Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
MyMocha

Regret euthanizing my beloved companion of 22.5 years

Recommended Posts

That's such a lovely picture, I love the way she's grabbing your arm in it. I have read a bit of that link I think I will read more later, kind words are often the hardest to read or hear.

How are you feeling now @MyMocha?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi MyMocha,

I read your message and I completely understand how you feel.  On Friday I made the decision not to let my beloved Ava go whilst under anestetic, which I feel conflicted about because of how she is suffering now and the outcome.  I had a similar expereince with my previous dog who I'd had for 14 years before I had to have her put to sleep, like you I made a decsion that to this day I struggle with but at the time my brain had completely shut down, which I think affected my judgement with Ava.  I'm not sure what the answer is because these are our best friends, they have been there when no one else was, they get us through the times we never think we will get through, they love us unconditionally and without judgement so it is no wonder that when we are faced with the worst moment, the worst decison we question outselves and struggle with the guilt and pain we feel even if we made the right decison as you clearly did.  I know that no matter how many people tell you that you did the right thing you will struggle with this.  I phoned a support line earlier and they said this is a 'normal' part of the grieving process, and my rational brain knows this but right now my irrational emotional brain is in control.  Take care and be gentle with yourself xxx

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Max79 I am so sorry for your loss of your dog. At least it was at home in her bed. But you are so right: we always feel guilt no matter how "ideal" the end may be. The second-guessing no matter how "illogical" happens to us all. And I guess that just shows how fiercely we loved our wonderful animals.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Jencatlover, ty i love that pic of me n her.  That is how I always held her, over my right shoulder.  That's what she liked.  It is how I held her until she drifted off to sleep on her last day.  Only i was faced forward and her beautiful little head was on my shoulder. 

As for how I am feeling...well its still up and down but mostly just sad from missing her.  I still have so many pics and video to go through and I didn't have the energy today.  But I guess I did have time to document her life in her aging years.  I will get to it.  When I get photos transferred to this PC from my other, I will post a pic of my remaining furry friends.  I only have Mocha folders transferred so far. How about you?  Any better?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah it's lovely when they enjoy being held, mine are not great at that unfortunately. I do remember Bertie used to like it for a short while, paws over my shoulder with sharp claws in my skin, holding on tight! God it was painful at times but I loved it so I never moved him until he wanted to move.

I have to share something random and I hope it might make you smile. Eating my tea earlier with Charlie next to me on the sofa. Watching TV and heard a HUGE burp from Charlie, almost as loud as a human burp! It was enormous! I think he surprised himself too and looked a bit puzzled...I should probably check around to see what food he's been stealing that made such a noise...never heard anything quite like it! :)

I am getting there thanks, it comes and goes doesn't it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Sarah&Ava tysm for reading about my Mocha. She was so special to me and I miss her. It has been 1 week today:(  Still waiting to pick up her remains which they said would be sometime mid-week.  You are so right about being in that situation and just feeling like you just shut down.  I know I just stopped adequately functioning. 

1 hour ago, Sarah&Ava said:

they get us through the times we never think we will get through,

Oh goodness that is such truth!  Mocha had actually saved my life once and gotten me through when no one else cared.  She was just so unique to me.

I will be thinking of you in the coming days with your Ava.  What a situation to be in.  I hope she is able to be made comfortable until whatever decision is made.  Try to spend as much time as you can, even though it will be really painful at times.  You probably know from having a previous loss that every second is not enough in the end. I comforted my Mocha as much as possible the night she crashed and I still feel I should have done it more.  Hugs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Jencatlover, ty for the funny about Charlie's burp...I laughed.  :D  I haven't ever heard anything like that from my 2 rescued kitties but I have witnessed some of those "sounds" come from my Belle (our choc. lab who will be 9 this year).  She will pass some air...and then jump up looking around sniffing, lolol!!!  It's always funny.

As for the emotions coming and going...oh do they ever!  We went out to eat last night and I thought i was feeling ok for the evening.  Came home and dozed off in my chair while trying to watch "Selma". Woke up and went and crawled into bed and just broke out in an inconsolable cry.  It happened so fast and unexpectedly that I didn't even have time to realize that I was thinking about her yet.  I guess it will ease over time.:mellow:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your Mocha is beautiful!  She really looks so much like my Autumn, I love all her colors.  

Jencatlover, I love your story about the burp.  Animals are wonderful, they really are stress relievers and entertainers!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Jencatlover said:

I have to share something random and I hope it might make you smile. Eating my tea earlier with Charlie next to me on the sofa. Watching TV and heard a HUGE burp from Charlie, almost as loud as a human burp! It was enormous! I think he surprised himself too and looked a bit puzzled...I should probably check around to see what food he's been stealing that made such a noise...never heard anything quite like it! :)

 

This really made me chuckle! My best friend had a cat called Chicken and I had absolutely no idea that cats burped! She said whenever she had her boyfriend round Chicken would hide under her bed and pass wind really loudly and her boyfriend would think it was her! She thought it was hilarious when I told her dogs burped, she had no idea!! My girl used to burp so loud but it never failed to make me laugh!! 

I guess after the pain of loosing them has eased we are left with all our brilliant and funny memories. Those last painful weeks and moments will always stay with us but they won't be at the forefront when we think about our beautiful babies.

It helps that everyone on this forum is so lovely. I thank you all xxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, MyMocha said:

IMG_0759.JPG

Awww, what a beauty! She reminds me of my neighbours cat Matilda. My dog loved all of our neighbours cats. We were the only one with a dog and we share a communal garden with our neighbours and their combined 8 cats. Tia (my dog) was so gentle with all of them and they seem to have noticed that she's no longer around these past few weeks. They come up to me and my partner more often and have this knowing look in their eyes. 

This photo of my Tia looking out the window at Matilda sitting on our garden table always makes me laugh. I always imagine she's saying 'get off my land' but really they're probably having a little joke between themselves!! 

tia cat.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@KayC, ty I always thought she was such a beautiful kitty. Missing her so much, i am sure that won't change. Do you have a photo to share of Autumn?

@Max79, ty also for Mocha compliments.  I still cry when i think about her being gone.  But Tia looks so sweet in the photo.  Probably wanting to go out and socialize with the neighbors :)  I have read that animals notice the absence of others when they are no longer around.  My Lil Leo has seemed a little off since Mocha has been gone.  Even tho Mocha was NOT social with the other fur-kids at all.  Mocha was a "me only" cat but Leo has went over to where I kept Mocha's favorite box bed - it's not there anymore - and keeps sniffing around.  It may just be my imagination though and he just notices a piece of the normal "furniture" is no longer there. Ty for sharing a photo of your Tia.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do have a picture of Autumn but it's with my family photos and it's too hard for me to go through them (painful), very emotional.  I can remember her in my mind's eye...she was shorter haired but had the coloring of your cat, and she was born with a bobbed tail.  She was very tiny.

I enjoyed the picture of Tia with the neighbor kitty!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@MyMocha how are you feeling now? I am feeling a lot better but it still hits me a lot, I was watching a TV programme and the storyline was someone having life support switched off and that just reminded me of my Bertie. The house is still so quiet too. I was away overnight last night and normally when I come home in the morning there is a string of furry expletives directed at me for my lack of timely feeding. This morning, hardly anything. Charlie was keen for breakfast but the other two were just strolling around not bothered. So different to Bertie who would block the opening of the door and start yelling at me. I just remembered something now, he was so often waiting in the window for me to come home and when they key went in the door he would run to the other side to shout at me for food, regardless of when he was last fed. Just seeing him in the window was so lovely, such a great welcome home.

Time will adapt I suppose. Things are getting better but I don't believe the sadness ever leaves you, it just shrinks to more manageable levels.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Jencatlover, ty for popping in. Hoestly I am still pretty much the same. Very sad. Losing Mocha when it was time would have been obviosly very sad but to have lost her over a lazy doctor has been unbearable. Nothing can bring her back and I know that. Also I was supposed to have her remains back already and called to find out what was wrong since I haven' heard from the cremation place.  I guess they didn' bother to order my special urn until this week so now I have to wait until next week to get her back. So just too many wrong things happening. Glad you are doing better. That is really great. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

MyMocha we are here for you. We feel your pain. The Dr you saw took advantage of you. Please don't think you did anything wrong. That Dr should have not made you make a decision like that so quickly. This was your companion of 22.5 years. Your beloved Mocha knows you loved her. Her last memory was you kissing her and feeling your love. Her energy is still here. You have to believe she's happy and not sick where she is now. 

She is beautiful in the picture we saw. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×