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A minute and a half.


joelvskat

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This past Saturday evening, around 7pm, I took our dog for a walk, the last of the day,as usual. Kat (My wife) was getting ready for bed, and tonight it looked like we were going to make love as I caught a shimmering teddy out of the corner of my eye. I tried impatiently to hurry pooch along, as i was in a hurry to see my wife's plans for this evening. But, he wasn't having it and about 45 minutes later we arrived back home.  "Honey, we're back", "okay babe" was her reply. I fresheners up the dogs water and spilled a little food in his dish. Hurriedly and excitingly, after about a minute and a half, I get to the bedroom,and my Angel was gone.  With 911 on the phone and doing for, anything I can think of, I looked in her eyes and knew....Of course,  the paramedics did what they could, go through the motions,but I knew. The hospital said, they actually revived her twice,  but the 3rd time, My love of 35 yrs, my Angel wouldn't respond..I LOST IT THEN.....That was the moment I called God to the table...I can't do this, I don't want this..Take me not her, you SONOFABITCH...Now, a day and a half later, our son's birthday, 32 years old, and I'm a freaking train wreck. Next week, our same sin, graduates from police academy, and we got a St.Michaels medal, from the Vatican and blessed by the Pope, that Kat was going to pin on him at the ceremony..NOW WHAT???

I'M SO LOST...The pictures, that's on our 10,000th day of marriage. Lake Mead Cruise, champagne,etc.... I miss her so much...

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joelvskat,

I'm so sorry, we never expect this, nothing can prepare us for this loss.  My husband had just turned 51 when he died, it was unexpected, he looked the picture of health.  Of course you're feeling angry, this is a lot to deal with.  No answers, only caring and understanding here.  It's been 12 1/2 years for me, it's a journey that doesn't end, until my life is over and I can be with him again...

I wrote this article based on what I've learned over the last twelve years, I hope there's even one thing in it that will be of help to you, I think if I could pinpoint one thing it'd be taking one day at a time (or hour, or minute, as you might need in the early days).

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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TY..TY SO MUCH. One minute at a time right now, maybe even one second, but someone who Knows, it'll be ok, someone that's lived through it....Means the world..

Thank you again. 

    Joe

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You are so welcome.  There were others there for me when I first went through it and discovered the grief site I've been on for 12 1/2 years, and I want to be here for others going through it, it's so important for us to know we're heard and understood, we're not crazy, this is "normal" for those of us experiencing grief.

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joelvskat

Oh my God, I am so very sorry for your loss and know the pain you feel.   My husband of 45 years died of a heart attack unexpectedly and at times, am still in denial.  I've lost close friends and family in the past, but losing my Charles was something I was just not prepared for; I don't think anyone is.  When you lose someone you love more than yourself, you get a crash course in mortality.  After Charles passed, I would lie awake night after night wondering if heaven and hell truly existed and finding all kinds of reasons to cling to my faith because I just couldn't bear to believe that Charles was not out there somewhere, a few whispered words of a prayer away.  And for what it worth, and how hard it seems, you will get through this where the pain won't be so unbearable.  It doesn't look like that now and you may not even want to hear it but God has truly blessed you.  HE designed Kat specifically for you, put her in your life and allowed the two of to share a life and love for the ages.  A lot of people can't make that claim.   Because of her, you are the man you are today; never forget that.   I get it, it hurts like hell, and feels so unfair and not right.  Why things happen to good people, we'll never know and perhaps we are not meant to but there is a season for everything under the heavens.  I think we have a choice in this and can make the best or the worst of it.  I hope in the darkest season of your life, you make the best situation.  I hope you live the rest of your life that would make your Kat proud and if you find that you're not, I hope God gives you the strength to start over again. Continue to post; we are all here in our darkest season trying to get through and with God 's helpp and each other, we just might be able to.  Know that you are in my prayers.

 

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So sorry for your loss I lost my husband in November he took his own life we were married 31 yrs and together 3 before marriage I understand how you are feeling I can’t get over this but I have found support on this forum and counselling helps take care god bless 

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Hi Joe,

Every time there is a newbie on this forum we get reminded of the early days when we lost our loved one.The unimaginable pain and the thought that it will never get better.That is what we all thought in those early days. We know the pain you are going through now.My husband was only 51 yo when he died 1 1/2 years ago.

You have found this forum so soon after Kat died.It took me nearly a year but it has been very helpful.When you come here regularly you will get to know the people that post often.

What KayC said in her post: 'Grieving has to be heard' is very true.We can not do this alone.We need help from others and we need to speak up.Grieving in silence does not work, at least not for me.

What Francine said : 'It hurts like hell', is also very true.

But you will survive this.It is not always going to be like this.

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@Francine

      TY so very much and am  very sad for your loss as well. I am having service this weekend, and not sure yet how I'm going to handle it. I find myself, the last couple days, when I'm going somewhere, talking myself through it..Joseph, your supposed to act like this , or be good, no crying while you'r there. So far it hasn't worked... Thank you again 

              Joe

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Joe, 

My thoughts are with you this weekend.  I didn't know what I'd feel or what to expect from my husband's service, ahead of time.  I mean I picked the songs, someone to sing, talked with the pastor who was speaking on his life, but I didn't know what it'd be like.  I found it was good to hear what people had to say (open mike session), especially when my son spoke, it really touched me, we shared some laughs as we remembered George's life, also some tears, but overall it was good, it was very good to see how many turned out for it and how many lives he touched.  I didn't feel alone in my love for him or my missing him.  I hope that for you too.

We'll be here for you to talk to.  I found my grief forum soon after he passed, it was a lifesaver for me.

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Hi Joel,

I am a newbie to this forum and wanted to say hi to you and your beautiful Kat.Thank you so much for sharing a little piece of your broken heart with us.

That took courage and strength and I just loved the one you began your message.What  beautiful and warm hearted people you both sound!

In my culture we never say goodbye to loved ones, because we believe they stay in spirit and simply transition, all the while helping us the ones left behind to adapt as well.

Keep talking and sharing, and while its a hard thing often in the real world to keep things real, do it anyway! Real men cry. It is not a weakness its actually a strength. Dont let anyone ( or yourself, lol) tell you otherwise.

I know all of this grief and sadness will seem overwhelming and completely surreal.( I questioned my own mental health several times) and God was both my friend and enemy. I use the term friend loosely ,probably more often than not He was the only person I could vent to, 24/7. And I didnt need an appointment or even have to pick up a phone.

I don't know anyone on here yet,and sadly its not a group any of us probably imagined we might be a part of, but I just wanted to say hi, add my 2cents worth and tell you ,you are all in my prayers and heart during this sad time.

Kat may be resting for now, but the love you have will never die.

Kind Regards.

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16 hours ago, Carmen13 said:

In my culture we never say goodbye to loved ones, because we believe they stay in spirit and simply transition, all the while helping us the ones left behind to adapt as well.

I so agree with this!

Welcome to our site, I'm sorry for your loss.

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Joe, We are in the middle of the weekend now.Thoughts of you have gone through my mind this morning.How is he doing during the service?Can he 'hold it together'?Has he managed to say the things that he wanted to say?

I can remember the service of my husband vividly.I felt very strongly that I only had one chance to do it right, only one chance to say the things I wanted to say.We decorated his cask with memorabilia, photos,letters etc(no flowers, Steve was not a 'flower person').We had ACDC music and nobody was wearing black.As we live in Australia and had travelled the world for his work ,many of his friends could not be there for the service but they sent things that they wanted to be put on the casket.It resulted in a very colourful piece of art!

Steve was mostly known for his dry sense of humour and all of the speakers managed to crack a few jokes, including me.I still have no idea how I managed to speak for 10 minutes ,keep it dry, makes jokes, said all the things I wanted to say.I desperately wanted Steve to be proud of me and I think he was.

I am now in my second year of grieving.It is not necessarily much easier, but it is definitely different.I do not have whole sad days any more, only sad moments, definitely a few times a day and I still cry most days.However, life has become bearable again.

Kat has died, but your love and your relationship with her will be forever.

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Well, it' Sunday morning, very early. Myself, and  a church full of mourners all said their final farewells yesterday. My daughter-in-law, was so instrumental in doing everything from finding the chapel, the right priest, right down to driving more than 100 miles to purchase the flowers that Kat loved.  Yellow Roses are not a hot commodity I guess. Then after the ceremony, we went to hers and my son' s house. It is a pretty good sized place, but it was let' say busy there. She had sandwiches and snacks, she thought of everything. I wasn't burdened by any of the choices or decisions that would go along with that. So Grateful for her. As for me,  I talk. I sat down , in front of the casket, looked into her portrait and talked. We talked a ot thru out the weekend. She had a smile to light up the sky... Talking to her got me thru. Kat wanted Everyone at the service to be comfortable, so whatever you wore is what she wanted you to wear both at the viewing and service.  Jeans and T shirt for me, that's what her and i lived in, everyone else did abide by her wish and wore just as they were when We were all together. Unorthodox in a church, but it was Amazing. No one putting on airs with suits and ties. Man, I miss her. I got home last evening, mentally and physically exhausted. My pup laid on the floor with sad eyes, and I found myself talking to Kat. I stripped the bed, ( that' really where baby passed) it took a while. Got the clean stuff and remade it. For the first time since I had him, doggie got on my bed and laid with his head on his paws. Tears I couldn' stop came. I laid on my side, here I am. Almost 7 hours later. I said good morning to my baby, .made coffee as usual, now we're all here . TY everyone for your kind words and thoughts. I'm finding talking, out loud is helping me. I talk to her like she' here or like on the phone. I laugh about a memory, ( but not really LAUGH), I DID SOMETHING  that would've upset her, just to look for a sign from her. But, alas..

I' m going to keep talking out loud. Inside, outside, I don' care. Today, the kitchen. There weren't any dishes that night, but a week later, I can' see the sink.

Again, EVERYONE, KAY C, CARMEN13 TIENKE, you are special, and this site is amazing.  I'll be here. I have Grandbabies to protect and show them how Kat lived and loved....

          Thank you 

                  JOE

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Joe,

The pictures are beautiful, thank you for sharing them with us.  I'm glad you told us how the service went yesterday, we were all wondering although I didn't know if it'd be yesterday or today.  I'm a jeans girl too and I like that people didn't feel they had to dress up.  My BIL who owns a fishing tackle store here was going to buy a suit to wear to George's funeral and I told him not to, that George wouldn't have gone out and bought a suit!  I wanted him to feel comfortable in his everyday clothes and know that George would just be glad he came.  My BIL is not someone who would ever wear a suit again so why waste the money?  George was an accepting person, someone who cared about people, not their clothes, although he was a dapper dresser himself.  :)

I'm glad your DIL was able to get the flowers.  If I'd have thought of it, I would have had pansies at George's funeral, they were his favorite flower, he called them the smiling flower, and I have a story about them I may tell someday again, but I didn't have the presence of mind to think of it, my mind wasn't very clear when he died.  I did spend 17 hours making a collage which I showed at his reception afterwards, life as a child growing up, life before me, life with me.  I had a picture of us together to hand out to everyone there.

I'm glad it went well, those will be part of your memories from here on out.  And your dog, I think he knew you needed him, he was feeling something emotional going on.

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Hi Joe,

Thank you for sharing with us how the service went and letting us know how you are doing.The pictures of Kat are lovely!

I do like the dog sleeping on your bed bit.Steve and I did not have our own dog(because of our travelling life style).When Steve died we were looking after a friends house ,including the dog.Steve loved that dog and vice versa.Steve died in his sleep.He woke me up with a loud strange breath and that was the last of it.I immediately started CPR, while the dog was next to the bed howling because he knew things were not right.The next night the dog slept on the bed with me ,on Steve's side.The night after my sister from Holland had arrived and she slept in the bed with me.I still have a very strong bond with that dog and every time we catch up we roll on the ground and have the biggest cuddle ever!You may realise that your pup is going to be a big help in the following months.

I still talk to Steve and that is 1 1/2 years after he died.I sleep with a little box in my bed that contain some of his ashes.The rest I have scattered in various places that were important to us.When I wake up in the morning(worst time of the day for me),I say :'Good morning darling,whats on the programme today'?And I talk to him during the day.Sometimes out loud, sometimes just from the inside.I don't believe much in an afterlife, or in meeting up again, but I find the thought that he can hear me comforting.Who knows?Maybe he does hear me!

Take care

 

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@TIENKE

TY. Very touching, and WOW,almost a carbon copy. I was talking to her, fed the dog, went in to her. She was gone.  Screaming at her, looking for a phone, trying to do CPR was all too much for Kruger, he jumped up on the bed, WAS in my face  barking loudly. Thought I was hurting her, I guess. 911 was outside , the door was open, the operator made me stop CPR to open it. I pulled her down on the floor next, like the oper.told me to, but I twisted or something and she wound up on top of me, I WAS looking into her eyes and I knew she was gone. Grey and lifeless..With her in my lap, I just did compressions until paramedics got in. Her body made noise, but.....

  I told no one that. I was going to take that to the grave. Now I feel better about it, going to tell my son...

 She was so proud of him. Wednesday he graduates LAS VEGAS POLICE ACADEMY. I DON' KNOW IF THEY CALL IT VALEDICTORIAN OR NOT, BUT HE IS GIVING COMMENCEMENT SPEECH. SHE WAS BEAMING WHEN HE TOLD US...

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Joel, I am so sorry for your loss of your precious wife, Kat.  The title of your thread, says it all.  Our lives can be irreversibly changed forever, in such a short time.  Your photos are all lovely - thank you for sharing.  I’m glad you have family and grandchildren close by. You will need their ongoing support and they will give your changed life, purpose. 

You will feel lost for a very long time to come.  I still feel hopelessly lost most of the time and I’ve just recently entered my third year of widowhood. Grief is very demanding and the adjustment to living without one’s soulmate is excruciatingly painful and slow. Grief will not be rushed. It struck me hard the other day when I realised that I can no longer say that my hubby was killed last year.  His death still feels so recent.  

A sudden loss comes with it’s own challenges.  Your mind will take a long time to process the events of the night you lost your wife.  In time, the images and trauma do become less intense. Your mind, body and soul has also taken a battering like no other.  I hope that sink full of dishes indicate that you are eating. Keep it up as being ill whilst grieving deeply is the pits.  

Our mantra here is to take each day as they come.  Sometimes this needs to be done by the hour. 

Rest assured, your Kat will be smiling down on your son, bursting with pride, at his graduation.  I hope you feel her spirit with you and hear her voice.  

Sending you strength and hugs. 

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Joe,

You must be proud, my son was also the commencement speaker at his college graduation.  Yes it's like being valedictorian.  An honor chosen for the one who exemplified something others can learn from.  Someone to look up to.  Your wife must be proud.

And I'm glad you find some relief in sharing with us what happened.  We can all share anything here, we all understand...

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Hi Joe,

When it is about grieving I don't think there is much we should take to our graves.Even now I feel the need to talk about exactly what happened when Steve died, what I did and how I felt.I did not even know the 911 number for Australia(it is 000;I will not forget that now...)so I phoned the neighbours as they were the last people I spoke to.I remember me frantically searching for the telephone(we only had one between the 2 of us as we were always together...) and of course the battery was nearly flat.

Wednesday is going to be a big day for you and for Kat.She will be there in spirit.No way she is going to miss that.

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Joe, 

I am not even 2 months since my Eric died, much the same--we went to bed, woke up 5 hours later he was gasping for breath. I called 911 and started doing CPR. The EMTs finally showed up, but could not get a pulse, although they tried injecting those drugs that get the electrical impulse going. I still feel that there was a way out of it, if not then, then the night before, or the day before, or the month before, or the year before. He had had a heart attack, I was out of town at a conference--he took so long to go to the clinic that there was a lot of damage to his heart. I made it to the hospital that night. The more his heart healed in those ten days after, the more scar tissue, and sadly, the more chance of electric misfires in his heart, which is what happened. There are things too that I thought I would take to my grave, I would say aloud, to Eric, "That is just for us, as spouses..." but then I would tell someone. But still, there are some things I want to keep just between us. But I talk out loud to him all the time. The first month I screamed and keened for hours--thank god it is winter and all the windows are shut or neighbors might have called the police. Now I come home from work and tell him about the day. Sometimes I read letters aloud that we wrote each other over the 17 years we knew each other. But yes, keep talking. They hear us. 

I am sorry for you, for being here now. And yet it has opened up a hidden world to me of interconnected webs of suffering, loss, and blind faith--because what else would you call it when you keep getting up and going through the day when there seems to be no point that you can see except faith in something. 

I think I went to the funeral home in my pajamas, when I first went to make arrangements straight from the hospital. the hospital let me stay with Eric afterwards for about 5 hours. Or maybe they forgot I was there. 

People at work keep asking, "How are you doing?" Possibly they cringe after it comes out of their mouth. I want to say, "Shitty! My husband is dead. My default position is devastated! " But I just say, "I am getting up everyday."  I think the worst one is, "Did you have a good weekend?" I actually see them wince after  they say that. People mean well--oh well...Odd things keep turning up in my mailbox from people I work with in remote villages. Today there was a little card, like a business card, in an envelope. It said, "'I wanted to see him again, to say goodbye the way that I wanted. Then I realized if I got my way, I'd never say goodbye.'"  It was perfect for that moment, how I was feeling, all the"if only, and should haves, and I wish I had". This came from someone I barely knew, yet they knew what I was feeling, and reached out and let me know.  

I am still writing down one good thing on my calendar everyday. It makes me think, and review the day. But inside, I am still waiting for him to come home. 

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On ‎1‎/‎15‎/‎2018 at 10:30 AM, KayC said:

joelvskat,

I'm so sorry, we never expect this, nothing can prepare us for this loss.  My husband had just turned 51 when he died, it was unexpected, he looked the picture of health.  Of course you're feeling angry, this is a lot to deal with.  No answers, only caring and understanding here.  It's been 12 1/2 years for me, it's a journey that doesn't end, until my life is over and I can be with him again...

I wrote this article based on what I've learned over the last twelve years, I hope there's even one thing in it that will be of help to you, I think if I could pinpoint one thing it'd be taking one day at a time (or hour, or minute, as you might need in the early days).

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

 

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@Sunflower2  I just posted them on your thread, I hope you'll print them out and read them now and then because it's too much to take in at once.  I read all of the new posts every morning, so don't worry about me not finding something you've written.

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