Mel’s Remains

[MelsGone]

Since Monday (when we put Mel down) I have been checking this forum constantly, almost as if I’m searching for her somehow (I know...) I have been a mess since Monday - I want my baby - I know you know how it feels. People on here are very kind. I picked up her remains today. And also her collar. I brought her home. But I just don’t know... I just don’t. I can’t stop thinking about her, she was always right next to me - she always had to be right next to me. Maybe I should not be on here because I keep obsessing over her, and I’m of no help to any one else. I’ve never even used a forum before. I keep everything to myself. (This is my 2nd post about the same topic - so I’m sorry if I was not suppose to do that.)

 

[MyMocha]

@MelsGone, oh girl bringing them home is a tough day.  It's like the reality just smacks you dead in the face. Our once beautiful and loyal friends are now all wrapped up in a box.  Of course you should be here...it may be one of the few things holding you together even if you don't realize it.  You are going to grieve whether on here or sitting at home on your couch.  So might as well be among those who understand and make you realize your not some crazy dog lady or weird for having such an awesome relationship with "an animal".  I lost mine on the 9th, cremated her on the 11th, brought her home on the 22nd.  I wake up every single night with her already in my brain.  It's tough. For me, being here makes it ok that I feel so sad.  But that's just me.  I know you are having a difficult day and it's ok.  I can't say anything to change how it feels really but I can send you lots of love and hugs and hope that it will eventually get better. 

[MelsGone]

@MyMocha Thank you.

[Jencatlover]

@MelsGone you are totally in the right place. You know we understand and it's not about how much you can help others although I know you have been of support to some, including me. I believe that just reading, listening, understanding is all we can do and that is a help in itself. We all know words of comfort don't make a difference. To be somewhere where others understand your grief, listen, share their own stories is exactly where you can come to say how you feel, as much or as little as you want. I've shared random stories about Bertie on here, just because I don't have anyone else to tell and that feels like I'm honouring him in some way. Perhaps it helps us process how we feel by talking, I don't know. I think so. x

[MelsGone]

@Jencatlover Yes, you are right. I just got teary eyed. Thank you. It’s good to have a place to talk about Mel. A place to go...

[AJWCat]

Hi @MelsGone, I obsessed over the loss of my cat for many days afterwards. But I feel like it is a process. Our minds have to process what has happened, the loss. It is a life changing experience to lose our companions. So I think it is part of your process and grief. Don't feel like you shouldn't. And this is the place.  

They give us so much love and support. We have so many rituals. things we do with them and for them. They can be so funny and bring so much joy.

All of that... goes away in an instant. 

People who come here know this, we all have incredible bonds with our pets and the loss is profound. 

[MelsGone]

@AJWCat Yes, yes. And I’m thinking this time last week she was here etc. Everything is “off” right now. And I wonder what she’s doing. But thank you for replying to me.

[Guest]

MelsGone, feel free to post what you want and where you want, we all understand the pain of losing our precious babies.  I'd hard to process the loss in the first few days, then as the days pass it becomes more real and everything, I mean EVERYTHING is a painful reminder that they've gone.  We literaly build our lives around them, everything from the moment you wake up, let them out to toilet, feed them right up until the end of the day when you let them out to toilet before bedtime is about them and becomes a painful reminder that they are gone.

[KayC]

On 1/26/2018 at 3:27 PM, MelsGone said:

Since Monday (when we put Mel down) I have been checking this forum constantly, almost as if I’m searching for her somehow (I know...) I have been a mess since Monday - I want my baby - I know you know how it feels. People on here are very kind. I picked up her remains today. And also her collar. I brought her home. But I just don’t know... I just don’t. I can’t stop thinking about her, she was always right next to me - she always had to be right next to me. Maybe I should not be on here because I keep obsessing over her, and I’m of no help to any one else. I’ve never even used a forum before. I keep everything to myself. (This is my 2nd post about the same topic - so I’m sorry if I was not suppose to do that.)

 

You are right where you need to be.  Don't worry about helping anyone else, focus on just getting through this day.  This is a lot to process and you are right where you need to be in your grief journey, it's just begun.  It takes time to process our grief, time to adjust to all the changes it means to our lives, and there's no way around it, just straight through it, experiencing the pain and all, that's how we make our way through it, we can't avoid it.  It's not obsessing at this point, you can't think of anything else because this is up front and central in your mind.  In time grief evolves and it will change to that of being able to think of good memories and smile, but you aren't there yet.  I guess what I'm trying to say is what you are going through is very normal in grief.  This may be out of your comfort zone, but gosh, it is to us all.  

And it's fine to create a new thread if you want, there are no rules.

[MelsGone]

Thank you @Sarah&Ava Thank you @KayC .

[sparkyn98]

@MelsGone I think I was the same way. At first, I felt guilty for reading other people's pain on here. I know I was looking for something. Comfort? Proof I wasn't going insane?  Looking for something.. anything... maybe some relief, maybe just to say, "Oh, their loss is WAY worse than what I went through! I should feel lucky" And then the pain of Okie's (my pug) loss would overwhelm me. I literally have pics of Okie in every room in my house right now. I had a shrine set up to him on the couch where he laid (his urn and stuffed animal are still there, I just took down the pic!), I have a picture book beside where I sit, a pic of him begging for a treat in the kitchen, 3 pics of him in the bedroom where we slept (and I'm thinking of adding more!!), I have his pawprint framed with the rainbow bridge poem and his harness and tons of pics mounted next to it. I even have a pic of him with his paws on my knee while I was peeing in the bathroom stuck to my bathroom wall! Some times/days it helps. Some days it hurts. I still talk to him when I want. I sing my normal song to him. 

I guess what I'm saying is... try to find what helps MORE than hurts you. 

I also found this site: https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/OKIE001/Resident.htm

People have left me sweet messages, but I haven't been able to go visit other pages and reply yet. It just hurts too much. But, updating the page as if I'm talking to him like I used to do when I came home... it helps me.

I hope you find whatever you can to help you heal... 

Blessings

[MelsGone]

@sparkyn98 Thanks for sending the pictures of Okie. What a face!! You know, what’s odd is I have hardly any pictures of Mel around the house. Probably because she was literally always right by side everyday, everywhere. However, I took thousands of pictures of her over the years, now I will have to print them out. I saved her favorite toys. The rest we gave to the humane society. 15 years old and she still played with her toys...

[MyMocha]

@MelsGone, i was thinking about you today...hoping you are doing ok.  The picture you posted on the "remembering our friends" thread was a beautiful picture of Mel.  She looked so happy in it.  It's only been a week for you so I wanted to reach out and send you some hugs.  I still cry for my Mocha daily but it seems to be happening a little less often.  I still haven't been able to clear off all her favorite sleeping spots yet.  Some of them but not all. I'll get there.  Anyway, hoping you are doing ok.

[MelsGone]

@MyMocha It is nice you were thinking of me. Yes, Mel was a happy girl. And a bossy girl. She had me wrapped around her “paw” - but I did not mind. I feel like my “happiness” is gone. For all of these years it has been just: My boyfriend, her, & me. That was the family. We gave her everything we had or if necessary she got the dog version. 

I looked at the picture of your Mocha in “Remembering Our Friends”. Just beautiful, so fluffy, I’ll bet Mocha was very smart - yes?

It is very hard & very sad. But I thank you for the kind thoughts & hugs. I send some right back to you.

[KayC]

18 hours ago, sparkyn98 said:

try to find what helps MORE than hurts you. 

This is so true.  Grief is a unique journey, just as we are unique in how we cope.  We do need to find what helps us and it may be different that what works for the next person.  I know when my husband died, the pictures went up, down, up, down, finally up to stay, but in the earlier months it brought pain to see them, later on seeing them brought comfort and eventually a smile.  We need to do what is right for us.

[AJWCat]

Yes @sparkyn98 I too came here and began reading everyone's posts and stories. I felt alone in my grief even though my husband is with me... and I felt crazy because the pain was overwhelming. My logic always said I would be able to wrap my mind around losing my cat. And then when it happened - so suddenly and in such a traumatic way... I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

Seeing other people was comforting only that you realize you are not crazy nor alone. It's all terribly sad of course. It's a weird phenomenon at first. I have found it helpful to write my story and respond here to heal. Others may post a bit and read more I guess. KayC is right, healing is different for us all but the grief is the common thread. 

Love your pictures, hope you are doing okay.  

 

[MelsGone]

MEL NAPPING

[KayC]

Oh, that is so sweet.  What a sweet face.

[MyMocha]

Precious picture of Mel! ty for sharing. hugs

[AJWCat]

Love Mel, what a beauty.

[MelsGone]

@KayC @MyMocha @AJWCat Thank you.

[MyMocha]

On 1/30/2018 at 8:14 AM, MelsGone said:

I looked at the picture of your Mocha in “Remembering Our Friends”. Just beautiful, so fluffy, I’ll bet Mocha was very smart - yes?

Mocha was a very interesting and unique cat with an odd starting history.  Her mom was an all black cat expect for a little white patch on the front of her chest.  At one point over the years I had been given a female tortoiseshell cat that had been starved and had become glutenous because of it. But she was the most sweetest kitty ever.  anyway, she would go poo in the ditch across the road but never strayed otherwise.  Well she got run over one morning and passed away at the doorstep. (it was really sad). But about a week later my black cat with the white spot on her chest had 3 kittens. 2 were stillborn and looked just like her(black) but the 3rd one was Mocha. A tortoiseshell with a white spot on her chest...the only white on her.  So that was odd in itself but the other oddity is that Mocha was the meanest cat ever, lol.  Nothing at all like the super sweet lap cat that had been run over so Mocha inherited the nickname "my pet semetery cat"! (from the movie Pet Semetary)  I have always been the ONLY person who could handle Mocha and before she started having "episodes" starting at age 5, she used to actually play fetch with me. As for her being extra smart...her and I had our own language and we just knew each other and what the other needed.  She was my beautiful forever cat. 

Sorry that was so long.  But how are you doing?  I have to admit that even though we all have had to endure such sadness with the loss of our furry friends, i so prefer the people here who are true animal lovers. I just can't relate to non-animal people hardly at all, lol.

[MelsGone]

17 hours ago, MyMocha said:

Mocha was the meanest cat ever, lol.

 

That statement started me grinning by reading it and looking at the picture of Mocha in your Avatar! I’m glad you shared that story. I’m okay sometimes and then not, thank you for asking. Yesterday we received a lovely sympathy card from our vet. And do you know inside of the card they had included on separate cardstock/paper - Mel’s Pawprints (ink prints). I was not expecting that. I have never seen that done before. I had to call and ask “Are those Mel’s?” They were.

[KayC]

MelsGone,

I'm glad they gave you the pawprints, I've never had that done before, although I understand it's more common with vets nowadays.  How thoughtful!

MyMocha,

I think my Kitty would be a contender for meanest cat ever, although she isn't with stranger-dogs, she hides from them.  That seems out of character with her, the "Kitty" we know rules the house or tries to and is definitely boss of the dog who is 12 times her size!

[Yuki]

On 1/26/2018 at 6:27 PM, MelsGone said:

Since Monday (when we put Mel down) I have been checking this forum constantly, almost as if I’m searching for her somehow (I know...) I have been a mess since Monday - I want my baby - I know you know how it feels. People on here are very kind. I picked up her remains today. And also her collar. I brought her home. But I just don’t know... I just don’t. I can’t stop thinking about her, she was always right next to me - she always had to be right next to me. Maybe I should not be on here because I keep obsessing over her, and I’m of no help to any one else. I’ve never even used a forum before. I keep everything to myself. (This is my 2nd post about the same topic - so I’m sorry if I was not suppose to do that.)

 

I too am still grieving over the loss of my beautiful little dog. However I recognize that you are at the same place I was at in the first few weeks of her passing. I was inconsolable, until finally I realized I had to leave the home that had become synonymous with her. So I went out west to visit my family for a few weeks, and that change of scenery helped immensely. When I came back I was no longer crying constantly. I still missed her terribly, but I entered a different stage. Now 3 months on, and though I still grieve, I can finally sit and relax at home without feeling the weight of her absence. Our dogs were so much a part of our lives, they brought such a richness to our every day, it's difficult to accept that they are no longer here. After my Yuki passed at 17, I posted a picture of her on the fridge, and i kissed that photo good morning and good night. This is not something i even shared with my husband, but somehow I know you pet owners on this forum will understand. I hugged her blanket to me, i looked at pictures and videos endlessly. I imagined she was still at the foot of the bed. As they say, you eventually get used to things, and we get used to life without them. I will always have a piece of her in my heart. Just know it will get better.

[MelsGone]

@Yuki Thank you. Yes, the grief is unbearable at times. Although I know the feeling well. I still mourn the loss of my first Dog “Drexel”. He was a black lab & at one point, my only family (I lived for him - if he wasn’t happy, I wasn’t happy). He was “My Boy” he died in 2006. I still mourn his loss - deeply. Years later, when I got “Mel”, people would refer to me as her “Mommy” - but I would correct them, because of my loyalty to “Drexel” (I could never be another dog’s mommy...right? Of course not - smile...) So that is how “Mel” became my “Sister”. And for 15 yrs she was the best sister ever. Now, when I leave the house, I feel like I need to get home for Mel and when I realize there is no need to rush home - it hurts. I expect her to come walking down the hall, I’ll stare down the hall, waiting for her to turn the corner (I know she isn’t going to, but I stare just the same). I’m quiet so I won’t “wake her up” but I’ll quickly realize what I’m doing. I can’t believe that I’ll never be able to reach out and touch her or hear her woofing at me (because she was always bossing me around - well she believed she was). I look at all of the places she used to be and she is no longer there. And I could go on and on and on. When she was sedated before the “end” I kissed her and told her we would always be sisters & that I love her. 

I am sorry for the loss of your Yuki, 17 years is amazing. Whether it’s 2 weeks or 3 months, the loss is devastating. It is sweet to kiss her picture good morning and good night. I try to say something to Mel (I was constantly talking to her & answering back for her  when she was alive) but when I start to say something to her, I fade my voice out - I can’t finish. But yes, they are always with us in our hearts and the cherished memories we have of them, the funny & peculiar things they did, will always make us smile.

 

 

[KayC]

I lost my Miss Mocha (cat) June 3, 2016 and still am not "over her", nor will I ever be.  We just get used to it. But I miss her, and think of her often.  At night when I'm settled on the couch, I miss her pressing up against me, she was loving and oh so beautiful and feminine.  I know there is no cat like her, and so I will forever miss her.  I no longer look to the patio door to see if she's there wanting in, it's long since sunk in that she's gone.  It's such a hard thing to have to get used to. 

[MelsGone]

@KayCYou are such a good person. I see how you reply to everyone. Check on everyone. Although you have suffered great loss and endure your own distress. (This I’ve learned from reading other threads.) Your sincere kindness is rare. Thank you. God Bless.

[KayC]

it seems the longer we live, the more losses we endure, but we see a picture, it begins to fit, it's the cycle of life...and death, yes death is a part of it.  But once we realize the continued energy lives on and we realize that "death" as we know it, does not really exist, but more like it's a passageway into what is to come, we realize we will live past our "death" and be reunited with those we love to enjoy what comes next after this.  We tend to think this is it, all there is, because our minds are finite here, we think all there is is what we see and touch, but there's more, so much more...

[MelsGone]

Mel. I’m lost without you. I just don’t know. I try. Here are pictures of you and I don’t know why. Don’t want to say or care or think or be right now you were love and happiness and now you are not here with me & yet you are I know... and I’m okay and I’m not, and I’m crying and not. I just want to scream out so loud..... and it just keeps snowing and snowing and snowing.

[MyMocha]

Those are such beautiful pics of your sweet "sister" Mel!  You can clearly see she was very happy and cared for.  She was quite the model wasn't she! Ty for sharing your memories of her with the group here.  I am unable to pic a fave with this set...they all have something very special in each of them.  I know you miss her.  Hugs

[KayC]

She is beautiful!  Thank you for sharing the pictures of her.  May you feel her presence.  The snow...is it causing you problems?

[MelsGone]

KayC, The snow is, it feels like, I guess it’s the direction - something constantly falling down, cold, grey. Trapping...

[AJWCat]

Beautiful Mel. What a sweet girl! I know your lost feeling. I know wanting to run, or scream, and there is just nothing left to do except mourn her. It is really tough these first few weeks. It's a unique pain. My heart breaks for you.

And I am also sorry you are covered in snow. You are truly living through the life cycle. Snow now coming down but spring will come, healing will come.

 

[MelsGone]

@AJWCatThanks. Yes, you understand completely. Also it comes in waves as if I’m numb and “it never happened” and then with no warning or reason, the reality that she is actually gone breaks through & I can’t believe it - and I’ll be beside myself with grief - then I’ll snap out of it as quick as I entered it. I’m a person who always see’s the humor in most every situation - which is why I’m probably blocking this unintentionally. So I’m fine and then not. And then I probably shouldn’t think this way, but I think in my mind, some people might be saying to themselves ‘Is she posting again??’ (I tend to over think things...) When Mel died, this is where I came, so I feel like this is where I go, Maybe I look on here too much - it’s like keeping a moment alive but maybe it’s just keeping the pain fresh? But I don’t know, I just don’t. Thank you for replying to me these times, it means a great deal. Thank you also @KayC and @MyMocha.

[KayC]

@MelsGone  I hope the snow is abating...it's coming my way today and tomorrow, or so they say, haven't seen it yet.

It's good to come here, people "get it" and understand, that's what this place is here for!  

21 hours ago, MelsGone said:

Is she posting again??

Nope, we wouldn't say that, we're here posting again, aren't we?  That'd be the pot calling the kettle black!  It's good to come here, people "get it" and understand, that's what this place is here for!  

[MelsGone]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

It's good to come here, people "get it" and understand, that's what this place is here for!  

@KayC Well OKAY then!  

I’m also glad you got to see your doctor on Sat. hope you feel better soon!

[AJWCat]

Good grief I feel I created an epic saga on my account. I visit here a lot - early on, all the time. There really is not anywhere else to turn, at least for me. Where do you go express the pain? 

The internet for as problematic as it can be offers access to a lot help too.

[Ang007]

On 1/26/2018 at 6:27 PM, MelsGone said:

Since Monday (when we put Mel down) I have been checking this forum constantly, almost as if I’m searching for her somehow (I know...) I have been a mess since Monday - I want my baby - I know you know how it feels. People on here are very kind. I picked up her remains today. And also her collar. I brought her home. But I just don’t know... I just don’t. I can’t stop thinking about her, she was always right next to me - she always had to be right next to me. Maybe I should not be on here because I keep obsessing over her, and I’m of no help to any one else. I’ve never even used a forum before. I keep everything to myself. (This is my 2nd post about the same topic - so I’m sorry if I was not suppose to do that.)

 

I know how you feel. My dog crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday. My grief is overwhelming which led me to seeking this forum. I’ve never felt so much sadness. His departure was so sudden, and I keep thinking he will come jumping up on my lap. I can’t stop crying and thinking of him. He left such a hole in my heart. Hopefully we can find some peace at some point.

[MelsGone]

4 minutes ago, Ang007 said:

Hopefully we can find some peace at some point.

@Ang007 We will, we will. For me it’s been a couple of weeks & I still break down. But yesterday, I remember “yesterday” and I’m so sorry for you, yes, I know how much you miss your baby. It hurts bad. So, cry, let yourself feel whatever you need to. No words that I can say will really make you feel better. But know you have a place to come to where people understand & care. It does help to talk. Tell me more about him when your ready. Okay?

[KayC]

@Ang007  It's so hard, they're deeply ingrained in our everyday habits and routines and our loss is so apparent when those routines are disrupted abruptly.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.

[Ang007]

1 minute ago, KayC said:

@Ang007  It's so hard, they're deeply ingrained in our everyday habits and routines and our loss is so apparent when those routines are disrupted abruptly.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.

Thank you. Woke up this morning and still can’t believe he’s gone. He used to wake me up by nuzzling my neck hoping I would get up to feed him. Just wishing I had more time with him, he was such a special dog, hope I can stop crying soon so I can function once again.

[KayC]

Those are the routines I'm talking about.    I'm sorry.

[MelsGone]

@KayC I just saw a picture of Arlie! That is a face you just want to grab with both hands and give a big kiss to!  

[KayC]

Yeah, I was reading the paper on my lunch break when I saw him up for adoption by Lane County (rescue) and he had such perky bright eyes and ears, I knew he was for me.  I called them and told them I'd be over after work to get him and when I got there they told me someone else was getting him and asked if I wanted to meet him.  I was disappointed but I said yes, I spent the next half hour with him and asked them to check on the adoptive family and they came back and said they had changed their mind.  I told him I'd take him right then!  They were wrong about his breed, his weight, his age, and didn't tell me he was sick nor that he had a chronic health condition.  He chewed up everything that wasn't nailed down and even some that was, but you know I have never looked back, I love him to pieces.  He's beautiful, but it's his personality that really stole my heart, I feel like he's my soul mate in a dog!

[MelsGone]

On 2/15/2018 at 9:39 AM, KayC said:

I feel like he's my soul mate in a dog!

I like that  

Going way, way, back.... I adopted a kitten from a shelter. I wanted to pick out a kitten, but the first one I held put it’s claws in my sweater & latched on. We could not get him off. I tried to look at other kittens briefly with him stuck on me, but then said, “Forget it, I’ll just have to take this one.” & I wore him out of the shelter. He was awesome, kind of peculiar when he got older - he thought if he couldn’t see you, then you couldn’t see him & that’s how he would hide when he was bad & then we would act like we: didn’t see him / couldn’t find him, so I guess we were also peculiar...  

[KayC]

MelsGone,

I like that, that's funny!  I love hearing about the special things between owners and their pets. 

[sparkyn98]

LOVE the picture of Mel napping. Hope you are finding some comfort here.