My teen grieving 3 yrs after brother’s death. CRISIS

[Thirtysixe]

Our 14 year old son is just now processing the death of his 19 year old brother...but it’s been three years. Tonight he got upset about losing his earbuds, and just exploded with this anguished cry and melted into the sofa sobbing saying “I miss him so much. I just want him back. Everything feels so empty. I feel empty.” I was able to get our pastor on the phone, and he spoke with our son for about half an hour. Afterwards, my husband tucked him into bed. I went to check on him an hour later and he was still awake and his pillow was soaked with tears. I gave birth to four children, and now I have buried two. I cannot bury another. I’ve never heard the sound he made come out of a human being (except maybe when I was told my children had died...my children died 22 years apart...one as a newborn, and my 19 year old was murdered by his father with drugs...this is my ex-husband). Both my husband and I are still in therapy over the loss of our 19 year old. Our 14 year old has spoken privately to our pastor a couple of times, but tonight he asked for help. He specifically asked to speak with a counselor. Can anyone help? To be honest, I am afraid to go to sleep. Thank you and God bless. 

[Thirtysixe]

Anyone? I have contacted a child therapist, but she can’t see our son for two months. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I help my child in the meantime? Please. 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

I am so sorry for your losses and that your teen is struggling with emotions. I’ve lost two siblings and with my first brother that past I experienced a similar situation where I was saying the same things 2-3 years after  his passing. I’m new to this site and not sure if we are allowed to suggest things, but if we are here are my thoughts. Is there possibly another available therapist that can see your teen sooner? I saw a therapist (still do even after 11yrs having gone by and it helps). I also attended free support groups in my area to talk and meet others that suffered loss. Try googling “teen grief support groups” for your specific area and if they’re aren’t teen ones, then try “family grief support groups”. There are also “Al-Ateen” meetings if you feel like the things they have on there website apply to your situation. They are usually available in most areas several times a week and are free. I have done all of these and they teach coping skills and knowing that there are other people out there like you really helps. I’m glad I’ve done all of them because I never expected to lose a second sibling and I’m greatful that I’ve learned some techniques because otherwise I would be completely baffled on how to try and help myself cope. Blessings to you, I hope that you and your family receive what you need.

I almost forgot, I also found a book by T.J. Wray helpful. It’s called “Living Through Grief When An Adult Brother or Sister Dies Surviving The Death Of A Sibling”. I was 28 when I read it though so you may want to look at if other people had teens read it.