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loss of my son to drugs


Nick’s Dad

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I’m still having a hard time after 5  years. This is the first time I’ve ever talked openly about it. I can’t hardly believe this has happened.

This is a nightmare. It has affected me in so many different ways. I tried to run from it on his first angel date. No matter how far away I ran it was still there. I miss my son. I want to hug him and tell him how much I love him, but I can’t. It is very hard for me to look at pictures of him without breaking down. I don’t understand why this has happened.  It should have been me that he had to bury ,not me having his funeral. 

 Life is very hard to live these days.

Holidays are the worst. I lone to see him again.

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My girl is in heaven

Hi nicks dad.  Sorry just noticing you here now.  Please come over to loss of an adult  child website and pick to >> to get to the newest post.  There are lots of wonderful kind and compassionate grieving parents.we can help you. U don’t need to go to Thru this alone.  Yes it is something you can’t just run from cause it will follow you. Please let us hold your hands and help you to find a bit of light in your life again.  Luanne

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I’m very sorry that you had to go through this. My condolences to you and your family. It’s a horrible thing to get that awful phone call.

No parent should ever have to go through such a tragic event.  I’m thankful for God helping me through the first stages of my new normal. Because I can’t even remember things during this time. It’s like I was in a fog just seeing glimpses of things going on around me.

Hope you and your family finds peace.

Tim

 

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My girl is in heaven

Nicks dad and bewildered and bothered.  I know the deep deep pain you are feeling. For me it was 6 yrs ago and my daughter. You eventually weave it into your new life but it is a lot of 3 steps forward two back.  The parents on this web site all understand and are ready to help you.  Come to loss of A child, then lost of an adult child with the green circle the click >> arrows to take you to the latest post.  There are so many parents who will hold you up.  Please let us help you.  I can also call or email if that would help either of you.  I will do what ever I can to help you. Stay strong. U don’t need to walk this journey alone. 

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Thank you so much for all the help.   I’m new to this, but with great people like you and sweet pea 26, maybe I can do this. 

Thanks

Tim

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My girl is in heaven

You can do this tim. U will find strength u never knew you had.it is definitly like being in a fog. Your son is with my daughter and all the other beautiful angels taken too soon. A bit of sunlight will poke thru every now and then. Hold on. I will be here 24/7 if there is anything anytime you want someone to lean on. Luanne

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TearsInHeaven

Nick's Dad Tim and bewlidered and bothered, I am so sorry for the losses of your sons. Nothing prepares you for such a loss, it is a thought that could never even been thought of before we felt it slap us in the face.  Luanne, is right, please come join the Loss of a Child Loss of an Adult Child.  That is the most active thread on this particular forum.  there are many compassionate parents on there and sadly the thing we have in common the most is our loss. Sometimes just being able to speak out can help, and sometimes just listening to the path of others can be a help.  Grief doesn't come with instructions and it always lasts longer than the people around you think it does.  Oh that's right.  It is a lifetime.....Tim you had it right... this is a new normal we have to learn and what we wouldn't give for that one last hug, that one last word, that one last smile.... We think about the "what ifs," as our mind is trying to take in and process what happened. We want so desperately to be able to go back in time and change the outcome. At some point the shock wears off even just a little and it does start to feel real and then there are whole moments and days when the pain is almost unbearable. It can seem as if you are coping better and then a trigger sets it all right up front again. And sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. Sharing your pain can help you process it. Your grief is your own and you will grieve in your own way and your own time. There are people here who have walked in your shoes, are here to cry with you, scream with you, get angry with you, love, support and pray with you regardless of your circumstances and what and how you're going through this nightmare. Family and friends can be a big support but unless they too have lost a child, they don’t truly understand what you are facing.  You don't have to be alone.

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My name is Ben. My son's name was also Nick. He passed away on 12/27/17 from what appears to have been a fentanyl overdose. It has been so painful as I am sure anyone reading this already knows.  He was 23 and had had a year sober a couple times. I have a tremendous amount of love and support around me but it still feels like too much to cope with. I am fully aware of the dangers of drugs as I have been in recovery myself for many years. His mother and I did everything we could to help him. I still feel like I could have done more. I can't say much here about the circumstances around his death because of an ongoing police investigation but no matter how that goes it won't change that he is gone, and I miss him so much. It wasn't unheard of for him to be MIA a day or two at a time. He went to work every day, he loved his job. He spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with the family, the day after Christmas he texted me to have dinner together. When I hadn't heard from him for 5 days I went to check on him and found him in his apartment deceased. He had been dead 5 days. It was the most horrific experience of my life. I have suffered many things in my life but this is beyond anything I could ever even imagine. I have another son who is 5 years older than Nick and he has been a rock for me through this. Without him I would probably not be writing this. We hold each other up when it seems we can't go on. Many years ago I suffered from severe clinical depression and after an attempted suicide I got professional help and my life has been relatively normal for a long time. There are a few similarities between depression and grief but grief is much more painful. I have learned so much in the last month about how much pain a person can endure, and about how far beyond the imagination that pain can go. There was a young woman at my son's memorial that had babysat and tutored him when he was much younger. Four days after my sons memorial she expired from an apparent overdose. Reaching out to her family has given me a small sense of purpose to help others get through the toughest stuff that life can bring on. I am not a religious person but I do believe in a power greater than myself that wants me to be free, and happy and of use to my fellow man. I hope that if you read this, you had a brief reprieve from the reason your here. Our lives must go on so that we can honor our loved ones, cherish or family and friends, and be of service to our fellows. May God bless you and surround you with everything you need to get through this toughest of times.       

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Ben,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter the 17th of december to drug overdose.

I'm hoping the forums will help this process. 

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ben I thought you had been redirected to the loss of an adult child thread already? If I am mistaken please join us on that thread. I have been on some pretty heavy meds after a surgery that affects my memory, and we have sadly had a lot of newbies all at once and dont want to miss anyone out. Take care

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On 1/29/2018 at 5:33 AM, Ben A said:

My name is Ben. My son's name was also Nick. He passed away on 12/27/17 from what appears to have been a fentanyl overdose. It has been so painful as I am sure anyone reading this already knows.  He was 23 and had had a year sober a couple times. I have a tremendous amount of love and support around me but it still feels like too much to cope with. I am fully aware of the dangers of drugs as I have been in recovery myself for many years. His mother and I did everything we could to help him. I still feel like I could have done more. I can't say much here about the circumstances around his death because of an ongoing police investigation but no matter how that goes it won't change that he is gone, and I miss him so much. It wasn't unheard of for him to be MIA a day or two at a time. He went to work every day, he loved his job. He spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with the family, the day after Christmas he texted me to have dinner together. When I hadn't heard from him for 5 days I went to check on him and found him in his apartment deceased. He had been dead 5 days. It was the most horrific experience of my life. I have suffered many things in my life but this is beyond anything I could ever even imagine. I have another son who is 5 years older than Nick and he has been a rock for me through this. Without him I would probably not be writing this. We hold each other up when it seems we can't go on. Many years ago I suffered from severe clinical depression and after an attempted suicide I got professional help and my life has been relatively normal for a long time. There are a few similarities between depression and grief but grief is much more painful. I have learned so much in the last month about how much pain a person can endure, and about how far beyond the imagination that pain can go. There was a young woman at my son's memorial that had babysat and tutored him when he was much younger. Four days after my sons memorial she expired from an apparent overdose. Reaching out to her family has given me a small sense of purpose to help others get through the toughest stuff that life can bring on. I am not a religious person but I do believe in a power greater than myself that wants me to be free, and happy and of use to my fellow man. I hope that if you read this, you had a brief reprieve from the reason your here. Our lives must go on so that we can honor our loved ones, cherish or family and friends, and be of service to our fellows. May God bless you and surround you with everything you need to get through this toughest of times.       

 

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Hi Ben. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful girl Sasha rose on 18/2/17 to drugs too. She’d battled it successfully for years- then someone gave her fetanyl. It was a boyfriend that didn’t want her to break up with him. Now she’s gone! This drug really needs to be investigated- too many are losing their lives. I hope you try and get through your days ok. I find I am stuck on losing her- even though people tell me to think of all good things in her life- I struggle badly. Which part of world are you in? I’m in Australia- fetanyl overdoses are really bad here. Someone should be accountable for making this horrible drug. Anyway Ben my thoughts are with you. I feel the pain you are going through. I miss my girl so much. She was my best friend! God bless

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Tommy's mum

liss you are welcome to join us on the thread Loss of an adult child by Mom of Justin. It is where the parents gather, keeps us in one place and with more recent replies. I am sorry you lost Sasha rose it is a pain you would not wish on anyone ever. I am from the UK. most of our members are from the USA and Canada but everyone is welcomed. Fentanyl is so toxic it destroys so many innocent lives and is a world wide problem not just in Australia. Kids often do not even know what they are taking, and even paramedics and police officers have been overcome by the effects after tending to casualties it is that strong, that toxic. Join us and share more about your precious girl we are here to listen.

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Rebekahs mom

Liss.

So sorry for the loss of your daughter.

I lost my daughter due to drug overdose as well dec 17/17. 

Fentanyl laced drugs are bad here..i live in canada east coast. 

 

Im on the main thread but often just read.

Sarah

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