illusion brings us home you and I will always be together. from this point on You'll Never Walk Alone. You're a part of me and I'm a part of you. 

The morning I planned on taking her in, i dreamt that she was very sickly and hooked up to IV. Sitting beside her was an uncle who had committed suicide. So i knew she was ready. It had been two days since she had eaten. My husband and i held her close, I thanked her for everything, and she left us. The next morning as i was waking, i saw in my mind's eye her brilliant golden white form laying right against me. FYI she was white. I miss her terribly still, but at this point its bearable and i do find that sense of normalcy has returned. Do whatever you need to do.

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On 02/02/2018 at 12:00 AM, Mack2018 said:

Mack crossed the rainbow bridge @ 4:35pm...he went peacefully with me & my son by his side. My heart is broken...the grief is so intense. It was so hard to walk in the house and see his things knowing he would never use them again. How do I get through this? I physically hurt...

So sorry. I had to do the same with my wee dog on the 8th december. Our appt was 250pm and the day was spent crying while she did her rounds cuddling us all. She sat on my knee getting cuddles and kisses on the short trip to the vet. I arranged for us to go straight in to the vets room and not sit in the waiting room. The vet was lovely. Im glad that I went with my husband, I planned not to go, not brave enough. It was very quick and peaceful and I know she is now ar peace. She had cancer but was only unwell for under a week. When she stopped eating and her breathing wasnt great rhe decision was made. Heartbreaking but the right one xx

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Lind,

I'm sorry for your loss too.  I saw your pictures, very cute dog, nice tattoo too.  My daughter got a tat of her cat Casey's actual paw prints on her ankle.

(to see her pictures go to her profile and you'll see where they're posted)

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I'm really missing my boy today. I continue to sing him his song like I always have. I know this will get easier...just not today.

losingdog.jpg

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@Mack2018Sorry you are having a bad day. I have bad moments. I have found something that makes me feel better when I get upset, which actually I would think would upset me - I watch a video of Mel. I don’t cry, I’ll laugh or smile. It’s like she is still here. Maybe because it is a moving image, not a photo. And the good feeling carries on. Perhaps you can find something that makes you feel better when you feel the saddness approaching. Or something to ease the saddness. Something that connects you to Mack that brings good feelings. When you sing the song to Mack is it making you happy or sad?

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@MelsGone

It makes me happy to sing his songs. I feel close to him when I do. It is getting easier to start a new day knowing he’s not here. The suffocating all consuming grief has settled into a deep sadness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :-)

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I'm glad you're finding a way through this Mack, it can become all consuming.  When my last dog died for 3 months I ceased to function past the point of basic existance, I was literally drowning in my grief, my girl Ava was the only thing that pulled me out of it.  I can be so hard to move beyond the pain of losing our precious babies so I'm glad you are finding things that make you happy like signing his songs, it's a great tribute to him.

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Yes, this really is a journey, finding what brings us comfort, what brings us pain and what works for one is different for another.  Today as I laid on my bed with my dog, I felt such complete love for him and hope he felt it too...knowing I will grieve him just as you are grieving yours and that I don't have a long time left with him.  Someone told me the other day that their daughter had to put their dog down because it had Colitis.  I was horrified!  I told her my dog has had it all his life but I cook for him to keep him healthy and well.  She said "But he had blood in his stools and vomiting!"  I said, "Yes, I know, you give him pumpkin and white rice and chicken breast for flare ups in small amounts, after fasting 24-48 hours."  You keep an eye on the stools and little by little can move him back to his normal food (which for us is homemade).  [Normally my dog has brown rice, chicken breast, 8+vegetables, probiotics, and Metamucil.  I also give him fish oil (the only "fat" he's allowed) and I wash, bake, and grind into powder eggshells for calcium.]  I've been controlling his Colitis like that for a long time.  People tell me they wouldn't cook for their dog.  Really?  You committed to taking care of them when you adopted them.  It's no less than you'd do for ANY of your children!

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Ladiebug's New Momma

Oh hon! I am so very sorry to hear that you had to make that decision. It was the hardest decision I've ever made. I lost my Bear when he was 12yrs 8mo. To be honest, it's been a year and a half now, and I still cry every day, and sleep with the blanket I covered him with when I told him I loved him and would see him someday soon. I will keep you in my prayers. 

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On 2/6/2018 at 11:01 PM, Mack2018 said:

The suffocating all consuming grief has settled into a deep sadness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :-)

Yes exactly - and who would have thought just "deep sadness" would be a good thing. After almost six months now there is just a lingering sadness and a longing still.  

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Hi @KayC,

I’m doing okay. Yesterday was the 1 week mark without Mack. I was really sad & cried a few times but got through it. My granddaughter is coming to spend the night this evening. We haven’t told her about Mack yet so she’ll have lots of questions. Today I decided to go look at a pup at a local rescue. I cried before I went in because I felt like I was cheating on Mack. I would’ve turned around & gone home but I told the lady I was coming. I know Mack would understand & want me to love another fur baby. :-) She is a cute pup but I’m just not feeling she’s the one for me. Thank you for checking on me, you’re an amazing person!

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Mack2018,

You will know when it is the right one.  That you got out and looked is good.  How did you granddaughter do with it?

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Getting another furbaby is such a personal thing, I know I wil get another one and have already stared looking which makes me feel bad because Ava is still hanging on, but in truth I know the house will be to empty, too quiet with just me in it and I will be overwhelmed by the stillness and silence, for me a house without a furbaby is just a house a furbaby is what makes it a home.  I know Mack will understand and want you to open you home and your heart to another furbaby and it will happen when you are ready.

How did it go with your granddaughter?

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I can't imagine me without a dog, ever, I don't know that I know how to live without one, the house would be too empty.  I usually take a break in between, but within a few months have another.  They are never the same as each other, each one brings a new delight, something fresh to discover about them and our interaction is different.

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First off, I must say that I miss Mel very much and do not want another “dog” right now. What I want doesn’t exist, but if it did, this is what it would be: A very, very small dog-like creature, so I guess yes a dog, but I mean small, palm sized. I could bring it with me everywhere and keep it safe because of it’s size. It wouldn’t have “dog ailments”. I could protect it. But somehow it would be a temporary creature until I was ready... But it would not die, it would leave, perhaps move on to the next person who needed it - like a small dog angel. That’s what I would like right now. @Mack2018 @KayC

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MelsGone,

You're not ready to let another dog into your heart right now, and that's okay.  You have your heart full with grieving Mel.  You will know if/when you're ready someday.  And that doesn't mean you wouldn't still be missing Mel or that Mel isn't first and foremost in your heart and mind.  

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I'm the same KayC, I always say, never getting anothe one, but I do and know I will again when the time's right.  I know it won't be Ava and that will hurt because I know I will want her back desperatly but like you said they are never the same but each bring their own specialness into the home and fill it with love and joy oh and mud and fur and toys.....

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1 hour ago, Sarah&Ava said:

each bring their own specialness into the home and fill it with love and joy oh and mud and fur and toys.....

Yep.  And as I was writing this morning, all I have to remember Miss Mocha by is the shredded love seat and sprayed bathroom rug (I never could break her of that!)  but it's funny that when it was happening I was upset with her for doing it and now it brings a smile, weird huh!  And I have the eaten carpet to remember my granddoggy by and I'd love to have Skye back, he could finish the rest of the carpet if he wanted, if only I could have him back.  These animals really get into our hearts!

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I laughed as I read your post KayC, it's so true that the things that drive us mad about them are the very things we miss the most when they've gone and give us such happy memories even though at the time it drove us mad.

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Hey all, yes all the things that drive us crazy would be welcome to have them back for a day. On the topic of new pet since I just went through it, I was forced to wait a few months due to our living situation and I'm kind of glad now that I was. Even after 3 months I broke down at the pet shelter b/c I wanted to find OUR cat there - somehow - find him again. :(

So we left that day. A few weeks we went back and adopted again. (We had an in-between kitty that was not a good match for us but who luckily was adopted right away by someone else.) Shopping for all the cat food and supplies was really hard. I didn't feel like I was cheating exactly, I just felt sad. Buying a new bed, a new bowl, it all reminded me of losing my cat. I still ache thinking about how we lost him. 6 months yesterday. 

But... Our crazy, silly new 2 yr old kitty is doing good. We are bonding more each day, she is really starting to trust me and wants to be around us a lot now. She's a love and I need a cat in my life. Not fully happy without one.

 

 

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AJWCat, I'm so happy that you have opened yourself up to a new furbaby, they bring so much love and joy into our lives I always feel sad when people say they are never getting another furbaby because they can't face going through the pain of losing them which I completely get and would never judge someone who felt that way, it's just sad to remember only the pain and not the joy. It takes time to build that special relationship so it's great that you and your new kitty are starting out on that special journey.  What's your new kitty's name?

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I'm glad too, AJWCat, that you have a cat in your life again, I know it's not the same as getting your old one back, but as you say, you're bonding more each day.  

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Hi @KayC,

My granddaughter's visit went well. She had a lot of questions that I answered as honestly as possible to a 4 year old. It helped that last September my daughter & son-in-law had to take their pit bull, Monah, to be put to sleep. Monah was 14 years old, my son-in-law got her when he was a senior in high school. It was hard for my granddaughter since Monah was all she's ever known. However, it did help me explain Mack's passing. She said "Mimi, I think we should get you a new puppy to make you happy, Mack will understand". How sweet is that! 

On Sunday I had a friend call on me to help her daughter with a dog she can't care for anymore. The daughter is young, lives in a high rise apartment, any works long hours as a hairdresser.  This pup is 1 yr old and very, very active...not the type of dog she needs based on her current situation. So me, being the dog lover I am, agreed to foster her (Ava) until we can find her a forever home. She is not the dog for me but I will care for her as if she were my own. Ava needs a home with another dog or a home in the country where she can run and play. She is full of energy!

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks with out Mack. I had a few bad moments today...my heart still aches for my boy. I know from having Ava here that I definitely need a dog in my life. I'm sure one day when I least expect it, we will lock eyes and know we are meant for each other. :-) 

IMG_1669.JPG

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On 2/11/2018 at 4:25 AM, Sarah&Ava said:

Getting another furbaby is such a personal thing, I know I wil get another one and have already stared looking which makes me feel bad because Ava is still hanging on, but in truth I know the house will be to empty, too quiet with just me in it and I will be overwhelmed by the stillness and silence, for me a house without a furbaby is just a house a furbaby is what makes it a home.  I know Mack will understand and want you to open you home and your heart to another furbaby and it will happen when you are ready.

How did it go with your granddaughter?

@Sarah&Ava

I definitely know I need another furbaby in my life! I know we will find each other one day. :-) See my post to KayC about my granddaughter, she did really well.

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On 2/13/2018 at 1:33 PM, AJWCat said:

Hey all, yes all the things that drive us crazy would be welcome to have them back for a day. On the topic of new pet since I just went through it, I was forced to wait a few months due to our living situation and I'm kind of glad now that I was. Even after 3 months I broke down at the pet shelter b/c I wanted to find OUR cat there - somehow - find him again. :(

So we left that day. A few weeks we went back and adopted again. (We had an in-between kitty that was not a good match for us but who luckily was adopted right away by someone else.) Shopping for all the cat food and supplies was really hard. I didn't feel like I was cheating exactly, I just felt sad. Buying a new bed, a new bowl, it all reminded me of losing my cat. I still ache thinking about how we lost him. 6 months yesterday. 

But... Our crazy, silly new 2 yr old kitty is doing good. We are bonding more each day, she is really starting to trust me and wants to be around us a lot now. She's a love and I need a cat in my life. Not fully happy without one.

 

 

@AJWCat

It's funny, like you I went to the shelter where we adopted Mack 10 years ago. I went to the cage where he was being kept when we got him hoping....I don't know....I just wanted him to be there. The pup that I went to see at a different shelter just wasn't the one. I felt a little guilty about that because I know she needed a home, she just wasn't the one. I know that one day when I meet him or her....and fall in love all over again. :smile:

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I definitely is like falling in love Mack you are so right.  I'm glad things went well with you're granddaughter, she sounds like a real sweetie.  And what a wonderful thing to do to foster your friends dog and at least you know that although she's not the one, you will be able to open yourself up to the joy of having a furbaby again and having her around will help to take the edge of some of those moments that are so overwhelmingly painful at the begining like coming home with out the welcome home etc, I know it's not the same because it's mot your Mack but it feels less overwhelming when you have the distraction of another furbaby.

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@Mack2018, that is so nice of you to help out your friend. I felt guilty not taking all the kitties I saw. But they all will get homes eventually. 

I think you really do know when the one is the one.

Oh @Sarah&Ava, my new kitty is called Storey. We call her Storey Cat. She's a tiny thing, 7 lbs.  

IMG_3341.jpg

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@Mack2018  

You are so sweet with all you are going through to take in a foster dog and it's already serving some purpose helping you to see you need a dog in your life, even if it's not that one.  He'll find his forever home and you'll find your dog when the time is right for you  I feel I did Arlie a disservice getting him when I didn't have a fenced yard but he was able to play with a neighbor's dog inside their fence on a regular basis.  When things went south with that neighbor I had a fence built and oh my how Arlie loves and appreciates it!  They do need to run and play.  I walk him twice a day every day but that's for the experience, they need more exercise than even that provides.  Honestly having a high energy dog inside an apartment, I don't know how they do it.

@AJWCat 

Your Storey is beautiful, I love the spots she has.  Seven pounds seems so tiny!  My Autumn was tiny, but most of my cats have been 9-10 lbs.  I pray every day brings you closer together.

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On 2/15/2018 at 8:47 AM, AJWCat said:

my new kitty is called Storey. We call her Storey Cat. She's a tiny thing, 7 lbs.  

@AJWCatStorey is beautiful!! I love that name too.

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Thank you! She's a love. Very playful. Amazed at the animals people give up, I know things happen, but so many sweet animals at the shelter. 

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It’s so lovely reading these stories and knowing I’m not a weirdo and I feel the same as everyone on here , I never thought the pain would hurt so much I’m only grateful that I have my other 10 year doggy by my side 

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Hi @Nunu’s Mommy, I don't know if you have your own post here, but I wanted to say how sorry I am to read about your baby. It is gut wrenching for sure and takes a while to heal. I hope you are doing okay. 

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