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Lost my mum 6 months ago and really struggling with anxiety


Sarahjayneraff

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Sarahjayneraff

My mum passed away in July last year it had been a horrible 2 years before she passed where her health deteriorated slowly, seeing her pass away was terrifying and something that I will never get over. Our relationship was a difficult one however she was my mum and I loved her. I cried quite a bit when she passed away but after that I didn't really, I find it very hard to get my head around that she doesn't exist here anymore. Sometimes when I think about it it takes my breath away. I don't think I have come to terms with her death at all and I don't know how too.

When she passed I felt like I was dealing with it really well, I arranged the funeral and looked after my dad along with my 2 sisters and 2 brothers. A few months after I developed acid reflux which the doctor said was created by a stressful event, whilst taking medication for this I became fixated on it and worried I would have it forever, it became all I could think about, I started to develop panic attacks which I had never experienced before they were so frightening. I went to the doctors and was prescribed a beta blocker that would stop the adrenaline but it didn't help to stop the thoughts racing around my head so eventually I was prescribed an anti anxiety medication, which seems to be working a little, I have never had anxiety before and I have never taken so many pills in my life before I feel like I've spiralled out of control. I just want the old me back. The doctor believes it is all centred around my mum passing, can anyone please reassure me that things will get better that I won't be an anxious mess like this for the rest of my life. 

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Dear Sarahjayneraff,

im so sorry for your loss.  I completely relate to everything you said.  I’ve had a very similar experience.  After my mother passed I suffered from anxiety and panic.  I had 2 panic attacks and on off migraines.  Never had a panic attack before.  Obsessive behavior becoming fixated on things.  Depressed.  After several months the depression became worse as it became more of a reality that my mother was gone.  It’s been a year now and I still find it hard to believe that she’s just disappeared and all that is left is a dream like pool of memories.  It’s hard to absorb.  As the one yr anniversary looms I feel very anxious.  So I relate to everything you said.  I began therapy and it helps to talk about it because I think at some point all that pain won’t be trapped in my body and I can begin to release it.  I have physical symptoms too so I understand.  It’s the hardest most difficult thing to face losing a mother.  My place in the world feels different.  I’m trying this year to look forward and rebuild.  I’m taking steps to rebuild my life but it’s a process and I believe it takes a long time.  Can you consider grief therapy?  I think it helps to share and talk.

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Sarahjayneraff

Dear sadandlost

Thank you so much for replying I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother too, I hope the anniversary passes as easily as it can, I am currently seeing a counsellor and it has definitely helped me release some of the pain I have been feeling. I suppose I will just have to accept that this is not a quick process and it will take time to heal. 

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Dear Sarahjayneraff,

Thank you for your kind words.

I think this forum helps a lot because you come to realise so many of us are experiencing the same thing,  same feelings.  Reading other peoples stories can make you feel less alone and that this is not only happening to you but so many others.  You can learn a lot from other peoples stories.  I'm glad you are seeing a counsellor.  I hope in time things improve.

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Hi sarahjayneraff,
I lost my mother 5 months ago and I am also experiencing anxiety on and off.
With acid reflux, I had that or something similar a few years ago. The doctor gave me pills but I didn't take them. Instead, I cut down my coffee intake. I was a coffee addict. The acid reflux went away on it's own. Coffee is acidic. You can try to cut down on acidic foods and increase you intake of alkaline foods.
Panic attacks - try breathing. Close your eyes and follow your breath in and out. That calms me down.
Anxiety - I had an episode yesterday. I kept telling myself over and over again that I had nothing to fear. It eventually subsided.
I've noticed in the past 5 months that my anxiety is lessening.

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