Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

My Callie


Joey74

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hey everyone I had to put my 18 year old almost 19 year old Callie down Friday, she has been with me and my wife for almost 2 decades and I’m devastated, she was the healthiest thing for years.....almost 2 years ago she started losing her sight and about a year ago she become blind, over the last 6 months she’s been losing weight down to 3 pounds and she had episodes of falling down while walking, which we thought was vestibular problems which the vet said at her age was common, we gave her the best care anyone could, carried her to her feeding area, she slept with us or in her puffy bed, she loved to lay in my shoulder for hours, ....well Friday morning I heard my wife yell my name and Callie was on our bed on her side, eyes wide open, and totally lifeless I didn’t even see breathing, we both held each other and cried, I went back in to wrap her up in a blanket and when I tried to scoop her up she made a noise, I was shocked.....she was stiff and couldn’t stand or anything......we took her to the vet and he said with her elderly age it was most likely a massive stroke or brain tumor advancing.......so we obviously decided to put her at peace, I am finding it so hard and everything reminds me of her,  I haven’t felt this pit in my stomach before, we held and talked to her an hour before they proceeded with the procedure, and was with her during, I can’t get the images out of my head, it was very peaceful but I’m just so sad ☹️I keep asking myself was any more treatment possible or was it just selfish if I did? .......I know all of you have been through it so I just wanted to vent a little.....god bless everyone 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

HI @Joey74, I am so sorry for your loss. When they get older, we know logically it is going to happen but when they are not with us, physically, it is harder than we realize. Logic goes out the window and we are left with such an emptiness. Seeing your sweet Callie as you did breaks my heart. Of course you did the right thing, it was absolutely her time. Luckily you were able to be with her to the very end.

So, this "process" is not easy, grieving the loss. I lost my cat suddenly 5 months ago and it has been a really difficult thing for me and my husband.

What you are experiencing, the pit in your stomach - I had it too. My heart literally ached. The first couple days my husband and I were in shock. Walking zombies. I am glad you shared your story. You can certainly come and post more as the days pass. I did. I had to process it all by sharing my story and my feelings. My husband, while totally heartbroken could not keep discussing it over and over and talking about our cat and so I came here.

We all know exactly where you are right now and we totally understand.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi AJW thank you so much for your response, I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your cat, it is a process while it’s only been 2 days it’s so hard, my wife is like your husband, she cried and we held each other but she’s the type that doesn’t like to re-hash too, the feeing I have is just so empty it scares me, logically I know it will pass with time but it sucks, she was always sitting on my shoulder I feel lost, but I’m so glad the 19 years I had, ugh crying again.....thanks to everyone on this post, talking about it with people who understand does help! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Joey74 the feeling when it hits you is physically painful, I know it. You do feel so lost, because all the time you had spent with them is now empty. You don't say if you have other pets but it reads like you don't so I don't know what that feels like apart from devastating. I'm so sorry for you but know that people are here to talk to, it's helping me right now. It's tough when you can't talk openly to anyone, you need people who totally understand. Your wife sounds kind but she must deal with it a little differently and that's her way of coping. Sometimes you just need to say exactly what you feel and let it out.

Isn't it odd that there is no question of grief when you lose a person, but so many people don't seem to understand the loss of a pet can be much more upsetting and life changing. I'm not comparing the two, every relationship between people and also between people and pets is special and totally unique. I think with pets part of it stems for the responsibility we feel to do everything right for them at all times. Also because they always remain small and needing our care. Sorry to ramble, I seem to do that a lot here. You did everything you could and everything right for Callie and although you know that, it will take time to come to terms with.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Jenn, I do have another cat but I had Callie 6 years earlier I love my tabby, but Callie and I had a bond I was her favorite she was always with me, the description you gave of Empty is just on point, it’s brutal how everything reminds me of her, the couch, her bed, everywhere in the house, it may sound insane but I feel like not even wanting to be here right now, logically I know she had a long long and Happy life and we treated her like a queen but somehow that doesn’t help, and I know it will get better but right now I hate how I feel, I get the feeling of running? When I think of her and then think she’s gone....maybe that’s like wanting to run away from how I feel l? Idk its still only 2 days old ☹️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Joey one thing I know from when it's happened before is that I've started to heal faster afterwards when I've kept myself busy rather than when I've been able to dwell on things. Now the truth is I don't want to do anything in the few days after, I just want to hide away and think about my sadness. I think that the reason that 'keeping busy' or working or whatever helps is that we are in an environment that they were never in, so things there haven't changed. There are no constant reminders everywhere you turn. It's home where it feels the worst, I know.

I'm certainly not saying that going and doing things helps as it's really the last thing you want to do. Also I think that when you begin to start feeling a bit better that can be when you also feel guilty for not feeling so bad as you did to start with. That's how I feel anyway. Like coming to terms with it is somehow selfish when if course it's not. It;s a tough call and there is NO right or wrong.

The best way I have thought about how this goes is this. The initial shock is so devastating that every tiny thing makes me sad for the fact I loved them so much and now they are gone. So the wonderful life you know you gave them makes you so sad as it has ended. As time passes, slowly but surely, the thoughts of them become gradually less sad and become slowly more happy as you can think of them in their wonderful happiness and great life you had together, the thoughts bringing joy rather than misery. It takes time. The reason we suffer so much with their loss is because of the amazing life they had and all the little things they do to bring us joy.

I am with you in my grief right now after losing my gorgeous boy Bertie. But what I said is the best way I describe it. Others may see things differently, we are all unique and so are our lovely pets.

I'm glad you still have furry company. In my opinion, it's the best kind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Joey your story is heartbreaking for sure.  So many wonderful years with Callie!  I know it probably won't help but from what you described I really just don't see how there was any other option or treatment outside of letting her go such as you did.  Our fur-baby's fight so hard until they just can't anymore.  As they get up in years symptoms often manifest themselves and finding the "why" for a kitty is crazy difficult it seems. Especially with weight loss. There are so many things that can be responsible but finding out what is beyond a challenge and even then I think it requires mainly just luck of the draw. I have spent so many countless hours trying to research and read to figure out what was wrong with my baby and I will never get to know.  Cats are mysterious creatures it seems.  But they are such wonderful friends.  Hugs for your loss. I know how horribly hard it is. I just lost mine this week also and similar to your situation, my hubby just really wants to move on. I would say he is cold hearted but I know different and deep inside he is crying as much as me and he loved my Mocha too.  Some people just feel better trying to keep a stiff shoulder so they can feel stronger.  They aren't really, they just hide it better in my opinion. People have been great here so I hope you find at least a little comfort to get you through the next few days. You won't stop missing Callie but you will start to feel like living again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Jen you put it perfectly really that was awesome to read.....and mymocha you did as well, and I’m sorry about your mocha ☹️,   I’m floored how people who are going through it or been through it have such a bond and understand.....I’m out eating with my wife now and feel sad but ok, I really hate the house!....I know it will get better, I find myself looking at things just saying, she’ll never sit here again or she’ll never jump on me again and I know that’s all normal but damn it hurts!.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Joey,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I too lost my best cat friend, Charley just yesterday.  It is so hard.

Charley had some neurological issue that caused muscle loss in mostly his hind legs.  He also had some shivering and coordination issues.  The first signs of it appeared about 4 yrs ago.  I took him to a neurological specialists.  They ran multiple tests but mostly they just ruled things out.  They called it a mild peripheral neuropathy.  There was no treatment except exercise. His hind legs slowly lost muscle and I thought he would lose the ability to walk within 6 months.  But he was able to walk for another 3 yrs!  It got harder but he just persisted.  He was about 14 yrs old but he never seemed to lose his vitality.  He seemed happy even in the past few months when his mobility got worse.  He grew up with my son, who is now 14.  Everytime I read a bedtime story to my son, Charley would come and cuddle with us.  He was so much a part of our family.  I read to Charley and carried him around when he couldn't walk these past 2 months.

Yesterday morning, he ate as usual and I took him outside to pee.  As I carried him in, his head went back and he went limp.  I put him down and his mouth opened a few times but he made no sounds and his body stayed limp.  I was totally freaked out and panicked.  I have had 3 cats prior to Charley and never saw anything like that.  I was pretty sure he was gone, but rushed to emergency vet.  My son held him on the way there.  But he was gone.  I couldn't believe he had died so quickly and suddenly. It was probably over in less than 2 minutes and seemed painless.

What I would like to say to you, Joey, and all who have faced a loss, is that no matter how the end comes, it is comes with unbearable pain.   I had hoped and prayed endlessly over these past few years as I watched Charley decline, that he could have a quick death.

And that is what happened.  He pretty much died in my arms.  But it still doesn't give me alot of comfort.  To watch that happen was very difficult.  Not being able to do anything.

I also wondered if I was being selfish  but he really seemed content up until the end.  Then I wondered what happened- heart attack? Blood clot?  Did I cause that somehow?  But really, his little body just had enough.  

Maybe in time I will feel some comfort that he didn't slowly waste away even more prompting me to make the decision of when to end it.  But I have the picture of him dying in my mind and it keeps replaying.  I have never been comfortable with death and seeing it happen to my best friend was tough.

It is so hard not seeing him here at home.  It feels like a big empty hole in my heart.

That is what we are all struggling with right now.  I desperately want to hug him.  I feel like I want to say I am sorry to him.  That I couldn't save him.  My rational mind and my emotional mind are not in sync!

I am glad to have been able to write this out- sorry it is so long.

Let's try to support each other through this tough time

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kstark,

i am so sorry about your Charley that must have been a very scary and also traumatic time having to watch it happen, Callie was the same a big part of the family and a best friend, I was hoping the same as you that she passed at Home and quickly  which we thought she did, but unfortunately I had to make that awful decision i didn’t want to...well it’s awful to have to meet everyone this way it is very comforting to talk to people who are experiencing the exact same feelings, I just fed my other cat Tabitha before I read your post and even though Callie wasn’t interactive much at all with her the last couple of years she knows she’s not here and I can tell, So obviously seeing the one feeding bowl not 2 set me off again! ( go figure!) your post wasn’t long at all, I’m sure Charley was in no pain and I’m sure he had the best life the entire time he was with all of you! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Joey,

Thanks for your kind words.  It is so hard to process it all.  But I know Callie was very fortunate to have the level of care you provided.  And Charley too    - he was homeless and  being fed by someone when I took him in.

Callie and Charley both had issues in the past few years that took much love, strength and dedication from us.  And they keep doing pretty  well because i think they feel that love.

They were fortunate to have us.  I tell myself this and I know it is true and you probably do too.

But it still hurts. 

It sounds like Callie was doing well up until the last day. And there really wasn't anything further you could do for her other than make sure she didn't suffer. Further treatment probably would have come with pain and discomfort.   It was the suddeness of it I think that makes it difficult.  We both put so much care for them and they both had been doing ok - why had something suddenly gone wrong?  I ask myself this.  But we don't always know what's going on in their bodies and they were elderly.  I am sure you are told that 19 yrs is great.  But what is really great is the life you gave Callie.  

Well I am having moments where I feel ok and some I just break down and cry.  My eyes are so puffy, I feel uncomfortable going out in public.

Take care.  Hugs to Tabitha

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you K,

I will give Tabby a hug for you. Please keep in touch if you’d like my email is scag74@aol.com, I hope we all have a better day today, I got my morning Tear out of the way. Some snow flurries around today here in Boston.

 

joe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Joey,

Callie went through something pretty major to leave her like that and I think you did the kindest thing  for her in not putting her through a bunch of tests and treatments that wouldn't have changed the outcome but would have been hard for her to endure.  So often in grief we second guess our decisions, looking for a different possible outcome when really there isn't any.  It's all a part of our grappling with our loss and grief.  There is no easy way when you've lost someone you've spent two decades with!  My heart goes out to you in your loss, I know how hard it is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you Kay,

it was the right thing to do with her being 19, and also she has been blind a while and declining, in my heart I know that, I was not expecting to feel this bad, it’s really physically hard! I appreciate your words very much and it means more to know everyone in here have been through it.....I feel really good about knowing she will be coming home, I had her cremated privately and a paw print in clay, it might sound odd but I think when I have that back Home it will ease the grief some.

 

joe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

@Kstark I am so sorry to hear about your sweet kitty Charley. Small consolation but at least you were there until the very end and that it was quick and seemed painless. It does not make the absence easier.  

And Joey74, yes I wanted to run! Run away - yell, scream... I was so despondent those first few days. There is no where to go to make the pain stop. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
7 hours ago, Joey74 said:

Thank you Kay,

it was the right thing to do with her being 19, and also she has been blind a while and declining, in my heart I know that, I was not expecting to feel this bad, it’s really physically hard! I appreciate your words very much and it means more to know everyone in here have been through it.....I feel really good about knowing she will be coming home, I had her cremated privately and a paw print in clay, it might sound odd but I think when I have that back Home it will ease the grief some.

 

joe

No, not odd at all Joey. My friend recently lost her gorgeous dog Jack and she snipped a lock of his hair and also took a print of his paw. She felt much better once he was 'home' too. Maybe it's like a funeral for a person. Until that time it's not really real. I hope it brings you some comfort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
9 hours ago, Joey74 said:

Thank you Jenn,

me too! I need some ASAP ......how are you doing ?

Getting there slowly thank you for asking, it's so hard. I'm trying to focus on the 3 cats I have and give them even more attention. I have to go food shopping today and I know I'm going to struggle in the pet food aisle when I buy cat litter because I won't be buying Bertie's meat anymore. Think I'm going to do it fast as I can and come home to my fur babies..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yea I know what you mean I had to buy cat food yesterday but only half of what I used to buy ......that sounds like a good idea get it don’t fast and get Home to the pack lol........I hope you have a better day! ...keep in touch anytime scag74@aol.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yesterday I felt better than today, yesterday I had other things I needed to do and I think it distracted me a little. Today not so much and I went shopping and felt awful, like I'd gone backwards. It's all the firsts that get me, the first time I do anything and Bertie's not here. Coming home from shopping and he would insist on sitting between the bags getting in the way and telling me it was his lunchtime (it wasn't) and he was hungry (he wasn't) and I was providing terrible service (hardly!).

How are you doing today Joey?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yes the firsts are hard like you said, lol Callie and tabby both get vocal to let me Know it’s time to eat, I am feeling basically the same still just mostly all I think about, my wife is stressed because she thinks I am putting too much stress on myself, I’m trying the best I can to do better 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

We don't "put too much stress on ourselves", grief has its way and comes to us unbidden.  It takes time to adjust and make our way through this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That’s true Kay, today I’m having one of those days where I’m questioning did I make a hasty decision, could something have been done, when I know she was declining for a year and was blind and whatever event she suffered was traumatic she couldn’t even stand up...... the vet didn’t even ask me if I wanted to pursue anything, and also she was 19......in my mind Ik it was the right thing and I think that is also part of the process, it’s the part that is hardest for me 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I feel like that's just your mind, still processing, still trying to fix it somehow. Of course you did what you had to do. 

This grief process is an ever shifting one. Hard to know how we'll feel at any given moment.

Be patient. I hope your wife can be patient too. You can't "shake out" of this, or "get over it" after some 7 day window.

It's just something you have to go through. Time passes and you learn to live with this new reality. And each day you come to grips with it just a little bit more. (And then you'll get blindsided with some emotion) but you make progress a day at a time. I actually let myself get stuck more than once because anger and sadness was all I had left - it helped me remember my sweet cat. That too, slowly repaired after time.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi AJ,

no you’re right you don’t shake out of it, and my wife has been excellent, she was devastated too but she is just dealing with it better than me, or just not getting upset in front of me idk, like I said logically I know I made the absolute right decision but like you said I didn’t want to, I also have OCD so i tend to replay things much more than the norm let’s say!.....I know I will heal and be ok, I just hope I can do it in a reasonable amount of time, I am totally exhausted, and it’s only been 4 days  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I agree with AJWcat, it is processing your grief.  The oldest cat I ever lost was 19, and I hated losing him (cancer) but there was no doubt in my mind it was what had to be done, he was suffering immensely, I'm mad at the vet that misdiagnosed him because it caused him a month of needless suffering and he didn't deserve that.  He was my faithful "greeter" and I'll forever miss him...he had the same name as my husband, George, so I differentiated by calling him King George, everyone knows cats are royalty!

I hope you've read the articles on guilt, I thought I posted them for you but in case not, here they are again...
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.