Almost a year and six months

[StevenKelly]

I don't even know what to write anymore, losing my wife gets worse everyday. Don't want to write, don't want to talk to people anymore I just came here to take down the pictures I posted but I can't find them, posting pictures is a little more celebrating than I want to do, ever.

I just pray everyday to the powers that be to just take me too already.

Gained 70 pounds, stopped talking to her family and my family too about a year ago, I just work and come home and sleep, go back to work, come home and sleep. Can't wait until it's over already.

A small part of me want's to change it but the bigger part always wins. When she died I died to, the walking dead that's exactly what I feel like.

[KayC]

StevenKelly,

I'm sorry for the pain you're in.  You could use some help getting through this.  I really hope you'll call and make an appointment with a grief counselor.  

To remove the pictures all you have to do is go to the post you put them in, click on edit, then delete them.

It takes more than the passage of time to make our way through this, grief is a lot of work, it takes effort on our part and no one can do it for us, we have to put it in ourselves.  I read articles and books, was involved in my on line grief support, saw a counselor, did art therapy, journaled, wrote letters to my husband, in other words, I worked very hard at my grief.  Today I lead a grief support group in my community.  I've learned more on my grief journey than in the rest of my life put together.  

The way you are feeling is normal in early grief, I want you to understand that.  I felt suicidal at first.  I didn't think it was possible to live without my George.  But I have.  It takes much time and effort to make our way through this and adjust.

Is there some reason you choose not to have anything to do with your family?  Sometimes they don't respond to us right because they don't understand loss/grief.  They aren't alone, most of society is with them.  It's on us to teach them what we need and appropriate response.  They can't know what they haven't been through.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323

The following is an article that it's helpful to print out and give to family/friends to help them know how to help you in your grief:
http://www.griefhealing.com/column-helping-another-in-grief.htm

[Jeff In Denver]

Hi there, KayC.  Good to see you here.

StevenKelly,  that's hard to read, but I get it.  Sorry that you are going through this.  This is the hardest thing in life.  I really wish I could say something that would help, but I can't.

19 months for me.  I never stop thinking about her.  I feel crushed.   I was in oil and gas (IT) for quite a while, but was laid off last summer.  I work from home now as I have income properties.  So I am home all day and then I spend the night here.  I hardly ever see friends any more, rarely go out at night, etc.  I'm isolated, lonely, and sad most of the time.  Meanwhile, no one wants to hear about it, they think I'm over it, and have no idea what this is like.  It's not their fault - how could they?

When I go out once a day I feel invisible.

I'm sure that many others here feel the same as I do, which is why they're here.

[StevenKelly]

Thanks for the kind thoughts.

That's basically my life too Jeff, x10.

KayC I don't talk to my family anymore because it physically hurts to talk. I talk at work because I have to but I'm basically by myself all day anyway so I don't have to talk much there either. One wrong word......if it even remotely reminds me of her I loose it, the name of a song, a location we went together an activity we did together, if someone even says the word wife.

Like Jeff said, my family thinks I'm over it so does everyone else. For me it just get's worse everyday. I'm tired of play acting for people.

When I would see or talk to her family we would always immediately breakdown and stay that way. I'm a mess just typing this.

My wife was an amazing woman and she was very loved by many people.

We were together over 25 years, she was 51, healthy and full of energy and died in her sleep. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I'm so tired and disgusted with life. Like I wrote I just wish it would be over already, there's nothing left for me without her.

[LoveD]

The hard part is that we can’t accept the physical forms of our love ones have already gone.

[KayC]

16 hours ago, StevenKelly said:

Like Jeff said, my family thinks I'm over it so does everyone else.

It's never "over".  Those of us who have been through it know that.  It's never over, it alters our lives, it alters us.  We may look like the same person on the outside (although even that took a hit) but on the inside it's never the same again.  I know people out there don't want to hear that, they want everything to go back to like it was (wouldn't that be nice!) but that can't be.  They don't want reminded of their mortality or that this could happen to them, they want life to be carefree (wouldn't we all!) and pleasant.  Death/grief calls their attention to all that isn't pleasant.  But this is our life to deal with now the best that we can!