Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Pain and emotions.


Pippynz

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Good Morning

I am new here and wanted to know from those that have experienced a parent passing, some suggestions to ease the pain (I know it won't go away entirely).

Dad passed away 23rd January and as a family, we are heading away to spend a long weekend together over the anniversary.  I am wanting to know if the first anniversary is normal to experience more pain/sorrow than I have felt over the last few months.  While Christmas, Dad's birthday, my birthday was very hard, I am finding approaching the year anniversary very very hard.

Also, has anyone experienced the need to save anything in the way of insects etc and not wanting to kill anything? I cry if I accidently kill a spider/or see a dead bird.  I mean it is silly sounding I know but very on edge.

I have been relatively okay over the last year, had moments of terrible grief but then move forward ever so slightly.

Regards

Pippynz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Pippy,

I'm very sorry for your loss and the pain and sorrow you are feeling. It is hard. And you are right, it's not nothing that goes away. But hopefully over more time raw emotions will be less intense. They say the first year is the hardest and grief is like a wave. I had this feeling too. There would be some days I would push myself to keep going and other days I would cry.

Please know everyone grieves differently and there is no right way.

After such a devastating loss it is normal to be sensitive about the death if even things in nature. It is a reminder how fragile life is and it is reminder of our sorrow. Please don't be hard on yourself.

For myself, I tried many different things to cope with my grief. I tried counselling, grief support group, art classes, reading, journaling and other activities to distract myself.  I still cried and found it really hard. My friends and family said I needed more time and that has helped. It has given me more perspective. I still find certain things hard. And even the counsellors said it could take up to 5 years to find a new normal. Everyone I meet is a testament that although grief is unbearable at time, we will pull through. We will find a new normal. And find ways to continue to honour our loved ones.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Pippy,

 I’m so sorry for your loss.  It’s almost one year for me too.  I think what reader said is really accurate.  Pain is pain, loss is loss, nothing softens grief, you just have to go through it.  It’s brutal I know.  For me it’s like the year of heightened sensitivity.  Watching tv and someone dies is like I feel their pain even though it’s an actor playing a part!  I dread the anniversary of my mother’s death but I think why?  She is gone now, tomorrow, the day after.  She’ll still be gone the day before and after the anniversary? What has changed?  Nothing.  Psychologically it’s the build up I think.  Every day I think, how can a year have gone by?  It’s not raw anymore but it’s still sad still depressing, still lonely.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Reader and Sadandlost

Thank you for your words, it makes sense and I know it is a "time heals some wounds" scenario.

I think the finality of it all sinks in with me and I realize I will never see him, which opens the rawness back.  Some days, not often, it hits and I literally double over sobbing for 10 minutes then I am fine.  I wish I did not want to save all the insects, animals and babies of the world as it is exhausting ...but it is almost OCD with it as I don't want their lives to be over like my dad's is.

It is lonely, it is something only you go through...while the anniversary is not a day I want to remember (exactly), it is the build up that the memories of what we were doing, how he was and the last moments.  I don't want to rehash things but it just comes up.

However going away with my mum and sister will be good.  Taking mum out of her house is a good idea but to give her the space she needs we will also do.  We will all need that at some point.

Thanks again for your words, it really does help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Pippy,

I am glad you have the support of your mum and sister.  Loss is very lonely but it helps when you can share it with family that were close to him.  

I think OCD may be part of the coping mechanism.  I have it but in other ways and I didn't have it before.  I think the brain looks for anything, any kind of comfort even minuscule that makes no sense, something to grab onto and obsess about I think.  Distraction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.