My dear baby Husky

[Husky]

Hi.

My grammar is not very good but i'm hoping i'm still welcome.

I lost my baby 3 days ago, Husky the husky, after 13 years of hugs and adventures. I have only her, my mom and a skype friend. A week prior going to the vet she started to vomit several times a day, had diareea and would look absent and would rather just lie down. She didn't want to eat, didn't drink much. Would not even have treats or sausage. I did not go to the vet immediately, hoping it was something that would go over by itself very soon. I was also frightened they would find something very serious, keep her and euthanize her. Eventually it was too much to see her like this so I went to the vet. They took tests and said it was an infection. Thank Goodness I thought, it can be treated. But then a new test came in and I almost fainted. I had to sit down by the outside door and get air. Her kidney was failing. There was nothing to do. No treatment. No medication. No transplantation. My country doesn't do kidney transplantation. I'm not even sure if they do any kind of transplantation at all. She was dying. It was the truth. On paper. The vet said she wasn't in any pain but it was just a matter of days or less. He/she(I dont even remember) suggested euthanize. I really wished to take her home and make it as comforable as possible the last moments, comforting her, talking with her. hugging her, kissing, being with her toys, her favorite toy the moose. But mom requested that they would take her in for the night and perhaps make it better, somehow. The vet was not sure it would make a difference but eventually fulfilled the request. I didn't agree with mom. For the first time in 13 years I had to sleep alone, without her by my side. I did not sleep. It was indescribable horrible. Next day the vet called and said the treatment did not do anything good, and euthanize was suggested, Immedentaly. I was unable to argue. One hour ride to the vet. We had to sit and wait. Wait too long. We were about to see eachother for the last time and say goodbye but still they made us wait. And when we finally could, they wanted to get paid First! Before you get to say goodbye, money first, please! I felt outraged. But i didn't argue. 748USD for her "treatment". They had prepared a bed for her and they brought her in. She wasn't worse than yesterday, I thought. But she couldn't support herself with her backlegs very well, or if the floor was too slippery. But her fate was alredy decided. I layed down with her, her body onto me, her head on my chest. I hugged her, pet her, talked to her. The vet said we did have a choise. She wouldn't euthanize her here if we requested it. I wanted to take her home, just as I previosly wanted, but mom quickly said to the vet that she would know best. I've always been too weak to speak up properly. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe I was selfish for thinking that thought. She seemed to be suffering. What do people on this forum think? Was it the correct choise to euthanize her at the vet clinic? She first injected a transparent liquid to make her relax, then a white liquid, morphine I believe. I talked, hugged, pet her through the whole process. "time to dream baby" I said. She fell asleep very fast. less than 20 seconds. 13 years of cuddling. She was still warm. I was still with her for a long time. Comforting her. Kissing her black-pink nose. I cried. The Vet couldn't hold back either. Perhaps they don't see people so often that really cares for their family members. They let me be alone with her. She's still warm. I never wanted to let her go. She is my all. My baby. She's my friend. My bestbestbest friend ever. I wanted to lie there forever until I died myself. euthanize me too I told. I let her go eventually, after a long while. She's still warm. I see them taking her away from me for the last time. Cremation had been decided. My family have all decided, that, every each of us to be cremated. It's been a few days now. We're griefing everyday day. Feels impossible to let it go and move on. I spend most of my time sleeping in my bed, seldom getting up. Feel no reason to get up. I feel very certain that i will never be able to get over it. I constantly have remorse. Thinking I could have done something different. She Didn't want to be left at the vet. As the vet took her she tried to get back to us. It felt as I betrayed her. She wanted to come home with us. It was Her choise. I should've respected her wish, I think. I can never stop thinking about it. I'm blaming myself constantly. I'm begging to her for forgivness. I'm praying to her to not be angry at me. I light candles. I'm treating her moose as it was her. I don't know how and what to do beyond here. I've lost my will to do anything. I'm praying that, when my, our time is up, she will be there waiting for me in the afterlife, so I can hug her once more and take her on adventures. I promised her that, often during her lifetime. Told her it is what I will do when we see eachother again. and i Will keep that promise, and hope she still wants me as friend.

PS. I'm 32 boy, I have anxiety. I have social anxiety. I get anxiety being near people. I have depression. I have no no self-esteem and don't believe in my own abilities. I dropped out of school, I have never worked a single day in my life. I have two friends alive, mom and a Skype friend. And Husky in the afterlife. I'm acting and talking as if Husky were with me still. I pray she is.
Thank you for reading all the way to this. I understand and apologize if it was difficult to understand. Goodbye

 

[MyMocha]

Sorry to read the story of Husky. What a lovely furry friend for so many years. To decide to end the suffering of a companion is one of the hardest things to do. It sounds like you did the right thing even though I know it doesn't feel that way. Kidney failure is painful if a pet has to die naturally from it. So for that reason I feel you did the most loving thing for Husky. There are a lot of people here who understand exactly how sad you feel. We have all lost a furry friend. Hugs

[Guest]

Hi Husky,  I feel your pain, guilt is the best friend of grief I'm afraid.  We torment ourselves with the what if's. did I do the right thing, did I do enough it's a torture we put ourselves through with no rhyme nor reason and serves no purpose other than to twist the knife in our hearts all the more.  You did the right thing for your baby, he knows that, you were with him at the end, to comfort him, it doesn't matter where that was, what was important is that you were there with him and you were.  Like you I don't have many friends, I also don't have any family so my Ava is all I have, it makes the loss all the more devastating because they are not just part of your life, they are your whole life, every thought, action thing you do revolves around them so when they've gone life is like a black hole sucking you in.  Come here and talk to people, I've found it really helps, people here understand the pain you are feeling far more than I've found people in the 'real' world do.

[KayC]

I am so so sorry, your Husky is beautiful.  I love Huskies, they are my favorite dog!  My dog is 1/2 Husky, 1/2 Golden Retriever, took after the Husky except for the cysts he gets.  I cringed when I saw it was a Husky you lost, they are not only beautiful but once you get to know one, it's hard to have any other!  My son owns Huskies.  I love their "talk", their personalities, even my dog's headstrongness (I can relate to it).  I'm just so sorry for your loss, I know the missing him will continue.  Thirteen years is good for a Husky, my son's only made it nine years, but he had special problems.  Mine is nearly ten but has chronic acute Colitis so I have to cook for him and be very careful of his diet.

Getting used to having a member of our family gone is very hard.  I encourage you to continue to come here and talk, it helps just knowing others understand and care.  Maybe you can tell us a little more about him when you're ready.

[KMacDW]

I'm sorry for your loss. You did the right thing, releasing her from her suffering. You shouldn't feel guilty. You thought of her, above yourself.

I can really relate to your post because my dog was the same to me. She was my strength; she helped me take strides forward as a person.

And for what it's worth, I want to honor her memory and keep striding forward. And I feel your husky would want the same for you. She wants you to be happy in your life. I'm sure your Husky will always be with you, pushing you forward.

 

[Jencatlover]

So sorry to read this, you obviously loved Husky very much and your kind, thoughtful nature shines through. The hardest thing is to let them go but you did the right thing. We have to put their well-being above our happiness and you did just that, it's the ultimate kindness to end their suffering even though it's so devastating. She was beautiful.

I hope we can help you through this, please don't feel you are alone, you are not. We have all been through loss and understand. Please stay and share if you feel you can, everyone here is very kind and understanding.

And yes, of course you are welcome and your English is excellent!

[Husky]

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your comforting words and stories. Reason it took a while for me to respond was because I feelt too anxious to do so. I will never be able to thank you all enough. I will definily stay here and try to make a difference.

May I ask what Angel Date means?

[MyMocha]

9 minutes ago, Husky said:

May I ask what Angel Date means?

angel date is the day your pet passed away.  Everyone here has lost a companion so we all understand what it feels like. hugs

[Husky]

5 minutes ago, MyMocha said:

angel date is the day your pet passed away.  Everyone here has lost a companion so we all understand what it feels like. hugs

thank you. hugs