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Whammy2

What to say to people who don't know??

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I've had this friend who has been messaging me since she got back from overseas but I just can't bring myself to reply because either I respond to her as though everything is fine, or I say to her 'hey! my mum passed away three weeks ago! life is utter ****!', and so it's just easier to ignore her and say nothing.

She messaged me again today and apologised for if she had done anything wrong. Maybe I'm just bitter, but why do people always think it is about them? Could she not have thought to herself like, hey, I hope jess is okay..? I don't know. She probably thinks I'm ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder but I just don't know what to say.

I feel like there should be some sign above my head telling the world I am motherless, because how can such a tragedy in my life not turn the rest of the world upside down too?

If anyone can give me some advice that would be appreciated. 

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Dear Jess,

I'm so sorry, I know it hurts. I too was mad at my friends during my grief over my dad. And to this day still am at some for their insensitivity.

I know its not easy but tell your friend the truth. Tell her, I am hurt. I am in pain. I'm really angry too. And let her know exactly what you need. If you want someone to listen, let her know. If you want to go for coffee, let her know.

Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. I know its not easy. With some friends I am still passive aggressive about my grief, but I know I need to own my feelings and just say the truth sometimes.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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On 13/01/2018 at 7:54 PM, reader said:

Dear Jess,

I'm so sorry, I know it hurts. I too was mad at my friends during my grief over my dad. And to this day still am at some for their insensitivity.

I know its not easy but tell your friend the truth. Tell her, I am hurt. I am in pain. I'm really angry too. And let her know exactly what you need. If you want someone to listen, let her know. If you want to go for coffee, let her know.

Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. I know its not easy. With some friends I am still passive aggressive about my grief, but I know I need to own my feelings and just say the truth sometimes.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for your response.

I replied to her yesterday and told her, and I just said I needed some space. There is so much more to losing someone than you'd expect. It sucks

Thank you again x

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